– What are the main reasons for divorce today?

- The reason is impatience modern man. We know that family life is about patience. The main reason for divorces is also a lack of communication and attention to each other.

Usually, divorce is not done so spontaneously: it hit the head, and they went for a divorce. People don’t understand that marriage is a great value; they don’t see this in their union, in their relationships. They think: if you have a car, you can change it, if you have a wife, you can change it. And the second is lack of patience.

Before the revolution it was a service. It was a very serious project: when people served each other, when people had to survive. People had to ensure their life in our harsh, very difficult climate, which depended on the harvest, crop failure, and on whether the Lord would send a drought or a fertile year. Provide yourself with a pension fund as children. Because if you don’t educate them, teach them to work, to honor their father and mother, then no state will feed you later. The husband had to take care of his wife. There is an expression: “Love your wife like a horse.” If a person was horseless, he was considered the poorest and poorest peasant. And again, the words of the Apostle Paul: husbands, take care of your wives as you take care of your own body.

– You say: marriage is always a risk. How to minimize it?

– Indeed, there is always a risk. Getting married also comes with risks. Even under ideal starting conditions, when both the family and parents are very good, people are Orthodox, church people, they protected virginity, purity before marriage, they want to live according to the commandments of God, they have parental experience - they also have risks.

Do you think that a family is when two people rent an apartment, live together, share a bed, and have a common fund? Nothing like this. And the state calls it cohabitation; the Church doesn’t consider it a family, but women do! They even buy rings for themselves. Although in reality most men do not consider them wives. That's why we have more married people than married people. 80% of women believe that they are married, 90% of men believe that they are not married. That is, in fact, these are family games.

The first thing I want to recommend. Marriage is a very serious relationship, and it needs to be viewed this way: no matter what my mood is, how I feel, whether love has left or not, everything needs to be done to preserve and save the family.

The second thing I want to say is that we need to turn to our values, which are set out in the Bible and the Gospel. We have such a clear hierarchy: my closest relative comes first, then my parents. First you must solve problems with your wife, console and calm her down, and then take care of your parents.

The third thing we can recommend: family hierarchy, which is also half-forgotten, especially in countries where feminism is developed, spouses are considered as equal partners. A very big problem is male infantilism, the absence of masculinity. Women are to blame for this, wives are to blame for their behavior; before wives, mothers pampered a man, did everything for him, did not allow him to make any decision. Men cease to be men if they are not treated as men.

Dad is like the shadow of Hamlet's father

– Today you mentioned one of the reasons for family destruction: violence. What happens to a child who constantly sees scandals in the family?

- Of course, this has a big impact. The fact is that we don’t even realize how much childhood psychotrauma can affect us later. Children should grow up in an atmosphere of love; they should be protected in every possible way, even from unkind words, reproaches, and barbs towards each other. It is clear that a man will treat his wife in the same way as dad treated his mother. The example of your father is very strong and very serious, he is the most important person in your life, he will unconsciously influence you all your life, like the shadow of Hamlet’s father, he will follow you all the time.

– Does it happen that in an established family one of the spouses is a more mature person?

- This happens often. Of course, a more favorable option is when the wife is immature. Still, it happens that a wife suffers from infantilism; she was the only child in the family, and the husband is from a large family. This is normal, her husband takes her under his wing, takes care of her upbringing, and develops her as a person. They learn a lot in the process.

When the wife is more mature, and the husband comes from an incomplete family, was raised by a single mother, did not receive the proper upbringing, an example, one can also seriously influence. What can a wife do? The wife’s task is to encourage her husband and praise him. When he begins to take the first timid steps, help him: you will succeed, you can do everything.

When a wife lives only her husband's life

– When a person gets married, he often loses his individuality. How to preserve yourself, your abilities and talents in the family?

– What are we talking about here? That they dissolve into each other. A strong husband, successful - and his wife begins to live his life. Or, for example, he is a writer or an artist, and she devotes her whole life only to him.

There are several options. If people were very sociable before, but now they communicate with each other and they don’t really need anyone outside their little world - he, she and children - there is nothing wrong with that. This happens often.

It's another matter when a person really begins to lose himself. For example, the husband is a man of art who still suffers from high self-esteem and considers himself great. He believes that the wife should leave everything. For example, I had examples that he is a poet, bard, musician, and his wife has an acting education, and he, apparently, wanted her to completely dissolve in him. And she also had her own creative ambitions, she really didn’t like it, and because of this they had serious conflicts. I think that if two people are such bright personalities, you need to give everyone the opportunity to develop.

