Loneliness in marriage: why we put up with it. Loneliness together: why we are unhappy in relationships Very strong loneliness in the family what to do

"Now I won't be lonely!"- this is what men who are tired of single life think when they get married. In fact, many married men feel lonely. Moreover, a man is never as lonely as when he is married. After all, the lack of intimate communication in a marriage is felt more acutely and is endured much more difficultly than if a person lived alone.

"We are close, but not together" - this is how one can characterize the relationship between a husband and wife who have been married for many years and at the same time feel lonely. By this time, material wealth has already been accumulated, the children have grown up and each of them has their own family. It would seem that it’s time to enjoy life and pay more attention to each other.But in reality, it is often the other way around: each spouse does his own thing, and they meet only in the evenings.

Husband, coming home from work, he immediately turns his attention to the TV, and the wife, silently, serves dinner and goes into another room to chat with the children or a friend on the phone. They have no common interests and topics for communication, they don’t even have anything to talk about. The wife has friends and relatives to vent her soul, but the husband is forced to endure everything in silence. The awareness of loneliness comes to a man over time, when he gradually realizes that he and his wife have become indifferent to each other. Now they no longer value each other, she is indifferent to his life and problems at work, and he is indifferent to her worries and appearance.

Only occasionally do they can discuss issues related to the lives of children and express your opinion about how they live. But when they entered, they thought that they had pulled out a winning ticket, which gives them the opportunity to enjoy the presence of a person without whom they cannot live and feel happy.

You're probably familiar expression: "Life is stuck." Spouses must understand that love is like a fire: to keep it from going out, you need to constantly add wood to it. Only the first years life together feelings are sharp and pleasant, but everyday and material problems gradually drag the spouses into the everyday routine. Over the years, husband and wife no longer idealize each other, and therefore do not try to appear in the eyes of the other half in the best possible way. Flaws that were present in everyone’s character before marriage and were invisible are now “revealed” and irritate more and more. Each spouse shows selfishness, believing that he deserves more attention and respect than he is shown.

On this basis mutual reproaches, criticism and quarrels. At the same time, each side is convinced that it is doing so in order to re-educate the spouse. With the birth of a child, spouses may become even more distant from each other. The wife devotes all her time to the child, and the husband throws himself into work. “I don’t sleep at night, I work all the time just to provide for my family,” the head of the family assures and in response he hears: “And in your opinion, I only sleep? Yes, I’m more tired than you at home, caring for the child, cooking and cleaning.” you!". The wife is preoccupied with the child's problems and talks only about them, and the husband is very tired at work and wants to rest. They have neither the time nor the desire to discuss common topics and issues of concern to both.

Even on those rare minutes When they manage to feel the joy of each other’s closeness, each deep down hopes that everything will go differently for them and that one will begin to appreciate the other. In fact, you don’t need to try to change someone, but you need to change yourself.

All the problem of male loneliness in marriage is that the wife does not want her husband to listen and hear. In many families, they make an effort first to ask: “How are things going at work?”, and then to listen to the husband’s story about how these very things are going. This happens because these wives are sure that since he married her and they have children together, now he will not go anywhere. Which means he’ll be fine with it anyway. If a family has such an attitude towards the husband, if the wife turns to other people for support, then this marriage is a complete marriage. After all, such a life is fraught only with problems and difficulties; it brings moral and psychological losses to both spouses.
What do, if of two loving people Have spouses turned into roommates?

At first think about it about whether there is still mutual respect between you, do you want to continue to live as one family? Maybe you just need to pick a moment to talk and talk to your wife. Do not blame her, do not make claims, but calmly tell her about how lonely you are in a family without love and understanding.

Try Remind her how much you enjoyed spending time together before. Find a hobby and invite her to share it with you. It is not at all necessary to give expensive gifts and huge bouquets of flowers; it is enough to have a heart-to-heart talk, showing mutual respect and care, and loneliness will immediately recede. Take care of love, and to do this, try to guess your spouse’s wishes and understand each other perfectly.

The feeling of loneliness in itself is not a rare phenomenon. We do not understand the people around us, even those closest to us. We live as if tomorrow we can erase everything with an eraser and start life from scratch. But how can you live with a married person under the same roof, raising common children, and feel loneliness? How can loneliness even be felt in a full-fledged family?

How could this happen? Two people once met, fell in love, had children, and then became strangers. Loneliness in marriage is a paradox, but so real for many couples.

