How to maintain and strengthen good relationships with children. Eight useful tips on how to improve relationships with teenage children during the holidays Consultation on your relationship with children

Being a parent is not an easy job. You need to be prepared for such work in advance. Therefore, read specialized books, do not exclude psychological trainings and family therapy. Just remember that you need to contact qualified specialists with a good reputation.
Advice and theories are, of course, great, but each child needs his own individual approach. Build your relationship with your child, devote more time to him, interest him in the world around him, talk about everything, treat him as an equal, but remember that you must remain an authority and example in his eyes. We offer you some tips that you can use to build a harmonious relationship with your child:

Never yell at your child, much less raise your hand to him.
Remember, screaming and slapping are a signal of helplessness and weakness. You can forgive a child for crying, because he is small and helpless. But how can one justify shouting (let alone raising one’s hand) from an adult? Children perceive screaming parents as insecure, unstable people, which makes them scared. The child gets used to emotional reactions and uses them himself, so he begins to cry, kick the floor, and become hysterical. In most cases, emotional instability occurs in children whose parents do not know how to control themselves. Here are some tips on what you can do about it:
1. Agree with your child. If his refusals (to go for a walk, to eat, to go to school) make you hysterical, make him an offer that he cannot refuse. For example: if he quickly gets ready for a walk, then today he will be able to watch cartoons not for an hour, but for an hour and a half.
2. Don't react. The vast majority of children's tantrums are absolutely demonstrative in nature. This is how the child tries to evoke emotions in his parents. And you show that you are not interested and mind your own business. For example, read a magazine or book until your baby calms down.
3. Try to distract your child. The worst thing for parents is when the child begins to become hysterical public place. It is very difficult to control yourself when you see judgmental glances all around. But it is necessary. Firstly, whatever the problem, calm down yourself, take a deep breath, count to 10. Secondly, in this case the advice “not to react” and try to continue on is also relevant. But often this is almost impossible, because the child can break out. Then stop, be silent for a while, and then start telling your child some exciting story. He screams and kicks, and you quietly tell him about the uprising of the machines. Or show him something interesting that will definitely distract him. Of course, this may not always help, but perhaps over time, through trial and error, you will develop your own tactics.

Accept the fact that your child has a private life.
Over time, your child will have friends, crushes, his own companies, interests, etc. Parents really like to control all this, and sometimes start interrogations on the subject of “what kind of boy is this” and “where does his dad work.” Children, like adults, are not happy that the most intimate details of their relationships with peers are the subject of discussion. If you want your child to share his personal experiences and tell you about new acquaintances, start with yourself:
1. Establish friendly contact with your child. Try to speak not in a serious tone or moralizing, but lightly and naturally. Just ask: “So how are your new friends?” If he wants to, he will tell you; if he doesn’t want to, leave this topic for a while. And you can return to it, for example, after a few days: “Today I saw you walking with a pretty girl / how you and your friends were laughing at something (what?)” or “Your friend seems serious young person”... Even if this is not so, your child himself will refute it and this can begin a long confidential conversation.
2. Try never to speak badly about your child’s friends. This will undermine his trust both in you and in his own friends. If you are still sure that the company is bad, try to talk about it in a situation that is comfortable for both of you. Find out why these people attract your child, try to find an alternative. And remember, a ban without any trial is the worst option.
3. Let your child have his own personal space. Do not read his diaries, correspondence, enter his room only with a knock. Show your respect and the child will begin to respect your opinion. Personal territory is very important for children - otherwise they grow up to be neurotic.
4. And the most difficult thing for many parents - do not be afraid of the emerging sexuality of your teenage child and do not interfere in his first serious relationship. Here you need to be extremely careful, because any wrong step can have disastrous consequences. Ideally, of course, make friends with the object of his love. Invite them home, spend a little time together over a cup of tea, let them lock themselves in the room. This is fine. Of course, do not forget to give your child full information about sexual relations, contraception, the consequences of unprotected sex, etc. And remember - the correct presentation of information is the key to its correct assimilation.