Don't be afraid of a psychologist

– In a family that is on the verge of divorce, how should parents behave?

– If such a situation happens in a family, parents should not take sides. They should pray for the family if they cannot help. Try to support both spouses, try to inspire them: we love you both, you are both dear to us, we are very worried about you, we are ready to help you, assist you if you want. And it’s very good when they tell their spouses something good about each other. It’s not how it happens: a mother tells her son what a bad wife he has, she was seen there, she doesn’t help with that, she doesn’t care. It is clear that this is not love of any kind, this is selfishness, jealousy, maternal pride.

– Do you often have to refer couples to a psychologist?

– I very often refer people to psychologists. A priest has the ability to pray purely for a person; he has other means for solving family problems. A priest also has very serious disadvantages - for example, a chronic lack of time. Any serious conflict requires not a one-time visit, but rather serious work, a conversation of about an hour or an hour and a half, and it is rare that a priest has that amount of time. Therefore, the priest sometimes plays the role of such a local therapist. I think every priest should refer him to a psychologist; he should not be afraid of this. It is very good when he has familiar specialists in whom he is confident. Because psychologists are different.

– As a confessor at the School of the Family, what problems do you solve, what families can come to you?

– The center’s website has all the coordinates. It is located very conveniently, on Okhotny Ryad. The helpline there is free, and you can use it to get initial advice and help. We have had many joint projects. The most important thing is that it is a family school. Once a year we give a course of lectures, distribute books, manuals, CDs, record it all, then post it on the Internet. There is an opportunity to work with people individually and help them resolve some issues.

Psychologists from this center work at our Church of Peter and Fevronia in Maryino. We give lectures on an important topic: a “young fighter course” for those who want to start a family. Some people create a family after this and resolve family problems.

“priest Pavel Gumerov “HE and SHE” Preface Part I. Male and female The bitter fruits of emancipation “Generals” in skirts Just generals Daughters - mothers We choose, we are chosen...”

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priest Pavel Gumerov

"He and she"

Preface

Part I. Male and female

The bitter fruits of emancipation

"Generals" in skirts

Just generals

Daughters - mothers

We choose, we are chosen

Female and male logic

White handkerchiefs

Women's happiness - if only a sweetheart were nearby...

What does a man want?

Fathers and mothers

I do not like …

Humiliated and insulted

Part II. Preparing for marriage. How not to make a mistake

Apology for marriage

What is love?

Love

About love

How to get to know each other better?

About mistakes I can’t bear to get married Part III. Husband and wife “Thou hast placed crowns on their heads”

Head of the family Family life Getting ready for married life Debriefing “You shouldn’t bend to a changing world” or the benefits of marital abstinence through fasting.

Traffic rules General interests “The Weakest Vessel”

Take care men!

Heavenly patrons of marriage About happiness.

Part IV. Family storms “Ideal image” or a living person?

Once again about conflicts Everyday affairs About disputes Crises The seventh commandment Passion means suffering Believers and non-believers Mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law Monastery in the world Conclusion Preface We are all very different. Everyone has their own heredity, character, upbringing, education. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult for us to find a common language and come to an agreement. But people are still divided into men and women. The difference between them is simply huge.

Sometimes it seems that these are creatures from different worlds.

Man and woman are mirror opposites of each other.

But we live on the same planet, and the continuation of life on Earth depends on the interaction of the male and female sexes.

This means that we simply need to learn to understand each other.

Why did God create male and female? What does a woman expect from a man and a man from a woman? How can we come to mutual understanding and love? I try to find answers to these and other questions in this book.

When a person approaches a priest and asks to help him understand a difficult family situation, you are often faced with the fact that the questioner does not perceive well what you are telling him. He stands, listens, but somehow with half an ear, as if it’s not about him.

This happens because people don’t want to see: what is their fault and how to correct the situation, starting with themselves. But when such a person reads a book and sees a description of a similar case, he joyfully exclaims: “It’s just written about me!”

The printed word sometimes works better than a long conversation, as it allows you to look at yourself from the outside. I really hope that my humble work will benefit someone.

