Controlling emotions. How to learn to restrain emotions - advice from a psychologist, practical recommendations. Ways to control emotions

Essentially, there is nothing wrong with any emotion, but some of them can cause problems if you don't control yourself. Fortunately, there are a number of techniques and lifestyle changes you can use to help you manage negative feelings in a healthy way.

Steps

How to reconfigure your mind and body

Notice situations when emotions get out of control. The first step is to notice that there is a problem. Pay attention to the physical and mental sensations in such a situation in order to recognize the symptoms in the future. Use mindfulness, awareness and rational thinking to “seize” the moment. The mere ability to recognize an emotion will only create an attachment to the present moment.

Start doing the opposite of what you are used to. Stop if you are reacting to an acute emotion in a habitual way. Think about what would happen if you tried to do the opposite. How will the outcome change? If it becomes positive or productive, then choose a new reaction.

Remove yourself from the situation that creates negative emotions. Sometimes the best solution is to simply walk away and hide from the irritants. If the situation allows you to leave and not offend others, then it is better to do so.

• For example, if you are assigned to a work committee whose members are acting disorganized, such meetings may upset you. One way to solve the problem is to ask to be transferred to another committee.

How to communicate confidently and decisively

1. Express your feelings clearly and confidently. Learn to express your feelings decisively in order to vent and control your emotions, but at the same time change an unwanted situation. It's okay to express your opinion or deny others something that makes you uncomfortable or that you simply don't have time for, as long as you're polite and straightforward.

   • For example, if a friend invites you to a party, you can say: “Thank you for remembering me! Alas, I don’t like big companies, so I’ll refuse this time. Maybe we can go to a coffee shop together?” Give an outlet to your feelings so that they don’t sit inside and control you.

2. Speak in the first person to express your thoughts without blaming others. This method of communication allows you to express emotions without blaming or humiliating anyone. Before you say something accusing or judgmental, stop and reframe the sentence as a simple observation or your own opinion.

   • For example, instead of saying: “You don’t care about me,” it’s better to say: “I was offended when you didn’t call me back, although you promised. What happened?

3. Invite others to express their point of view. Every situation is multifaceted. Invite others to share their thoughts to better understand their point of view and create equal dialogue. You need to actively listen to keep yourself in check, control your emotions, and be in a mental state that will help you use other people's ideas wisely.

   • For example, when expressing your opinion, supplement it with the question: “What do you think?”

4. Avoid using subjective words like “should” and “should.” Such statements blame others and can lead to feelings of irritation and anger because the situation is not working out the way you would like. If you say “should,” “should,” or similar words and phrases, stop and remember that we are all not perfect. Accept the imperfection of the world and the current situation.

   • For example, instead of thinking, “My partner should never hurt my feelings,” remind yourself that the situation is nothing personal. You both make mistakes from time to time.
   • If you are too hard on yourself, show kindness and compassion. For example, if thoughts like: “I should have prepared better. I will fail the exam,” then change them to: “I did my best and prepared as best I could. Whatever the outcome, everything will be okay.”

How to calm yourself down with your usual routine

1. Exercise regularly to relax and let off steam. Engage in physical activity that involves calming and repetitive activities (swimming, walking, or running) to calm your mind and senses. You could also try yoga or Pilates to calm your thoughts through gentle stretching and breathing exercises.

   Engage different senses in new ways to calm your body. Learn to notice beauty and quietly admire the world around you for the sake of daily self-care. Your focus on gratitude and physical sensations will help you quickly pull yourself together in moments of stress or irritation. Experiment with different methods:

   Use the soothing touch method. People need loving touch to feel happy. Positive touch releases oxytocin, a powerful hormone that improves mood, relieves stress and increases feelings of affection. Common options for soothing touch:

   • Place your hand on your heart. Feel your heart beating, your chest rising and falling, and the warmth radiating from your skin. Repeat pleasant words to yourself like: “I am worthy of love,” or: “I am a good person.”
   • Give yourself a hug. Cross your arms over your chest, place your palms on your shoulders and hug yourself gently. Repeat a positive phrase like, “I love myself.”
   • Cup your face in your palms, as if you were a child or loved one, and then begin stroking your face with your fingers. Repeat kind words to yourself like: “I am a wonderful and kind person.”

