How to build a happy relationship with a guy. How to make your relationship happy and romantic. Accept each other for who you are

What is the secret of happiness and harmony in relationships? How to make sure that the relationship in a couple is long, harmonious and happy?

The basis of a harmonious and happy relationship is concentration on the positive aspects of life and the positive qualities of your partner!

But, unfortunately, for the most part, people are focused on conflicts and negativity. People focus on how to reduce negativity by making arguments, creating emotional distances, or looking for another partner, rather than focusing on increasing positivity.

And numerous tips on maintaining a happy relationship are based on what you shouldn’t do: don’t grumble or nag; don't blame; don't be bitchy; do not neglect yourself and your home; and so on. The whole emphasis is on what not to do and how to be good. And in happy couples, partners simply stay away from any negativity and focus on how to add more joy to the relationship. They move towards the good and away from the bad.

Of course, it is impossible to completely avoid quarrels and misunderstandings, but a balance must be maintained between positive and negative emotions. We must learn to see the positives and focus on them, instead of focusing on the negatives. That is, you need to be able to override negative emotions with positive ones! Positive emotions are not just laughter and fun time spent together. This is gratitude, inspiration, creativity, and curiosity!

If people stop criticizing and condemning their partners and focus on building warm and tender feelings, then their relationships will become happy!

How to improve relationships. Seven steps to harmony

1. Be grateful

Instead of criticizing, think about what you can be grateful for your partner for. Gratitude will help you remember good qualities your loved one. Express gratitude as often as possible, but only sincerely, focusing your attention on your partner, not on yourself.

For example, your partner prepared dinner, and you say to this: “Thank you, I was so hungry (or hungry), I really liked everything, I was full (full)!” This is self-absorption, you are talking about yourself. Instead, you can say, “You are an amazing cook! I thank you for caring so much about me!”

When expressing gratitude focuses on the other person rather than on yourself, both partners begin to feel fulfilled and joyful, and the bond between them becomes stronger.

2. Have a sense of humor and play

When a couple's life consists of just everyday life (work, food, sleep, paying bills), then fun and joy leave it. Play with your partner, tease him and even swear, play! Do not swear seriously, using your logic and trying to prove that you are right, but try in the heat of a quarrel to simply laugh and kindly tease your partner. Only not hostilely, but playfully. Incorporate your favorite buzzwords and nicknames into the conversation. This will lead the conflict into a more peaceful direction. When you learn to communicate sincerely and cheerfully, even the most difficult things will become much easier for you to discuss. Without anger and aggression, without logic, conclusions and reasoning, in a humorous manner, you can convey to your partner your complaints about him. Learn to swear with humor and kindness!

3. Share joy and good news

We often perceive our partners as a vest, because they are simply obliged to support us in difficult times! And we pour out all our dissatisfaction with life and negative emotions on them. Stop doing this. We always strive to be good in front of other people, but sometimes we do not spare those closest to us, undeservedly offend them, or take it out on them. Start sharing joy with your partner, notice any miracles and good events in your life and share them with your loved one! Find more and more opportunities to laugh rather than cry and complain. And your relationship will become stronger and more harmonious.

4. Add a little idealization

Stop looking at your partner with the stern, judgmental eyes of a teacher. Let him be himself, and not play a role that you like. And add a little idealization to the address . Of course, it is not at all necessary to put it on a pedestal and admire it incessantly. Just focus on what you like about your loved one, and by looking at him through the prism of such a soft lens, tune in to a more rosy perception of your partner. There are no perfect people; each of us has both pros and cons. And you can’t demand from people what they don’t have.

Your inner attitude plays a very significant role. Instead of looking for shortcomings, start looking for advantages. One day one of my friends began to complain to me that she was becoming very annoyed by her husband, with whom she had lived for 12 years. And he snores at night, and is lazy, and doesn’t clear the crumbs from the table after himself, and in general he’s all kind of awkward. She turned to me for help with the question: “What should I do?” to which I answered her: “What you see is what you grow! What you feel inside yourself manifests itself in your life!” Then she asked her to sit down and write a list of her husband’s strengths and weaknesses. It turned out that there is something to love and respect him for. But she, seeing shortcomings in him and being irritated with him, received in response what she saw and felt. As soon as she changed her focus and looked at him with a different look, he became different! And he cleared the crumbs from the table, and helped with the housework, and all his absurdity disappeared somewhere. And even snoring at night stopped bothering her, as she said: “He’s snoring next to me, my dear, and it’s good that I have him. I don’t want to somehow sleep in a proud one.” So, draw your own conclusions.