Loneliness in marriage in the reflection of a diamond

A diamond wedding is the 60th anniversary of marriage. It is believed that if, having withstood adversity and lived together for 60 years, people remained together, then no one and nothing can interrupt their relationship. Sounds nice. And I saw how loneliness can be experienced by those who have lived together for so many years. And it hurts so much to realize that these are people close to me.

Alas, the feeling of loneliness in itself is not a rare phenomenon. We do not understand the people around us, even those closest to us. We live as if tomorrow we can erase everything with an eraser and start life from scratch. But how can you live with a married person under the same roof, raising common children, and feel loneliness? How can loneliness even be felt in a full-fledged family?

It turns out it can. My grandparents lived their lives this way. External well-being, children, grandchildren, work. Everything is like everyone else. And within the family there are problems of misunderstanding each other, lack of emotional connection, and an oppressive feeling of uselessness.

Now everything is simple - they didn’t like it, they got divorced. Marriage has no value in people's eyes. It was not accepted then. Get married - be patient. But no one gave instructions for marriage, there were no recipes.

Loneliness and sadness due to a lack of understanding of oneself and others

We are luckier than our grandparents. The recipe has appeared. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals the reasons for the appearance of the state of loneliness. And after realizing them comes the desire to live and love.

System-vector psychology explains that every person on earth is born with a certain set of properties and desires. They are given in order to take their place in human society and fulfill their role in it. Only yours and no one else's. Loneliness was not intended by nature. Only together, together we can develop and move forward.

To carry out our tasks, we are created very different, different from each other. And we can see the people around us only through ourselves, through our properties, our desires. This is where the secret lies. We think that everyone should be the same and cannot accept differences.

Now, looking back, I understand that my grandparents were so different that even a comparison with the north and south is not able to show this abyss. But they didn’t know how to understand and accept this difference.

Grandma was always a fast getter, she never stopped, she perceived movement as life itself. Grandfather, on the contrary, is a quiet homebody, loving comfort and cleanliness, calm and measured. And everyone thought that he was living correctly, but the other half was not. That's why loneliness came to their house.

Why are we so different?

People like my grandmother, people with , are born to create new technologies and advance technical progress. They are very mobile and never stand still. The best thing for them is to constantly switch from one task to another or do several things at once. Moreover, quality does not matter, the main thing is speed, and time is money.

This is how grandma has always been. I worked all day, ran home on foot. And no matter how far away, she ran around several shops along the way to bring groceries. She spent her holidays in sanatoriums and on various trips. In general, she had no time for children and grandchildren, the main thing was work, career, business trips. And this was her happiness. It seemed that loneliness did not threaten her, there were always people and colleagues around. And loneliness awaited at home.

Grandfather is completely different by nature. Such people are the complete opposite of nimble people. They are needed to preserve information about ready-made technologies, knowledge, teachings and to promote them into the future. They are the ones who pass on all the knowledge of humanity to new generations. And for this they are given such qualities as perseverance, leisurelyness, perfectionism, and attentiveness. They are in no hurry, the main thing is quality. First you need to finish one thing, and only then take on another. These are the owners.

Grandfather was like that. A homebody who loves cleanliness and comfort. He was in no hurry and didn't run anywhere. I worked for many years at one company, because the main thing is honor and respect, money is not the main thing. A quiet, kind man who always tried to spend time with his children and grandchildren. And that was his happiness. Loneliness in my own family did not bring me joy at all.

Each one alone in his own solitude

This is how they lived in marriage. Grandma was always annoyed that grandfather was a terrible homebody, you couldn’t get him out anywhere, you couldn’t go anywhere with him. He was not a breadwinner, did not look for additional income, did not run around the shops in search of cheaper products, and did not worry that there were no supplies in the house for a rainy day. He was pleased that he had a permanent job in which he was respected, a stable income and a comfortable apartment with children and grandchildren.

Only my grandmother, who was always running around, prevented me from enjoying the peace in the house. She constantly nagged him, made scandals, pulled him. He did not tolerate her nervous running around, her desire to find something cheaper somewhere, instead of creating comfort in the house.

It turns out that everyone lived their own separate lives within the same apartment. It seems like they are married, but in reality, everyone is on their own. This is how that same internal state arises when loneliness overwhelms you.