2. Practice meditation . Meditation is a great way to ease anxiety and depression and learn how to manage stress. Regular mindfulness meditation helps control emotions. Sign up for a class, use recommendations online, or learn mindfulness meditation on your own in the comfort of your own home.

   Repeat self-affirmations and mantras to yourself. The main principle of mindfulness is the ability to accept your current sensations without resistance or judgment. This is easier said than done, but with practice, mindfulness meditation techniques will soon become your new “habits.” In difficult situations, repeat to yourself phrases of encouragement like the following:

   • “Feelings are fleeting and these emotions will soon pass.”
   • “My feelings and thoughts are not immutable facts.”
   • “I don’t have to be driven by my emotions.”
   • “I’m fine, even though I feel uncomfortable.”
   • “Emotions come and go, how many times has this happened before.”

How to achieve lasting peace

1. Get to the root of emotional situations to solve the problem. If you often have trouble keeping your emotions under control, then try to dig deeper and understand yourself. Information about the root causes of emotional turmoil will help you decide how best to accept and resolve this situation.

   Question attitudes and actions that are based in fear or irrationality. Information about the root causes of emotional turmoil allows you to counteract and even cope with some beliefs. Take an outside perspective and objectively evaluate negative beliefs like fear or inadequacy. What caused these toxic feelings? How can you deal with them?

Emotions make a person’s life bright and add spice to the peaceful flow of life. A declaration of love causes delight, children's babble causes tenderness, a beautiful sunset gives a feeling of harmony with nature...

However, not all emotions are positive - fear, anger, resentment, malice bring destruction with them, and laziness and despondency hinder personal development. Destructive experiences break families, destroy friendships, interfere with careers and generally make life more difficult.

Under the influence of negative feelings, a person is often unable to control himself, so he may commit actions or utter words that he will later regret, or he may not dare to commit an act and will also regret it.

People who cannot control the expression of their emotions can lose too much:

To prevent this from happening, it is important to be able to manage yourself and your feelings. Let's look at how to learn to control your emotions.

Where to begin?

The first step towards the complex process of mastering one’s own feelings can be to comprehend the fact that our emotions are our problems, or rather, a reflection of our problems. We we react painfully only in cases where our “sore spot” is touched. It is necessary to move from “he infuriates me (offends me, hurts me on purpose)” to understanding that “it’s me who’s nervous (yelling, getting offended, swearing, and so on).” It is important to understand why exactly these words or actions caused negative experiences. Hear yourself. Only the feeling of one’s own feelings and personal responsibility for them creates the basis for control over emotions. After all, it is impossible to defeat something if you do not know what it is and where it comes from.

Ways to manage the emotional sphere

Psychologists have developed several fairly effective methods for controlling emotions.

Action from the opposite direction

In a stressful situation, when the possibility of breaking down is high, you can try to act on the contrary. For example, if you really want to call me opponent with bad words, give him a compliment, and if you want to scream, speak in a calm, even voice... Most likely, it will not be possible to learn how to use this method of behavior in the event of a conflict right away. But over time, you will develop the habit of restraining yourself.

5 simple steps

Following these 5 simple but effective steps will usually lead to the desired result. Repeat these exercises at times when destructive feelings require an outburst, and you will be able to learn to control your emotions.

Pity for the offender

Strange as it may sound, it’s worth using your imagination and imagining why it’s so strong trying to offend you a person, in word or deed, will immediately feel better. Everyone knows that aggression is a manifestation of one’s own problems, uncertainty, disorder, and often cowardice. Therefore, imagining the reason for this behavior of the offender, you can experience a feeling of pity instead of anger.

For example, elderly woman making a scandal on public transport for no apparent reason. In this situation, one can immediately imagine that this unfortunate grandmother lives in a family in which no one listens to her opinion and does not even allow her to speak. She is afraid of her daughter’s reaction to any remark she makes, and her grandchildren do not consider her a person at all.