5. Pay attention to something new

Most people have gotten so used to their partners that they simply stopped noticing anything new and interesting about them. Our partner becomes like a fixed, immovable object for us. And everything in your relationship is smooth and stable, and your partner will not get away from you. In fact, this stability is an illusion. A person grows and changes all the time, it’s just that we, thinking that we know a person one hundred percent, stop noticing it. Notice how your partner has changed over the past year, two, five years. Look at it from the outside. It is likely that you will become very interested in him.

6. Stay in touch

Intimate relationships play a big role, but when people get used to each other, it is often an important part family life fades into the background. The game goes away, the desire goes away, the joy goes away. And it all starts with people stopping touching each other. Touch is where it all begins. Touch each other as often as possible, hug, stroke, massage. And everything will return - desire, play, and joy!

7. Start with yourself

You might think that for good relations You need to devote as much time as possible to your partner, and as little time as possible to yourself. But that's not true. If you don't have joy inside, you don't feel happy and you don't love yourself, your partner, like a mirror, will reflect that. Therefore, do not forget to pay attention to yourself, because the source of happiness lies in you, and not in another person. Even if this person is very loved.

What do we women need to be happy? Each of us at this stage of life, of course, has our own understanding of happiness. But, of course, we all agree on one thing: of course, we need a close, harmonious relationship with a man.

But how to create them, how to realize your desire? For some, a patriarchal marriage may be suitable: the man is the boss of the house, do as he says, be obedient, have children, run the household, and everything will be OK. Or matriarchal: you need to build it, mold it “from what was,” customize it for yourself, so that all your desires are fulfilled, and then there will be happiness. Or - an open relationship, no one owes anyone anything and everyone is free. All of these options, of course, have their advantages: partners can solve each other’s problems, and this can be mutually beneficial, convenient, comfortable and prosperous. But happiness and well-being are not the same thing.

Happiness- this is participation in something greater than yourself, the opportunity to feel whole, united with your loved one and at the same time - to be yourself. This is precisely the opportunity that is given by the close relationships of two equal people, built on the basis of trust, sincerity, acceptance, responsibility, and love. It is in such relationships that we develop and grow, we can fully realize ourselves as a woman, and give a man the care and warmth that he needs from us.

In order to create such relationships, fill them with love, you need, first of all,... Yes, yes, to love, but not in the sense of selfishness, but in the sense of taking care of yourself as a woman, being filled with joy and pleasure. After all, if we are in a harmonious state and enjoy ourselves and life, men want to be close to us, admire us, want to do something nice for us. If we do not become dependent on a man, do not beg for his attention and care, they themselves take care of us.

If we are filled with pleasure and want to share it, men also want to give us pleasure. Nobody likes when something is asked or demanded from him, everyone loves when it is given to them! And when you understand that everything depends on you, that it’s not “the wrong men come across”, but something is wrong with you and that it can be changed - this is the first step towards creating a happy relationship.

How can you fill yourself up and enter this wonderful state? First of all, be in touch with yourself, know and feel what you need in all plans. To be in contact with the body, to be not in “thinking” and in feelings and emotions all the time, but to relax, feel your body, develop sensitivity, accept your body as it is, enjoy dancing, touching the skin, swimming in the sea or river, muscle training, everything you do.

And when you live so deliciously and feel what your body needs and develop its flexibility, strength, its limitless abilities and skills, when you know its desires and tell a man about them, he will gladly fulfill them, he will feel just as delicious next to him. you. A sensual, enjoying woman is just his!

When you are in the body, you better feel your feminine energy, which attracts men so much. For the development of both bodily abilities and energy potential, for relaxation and health, tantra practices, belly-dance, Latin, and body-oriented therapy exercises are very suitable. It’s even better to use all these methods in combination. And this is two more steps towards a man: to be in the body and to be in energy.

Another step is to be in contact with your feelings and emotions, to express them, but preferably in an “environmentally friendly way” (not “on the head” of a person). After all, emotions are the main “item” of expenditure of our feminine energy and what interferes with relationships (jealousy, resentment, anger,...). There are psychological practices for transforming negative emotions into positive ones. Then you will be able to think positively and attract the same positive events into your life!