Don't put pressure on your child and don't try to make him a genius.
This point may seem controversial to many. Psychologists believe that parental ambition is firmly entrenched in our mentality. For many parents, school success is a reflection of their own victories. Unfulfillment in life makes such fathers and mothers firmly believe that the child must be “the very best.” But the pressure put on him will play a cruel joke on the child: in the future he will not learn to take responsibility for himself, or will rebel, or develop the need to obligingly please everyone. And remember, “genius” is not a synonym for “happiness.”
Instead of requirements:
1. Accept your child for who he is. He may not rise above the “C” grade, and a gold medal will not shine for him, but he has other talents. Find out what he is interested in, what he does best, and guide him along that path.
2. Build the right psychology: studying is a child’s responsibility. The sooner the responsibility for grades hangs on his shoulders, the more independent and stronger he will become in the future. Studying is the same as work. You strive to ensure that your work is interesting to you and brings results. You also need to encourage your child to study.
3. Allow your child to always have the opportunity to turn to you for help, but never impose it or try to do everything for him. It is better to discuss together the works you have read, physical phenomena, chemical experiments, and geographical discoveries. Give your child a little additional interesting information, then he will better understand basic knowledge.
4. Don’t focus your child on grades. Our country has an unhealthy attitude towards children's academic performance. In Europe and America, at parent meetings they talk primarily about the child’s psychology and his personal qualities, only moving on to grades towards the end. Unfortunately, we cannot immediately rebuild the entire Russian education system, but we can help the child within the family.

These simple rules easy to remember, but can be difficult to implement. The main thing is that all your actions and words should be based on love, patience, respect and mutual understanding.

Hello everyone! Subject family relations has been relevant at all times. A family is a small state where wars can happen and peace can come. But, nevertheless, we need to try and work to ensure that everyone respects and understands each other. We all want to live in peace and harmony with our children, but unfortunately, not everything goes smoothly for everyone. Misunderstandings arise and eventually the relationship deteriorates. The task of any parent is to prevent a break in ties, but if this happens, to improve the relationship with the child. This is what we will talk about today.

All parents take care of their children every day: they feed, clothe, raise them, however, this is not always enough, there is one important point - trusting and good relationships. If tears and misunderstandings between children and adults have become frequent “guests” in the family, then it is necessary to carefully reconsider the relationship and understand what is going wrong.

Reasons for misunderstandings and quarrels with children

First of all, it’s worth understanding why there was a rift between parents and children; there are several most common options:

Strict discipline

Nobody says that a child should not have any prohibitions and restrictions; naturally, it is the parents who explain to the child what can be done and what should not be done. However, it is important to understand the difference between discipline and totalitarian control bordering on despotism. We often meet families where mothers and fathers believe that the child should obey them unquestioningly. But any boy or girl is, first of all, an individual with his own desires and feelings, so adults need to take into account the child’s opinion on every issue.

You shouldn’t give orders to your own child; it’s better to ask him to help him do something around the house. After all, an adult will not feel bad if he says the word “please” to his own child.

The misconception that a child should!

It turns out that for some reason children always end up owing money to their parents. Stop for a minute and think, why should a son or daughter? Nobody asked him that the baby should be born; it was a personal decision of the parents, and taking care of their own offspring is natural. You don’t have to always expect your child to thank you for the rest of his life just for giving him life. Of course, in a normal family with a kind attitude towards each other, the son or daughter themselves will want to help their parents, but this will happen from the heart, and not because the child is obliged and should. You shouldn’t expect gratitude from the child all the time and force him to do something through blackmail; the son or daughter should themselves want to help their parents.

Unjustified expectations

Often, parents begin to become dissatisfied with their own baby when they begin to compare him with other children on the playground. Well, how can you not be annoyed when your neighbor’s Makar can stand up for himself and knows the alphabet by heart, but your Timofey stands on the sidelines, can’t put together two words, or defend his toy property in a fight! It is important for parents to understand that they should never compare their own child with anyone; if you give yourself such an attitude from the very birth of the baby, then you will protect your own family from a huge number of mistakes and troubles.

Remember, your child is individual, he may not know the alphabet at three years old, not go to the potty at two, not recite poetry, be shy, be scared of big dogs and mustachioed men, but this does not mean that he is bad and will not grow out of him nothing worthwhile. You love your own child because you have one; only the faith of the parents and support in all endeavors will help the child become a full-fledged person. Do not compare your child with anyone else; he probably has his own talents and hobbies that simply need to be helped to open up.

Incommensurability of responsibilities

Discord in relationships often occurs due to the fact that the child has too many responsibilities. Sometimes parents do not require “great” help around the house, but entrust their child with, in addition to studying at school or going to school, kindergarten, a disproportionate number of children's sections. Try to be reasonable and decide with your child which clubs he would really like to go to!

You shouldn’t “tear” your child from a young age and “discourage” his desire to do anything at all. Be sure to leave your child time for free activities - simple walks, reading books and even playing on the computer, all this must be allowed to be done.

Disrespecting a child

Unfortunately, the older the child gets, the parents begin to demand more from him and do this most often in a disrespectful manner. No matter how old the baby is, you need to understand that he is a person and always respect his interests and take into account his opinion. Even a 2-3 year old child should be offered to choose clothes from several sets offered! Why force a child to eat an unloved soup - after all, you can simply allow him to eat only the main dish or prepare a small pot of noodles for him individually, which he loves so much. Respect your own child from an early age, listen to him and then it will pay off for you a hundredfold.