After such reflections, it is no longer possible to be angry with the scandalous old woman. You just want to feel sorry for her.

Prayer, meditation

Both ways to pull yourself together are very similar.

Prayer will help a believer find peace. While reading the prayer, the thoughts of the person praying aimed at talking with God, there is a feeling of security. A person is distracted by many small problems, which means that he switches his attention and is distracted from the quarrel. After reading the prayer, it will no longer be possible to continue the scandal.

Meditation works the same way. This technique was originally aims finding peace amid the hustle and bustle of life. This is achieved by concentrating attention on something. By switching the mind, a person manages to distract himself from an unpleasant situation. The more you practice meditation, the more effective its use will become in the event of destructive emotions.

Visualization

This method will help control your feelings for those who have a developed imagination.

At first visualization several times It may turn out wrong, but over time, when you manage to accurately select the image of your safe place and feel it, this method can become one of the most effective of all, helping to control the sphere of emotions and giving relaxation and calm.

Destroying stress with the power of thought

This is one of the options for the visualization discussed above. Any feeling that interferes with your life can be mentally removed from your life. For this you should imagine this feeling in the form of a real object and destroy it. For example, if you presented a grudge in the form of a blank sheet of paper, you can safely burn it; if the experience was presented in the form of a stone, you can throw it deep into the sea or throw it into an abyss, etc. At the moment of destroying the image of your troubles, it is important to feel how they leave you and that it becomes easier without them. Meanwhile, the experiences fly further and further and will never return.

Physical activity is a great way to quickly “reset” accumulated destructive emotions.

Can't be underestimated the role of physical activity, when it comes to learning how to control your emotions. The proverbial breaking of plates can be helpful when trying to take control of your feelings.

Features of physical activity is that they give us the opportunity to throw out all the negativity during training or performing any other actions. What can you direct your energy to in moments that threaten emotional explosions?

Sports activities

Psychologists believe that the best sports for this purpose are all types of wrestling, boxing, as well as calmer ones, but requiring increased concentration, bowling and darts. The main thing, when performing sports elements, is to give yourself the mindset to release negativity.

Breaking plates can become such an almost sporting activity. Need to buy cheap set of dinner plates and break everything in anger, without regret. Naturally, you need to think in advance about where it is most convenient to do this, and after completing the process of breaking the plates, remove the garbage after you, wherever you are. This method is effective not only for you, but also for your opponent if he is nearby.

Scream

Oddly enough, your negative emotions can be push out of yourself by screaming, if you do it from the heart. Naturally, public places are not suitable for this kind of prevention. You should scream in an open field or in the forest, where no one can hear you. But after screaming, you can experience true relief.

Walks and travel

A walk in the fresh air can also be of great benefit. Walking leisurely, looking at the streets, houses, passers-by or some plants, the person gradually switches attention from one’s excited state and unpleasant experiences to other objects or objects. If a pleasant interlocutor takes part in the walk, the switch will happen even faster. And in this case, it is important, through an effort of will, to try not to concentrate on the negative, but to pay attention to what is happening around.

A change of environment helps you control your emotions. Just like during a walk, this method helps you switch to new sensations and new experiences. Only these new strong emotions will last longer; they will support you for a long time in difficult moments.

Hobby

Doing what you love will in any case bring peace to your soul. Favorite thing is relaxation and meditation, and visualization along with deep breathing combined. A person who is carried away by something interesting to him forgets about everything, including troubles. He has no time to savor his grievances or be angry with others, because his thoughts, his hands, his eyes are busy. So, work hard, do what you love!

As we see, ways control emotions Many have been developed, and only a few of them are given in the article. Anyone can learn to manage their feelings if they want. This will make not only your life more enjoyable, but also the lives of the people around you.

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the expression of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it needs to be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them destroy everything you've been trying to achieve for so long.