If we are careful about our inner world, to our soul and “feed” it exactly what it needs, if we feel our inner Woman (psychologists call her Anima) and Man (Animus) and harmonize their relationship, then we can build a harmonious relationship with our beloved man. And at the same time, harmony between feelings, body, mind and soul is necessary. If you are attracted to some man, and at the same time the thoughts arise: “This is wrong. Not now! He is not the one I need,” the body cannot agree with the mind. The mind builds its own patterns and “throws out” everything that does not fit into them. But life is much larger and more multifaceted than a diagram, which is why it is interesting.

If you know your true (not invented, not imposed on you) desires, you can fully realize them. And, perhaps, if you are now alone, you don’t necessarily need a man to realize them now. On the contrary, when you implement them, men will “catch up.” And in order to choose the man you need from them, you need to very clearly imagine what kind of man and what kind of relationship you want, that is, create an intention. But - attention! This practice does not work if you are not in a calm, relaxed, harmonious state, if you doubt “will it work?”, if you are worried and waiting. And it will definitely work if you are happy and enjoy yourself. And this is another step towards the desired relationship!

And, if you have finally met your man, it would be good to clarify his desires. Men are different creatures, different from us women. They differ physiologically, emotionally, psychologically. In Eastern practices there is this image: a man is fire, it quickly lights up and goes out quickly, a woman is water, it starts up slowly, but then you can’t stop her, she’s an element! Knowing this and feeling your man, you can learn to “light up” faster and give him more sensual pleasures, plunging him into a “sea of ​​tenderness.” You can learn to combine it and your desires; this is exactly what Taoist and tantric practices teach. Then yours intensifies and fills both, a harmonious exchange occurs.

It is very important if you get to know your man more and more, if you trust him, allow him to take care of you, if you share his life goals and have common values. This is the foundation on which close relationships are built. After all, our main task as women is to give love and care to a man, to admire him, to create an atmosphere for him to live. Love is what we learn and what we discover in ourselves, filling both ourselves and our loved one.

I wish you love and a happy relationship!

Yana Sokolova – psychologist, trainer, consultant, master of yoga and Tantra, body-oriented therapist, instructor in the Vagiton system. (https://yanawings.ru/treningi/imbilding)

Undeniable truths that affect the quality and longevity of our relationships

From an interview with "women&men" magazine with a famous psychologist MARC CHERNOFF

1. You must love yourself first.- In order to have a truly loving, comfortable and long-lasting relationship with someone, you must learn how to be best friend first of all for yourself. It is about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who will appreciate you and understand the subtle difference between you and the trivial search for love in order to fill the love gap.
2. You get what you give.- In twelve years, people won't remember what clothes you wore, what car you drove, and maybe won't even remember your last name. But twelve years from now, they will remember everything you made them feel and all the positive memories you left them with. The true impact you have on people depends on the time and attention you give them by teaching those who know less, caring for those who have less, supporting those who strive for something, and tolerating those who is different from you.
3. What most people think about you doesn't matter.– Don't worry so much about what people think. If only you knew how rarely they actually do this. No one cares more about your life and how you should live than you do. Follow your heart and your mind with every step in life. Get to know your true self. When you become truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like it, but you shouldn't care one bit about that.
4. Friends and family won't always support you, but you should still pursue your goals.- Follow your intuition. This means doing what makes you feel good, even if it doesn't look or sound right to others. Time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely ever wrong. So don't worry about what everyone else thinks, keep living and sharing your truth. The people who will be angry with you are the ones who want you to live a lie.
5. Life doesn't always change as quickly as people change.- Learn to accept that a person does not always remain the person you once knew him to be. And realize that sometimes it’s not the person you miss, but the feeling you had when you were around them.
6. Some people are destined to remain in your heart, but not in your life.- If you are having a hard time letting go of someone who left you, understand that if he or she wanted to stay, they would still be there for you. Sometimes you have to forget what's gone, appreciate what's still left, and look forward to what's next. The pain sucks inside you when you realize that you need to let go of the person, but you can’t because you are still hoping for the impossible. Yes, you will be hurt for a while, but you have to forget about the person who forgot about you and move on.
7. Everyone, just like you, has their own baggage.– When someone decides to leave your life, this is precisely the moment when opportunity and space open up for those who truly deserve your love. Remember, everyone has their own baggage, so don't be ashamed of yours. Be patient and find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack it.
8. Love doesn't hurt.- Don't blame love if your relationship failed, if it prevented the birth of other, more important relationships, or if you were robbed of your self-esteem and personal freedom. No, don't blame love. Perhaps it was just possession, obsession, manipulation, confusion, finally, but not love. Love has nothing to do with your situation. Love does not close the door to everything that is good; on the contrary, it opens them wide to let in goodness, freedom and abundance.
9. Forgiveness is always the right choice.- Anyone can hold a grudge, but only a person with a strong character can truly forgive. When you forgive, you save yourself from excruciating pain. And, of course, forgiveness does not mean that everything that happened to you is now okay; it also does not mean that the person is still desirable to you. Forgiveness means you have made peace with the pain and are willing to let it go so you can move on with your life.
10. Love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, commitment.- Love comes when you care more about who your partner is now, and not about who you think he should become. It's about the ability and courage to be open and vulnerable somewhere, about the desire to walk together side by side through thick and thin and always be there in moments when you are most needed. Remember that the most romantic story love is not the story of Romeo and Juliet, who died young together, but the story of grandparents who helped each other through life and grew old together.
11. Who you become depends largely on those around you.– Fate controls everyone who walks into your life, but only you decide who you let go and who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go at all. Surround yourself with people who make you the best person you can be and let go of those who don't.
12. A soulmate is a person who brings out the best in you.– Such people are far from perfect, but they are perfect for you. Remember that every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect is that you wouldn't want to be anywhere else, even during the tough times.

