How will a long separation affect the relationship? Does forced separation strengthen relationships? How does a long separation affect family relationships?

Does separation strengthen relationships? Separation can really become an indicator of the existing relationship in a couple. It's no secret that life together, especially family life, can only resemble a fairy tale at first. Then the accumulating problems can fill any problem with an unbearable load. And now there is no longer any warmth and tender glances that so warmed the soul before. The family becomes that very unit of society and begins to resemble some kind of organization with established responsibilities of its members and a budget, rather than people falling in love with each other.

"I miss you". This or a similar phrase is almost always part of a separated couple's telephone conversation. Moreover, boredom in this case is not an indicator that there is nothing to do, but that there is less joy in life due to the departure of a loved one. The answer to the question asked at the beginning of the article about strengthening relationships through separation largely lies in the feeling that the members of the couple experience when they meet. If this feeling is sincere joy, then it is this that is “read” from the face and behavior of the other person and further strengthens the relationship. If after separation other feelings prevail, then this may be evidence of the fading of the relationship.

The duration of separation as a test of the relationship depends on the length of the relationship. It is clear that the newly formed couple cannot live without each other even for a short time without a nagging feeling of sadness. Couples who have lived together for many years may test their relationship by being separated for quite a long period of time.

"Out of sight, out of mind". Separation, in any case, is a constant test of a couple’s strength, since the peculiar magic of love and tenderness that affects the chosen one weakens with time and distance. And here it is very important not to give in to chance and go with the flow, but to take a number of measures in order to then be able to say that separation really strengthens the relationship.

Do not suspect, let alone accuse your loved one of infidelity, if there is no reason for this good reasons. Otherwise, there is a kind of coding for a certain behavior, here - on.

Give a “piece of yourself” to the person leaving as a reminder. An example would be a photograph, a trinket, a writing pen - anything that can remind you of a loved one, remind you of shared pleasant experiences and common important matters. A person is always automatically drawn to something familiar. This is especially noticeable in an unusual environment, for example, on a business trip.

Maintain ritual behavior even from a distance. For example, wishing “Good night”, being interested in the day, successes, sympathizing with failures. Those. do everything we did when we were together. Due to the development of communication means in the form of cellular communications and the Internet, many separated couples hardly feel the separation. Separation in this case, if it does not strengthen the relationship, at least does not weaken it.

Do not give reasons for unnecessary jealousy of the person leaving, since jealousy and love do not have as much in common as they say.

Woman. Illustrative photo

No one ever knows what will happen if lovers have to separate for a while. Some people's feelings will flare up, while others will fade. Why is this happening?

Why does someone wait for years, and someone forgets about their loved one after a few days? Let's think together: does separation strengthen or, on the contrary, destroy a couple's relationship? Posted by MyJane.

Olga, 22 years old
“We met when we were 16 years old. This was my first love. I thought she was forever. We were always close. It was difficult to leave even for the weekend! When I left for the dacha for two days, he couldn’t stand it and came to me with flowers. What a joy it was! But then my parents decided to move to another city. At first we called each other on the phone and visited each other on weekends, but then we began to have urgent matters, new acquaintances, and friends. We began to see each other less and less, until we stopped altogether. Everything is over. Now I have a new life, my husband, but sometimes it becomes scary - what if these feelings go away?”

Tatyana, 45 years old
“I fell in love with Oleg at first sight! And I immediately realized that I wouldn’t have another man! It's either him or no one. I was still just a girl then, he was 12 years older. We saw each other every day, we couldn’t stop talking, and sometimes it was enough for us to just look into each other’s eyes and hold hands. We were incredibly attracted to each other, but he did not believe that this was serious for me. And suddenly he was transferred due to duty. At first we corresponded, and then he disappeared, writing only so that I would forget about him. All my letters remained unanswered. 5 years passed before our paths crossed again. I wasn’t expecting him anymore, but I still loved him. Another man never appeared in my life. It turned out that Oleg was seriously injured and lost his leg. That's why I wrote to forget him. Silly! We never parted again. They say there is a time for everything. Apparently it has come for us. The separation only made the feelings stronger and taught us to appreciate what we have now.”