In my book I often resort to the experience of psychology. Among pious Orthodox Christians, the attitude towards psychology is, to put it mildly, wary. And this is largely true. Taking advantage of the fact that people are now spiritually disoriented, psychoanalysts, especially in the West, have usurped the functions of confessors. People have a need to speak out, to remove a burden from their souls and want to get advice. But they often go not to church, but to a psychoanalyst. But no psychologist has the power to bind and solve human sins. A person will never completely solve his spiritual problems if he does not turn to God. It’s also good if the psychologist is a believer and can direct a person to church.

Today, bookstores are replete with books on psychoanalysis and self-knowledge. But psychology is different. In addition to the works of Sigmund Freud, in addition to manuals on astrological and occult psychology, in addition to books on how to love yourself and learn to manipulate people, there are also quite normal books. They are based on a good knowledge of human behavior, psychotherapy, and psychiatry.

However, these books also need to be read with great consideration. Psychology has accumulated considerable experience that can be used “for peaceful purposes.” Even many priests could use some psychological knowledge. A lot of disciplines are taught at the seminary, a large amount of knowledge is given, but psychology and pedagogy are studied very little.

Secular psychologists make one big mistake. They completely discount the concepts: spirit, soul, passion, sin. It’s as if they don’t exist for them. They explain the processes occurring in the human soul only from a psychophysiological point of view, describe details (sometimes very skillfully), but do not see the whole picture. They seem to wander around a dark room, stumble upon objects, feel them and say: “This is a chair, here is a table.” But they are not allowed to see the whole room. Therefore, it would be very good to combine those valuable developments that undoubtedly exist in psychology with the experience of the Church. After all, everything has been said long ago in the Holy Scriptures and the works of the holy fathers. How can we live, how to overcome sin within ourselves and love our neighbor, how to find happiness in the family.

–  –  –

Before we start talking about how to find family happiness and avoid conflicts in the family, it is necessary to at least briefly talk about how we differ from each other.

What are the features of the male and female psyche and what is the purpose of a man and a woman?

Man and woman. Two completely different creatures.

It's no secret that people, despite their external similarity:

arms, legs, head are strikingly different from each other according to gender. And the point here is not even in the structure of the body, not in physiology, but in the fact that men and women are able to think and feel completely differently. On the topic of men's and female psychology a huge number of works have been written. There are many theories trying to explain the behavior and thinking of men and women. Among them there are many completely absurd ones, either saying that sexual differences were necessary as the engine of evolution, or comparing men and women with males and females. Moreover, male infidelities and promiscuity in them are explained by the desire of the male to impregnate as many females as possible. And in these constructions, women are assigned the unenviable role of a meat and dairy farm for the production of offspring. Well, as they say, whoever hurts, talks about it. The main mistake is that researchers of this problem consider man only a higher animal, albeit a very complex and intelligent one, but still a beast. Man, unlike animals, has a mind, an immortal soul and a completely different calling.

What is the true purpose of the male and female sex, and what do men and women want from each other?

We will not delve into the jungle of psychology and psychoanalysis. Moreover, the answer to this question was given a long time ago, even before the birth of all human civilizations. Let us open the greatest book ever written, the Bible.

It is known that God created the first man Adam, and then Eve. “And the Lord God said:

It is not good for man to be alone; let us create for him a helper suitable for him. And the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep: and when he fell asleep, he took one of his ribs and covered that place with flesh. And the man said: “This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she will be called wife, for she was taken from her husband” (Gen. 2:18-23). There are many interpretations on this topic, one of which says that the word “rib” in Hebrew has several meanings and can be translated as the edge, the side of male nature; and it was from this that woman was created. But all this is not so important, what is important is that woman was not created as an independent being, but was taken from her husband. The following is said about the wife: “And your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3.

16). Let us accept this as an axiom, for everything that is said in the Bible about the relationship between a man and a woman is the truth, verified by the many thousands of years of human history. What does this have to do with the mystery of the behavior of men and women? The most direct.

These words of Scripture help answer a very important question: “What does a woman want from a man and what does a man, in turn, want from a woman?” At the beginning of this chapter it was already said that the way of thinking and behavior of creatures of different sexes have very little in common with each other. I think everyone knows the expression “female logic”. Of course, men came up with this phrase, and this happened because they could not understand that men and women in the same situation think and behave completely differently. And this is a very big problem. A man, trying to understand a woman, tries to take her place, but he fails, because... he is a man, not a woman.