But loneliness is not a death sentence. Unfortunately, in the situation with my family, nothing can be returned or corrected. But we have a chance. It's not difficult at all. Overcoming loneliness in the circle of loved ones has become a reality. Do you need to get used to their behavior and actions for this? No, there is another way.

It is possible to avoid loneliness in marriage

What is needed for this? Understand. It’s easy to understand, with the help of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, that we are very different from each other. That you don’t need to look for your qualities in a person to whom they are not given. You need to understand that he has other tasks in human society. This means that he perceives the world differently, acts differently in a given situation, lives differently.

Understanding alone can bring people who have lived in estrangement so close together that they feel each other close and dear.

System-vector psychology reveals all the secrets of the unconscious desires that control us. It helps both those who have just gotten married and those who are already “covered” by complete despair, emptiness and loneliness. It's never too late to correct the situation.

All troubles, irritations and hatred will simply go away and will not return. After all, it is unbearable to live when you have to overcome yourself in order to cope with strong irritation towards the person you love most.

How to get rid of feelings of loneliness in marriage

There is another secret. Required condition happy relationship– emotional connection between two hearts. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains how this can be achieved in short term. Moreover, this also applies to newly created relationships, and when it has not been possible to overcome loneliness for many years.

When we meet, our subconscious chooses a partner at the level of attraction. We ourselves don’t understand exactly why we like this or that person. Falling in love arises. But nature is not able to keep people together for long. This period usually ends by three years.

Previously, people tolerated each other, even if loneliness crept into the soul, and life was like a bad dream. Nowadays, couples who have failed to create a warm relationship simply separate. The modern level of selfishness simply does not make it possible to either tolerate the habits of a partner or adapt to him.

While nature holds people together, it is necessary to create an emotional connection. Of course, it takes time and effort, but the result is worth it. First of all, this should be done by a woman. She controls feelings in marriage. It is necessary to feel the emotional state of the partner, to understand his feelings and desires. A woman should inspire and support him. Then the man will respond to her feelings and will also be involved in the process of creating a spiritual connection.

Loneliness should not be allowed in a relationship

Watching films together or reading books on compassion, going to theaters and museums will be a good help in this process. All this develops the soul and sensuality. Discussion of what is seen and heard creates an invisible thread between people and strengthens relationships.

You can talk to your significant other about childhood. Remember some moments that stuck in your soul. But first you need to involve your partner in a conversation, tell your stories, and then unobtrusively ask them to tell you something about themselves. Such conversations also unite.

If people were able to create such a connection in three years and will maintain it, then no one will ever be able to stop them from being together. There will be no scandals, betrayals and divorces. Love will accompany them all their lives, and they will meet old age together. Such a marriage will not be destined to collapse, and terrible loneliness will not knock on the door.

It turns out that loneliness does not interfere with living a happy life together, you need very little:

understand people and understand how different they are, how differently they see the world, what properties motivate them;

having met your soulmate and realizing that nature is giving you a chance, immediately begin to build an emotional connection, trying to feel your loved one;

Having entered into marriage, it is imperative to continue to be a sensual support for your other half, to support in everything, to be an inspiration.

A little effort for happiness together

It's not difficult at all, but what results it gives! You will enjoy each other for many years and raise happy children. Only by making an effort to create relationships can you forget loneliness once and for all. This is confirmed by hundreds of people who were able not only to create new relationships, but also to restore those that were almost destroyed:

“When I came to the training, I was sure that we could not save the relationship. Now I am developing a new relationship with my husband. And this is after twenty years of marriage, which led to complete misunderstanding and resentment. How is this possible???

Not only is there no trace left of resentment and misunderstanding... Such unreal closeness appears in our relationship (sometimes even after a long silence we start saying the same thing!))) After 20 years, we are getting to know each other again! Isn’t this a MIRACLE?!”

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will make it easier to understand yourself and the people around you. And understanding and loneliness are incompatible things.

Sign up for free online training now.

Moreover, psychologists are confident that the lack of intimate communication in a marriage is felt much more acutely and is more difficult to bear than if a person lived alone.

Start

Loneliness starts small. You still love each other, but life sets new priorities, and dozens of different things now require your attention. The man is so tired at work that he doesn’t even want to discuss his troubles at home. Or a woman is so fixated on children that she can no longer talk about anything with her husband, and is not even interested in his affairs.