Oksana, 33 years old
“By the time we separated, we had already met more than a year. All was good. I was confident in our relationship. But, as it turned out, you can only be confident in yourself, and not in another person. I waited for him, missed him, wrote long letters. There were no other men for me. But when he returned from a business trip, he didn’t hug me as I expected, but said “I’m sorry” and started packing my things, my world collapsed in one second. But I was waiting for him and loved him... But he couldn’t stand even a short separation..."

What does separation do to us?

Separation is the surest way to test your feelings for strength. If the strength of your bonds cannot be weakened by time, the kilometers separating you, or the lack of mobile communications and the Internet, this is love forever.

Everyone knows that a strong feeling in separation brings a lot of pain, but makes love stronger and brighter. It's hard to be apart when you're used to seeing each other often, having lunch and dinner, and even walking the dog with your loved one. The understanding comes that you simply cannot live without this person. You can’t move, work, study – in a word, live. Memories of those wonderful moments that were do not leave, dreams of how you will be together again constantly come. Not a minute goes by without thinking about your loved one.

If love is weak, it subsides. It is often compared to a fire into which no fuel is added. While the two lovers were together, their feelings were burning, but as soon as they parted, other vivid impressions appeared, another love, and the old one evaporated according to the principle “out of sight, out of mind.” Feelings faded, calls became increasingly rare, people began to live different lives. The paths that once crossed and merged have diverged again.

How to survive separation?

First of all, don’t despair! There are different means of communication - telephone, Internet. In addition, separation has its own deadline. Most often you know when you can meet again. All that remains is to wait faithfully, counting down the days until the meeting.

Separation is an opportunity to take a fresh look at relationships and re-evaluate past actions. We are all human and we all have breakdowns and quarrels. How much time was wasted on them? While apart, you begin to realize how dear your loved one is to you and the value of the time spent together.

Sometimes separation is a way to save love, to revive feelings. Some couples who have been together for many years forget why they are together. Habit becomes the only link connecting them. Such relationships no longer bring happiness. If this happens to you, try breaking up for a while. Perhaps, while apart, you will appreciate what you have, begin to miss your loved one, and when you return, the relationship will sparkle with new colors. As they say, “if we have it, we don’t value it; if we lose it, we cry.”

The writer Kuprin in the story “Olesya” was able to choose the most true words: “Separation is for love what the wind is for fire: it extinguishes small love, and fans the big one even stronger.” Take care of your love!

Psychologists and writers of romance novels claim that a strong feeling only grows stronger in separation, and weak love fades away like a fire to which no fuel is added.

But often we are afraid of separation, even for a short time.

Why are we afraid?

Fear that somewhere in the distance the loved one will forget, that he will succumb to all sorts of temptations. But the man is not an unintelligent child, he is fully aware of his actions, and he can find his way home, as well as call or go on Skype.

If, after parting for a while, you feel out of work, suffer from a feeling of emptiness, the inability to occupy yourself, then these symptoms speak volumes. After all, no matter how happy you are as a couple, it is important to remain a self-sufficient person. A couple is still two independent individuals. Have you become too dissolved in your loved one, have you lost yourself, because you had some interests, hobbies, until He appeared in your life.

Separation just gives you the opportunity to look at yourself from the outside and set priorities. Don't sit around counting the hours waiting for news, find something to do. Meet with your friends, remember what you didn't finish, read a new detective story, put a photo on your profile picture. Live an interesting life and the hours will fly by.

But if it happens that after a business trip a man comes only to pack his suitcase and announces that everything is over between you, then perhaps separation is not to blame, but the relationship began to crack even earlier, and the trip acted as a catalyst.

Sometimes spouses or lovers deliberately separate for a day or two in order to reconsider and rethink the relationship. After all, it often happens that people get tired of each other, especially if they are constantly together and focused only on their relationship.