The secrets of happy relationships are interesting for everyone to know: girls who have not yet had time to put on a wedding dress, newlyweds who have just entered into marriage, and even couples with twenty years of married life experience.

Psychologists are conducting more and more research, the purpose of which is to find out how to make relationships happy and families strong. But, despite the fact that many girls and young men would like to have one loved one for life, the divorce rate is modern world it's just off the charts. Read the advice from “Signorina” and you will find out what the key to a happy relationship is.

1. Resolve disputes peacefully

Even if you are very angry and want to tell your loved one everything that you think about him, it is better to stop and cool down a little. Otherwise, you can destroy the relationship with one caustic phrase, and in the future you will regret it, but nothing will be possible to correct. Not all people forgive offenses easily.

In childhood, we can say to a friend, “Take your words back,” and half an hour later we can play together as if nothing had happened. In adult life everything is more complicated. It’s easier not to utter phrases that touch your loved one’s weak points than to seek forgiveness for a long time later. During quarrels and disputes, you need to know the limit that cannot be crossed under any circumstances.

2. Spend interesting and quality time together

Always find time for each other, even with the busiest schedule and no vacation. Moreover, this moment is more important for established couples than for lovers who are already trying to be close every minute. But after a few years life together all communication begins to boil down to everyday issues: what to buy for dinner, and which club to send the child to.

Of course, these questions are also important, but by communicating only about everyday topics, spouses will very soon become uninteresting to each other. And even during a joint dinner, a couple can be close, and at the same time be infinitely far from each other. Don’t forget about joint hobbies and interests. If there is no such activity yet, be sure to invent one. Let once a week be yours, only your time, when you can relax and enjoy each other. And ignoring your partner can hurt more than anger and irritation.

3. Help each other grow

But you can grow not only in your profession. You can acquire various knowledge, engage in hobbies or volunteer activities with interest. In the end, you can open your own business. In each of these areas, the support of a spouse or simply a loved one can be invaluable. It’s so great when you have someone to share your joy and celebrate another victory together. It’s wonderful when your loved one is proud of you and inspires you to take on the next challenge with dignity.

4. Trust each other

An atmosphere of trust and security is one of the necessary conditions for a happy relationship. A reliable life partner, a strong shoulder to lean on in a difficult situation - isn’t this what every woman dreams of? In turn, you need to organize coziness and provide comfort for your beloved man.

5. Be faithful and dedicated

True love and true friendship are inseparable from each other. True love does not weaken, even if people are separated by thousands of kilometers, and sometimes even becomes stronger. In a happy relationship, fidelity is a prerequisite; other options are simply not considered.

Surely you expect loyalty from your man. This means you shouldn’t flirt with guys you know. If you love each other, representatives of the opposite sex simply cease to exist for you. Why do you need someone else if you feel so good together that you’re even scared that this fairy tale will end one day?

6. Love and respect each other

No matter how trivial it may sound, it is love and respect that are the reliable basis for happy and long-lasting relationships. Moreover, they often forget about respect, hoping that passionate love is enough, which will keep a man and a woman together, allowing them to create a happy family.