“What’s interesting,” says psychologist Nadezhda Danilova, “is that everyone is sure: they must understand me. After all, “I give all of myself to the children” or “I work like an ox at work, she must understand how tired I am.” The two most important problems in communication are the inability to talk about your feelings and the inability to hear the other. Not to listen - just to hear. Everything else is just a consequence of these inability.”

Advanced couple

Before the child was born, Marina and Dima spent all their time together. But with the birth of her son, the young mother focused on raising him, and the young father focused on earning money. Now they could only spend weekends together, but these happened less and less often. Marina wanted to go to the cinema, a cafe, meet her friends - after all, on Sunday the grandmothers could sit with the baby. Dima, who had been busy during the work week, wanted to spend the weekend at home and play with his son. It seemed to both spouses that they were such an advanced couple, with open-minded views on family relationships, and therefore giving each other freedom. Everyone has their own friends, everyone has the right to manage their own time, the main thing is to fulfill family responsibilities.

The couple realized that they had grown apart from each other only when their high school son went on a hike with friends. Suddenly it turned out that they had practically no common friends, no common interests, they had nothing to even talk about. At dinner, they only endlessly discussed how they saw off their son on a hike and how they would greet him. For a long time, everyone had other people for emotional outpourings.

Typical family

Igor, coming home from work, immediately turned his attention to the TV. Svetlana silently served him dinner and newspapers, which the head of the family would read after eating. The children preferred to eat each in their own room, at the computer or TV. Previously, Sveta asked: “How are you?”, tried to talk about how her day went, about the children, plans for the weekend.

But now she has been eating dinner alone in the kitchen for a long time, and here she watches a small TV, which she convinced her husband to put on so as not to get bored. Then chatting on the phone with friends and, finally, you can go to bed. Sometimes Sveta exploded: “Igor, we stopped talking completely!” To which the husband always answered irritably: “Don’t make things up, I’m just tired...”.

She endlessly discusses this situation with her friends. One thinks that Sveta is just crazy: “A normal guy, he earns money, he doesn’t play around, what do you want?” Another advises having a lover - for communication.

Routine and selfishness

If you share your experiences with anyone, but not with your other half, if you turn to other people for support, then your marriage is gradually going downhill. Different hobbies and preferences, conflicting work schedules, non-overlapping goals - and now everyone lives a separate life.

In most cases, spouses do not at all seek to distance themselves from each other. That's how it works. After all, relationships, like a fire, must be constantly maintained and ensure that they do not go out. During the period of courtship and even in the first years of life together, we want to be liked, we try to be better, but gradually the work on ourselves and on relationships comes to naught, and in its place comes routine, habit and... selfishness. “Your own desires become more important than the desires of your partner,” says Nadezhda Danilova. “And after living together for ten years, we gain confidence that our partner will not go anywhere, and therefore we can neglect him.”

And the most important thing is to admit the obvious: you don’t talk in the evenings not because you’re tired, but because you’ve become indifferent to each other. You urgently need to change your attitude. Yes, sometimes you have to make an effort to first ask: “What are the problems at work?”, and then listen about these problems. But, if you still value your spouse, you cannot be completely indifferent to his concerns.

Save relationships

Even if you feel that your marriage is turning from a union of loving people into the coexistence of neighbors, all is not lost.

Try talking to your partner and telling him how lonely you feel. Choose a suitable time when you will not be interrupted by anything: neither TV nor a phone call. Don't blame your spouse, just talk about your feelings.

Remember what once united you, what common interests did you have? And try to implement them. On the other hand, why not try to share your spouse's current interests?

Remember the traditions that were once inherent in your family, or start new ones. Close people always have their own rituals, common habits that they observe. There are common words and jokes; Over the years spent together, the same manner of speaking may develop.

But you can do the opposite: adopt some current habits, words of the other half. Once you start speaking the same language, you will probably become closer to each other.

In any case, you will have to work on your relationship to make it warmer. Just don’t say to yourself: “Why me again?” Just take the first step.

Womlife

Once upon a time you stood in the registry office in front of a polite registrar. Then it seemed to you that the white streak in life was just beginning. You thought that you were committing your life to a person who would share your happy moments, difficulties and personal interests. But what is happening today?

You come home from work mentally tired and are waiting for the support of your loved one. You want to hear at least a few kind words addressed to you, to take your mind off thoughts about the problems that have accumulated. But every day your husband has a reason not to pay attention to you. Meeting with friends over a glass of beer, social media, car repair, computer games or the banal “I’m tired and want to be alone with myself.”And you are still waiting. You wait for your husband to agree to watch a movie with you in the evening, or go for a walk together, sometimes you have to beg him to spend at least two hours a week on you. Marriage becomes a formality, but in fact, a woman feels lonely being married.