How to survive separation

Yes, very simple. Compared to lovers who lived in other times, you are simply lucky. Having the capabilities of the Internet, mobile communications and even communication via a Skype camera.

While back in the last century, in order to talk long distance, you had to order a conversation at the post office, arrive at a certain hour and try to hear your favorite voice through the interference and crackling in the receiver. And letters, they had to wait for weeks, looking into the mailbox in the hope of seeing an envelope.

So, look forward to the meeting, make plans, and so that your loved one has no doubt that they are waiting for him, write SMS, call, but do not bother him too much, so that your partner does not suspect that he is being controlled. Moreover, you should not constantly call and ask where he is, with whom, what he is doing. This will only cause irritation and a bad opinion of you.

They say absence strengthens feelings. The lovers are bored, worried and looking forward to meeting each other. After separation, their feelings are even stronger and stronger. But they also say that separation kills love. The lovers cool down, get used to living apart, and when they meet, they realize that they have become strangers. So where is the truth?

His opinion

Vyacheslav, 26 years old, system administrator:

On your own personal experience I can say with confidence that separation not only strengthens feelings, but can even save relationships. It so happened that my girlfriend and I decided to live together after just two weeks of dating. It was truly love at first sight, we couldn’t get enough of each other and spent all our time together. We stopped communicating with friends, preferring a joint evening to communicating with other people. Every weekend, every vacation, every day - only together. Two years of idyll passed very quickly, and the time of satiety came. Life turned into an eternal quarrel, it began to seem that love had passed, but we could not believe it. Then we decided to take radical measures: not see each other for several months. I went to my parents in St. Petersburg, my girlfriend stayed in Moscow. For greater efficiency, we agreed not to even call each other. There was a risk, but for the sake of preserving our relationship it was worth taking. At first it was very difficult: I wanted to hear her voice, to come at least for a day, but I endured. All our torment was more than rewarded. When I returned to Moscow, our meeting was amazing, everything returned to normal. Three years passed after that, we got married and are happily married. But now, taught by bitter experience, we no longer make such mistakes and periodically take a break from each other.

Kirill, 40 years old, engineer:

Complex issue. It is possible that feelings become stronger when you are apart, but I have never experienced this firsthand. I don't really want to check anything. After my first girlfriend did not wait for me to leave the army, the desire for this kind of experiment disappeared completely. It seems to me that by nature, most women are very flighty; they easily find replacements for the men they recently loved. For a woman to be faithful to you, you need to always be in her field of vision. Otherwise, she will become sad and begin to pour out all her ardor and passion on someone who will be closer than you. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is my opinion, and I have never been separated from my wife for more than a couple of days. Why tempt a person?

Alexander, 32 years old, photographer:

It depends on the separation. A few months spent apart will naturally make the heart beat joyfully when they meet and make the hugs stronger. But a few years are a completely different story. Over such a long period of time, you can not only forget a person, but also new life begin. I very much doubt that a normal person in a sober mind is capable of loving another without seeing him for 5 years!

Her opinion

Polina, 35 years old, dog handler:

Maybe for some people the separation strengthened their feelings, but for me everything happened exactly the opposite. About five years ago, my husband was given a very lucrative offer: a promotion with subsequent career growth and a huge increase in salary. There was only one drawback: for two years I had to work a thousand miles from home, in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk. We gathered for a family council: on one side of the scale is our life together, on the other is material well-being. In the end, after shedding a lot of tears, we decided that our love was able to withstand this separation and we should not refuse the offer. My husband went to Sakhalin. For the first six months, he flew to visit me several times a month, those were happy, joyful days. It seemed that the separation really made our feelings even stronger. But it didn’t seem that way for very long. After about seven months, my husband stopped coming at all, citing a busy schedule, then he began to call less often, then he disappeared altogether. I couldn’t find a place for myself, he didn’t answer my calls, I didn’t know what to think! One day he told me that he was filing for divorce. He has a woman, she is expecting a child, and they are going to get married. Here's to strengthening your feelings...