Don't rock yourself

Regulate the temperature of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

Excessive enthusiasm can be inappropriate, as can overly aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions always try to avoid disharmony in their state of mind.

Stop to think

Do you feel like you're boiling? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to get yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions you can use. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions most often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on what is most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem.

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely takes over you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, pull yourself together! Process the information piece by piece, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look.

Practice deep breathing

The body's reaction to emotional overload directly affects all muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will saturate your brain with oxygen and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting down five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, again counting to five. Repeat at least 10 times.

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily convey their emotions to others. This is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

A negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but irrational.

You can’t stop thinking about the problem; you need to use the time to think through a plan for the next actions.

Make a list of possible solutions, be creative and... During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will come out of the situation as a winner.

Hello, friends.

Many people ask how to learn to control their emotions and not get nervous. Indeed, this question is relevant for many today. People are beginning to understand that if we do not learn to control our feelings and emotions and are constantly nervous, we will never become truly healthy and happy.

After all, what is meditation really?

This is the awakening of true awareness, the real Self, the higher consciousness. It’s as if you rise to a bird’s eye view and look at your psyche, your mind, from above. Looking at them from the outside, you become disidentified with them and begin to control them.

The exercises I gave above are similar to meditation. It’s just that in real meditation you don’t deliberately evoke an emotion in yourself, don’t remember it, but create conditions for the spontaneous release of the psycho-emotional sphere. What feeling will appear before your eyes and then dissolve under the onslaught of your awareness, in meditation you do not know.

However, by meditating, you will very well master the skill of controlling your psyche.

Awareness of emotions in life

Using the techniques described above and meditation, you can learn to control feelings and emotions. In complete silence, turning your gaze inward, you will be able to do this better and better. But as soon as you once again find yourself in a stressful situation, you again begin to be nervous, worry, fear, and so on, that is, the emotional sphere absorbs you again, you identify with it, lose yourself.

What to do? It's simple. It is necessary to develop awareness in everyday life, in other words, to be aware and control emotions not only during meditation or during special exercises, but always, everywhere, in any situation.

In general, if you practice meditation correctly, the awareness developed in it will gradually transfer into everyday life. But for many, due to the increased work of the psyche, this happens for a very long time. This is why you need to develop awareness outside of special practice.

What do we have to do? As soon as you begin to experience any unpleasant emotion, you need to remember awareness before it consumes you and try to look at it from the outside, to become aware of it. That is, apply the skill of looking at a feeling that you learned in meditation or exercises, but in real life. Of course, this will be more difficult to do; remembering is not so easy when an emotion overwhelms you.

During the sitting training, you had ideal conditions for observing the psyche: silence, closed eyes, moving your gaze inside yourself. Everything in life is more complicated.

But the main thing is not to despair. Every time you do it, you will get better and better. Even if you couldn’t immediately stop the emotional avalanche, but remembered the realization a little later and said to yourself: “I got angry again or, let’s say, scared”, then this is already good. You succumbed to emotions, but you realized that you were angry, which means you already realized it, albeit later. It was as if there was a realization in hindsight. “Oh, I screamed again, I couldn’t help myself, where was I at that time.”

Many people are so identified with their psyche that they cannot even be aware later, when the emotion is already behind them. They never admit to themselves or others that they were wrong, that they were not themselves, that it was emotion that controlled them. People like rams see only their own point of view and cannot look at the world from a different perspective, understand another person.

Therefore, realizing in hindsight, you have already taken a big step and become more evolved. You have already become not a sheep, but a more conscious animal. To become completely human, you must become aware not only after you have already messed up, absorbed in emotion, but during the emotional influx itself.

Be aware and be aware again. Look at emotions from the outside, but don't run away from them.

Gradually you will get better and better.

How will this happen in practice?

For example, you go to an important meeting and start to get nervous. The emotion immediately consumes you, you lose your head, because you lose your Self, you start doing random things. At this moment, a narrowing of consciousness occurs due to the fact that emotion has taken all the energy, all the attention. You begin to see narrowed, as if in a tunnel. That's why we make mistakes, we see, we realize limitedly.