As a result, he declares that women's thinking is irrational, illogical, and that a woman is, in principle, incapable of normal thinking. The same thing happens when a woman tries to understand men. Everyone looks from their own bell tower. All this is very disturbing, especially in marriage. So, let's try to penetrate this mystery. I would like to warn you right away that we will not be talking about specific representatives of the male and female sex, because this world is very diverse, but about the general laws of nature, which are inherent by nature in the psyche of men and women. The words of God addressed to Eve: “... your desire is for your husband,” express the essence of female behavior towards a man. In female nature there is initially, genetically, love and attraction to her husband, and dependence on him. I dare say more: a man is not capable of loving the way a woman loves. Second: a woman’s calling is to be a mother. “A woman... is saved through childbearing,” Holy Scripture tells us (1 Tim. 2.15). And these two desires: to be a mother and the desire for a man as a strong, strong being who can give her protection, support and support are inherent in the nature of every woman. And this desire is not only and not so much conscious as unconscious.

Even if a woman does not want to have children at all, even if she has devoted her whole life to the struggle for the ideals of feminism, equality and equality of women with men, you cannot trample against nature, as they say. I'll try to explain.

The bitter fruits of emancipation It is absolutely known: when a woman begins to fight for equality with men, this means that she is not happy in her personal life. This whole struggle is a powerless protest against an unfulfilled fate and a secret desire for simple female happiness.

One day, Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov was invited by the famous public figure Ekaterina Lakhova to speak to women in the State Duma. And so one and a half thousand women, parliamentarians, and government representatives from all over Russia gathered in the Duma hall. This is what Father Dimitri said: “By hairstyles, by figures, by appearance I saw that these were all very strong, powerful women. And Ekaterina Filippovna herself, in the Russian expression, will stop a galloping horse or an elephant. For some time, when they were performing, I thought, what should I say to them? And then it dawned on me, and I turned to them: “Dear women! All of you here advocated for equality with men, talked about politics, about emancipation. But imagine for a second that in a week you will meet a man, a real knight, who is physically, mentally and in all qualities stronger, more noble than you. And he will say: “I love you, drop everything and follow me.” And I'm sure any of you will go. A groan echoed throughout the hall. And then a voice echoed from the audience: “Yes!!!” And then Fr. Dimitri said: “Yes, you see, this is normal, this is understandable. You entered politics according to your qualities. But this happened because your personal life did not work out. You are either single, divorced, or your husband is not a match for you. This explains everything.”1) The basis, the root of the emancipation and the feminist movement is not the struggle against men in general, but a sort of subconscious protest against men’s inadequacy and weakness. In ancient times, a man simply could not afford to be weak (although there were, of course, exceptions). Life was like that. Hunting, wars, difficult living conditions. He earned bread by the sweat of his brow and then guarded it with weapons in his hands. Men and women remembered their purpose. With the destruction of the traditional foundations of society, with the decline of faith and morality, people began to forget about this. In the 18th century the bloody French Revolution took place. It was then that women's emancipation was born. Of course, both women and men had a hand in this. Men with their weakness and connivance. Women with their pride and stupidity. But the female sex itself suffered the most from this. But what they fought for, as they say, is what they ran into. General emancipation gave rise to the cult " strong woman"sort of "Amazon"

and this has led to the fact that there are very few real strong men left.

The male gender was crushed. After all, being strong next to a powerful, independent, strong-willed woman is very difficult; the bar is very high. Emancipation gave rise to other evils.

Infantilism. Many males liked to depend on a woman for everything, first on their mother, then on their wife. Their ideal of the “femme fatale” was precisely an emancipated, strong, dominant woman. This type of woman commands respect from them.

But if such an “infant” marries such an “emancipe,” there will be no happiness in such a marriage. The wife very soon begins to be annoyed by her husband’s weak character, she wants completely different behavior from him, she is disappointed, begins to get irritated, “fight” with her husband, and he accepts all this exactly the opposite. Not as a disappointment in his masculinity, but as a manifestation of the strength and determination of her character. Of course, such behavior is unworthy of a man and borders on perversion, but, unfortunately, this model of behavior is not uncommon in our time. This is what a woman has done in her quest to be “manly.”

Emancipation is not an elevation, but a humiliation of a woman, for it is a denial of her essence, her beautiful and great destiny, to be the keeper of peace and love in the family and the vessel in which a new life is born.