In fact, it is naive to expect that your passion in a year will be as bright as it was at the beginning of the relationship. And during this period, in the absence of deeper feelings, there is a great risk of running away. It is also important to note the fact that if we do not love ourselves, then it is unlikely that others will love us either.

7. Support each other through thick and thin.

Don't think that only weak people need support. Not true! Even the most strong man There are moments when you need support like air and want to hear the words “You will succeed!” Even a successful businessman needs the approval of his significant other, although he may never admit it.

The world can be cruel, and sometimes only the support of loved ones allows you to survive a period when everything is not going well, it is not going the way you would like. It is very important to know that loved ones will be available not only when it is convenient for them, but also at the moment when we really need it. Together in happiness and in sorrow - this is the credo loving friend people's friend. Listen to their wisdom.

8. Understand that every relationship is different.

Some mistakes in relationships with previous boyfriends can be taken into account in future relationships. However, not everything is clear here either. After all, the characters different men very different, and what you liked ex-boyfriend, will not always delight your current loved one. Typically feminine qualities - flexibility and the ability to adapt to a loved one, as well as intuition can be very useful.

9. Know how to listen and... hear

Unfortunately, our loved ones cannot read our thoughts to understand how we feel at the moment, what we want and what we expect from them. Isn't it easier to say what you need? At the same time, it is important not to forget not only about your needs, but also about the needs of your loved one.

In the modern bustle, we can listen to even those close and dear to us with half an ear, being immersed in our own thoughts. Do not forget that you need to learn not only to listen, but also to hear your loved one.

10. Turn weaknesses into strengths

At such moments, you need to remember that every person without exception has shortcomings. What if we turn them into advantages? Does your husband love saving, saving every penny? But in winter you will go to Thailand, and your friends will envy you.

11. Work on your relationships

Ask yourself questions more often: “What can I do today to make our relationship brighter, warmer, closer tomorrow?” “How can I make my loved one’s life happier?” You may not see the effect of your efforts immediately, but it will happen!

12. Common values ​​are more important than common interests

The same attitude towards family, children, and religion is much more important for a truly happy relationship. And it’s possible to fall in love with fishing over time. Or just cook fish soup from crucian carp brought by your husband.

13. Don't remember old grievances

The task of a wise woman is to create a family atmosphere when her husband will want to quickly return to her, his beloved, and not run to drink beer with friends. Some things cannot be forgiven, and then the relationship ends. Fortunately, there are not many of them.

14. Be realistic in your expectations

If the partners' expectations are realistic, if the wife does not demand from her husband a villa in the Bahamas, and he from her - to become like his beloved Penelope Cruz, this will avoid many disappointments leading to quarrels and breakups.

15. Talk about love

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7. Have sex. And more often.

Sex brings people closer together. It's not there - it's bad. It is of low quality - very bad. Think about it and honestly answer yourself, are you all on fire in this matter? Is the young lady happy too? Sure?

This is a way of communication, it is important and necessary for any couple. Conversations after sex are not at all like ordinary conversations. This is a moment of intimacy when you can touch on any topic and trust each other even more than usual.

In a normal relationship there must be sex and attraction to each other. This is the key to success. Good, consistent sex also reminds you that you are faithful to each other, that you want each other. And generally speaking.

Have your own woman!

8. Be a man.

Perhaps this would be a good place to start. Every girl needs a man to be happy. Wall, rock, support. What I mean ?

You make the decisions. You are responsible. You are responsible for both of you. You make money. You are protecting her. You are the head of your family, you are its foundation.

Let her be just a girl next to you and perform only the functions of a girl. She will blossom and relax. You will see how much more harmonious you will become from this.

9. No routine.

Big mistake of millions of people! Take your loved one for granted, as something that already exists in life. Get used to this fact and stop trying for her sake.

Routine devours relationships, kills intimacy, romance, emotions. Without them, your pair will turn into two house ficus trees. And the woman will begin to fade, look worse, and over time, think about cheating or even divorce.

Don't get her to the point where she starts to lose her mind because she's unhappy. It will be late.

Make her happy, give her gifts sometimes, arrange surprises, help with everything.

She will do nice things in return, she will also want to see your joy. You will notice how much happier you will become.

10. Love yourself, and it will be easier for her to love you.

Easier, yes. Why? Because when you love yourself, you take care of yourself.

It will be much more pleasant for her to be next to a person who is always clean, smells good, and is neatly dressed. Who watches his figure, improves every day. Who develops himself, invests resources in his knowledge and skills.