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How to improve your relationship with your child

If it happens that you feel like you and your child speak different languages, you can’t stand his presence for a long time, and any communication ends in swearing, then it’s still never too late to change the current situation for the better. So, what are the steps to a trusting relationship?

Support and trust!

Try to find the strength within yourself and find the right words to help your child get out of the situation, even if he was wrong. There is no need to arrange a public “analysis” of the situation, if your child is being scolded by strangers or a teacher, discuss the problem alone with other adults, and do not, under any circumstances, allow any stranger to yell at your child. Everything that your son or daughter did wrong - discuss it alone with him, find out why he did this, draw joint conclusions.

Interest

It wouldn’t be a bad idea for a mother to ask what her child’s hobbies are. In fact, even if you do not share your child’s hobbies and interests, try not to treat them with disdain, listen to why your daughter likes this particular musical group, and my son became interested in “shooting games” on the computer. Of course, there is no need to be intrusive, but showing interest and delving into the essence of your son or daughter’s life will be the right decision.

Show your child also that you yourself are a versatile person, ready for new discoveries and adventures. Who said that a mother cannot complete the course at the ropes park along with her son? And catch a carp or pass a difficult level in computer game. Children are always proud to tell their peers that they have great parents, this is especially valuable in adolescence.

Down with moralizing, in favor of dialogue!

Try to shorten long moral lectures about the meaning of life, household responsibilities, and learning lessons. Try to convey your child's requests briefly. It’s better if the family becomes a tradition of long conversations on topics that are pleasant for everyone, discuss the vacation plan for the coming weekend, decide how to make a nice renovation, what to give to loved ones for the holidays. Also try to note every day 5 positive things and events that happened to each family member during the day, this way you will focus your attention and more often notice all the good things that happen around you.

Hugs and affection

It is very easy to hug and kiss a small child; you want to do this all the time, but the older the child gets, the more he moves away from his parents. Yes, and sometimes mom and dad don’t really want to squeeze the angular teenager who just pretends to be dissatisfied with everything. Make it a rule to hug your son or daughter at least 5 times a day; most likely, he will be surprised and feel awkward at first. However, after just a few days, this will become an excellent habit and will soften the not-so-good relationship between you.

No matter what happens in life around you, always support your son or daughter and then your parents will be the most important people you can always turn to. More respect for each other, understanding, and most importantly, acceptance of the child with all his shortcomings. Love your son or daughter simply because you have him or her. Then you will not ask yourself the question of how to improve your relationship with your child. Try to listen to him and then you will also be heard, trust your child and then he will answer you in kind!

Photobank Lori

Trust is the child’s initial attitude towards the world. But children's trust is often met with deception, misunderstanding and ridicule. Gradually, the child learns to close himself off from others, hide his feelings, and be skeptical about what he is told. At the same time, the baby begins to understand: some people are trustworthy, while others are not. The “lone wolf”, who does not have a soul mate to whom he can “confess” his actions, feels deeply unhappy. This is the basis.

In order for a child to have the opportunity to openly express his feelings, it is necessary to give him confidence that he will be understood. If parents are not too attentive to the child’s feelings and are in no hurry to become his friend, the child’s feelings “hide” and thus accumulate, being forced out of consciousness. Over time, the “distance” of parents can result in various psycho-emotional deviations in children: phobias, depression, aggression, anxiety, shyness, tearfulness, etc.

A person’s entire life in society is built around communications. This is why it is so important to teach a child to communicate from childhood. Relationships with parents and close relatives in this case will be the best prototype of “adult” communicative and trusting relationships with people.

How parents can build trusting relationships with children

1. The relationship between parents and children should be as open as possible: express your feelings directly and always be ready for dialogue with the child. To express your feeling, you must first be aware of it. Ask yourself: what am I feeling right now? Having mentally answered this question, tell your child about it with the so-called “I-statement”: I feel that I am starting to get irritated, angry, anxious, worried, or I am very happy, I am pleased, joyful, cheerful, etc. It is important to express everything feelings, regardless of their color - both positive and negative. It usually takes time for parents to learn to use “I” statements. If you use this method regularly, very soon tension, elements of confrontation and hostility will disappear between parents and child, and mutual trust in each other will increase. If parents hide their true feelings and desires from their child, then he will not be able to learn to understand his emotions.

2. Child psychology speaks of the need for constant, but veiled instillation of certain behavioral images. on the expression of feelings: it is important that the baby learns to express them not aggressively (with tantrums, screaming and slamming the door, throwing things), but calmly, with the help of words.