Each gender has its own functions, unique to it. And the Lord arranged it this way, not only the physical nature, but also the psyche, the soul of each sex responded, served its purpose. A woman can wear men's clothes, do men's work (maybe even quite well), but she can never think like a man, feel like a man, a woman's soul cannot become masculine. Yes, women have always been dependent on men. This has been the case at all times, among all peoples. The theory that matriarchy existed somewhere in some society is nothing more than a historical tale. There is no serious evidence of this.* But a man never experiences the joys that are given to a woman - motherhood, the ability to love and feel like that. That's why he's a man.

*The hypothesis about the existence of an allegedly matriarchal society in history was first put forward in the 19th century by the Swiss legal scholar Jacob Bachofen, who was neither a historian nor an archaeologist. He compiled his work "Mother's Right" using Egyptian and Greek myths. Later, the myth of matriarchy was happily taken up by Marxists, in particular Engels. Modern researchers do not find any serious evidence of the matriarchal hypothesis. For those interested in this problem, I advise you to read Stella Jorgudi’s article “The Creation of the Myth of Matriarchy”, published in the book “The History of Women in the West.” S.p b. 2005, T.I.

“Generals” in skirts I think many people are familiar with the picture: a wife with a powerful, strong-willed character, a kind of “general” in a skirt, commands her husband. At the same time, she develops vigorous activity, fussing, trying to drag everyone at home into this bustle. She has a very low opinion of her husband, as a weak-willed, weak person who cannot make any decision. She constantly nags him for this, although when she got married, this state of affairs suited her. In this situation, the husband is usually guided by the principle: “Sail my boat according to the will of the waves.” That is, nothing can be fixed, and therefore we must live with minimal losses. He doesn’t want to change, but from his wife’s attacks he hides in the company of friends, throws himself into work or spends time watching TV and the computer. And it seems like he has no choice but to fight with his grumpy wife. The example is, so to speak, classic. What can I say? Does this situation suit your wife? Outwardly, she may seem happy. Her power ambitions are satisfied. But more often than not, the wife swears and gets angry at her husband precisely because she is not at all happy with this position (which she, however, chose herself). And this makes her lose her temper.

She is already tired of being a commander and pulling the family cart; she wants something completely different - support, care, attention from her husband. All these desires are inherent in the nature of any woman. Every person, including women, has two layers, two levels, in their psyche. Consciousness and subconsciousness. The role, the game that a woman plays (maybe all her life) has little in common with what she really wants. So, due to her character and many other circumstances, she consciously wants to look after and command her husband, to be his mother, but unconsciously, by female instinct, she wants to be weak and defenseless herself, she wants to trust someone, rely on someone.

A woman, no matter what role she takes on, is always a woman. As they say in one famous film: “After all, I’m just a woman, and then I’m Yaga.” If she had married a real man at one time, that is, her life had taken place in different circumstances, everything could have been different. In order not to be unfounded, I will give one example. I recognized a girl who had a very obstinate character. In addition, she was a big fan of arguing. To be honest, I thought that if my friend got married, she would have serious problems. She also got married after long disputes with relatives who did not really want this marriage. Thank God she was lucky with her husband. He turned out to be a strong, independent and responsible person. After a few years, I simply didn’t recognize her. She became a loving, obedient wife and caring mother.

The fact is that women, unlike men, are much more mobile and can get used to and adapt to changing living conditions. What oppresses and changes a woman can break a man. This quality is inherent in her, again from God.

Firstly, in all centuries and times, women depended on men; they simply needed to change and adapt to the will of their rulers. Secondly, the lives of men have always been at great risk. He defended his wife and family, often at the cost of his life, fought wild animals while hunting, fought, and his wives very often remained widows. And the woman had to raise children, feed them, getting used to new conditions, overcoming difficulties. After the Great Patriotic War, when less than half of the men returned from the front, it was women who had to raise their families and rebuild the destroyed country. A woman is limited in her choice of husband. She says either “yes” or “no” to anyone who asks for her hand in marriage. It has always been this way. If a woman were less flexible and resilient, she simply would not survive among men. A common situation: a man loses his job and starts drinking and becomes depressed. In this case, the woman finds a new one, retrains, works two jobs at once, but rarely loses heart. A woman is a mother, she thinks about children, family, lives and survives for them, overcoming all difficulties. Therefore, a woman has a greater ability to adapt; she is ready to get used to new conditions, and not break or change them at any cost. Therefore, you can change a woman only by changing the conditions and changing yourself. A woman is not a conqueror, she only equips and cultivates what has been conquered by men.