The question arises. How does this life differ from the one given to free women? The difference lies in two important points. And both of them are not in favor of married ladies.

Firstly, a woman who gets married rightly expects to receive at least love, attention and support from marriage. Other advantages (solution to material problems, stability, status, respect, the opportunity to raise children in a favorable atmosphere) can be regarded as a pleasant addition to marriage, but not always mandatory. But love, attention and support are the foundation of a family. Without them, a man and a woman remain only two people living in the same house.

A free woman chooses her position voluntarily. She may strive for a career, money, independence. She may hate serious relationships. But such a woman does not carry within herself the burden of disappointment from unfulfilled hopes. And a married woman is forced to endure something that she did not initially agree to. She was waiting for love and attention, but did not receive it. The result is loneliness.

Secondly, marriage imposes additional responsibilities on women. Especially for those who already have children. When a woman does not see her husband’s enthusiasm (or at least the slightest desire) in doing household chores and raising children, she feels bitter resentment. After all, a woman is aware of an internal imbalance: she gives much more than she receives. The reason is the indifferent attitude of the spouse towards the family.

The situation described above can be briefly called “loneliness in marriage.”

What to do? Continue to suffer quietly, persistently demand attention from your husband, or take a radical step in the form of divorce? Everything depends on you.

Option 1. Leave everything as is.

Suitable for women who are strong, independent, purposeful, have many interests and friends.

Perhaps personal relationships are not the most important thing in life for you. And you didn’t marry out of strong love, but rather out of convenience (to solve financial problems, give birth to and raise children in the family, and so on) or for status. Then you better not interfere in the course of events.

Let your husband live the way he likes. Don't demand attention to yourself, but go about your own life. Build a career, meet friends, study new areas of knowledge, raise children, travel. Act as if you are not married at all. Within reasonable limits, of course. This is not about cheating on your spouse or spending family money left and right.

As a rule, men respect cheerful women who lead an active lifestyle and are not obsessed with family responsibilities. Most likely, your husband will soon get bored and begin to take initiative towards you.

Option 2: Break off the relationship.

In a situation of loneliness in marriage, it is especially difficult for “traditional” women. That is, soft, feminine, dependent, economic natures, for whom family plays a huge role in life. If you belong to this category of women (sorry for this conventional division), understand one cruel fact. You will never be happy in a “single” marriage. Never.

Any attempts to attract attention to yourself, to force a man to spend time together will result in you tiring both yourself and your loved one. At first, the husband will agree. But he will do this more out of a sense of family duty, and not out of love and a passionate desire to be with you. Over time, a man gets tired of making concessions. He begins to consider his wife a boring bore, a burden, an enemy of personal time. The result is quarrels, betrayals or absolute indifference, and again - loneliness.

Continuing to endure is also not an option. You will always miss warmth and affection. Over the years, feeling lonely can turn you into a bitch. You need it? Moreover, there is a considerable chance of changing your life for the better - meeting exactly your person (this may well be, it is much more real than you think, it comes on its own as soon as you begin to feel happy, free and self-sufficient), realize yourself in your career, raising children, traveling, self-improvement and other aspects of life. It's no secret that there are many women who feel much happier after a divorce than they did while married.

Of course, every woman deep down hopes that she can change her loved one. Hope dies last. Women believe that with patience you can solve any personal problem. And patience really helps to avoid quarrels, but it does not make you happier.

If you are a romantic and sensitive woman for whom warm family hearth Much more important than some kind of career and other pragmatic goals, look for a man who shares your values. There is no need to waste precious years of your life on an egoist who ruins you with his indifference (unless, of course, you are completely and completely sure that the problem is in your man, and not in yourself, because it happens that women are not too “pampered” their men with care and feminine affection, but that’s not about that now).

There is a well-known practice - to divide a sheet of paper and write everything on one side. negative sides that you see during a divorce - raising children, the financial side, the status of a married woman and others. And on the other hand, there are positive things that you gain at the same time - freedom from painful relationships, opening horizons of self-realization, the opportunity to meet your true love or just a person who shares your views on life and the relationships of loved ones with whom you will feel comfortable going through life. Then “weigh” each position depending on its significance for you, place its relative weight (for example, as a percentage) opposite each item - and make a decision based on this analysis.