At that moment, before the emotion has taken all the energy and while you are still able to think about something, you just need to remember that you can be aware of the emotion, observe it, control it. Remember about the exercises, remember the skill of detached observation developed in exercises and meditation. Having remembered, begin to look at the emotion from the outside, be aware of it. The faster you remember, the easier it will be for you to stop the emotion, because at the beginning of the emotional avalanche you have more free energy, your head is not yet completely clouded and there is still a piece of Self left.

I repeat, as soon as an emotion overwhelms you, remember awareness and begin to be aware of it, look at it, or at its manifestations, from the outside.

If you do everything correctly, it will subside, dissolve, and you will come to the meeting, no longer nervous, with a clear head and will do everything right.

Don't despair if it doesn't work out right away. Yes, you won’t succeed right away. Your awareness is still underdeveloped. Train it in meditation and over time you will easily be able to control your emotions everywhere and always. You will succeed.

Life without emotions? What for?

It may seem to you that having learned to control our psyche, we will turn into some kind of robots without emotions or universal soldiers, always cold-blooded and never smiling. It may be better to be constantly nervous, but remain human. This is a very wrong opinion. And it arises from incorrect ideas about human consciousness.

As I already said, you don’t need to completely get rid of emotions. They help us interact with the outside world, with the people around us. They are created for this by nature. We just need to remember that they are just a tool, our part, they belong to us, but we are not them. For most people, the psycho-emotional sphere absorbs our Self so much that there is no question of any awareness. We lose ourselves in emotions and become identified with them. When they arise, we follow their lead, completely obey them and therefore constantly make mistakes, later regretting them.

When we learn to control them and awaken our awareness, our emotions will change. Yes, they will not disappear, there is no goal to get rid of them, but they will become different. What is very important is that they will no longer go off scale, you will forget about the emotional shaking.

If we imagine our emotions in the form of a graph, we will get both a positive peak and a negative one. This is an overload of positive and negative emotions. Too much and shaking from positive emotions is also not very good; it is also a waste of energy and health. After you learn to be aware of your psyche, the emotional graph will be cut off and there will no longer be large peaks. All this will lead to an even, not twitchy, calm character. You will stop losing your head in any difficult situations, gain sobriety and clarity of thinking. After all, emotions only intoxicate a person and do not allow him to look at the true state of things. Having gained control over them, you seem to wake up from hibernation, sober up and finally begin to see everything around you in its true light.

Those who do not know the nature of consciousness do not understand why it is necessary to control emotions. They think that we consist only of the lower layers of consciousness: emotions, feelings, thoughts. But in fact, by removing the upper layer of the psyche, where emotions live, deeper layers of our consciousness begin to emerge to the surface. This is how we get to the real Self, to awareness, to the human soul. And these higher layers have their own feelings (not emotions), which differ from animal feelings and emotions. And they are much more pleasant, more rich, more colorful. Such feelings include love, compassion, quiet spiritual joy and other manifestations of the soul.

That is why a person who has learned to manage his emotions does not become an insensitive robot. On the contrary, he acquires other feelings that are much more pleasant to experience. And the fewer peaks of emotional shock you have, the more you will experience positive higher feelings. Negative emotions will be replaced with positive ones.

You will more often experience joy simply from existence itself, depression, apathy and other psychological problems will go away.

Therefore, learn to manage your emotions in order not only to gain bright positive feelings, find health and happiness, but also to become a Man with a capital “H”, not to be an animal.

That's all for today.

And remember, you will succeed. Health and happiness are actually not far away. You just have to put things in order in your head, and they will come to you.

See you soon, friends.

And now some nice music for you from me.

Best regards, Sergey Tigrov

The inability to control our emotions sometimes has a negative impact on our relationships with other people. If you want to avoid problems in many areas of life due to the inability to suppress your anger, jealousy and other negative feelings, then we recommend that you use some simple tips.