But let's return to our “generals”. Of course, the situation is abnormal, because a woman takes on a role that is unusual for her. Psychologists say that a woman’s directiveness and authority is a sign of her dissatisfaction with the life she leads. No matter what such women say, they want to see in a man strong man, who is able to take the situation into his own hands and even sometimes tell her “NO!”

However, here you need not to overdo it, because the main thing a woman needs is the caring protection of a man whom she can trust. That is, advice to the husband in such a situation: “be a man, she is waiting for this!” But the main problem here is not with the wife, but, as a rule, with the husband. Such husbands most often do not want to change anything. There are many reasons for this.

First: change is hard, especially for a weak man; being strong is much harder for him than being henpecked. Very often, men choose such wives for themselves, since his mother has exactly the same commanding character. The boy found himself a second mother.

Since childhood, he has become accustomed to the fact that in kindergarten, at school, and at home he was led by women and he does not want to change anything. This is an alarming symptom, since there will be no peace and tranquility in such a marriage. After all, at least one of the parties is not satisfied with this situation.

To be fair, it must be said that if the wife wants to change the situation, then her behavior must also change, but we’ll talk more about this in the chapter “Family Storms.”

Fortunately, there are situations that are not hopeless, when both husband and wife are very tired of all this and they finally understand what they want from each other. Then God help them.

–  –  –

Father Dimitry Smirnov, talking a lot with military people, noticed an interesting thing:

generals, strict military commanders, who in service can bark so loudly that the whole system will shake, at home they allow their wives to command, lead or take care of them. Husbands even like it. In the service, they are so tired of giving instructions and orders that in the family they want someone to decide something for them, to do something. At the same time, peace and harmony reign in the family. This situation completely suits both parties. The generals already know that they are real men, and the wives are sure that when necessary, they can always rely on their faithful ones, they are only so gentle in the little things, and when necessary, they will take the initiative into their own hands and make the right decision. I observed the same picture in the families of some venerable archpriests and rectors of churches.

If a man is strong, he doesn’t have to prove it with foam at the mouth, he’d rather prove it with action.

In general, the wives of military men and priests are a separate issue. They can only be compared with the wives of the Decembrists. After all, not every wife will wander with her husband all over the country, without permanent housing, live in garrisons, military camps on a meager salary, or help her husband restore a destroyed church in a remote village in some distant diocese.

Daughters - Mothers Let's consider another very important reason why a woman is attracted to a man and wants him to be responsible, strong, courageous, decisive, independent and at the same time caring.

A woman is looking not only and not so much for a husband, but also a father for her future children. She often does this unconsciously; perhaps there is no thought about children in his head. A woman feels in her nature that all of the above properties of a real man will be necessary not only for her, but for the entire family. Left without a husband, or without one at all, it is extremely difficult for a woman to raise and raise children, and not only because of lack of funds.

A woman's motherhood manifests itself in her entire being. For example, at first glance it seems that a woman is inherently commercial. What do women usually talk about (which men avoid so much)? About home preparations, about some household things, about who bought which washing machine, who treated children with what, etc. But all these themes are not at all a sign of a woman’s down-to-earthness, but an underlying concern for the family, for children, real or subconscious. Children are the greatest happiness for a mother; she cannot remember herself from joy.

It is generally impossible to communicate normally with young mothers. They can’t talk except about undershirts, nipples, and what her precious little one has learned to do.

All feminine properties and qualities, one way or another, serve the maternal purpose of a woman. For example, her ability to adapt to changing conditions and survive in them. She knows that if something happens, taking care of the family will fall on her shoulders. Even “female egoism” (which, by the way, is a purely male term) is a woman’s subconscious concern for herself as a mother and mistress of the house.

The maternal instinct can be directed by a woman not only at children, but also at some other object, for example, in an exaggerated form at her husband; this, as a rule, harms herself. We have already touched on this topic in the chapter “Generals in Skirts.”

We choose, we are chosen It so happens that, due to her destiny, a woman is almost free from decision-making. This shows up in everything. The man chooses his bride, the woman can only say “yes” or “no”. This, of course, can also be called a solution, but it is not. To understand what a decision is, let’s turn to the “Dictionary of General Psychology”: “Decision making

– the act of forming a sequence of actions leading to achieving a goal based on the analysis of initial information in a situation of uncertainty.” Simply put, a decision is a consistently developed plan of action that leads to an end goal. And such a decision is given to a woman with great difficulty. The ability to think logically, consistently, quickly and correctly make decisions is more common in men.