Perhaps you do not consider yourself to be one of the categories of women listed above. Nevertheless, you are still inclined more towards one or another value: career-independence-in-demand as an individual or family-life-home comfort. Look deep into your soul, how do you see your future life in the event of a divorce, and what if the marriage remains intact? Does it scare you or inspire you? Do you feel relieved and open to new experiences and changes, or depressed and confused? The era of dependent women is long gone, and stereotypes today are quite blurred, society accepts any outcome of events, so the main guideline is only your well-being and mental balance. Understand that loneliness is your problem, the solution of which depends on you, and not on your husband, and finding a harmonious living situation is now your task. Life is fast, it's time to live now, and not hope for better times, already now breathe deeply all its delights. Make a wise decision.

∗ ∗ ∗ ∗ ∗ ∗ ∗

What do THEY (men) think? Roughly and clearly - about partners for the long term and sex for one time... It turns out that they are looking for a friend in a woman, endowed with intelligence and a sense of humor. It turns out that it is important for them to be well-read and curious about the girl, so that it would be interesting to be with her, which makes the relationship strong.

Video - a man’s view of relationships or “how to tie a man to you?”:

Moments of loneliness next to a partner are similar in depth to happy seconds. Only instead of a heart overflowing with joy, acute pain is felt. The first experience plunges you into bewilderment: what was it, did he feel the same, is this really the end? After the break, during the next encounter with the “new” reality, you can accept these sensations or convince yourself that everything is within the normal range, because no one is obliged to merge with another. Well, in the next few days you will definitely feel that there is nothing sadder than being alone together.

What sensations am I talking about?

Well, let’s say you’re driving in a car, and the silence between you is not just like a pause when it’s nice to be silent together, but like an abyss that presses on your throat with its scale. When you share your joy or sadness, but suddenly you don't feel any response. When you go to visit friends, but the whole evening you never touch each other. When you are in a hurry somewhere together, and he is noticeably ahead of you, without looking back at all. When you come on vacation, but sit with your child by the pool while he lies on a sun lounger for an hour and doesn’t even think to ask how you are. When you are preparing for the New Year, but he doesn’t care what’s for dinner, and doesn’t take part in any holiday chores

In general, everything related to marriage evokes quite vivid associations in people. And as a rule, they are about a union centered on deep emotional attachment, sexual and intellectual intimacy. And whenever something goes beyond what is acceptable, it is perceived as some kind of violation and discord. On the one hand, a good setup. Maybe too magical, but there is room for improvement. But, on the other hand, this is a deliberately failed attitude, because what happens at the beginning of a relationship sooner or later changes along with us, experience and other reasons.

If we are talking about this kind of “loneliness,” then everything is not so bad and even natural. Romantic love is being replaced by mature love. Well, you know what I mean. At first, you and your partner are close friends in all respects: you can’t stop talking, you can’t see enough, you can’t get enough of each other. Then the degree changes - it is very difficult to maintain the same level of interest for many years. Children appear, adult worries - you technically cannot be together all the time. But what definitely remains is the main thing - your commonality, the feeling of presence in each other’s lives, complementarity and the notorious look in one direction. And of course, love. Contrary to another installation that love passes. This attitude is clearly supported by culture, because it is in movies, books, everywhere. We live in this eternal fear that love is about to pass away. But it exists, and it will not go away until the person himself wants it. We ourselves are generators and creators of love, so we have the power to feel and broadcast it throughout our lives.

How do the first signs of loneliness appear in marriage? Take a closer look - they are everywhere. These are always working men - at the slightest discomfort in the family, they usually crawl aside like that. The woman cannot withdraw herself - and plunges headlong into caring for the child. She turns into a sacrificial mother who compensates for her completely disastrous situation with her husband. All this is a classic of loneliness, which occurs in every third marriage and which people do not realize for years.

You can hide your own feelings as much as you like or justify the situation with the common “we are in such a period now,” but it is more important not to forget that a husband or wife is the only relatives whom we choose ourselves

And here the comfort zone should acquire completely literal and non-negative connotations. There is no need to merge into one being - adequate adults will always have a place for personal space, their own plans and interests. But this feeling that you are not alone (alone) - it simply has to be there. That a person is with you and for you. And he will never go forward at a fast pace without looking back, if only because you are used to walking to the beat and, in principle, he doesn’t care what happens to you.