Managing your own emotions - benefit or harm

It is worth understanding that controlling emotions does not imply a ban on emotions in general. We are talking about cultivating an internal culture, which, as a rule, characterizes decent and self-confident people. Please note that there is nothing wrong with freely expressing your spontaneous positive emotions, but this should in no way prevent you from suppressing negative expressions of feelings in special situations.

As you already understand, control of emotions can be called management, first of all, of involuntary emotions, which in turn can be called one of the most important components of a person’s self-control. It is also important to understand that control in no way equals prohibition.

If you learn to control your emotions well at the right moment, then, of course, this will only play into your hands. When a person is truly mature, he will not complain about the lack of self-control - he diligently develops it. And in general, complaints are behavior inherent in children and “adult children” who do not want to grow up.

As a result, we can conclude that for a comfortable life in society, control of emotions is still necessary. However, for a neurotic and unrestrained person this will not be easy - in this case, such a task can do more harm than good. Such a person will become even more irritated, and in the end the situation may turn out to be worse than it was initially. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that a total inability to restrain oneself is a mental disorder, no matter how serious it may sound. It may make sense to consult a specialist. If you learn to manage your emotions, there will be no need to control them.

Remember that the spontaneous nature of emotions interferes with our achievement of long-term goals - with our mood swings we can complicate our own lives at the most inopportune moment. It is very difficult for a person who regularly succumbs to emotional outbursts to come to the realization of his true purpose.

How to learn to control and manage your emotions

Often we are overcome by emotions at the wrong moment when we need them. Not always any of our reactions is an adequate response in a given situation. You've probably noticed yourself that in moments of emotional outburst, we often think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from the situation, but internal impulses simply do not allow you to do this. And yet, a person who has managed to make himself a developed personality understands how useful the ability to manage his emotions is. Also, many probably understand that a well-mannered person differs from an ill-mannered person in that he is able to control himself, even when it is quite difficult. In general, self-control is very important. What techniques can be used to cultivate self-restraint?

"Keep" your face

This advice is very simple, but has a tremendous effect. Even if a negative emotion has already arisen in you, do not let it show on your face! If you manage to do this, the intensity of emotions will clearly decrease.

With some effort, you will probably be able to develop the skill of “calm presence.” As you know, Indians are famous for the fact that they often skillfully control their emotions - not a single muscle on their face flinches when they are angry, disappointed or surprised. Perhaps, such a reaction reveals the true inner strength of a person. Conclusion: no matter what storms overcome you inside, you should not show it outwardly.

Breath

In peak situations, it is important to monitor your breathing - when its rhythm changes, your emotional state also changes. Just calmly inhale and exhale, and your condition will gradually return to normal.

It is highly undesirable to demonstrate your negative emotions in the workplace - this is fraught not only with problems in the team, but, sometimes, with banal dismissal. However, it is important to note that it is not only the subordinate who should restrain himself, but also the management!

When you're the boss, you need to learn to control yourself emotionally.

People who find themselves in leadership positions often, over time, cease to adequately evaluate their colleagues, demanding more from them than they are capable or able to give. As a result, an employee who does not live up to expectations comes under emotional fire. Think about it, perhaps a similar situation has developed in your team, and you are simply demanding more from people than they are required to do. If this is not the case at all, and you understand that the employee has failed to cope with his immediate responsibilities, then it is much more effective to reprimand him in a cold and stern tone than to resort to shouting.

Ways to cope with emotions when you are a subordinate

The most important thing is not to try on the image of a victim. Sometimes, an employee who is insulted by a manager almost “relishes” the painful phrases that he voices. The person does not analyze the words spoken, does not think what caused them - he simply accumulates hatred towards the boss. Of course, it is not easy to be neutral towards a person who radiates negativity in your direction, but it is also important to remember that hatred destroys personality, so you should not cherish it. Perhaps in some similar situation you are not able to give a worthy rebuff, but you are certainly capable of ignoring it. When you realize that the situation has reached its peak, simply turn off your consciousness. There is no need to prove anything to your opponent. Wait until he speaks out, and only then calmly tell him what you wanted. Don’t worry that it won’t be done in a timely manner – it won’t cancel the desired effect.