Even if a woman is specially taught logic, strategy and tactics, for example, taught to play chess, under equal conditions she will not play like a man. In this sport, professional men's and women's tournaments are held separately.

A woman by nature is always more inclined to ask for advice than to make a decision on her own.

Life puts a woman in certain circumstances, and she must either agree with them (as usually happens) or not. Dear ladies especially need to know this in order to avoid making a very big mistake when getting married. For it is known that a woman lives more by her feelings, sensations and emotions than by her mind. So, having made a mistake once, you can simply cross out your entire life.

Priests and psychotherapists know how painful and difficult it is for a woman to make any decision. When you tell her: “I gave you advice, and the rest depends only on you, no one will make this decision for you.” How long can she then not make up her mind, and sometimes she completely leaves everything as it is, until life itself dots all the i’s.

Managers and bosses know very well how difficult it is for women to make any work decisions, how they constantly wait for instructions from men. And, believe me, there is nothing wrong with this. It’s just women’s nature and psyche. A man makes a decision and bears the full burden of responsibility for it, and a woman is a very good performer.

But if the decision is made incorrectly, it is not the woman who will feel ashamed. Any church rector knows that it is easier to work with women; they are always more diligent, careful, and obliging. A man is the brain, he decides, he can explain very well and draw up a plan, but the active, creative side is the privilege of women. This cannot be taken away from them.

Women always respect men who know how to make decisions and this is what they expect from their husbands.

Enough interesting fact that it is easier for a mother without a father to raise a daughter than a son, and not only because the boy needs his father’s authority. A boy, although small, is already a man, he can easily subjugate his mother, force her to act according to his desires, whims, he can begin to decide everything for her.

Even when a woman seems to be making decisions, she, again, as a rule, only agrees or disagrees with the proposed conditions. For example, her husband left her - she can only come to terms with it, or vice versa; she left her husband for another man, again someone else decides for her.

But someone might object, what about our “iron ladies” – female politicians?

Firstly, politicians have not decided anything for a long time. They simply voice decisions that a small group of people makes for them. Let's call it "World Government", and I'm sure there are no women there. Secondly, women begin to engage in politics, which they understand nothing about and which they are largely indifferent to, when they want to prove that they are in no way inferior to men. And here they really don’t need to make decisions. Well, what about the Russian empresses, who seemed to rule a huge power, marched armies, won battles?

First. There may be exceptions to every rule. Second. Next to the empresses there were always men who actually led the state and made decisions. The most striking examples are Anna Ioannovna and the rule of temporary workers and Catherine II with her many favorites.

It so happened, both essentially and historically, that in the state, in society and in the Church, decisions are made by men. And they generally do it well.

All this places a special responsibility on the man; his decisions concern not only himself, but also the woman for whom he made this decision. Let me be understood correctly; I don’t want to say that a woman has no free will at all, the right to choose. God gave this to us and it cannot be taken away from anyone, even from a death row prisoner in solitary confinement. But choice and decision are two different things, this must be remembered.

What conclusion can be drawn from all this, and what advice can be given to women? Men are better at making decisions, trust them to do it. And thank God if there is a decisive, wise man next to you who is responsible for his decisions.

–  –  –

To achieve peace and mutual understanding, in the Gospel we are given the so-called “golden rule”: “So in everything, as you want people to do to you, do so to them” (Matthew 7.12).