Valeria, 30 years old, assistant financial director:

There is nothing to think about here! Separation strengthens strong feelings, and destroys weak ones. True love can pass any test, and separation, in my opinion, is not the hardest of them. By the way, this way you can check your feelings. If you have doubts about their authenticity, you can separate for a while and listen to yourself; separation will put everything in its place.

Natalya, 22 years old, student:

My relationship with a young man, one might say, began precisely with separation. We met on the Internet, in one of the chat rooms. We talked for a very long time without seeing each other, gradually fell in love with the words on the screen and the invented images in our souls. When we met, we were not at all disappointed. We have been together for several years, but we meet very rarely. I live in the Moscow region, he lives in Sochi. He comes to me for a couple of weeks New Year, I vacation with him for several months in the summer. But separation does not make our feelings weaker; we look forward to every new meeting!

Opinion of the stars

VLADIMIR KUZMIN, singer, composer:

One of the reasons why all my previous relationships with women were upset was separation. That’s why everything is different with my current wife Katya. We have not been apart for more than a few hours for almost five years. We do everything together: we go on tour, read the same books, watch movies, communicate with the same people. If you love, you must always keep the spark alive.

ELENA KHANGA, TV presenter:

Love at a distance is possible if loving people maintain a thread of communication. My husband often goes on long business trips. And I’m sure that daily long conversations on the phone play a huge role in the fact that we don’t grow cold towards each other. I tell him what I had on the program, at home, I share, I consult constantly, no matter where he is in the world. Our phone bills are exorbitant because of this, but they are worth it.

Interesting

Try not to let even the longest separation ruin your relationship. Lack of love can lead to poor health. Professor of Sociology Schulz from the University of Bielefald, in the course of research, found that those who are not in a love relationship are more likely than lucky people in love to suffer from headaches, circulatory problems, stomach cramps, nervousness and insomnia. And the heart also needs love. Professor Abramov from Israel claims that single women are more susceptible to heart disease than their happy friends.

Due to the nature of my work, I regularly went on business trips for about 7 years. These could be either one-day trips or long trips, lasting more than one or two months. At that time, my husband and I were just starting out life together, and this became a good test of our feelings.

There were a lot of telephone conversations, text messages, tears because it was no longer possible to endure the separation, and of course, joy at the moments of long-awaited meetings.

Having gone through this stage, I realized for myself that for loving people There are pros and cons to breakups.

What can be positive about being separated from a loved one?

Of course, distance provides an opportunity to re-evaluate relationships. You immediately understand how bad it would be if he weren’t around. This ignites feelings with renewed vigor. The desire to confess your love comes again. Inspiration appears to make nice gifts.

And the emotions in those moments when we saw each other after a long time are difficult to convey in words.

At the same time, being left alone with myself, I myself changed. I had to become more independent and responsible. It developed me as a person.

At first it was hard, but later my new qualities began to have a positive effect on our relationship. My husband feels better that I can now take on some of the decisions.

What are the dangers of separation from your loved one?

Since I was leaving and my dear one was staying at home, the situation looked completely different for us.

I had new acquaintances, new places, a change of scenery. Yes, I felt sad and lonely when I returned from work or went to bed. But mostly the emotions from traveling kept me from moping.

At the same time, for my, at that time still future husband, everything remained as before. Except I wasn't there. He came home alone, had dinner and breakfast alone. An ordinary life, burdened by loneliness.

So when I returned home, our moods did not coincide. He was depressed in a series of monotonous affairs. I came inspired by new impressions.

This resonance was reflected in relationships in the first days after arrival. I wanted another portion of emotions, but he couldn’t give it because he was mentally exhausted.

I am very glad that for such a long time, the question of betrayal did not arise for us. Although in such situations this often happens. Lovers, without seeing each other for a long time, can grow cold. There is more time to communicate with other people. And a lonely person in a company always attracts the opposite sex.

During this period, it became clear to me that in order to maintain a long-distance relationship, it is imperative to keep in touch: call or text every day. Undoubtedly, give positive emotions. And then relationships are not afraid of any distance.

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