How to become emotionally resilient in any situation

Learn to deal with negative emotions and not give in to them

If you develop the skills listed below, it will be much easier for you to learn to manage your emotions.

• Attention management. You should pay attention to important, positive things, and try not to focus on the negative.
• Control of facial expressions. In particularly difficult situations, it is advisable to save face and not show that you are overcome by any negative emotions.
• Developed imagination. Helps, if necessary, to distract from unpleasant situations and “switch” to something else.
• Breath. When you learn to control your breathing, it will be easier for you to calm yourself.

As you already understand, not everyone is able to manage their own emotional state. And in general, not all emotions can be controlled. And yet, each of us can get closer to the ideal in this sense if we really want to set ourselves a similar task. You can come to this on your own or trust specialists in specialized centers. In the second case, it is important that your mentors are highly qualified and that the centers have a good reputation. To decide on the choice of such an institution, you can read reviews on the Internet.

Remember that our thoughts play a huge role in our lives. When we pay attention to the positive aspects, it is as if we “launch” a positive state inside. If we focus more on the negative aspects, then we attract more negativity into life. Of course, this does not mean that you need to ignore life’s problems, but learn to treat them constructively: not to be a victim of circumstances, but to look for ways to solve difficulties.

If negative thoughts overwhelm you, try to forcibly switch them, direct them in a positive direction - start thinking about something good, or making some plans that lift your spirits. You can simply visualize beautiful pictures in your thoughts - landscapes, loved ones in a festive setting, and so on.

In moments when you are trying to gain control of your emotions, you should think about how you benefit from being in a negative state. Often, a person does not realize that fear, anger or resentment is not a natural or natural state at all. In fact, this is our personal choice, and subconsciously we decided that it is beneficial to us in the current situation and solves some of our problems. Until you understand why you decided to experience this condition, it will be difficult for you to get rid of it.

You shouldn’t suppress or hide your emotions - it’s important to be able to control them

As we have already noted, you should not prohibit yourself from showing emotions. This is about something completely different - emotions need to be kept under control! Do not give free rein to too negative expressions of feelings, and allow yourself to demonstrate a positive mood. Let's find out what a person who is unable to control negative emotions can lose.

1) State of positivity

A person who is overcome by negative feelings is hardly able to think positively. Having succumbed to the influence of anger, malice, or something like that, he is unlikely to be able to “tune in” to a different wavelength in the near future.

2) Calm

Sometimes this is even more important than a state of positivity. A person who is in a calm state is always able to think more soberly than one who is subject to the emotions that overwhelm him.

3) Relationships

Unfortunately, many relationships, which include love, friendship, and business, collapse due to the fact that someone failed to contain the flow of negativity in time. Often this behavior undermines trust, kills feelings, which ultimately often leads to a break in relationships.

4) Reputation

A person who allows himself to frequently display negative emotions is unlikely to have a reputation as a respected and adequate person. When you don’t know what to expect from your interlocutor or you assume that he might suddenly flare up or something like that, you try to limit communication with him. Gradually an opinion is formed about a person that does not suit him at all.

5) Control over life

Anyone who is unable to control their emotions cannot fully control their life. By succumbing to a sudden impulse, a person can lose a lot or face other unpleasant consequences of his impulse. As a result, the life of such a person is less successful than it could be.

In general, the list of losses does not end here, but even from the points listed above it is obvious that lack of control over emotions can sometimes lead to an unpleasant outcome.

Of course, when there are children in a family, the nervous situation in the family may not be the best for their subsequent psychological development. In the presence of children, it is especially important to control your emotions!

Techniques to cope with excessive emotionality

Identification technique. It can help in some peak situations when you need to control yourself. In such cases, it is useful to imagine yourself not as yourself, but as someone else. You can try on the image of some hero or person you want to be like in such moments. Accordingly, you should react and act in the same way as the person with whom you identify yourself would do. The method is quite suitable for creative people with a developed imagination.