Boys, for example, are often told: men don’t cry. Most psychologists do not recommend using this educational template in relation to a child, because tears are a way to relieve emotional stress. Thanks to tears, children manage to throw out the energetic clot of feelings that overwhelms the soul. “Locking” feelings inside is harmful to the baby’s psyche. Gradually teach your child to verbalize his feelings instead of “crying it out.” First, we reflect the fact: “I see that you are crying.” Secondly, we ask: “Why/what do you feel, explain in words, please. It will make you feel better, and I can certainly help you.”

3. Solve your psychological problems without making your child their “hostage”. Sometimes it is not possible to establish a close emotional connection with a child; the reason for this may be the immaturity of feelings and character, or the imbalance of an adult. This situation is typical for those parents who did not have a trusting relationship with their own parents in childhood. In this case, it is better for adults to seek help from a psychologist so that he can professionally help find the main barrier to child-parent trust.

4. Whatever information the child “brings” to you, try not to immediately evaluate it, do not rush to criticize his mistakes and mistakes. Let him know that he can tell you everything and always, that you are a reliable friend who will regret, support, and advise.

The emotional development of a child is no less important than the intellectual development. A child must not only have a good memory and read, but also understand the feelings of other people, be able to establish relationships with them, and empathize. Trust in relationships with loved ones will help the child develop these necessary skills, and parents will always be aware of events in the child’s life that are important to him.

We often hear or read the phrase: “Children are the flowers of life.” They are probably compared to flowers, because they need to be constantly looked after, cared for, and raised. You remember the child's first words, first steps. Often there is nostalgia for those days when the baby was so loving, innocent, longing for your hugs and kisses. It is difficult for you to get used to the idea that time flies, children have grown up or become adults. But for you, your child will forever remain a child.

As the child ages, our relationship with him also changes. The most important thing for a strong, trusting relationship with children is to give them your love, offer support, while at the same time respecting their choices, their decisions. What makes us most happy is the children’s successes and their desire to share their plans and achievements with us. But bad relationships with children hurt the most. In our article we bring to your attention several recommendations on how to preserve the love and respect of children.

1. Respect the privacy of a child, especially a teenager

Don't ask questions, don't eavesdrop on phone conversations, don't read your diary. If you have concerns about your child's behavior, ask directly. It is advisable to use the following phrase: “Can we talk about this?”

2. Have dinner/breakfast as a family

Often breakfast or dinner is the only opportunity to get together as a family and feel like one. During breakfast, try not just to eat, but to find out each other’s plans for the day, plan joint activities and simply find out about your well-being, mood, and activities. And during dinner, share news, listen to each other, enjoy communication with loved ones. Studies have shown that teenagers who have dinner with their parents study better, are less likely to use alcohol and drugs, and are less likely to smoke.

3. Ask your child’s opinion

As you know, teenagers, like all people, have their own opinions about everything in the world. There is no need to interfere with children making independent decisions. Let them choose what to wear, where to go, what to do in their free time from studying, where to study, etc. But you still need to remember that some decisions are discussed, certain rules are adopted regarding academic performance requirements, regulation of drinking and sex life, time to return home, etc. Naturally, the teenager’s opinion should be taken into account. When disagreements arise, it is necessary to seek a compromise.

4. Living space

If possible, provide each household member with a separate room. You will always be nearby, but at the same time, you will not disturb your loved ones. This greatly promotes love and respect.

5. Be close, but don't interrupt

As a rule, teenagers prefer to spend more time with their peers than with their parents. But this does not reduce your responsibility for the fate of the child. You must find ways to be unobtrusively involved in his life. Invite your child’s friends to visit, get to know them better, and take part in the school parent committee. Keeping abreast of your child's affairs at this age is difficult, but it is very important for good relationships, especially in the future.

6. Trust your children

Naturally, like all people, they sometimes make the wrong decisions. If the child has already reached adulthood, allow him to solve his own problems, even make mistakes. But always be ready to help. Remember yourself at his age, because you expected the same from your parents.

7. Learn to warn about your visits

Do not enter a teenager's room without knocking and without permission. If the children are adults and live separately, never visit them without first arranging a visit.

8. Ask your teenager to evaluate his opinion

Share your thoughts about life with your child, ask his opinion. In this case, it will be difficult for him to ignore your point of view. Most likely, during such conversations the teenager will become more reasonable.

9. Get used to the fact that life is constantly changing.

Live in the moment that suits your age. Be an expert in your field. Of course, you can’t do without the Internet. This will earn your teenager's respect. The main thing is not to think that twenty years ago life was kinder, more intelligent, cleaner.

10. Be honest with children

Sincere praise or criticism, when justified, builds trust in you.

Don't forget the simple rules:

Help children, don't impose your services.

Comfort in grief, and do not pry into the soul.

Share your experiences, but understand that they themselves will make all the important decisions in their lives.

Children should know, feel and understand that you love them, that they mean a lot to you, that you will always help them or give them valuable advice without imposing your point of view.