Self-hypnosis technique. You can easily use a simplified self-hypnosis technique. At the right moment, you should say certain attitudes to yourself: “I am in control of myself,” “I am invulnerable and calm,” “Nothing will make me angry,” and the like.

Books for parents on managing emotions

If you understand that your family members are not always able to cope with the intensity of any emotions, then, of course, it makes sense to read the literature that teaches how to cope with the manifestation of negativity.

Which books should you pay special attention to? You may like the technique that Richard Fitfield offers in his work “Managing Emotions. Creating harmonious relationships." You can also find a lot of useful information in the book “New Positive Psychology: A Scientific View of Happiness and the Meaning of Life” (Seligman Martin E.P.). Many parents can be helped in managing emotions by the work of Capponi V. and Novak T. “Your own psychologist” or Rainwater J. “It’s in your power. How to become your own psychotherapist."

Managing emotions does not need to be presented as a particularly difficult task, however, you should not attach any importance to it either. Often, it is difficult to achieve the set goal for people who have already missed the moment of the emotion’s emergence, who have not warned it and the actions of their interlocutors who created these emotions.

It is easy for an experienced specialist to understand whether a person is able to keep his emotions under control by studying his “body language”. If a person is calm, his body is relaxed and collected, he is probably able to master his state at the right moment. If a person’s movements are chaotic, his gaze is uncertain or wandering, then, apparently, it is not easy for him to cope with possible negative reactions. Also, a specialist can give a very disappointing assessment to a person whose body is very tense, tense, or seems to be “shaking.” What is meant by the last definition? “Jerking” is characterized by uncontrollable tension running through the body - this can be twitching of fingers, lips, muscles around the eyes, and so on. These symptoms can be controlled by practicing “quiet presence,” which is specifically mentioned in this article.

There is one more important condition when managing emotions - you should learn to relax yourself in various conditions and situations. Always make sure that your body is in a calm state - this skill will provide you with wonderful results.

Some people believe that in a loving relationship it is not necessary to bottle up your emotions, believing that the person you love should accept them “as they are.” It is worth noting that for the time being this may happen, but one day a flurry of negative emotions can still kill the feelings of even the most loving partner. Moreover, this happens completely involuntarily - a person simply one day realizes that he is tired of his beloved’s unreasonable jealousy, temper, aggression, resentment or other unpleasant emotions.

When this critical moment comes, it becomes difficult, and sometimes even impossible, to correct the situation. Of course, in order to avoid such an outcome, it is better to initially value your relationship and not allow spontaneous negative emotions to destroy the trust and harmony that has developed in a couple. Remember that one thoughtless word can echo in all your subsequent relationships with your loved one.

Don Juan on emotional control (Carlos Castaneda, “Controlled Stupidity”)

The last point will tell you about stalking - a special technique that helps you track down your emotions and feelings in order to keep them under control. In Castaneda's writings, don Juan says that stalking can be called "controlled stupidity." If you have studied English, then you probably know that the word “stalking” comes from the verb “to stalk”, which means “to secretly pursue, using various tricks and tricks”, and usually refers to hunting. A hunter is called a stalker. Don Juan Matus taught Castaneda to hunt, first offering to study the habits of wild animals.

The author of the book is convinced that in everyday life one should not forget about the stalker’s method. It is obvious that the actions of a stalker, as a rule, are based on observations, and not at all on what he thinks. Often we are unable to distinguish between our ideas and reality, confusing observation with judgment. Meanwhile, when a hunter observes, there is no room in his thoughts for reflection, judgment, or internal dialogue - he simply observes what is happening.

Carlos Castaneda points out to us that sometimes we not only do not control our negative emotions, but also indulge them. Many people know what it means to be offended by someone for many years, angry or suffering, without doing anything that could eliminate this condition.

Don Juan calls such indulgence in one’s experiences, weaknesses and self-pity a waste of energy, which only brings fatigue and deprives us of many accomplishments. Of course, there is no doubt that a person who indulges in such weaknesses becomes weak himself.