We will return to this rule more than once. To understand what actions and words our neighbor expects from us, and how to deal with him, we need to learn to put ourselves in his place. But this is not at all easy; understand the other person. It is especially difficult to understand a being of a different gender. Often we understand completely different things by the same words and sometimes want completely different things from each other. However, knowing the characteristics of the male and female psyche, this can be done. Everyone knows the expression “female logic”. It happened again from the inability to understand each other. Often, to men, the reasoning and actions of women seem wrong and illogical, but in fact, a woman simply has her own truth, her own vision of the world. I read such an example in one psychology book. The woman says the phrase: “I absolutely don’t care what kind of ice cream you buy me.” The man, following his logic, will answer: “What do you mean “indifferent?” I'm going to buy you ice cream. I don't know what kind of ice cream you want. So be so kind as to answer me exactly: vanilla or ice cream?” And this is an example typical mistake. Behind the woman’s phrase “I absolutely don’t care...” is literally the following: “Do the deed! Well, show that you are capable of making a decision, that you can take care of me, that you are ready to take responsibility.” In this case, she wants to experience the happiness of interaction with a man, to feel this presence, his action; and in comparison with this, the pleasantness of feeling a certain taste of ice cream is pure nonsense! As they say, a gift is not precious, but attention is precious. She knows what she wants, but the way she presents it is a dark forest for a man. And the man may also be offended and think that the fact that he wants to buy the lady ice cream is completely indifferent to her. After all, if she doesn’t explain what kind of ice cream she wants, it means she doesn’t want it at all. A man understands the same phrase literally, but a woman sees a completely different meaning behind it. Men don't like subtexts and hidden messages. They like to sort everything into shelves. A woman sees the end result, which she considers important for herself or for the family, or for something else, she sees, as it were, the problem as a whole. But for a man, it is important to solve a problem, what precedes the result, a logical chain that leads to the final goal. This again is rooted in a man's ability and purpose to make decisions.

Women don't really need ordinary male logic. She can admire a man’s logical constructions like a bizarre pattern, and act according to her intuition and feelings. For example, women are very little interested in the design of a car.

How all these crankshafts, pistons and gears power the car.

If he learns something, it’s just enough to be able to fix a car on the road. She is interested in a car as a means of transportation for her and her children somewhere in kindergarten or to the market. Or she perceives the car as a plush toy to which she can attach bows, but she doesn’t necessarily know what’s inside.

To men, some ideas and reasoning of women seem funny, mundane and limited. But they are much closer to life and reality than reasonable and logical male constructs. Therefore, men should not be reckless, but sometimes listen to what a woman says, try to explain for themselves, understand. Again, if a woman wants her opinion to be listened to, she needs to learn how to coherently express her thoughts and convey them to a man.

White handkerchiefs

Even people who never go to church know that there are significantly more women in the church than men. There was even a joke in Soviet times: “There are only girls in jazz, and only grandmothers in church.” Now, thank God, the situation is different. There are many young people in the temple, many men, but women are still the overwhelming majority. What does this have to do with our topic? The most direct. Men and women have different natures, souls, and therefore different views of the world.

There is a lot of paradox in the psyche of men and women. It seems that complex theological and philosophical questions, the search for the meaning of life is a privilege of the male sex. A man is a philosopher, theologian, thinker.

Not to mention the fact that our priesthood is traditionally male (other confessions do not count). Women, as a rule, are of little interest to any deep theological problems. But there are more women in the temple. And it was thanks to women that the Church survived.

There are several reasons. Firstly. Men are more proud. And the Orthodox faith is built on humility and repentance. The word repentance itself in Greek sounds like metanoia, i.e. change. And as we know, change is very difficult for men. Priests know how often male confession differs from female confession. Men are very reluctant to admit their mistakes. Women, on the contrary, often repent with tears in their eyes. It is very difficult for a proud person to work in the Church. In the Church, everything is based on obedience and humility. The parishioners obey the priest. The priest is the rector, the rector is the dean, the dean is the bishop, the bishop is the patriarch. Everything is very hierarchical. The abbots of the temples know how difficult it is to work with men; they have their own opinion on everything. The second reason lies in the structure of a woman’s soul. She most often lives by feelings, and faith is a feeling. It cannot be explained rationally. It is impossible to rationally explain why God is a Trinity or that Christ was born of a virgin. One can only believe in this.

Evidence only works up to a certain limit, beyond which faith begins.

Men try to logically explain everything as a theorem, put it on shelves. Faith is trust. Trust in God that God will never deceive us or abandon us. How we trust our parents as children. The father throws the child, and then catches him and the child knows that the father will definitely catch him, he believes him. In the same way, we must trust God as our Heavenly Father. By the way, the third reason why it is easier for a woman to come to church and believe is rooted in the fact that God is our Father. Women, by virtue of their destiny, are weaker, dependent creatures. She needs support. To do this, she is given a husband whom she can rely on, lean on, he can help her make a decision. It has been noticed that in the Church there are a lot of widows, single women, or women who have problems in their families.

Of course, this does not mean that the Church is a substitute for the family. These are different things. Again, this does not mean that men do not need to go to church. It’s just easier for a woman to come to God, it’s easier for her to ask for protection and help. Faith helps a woman a lot to survive in difficult conditions, she is no longer alone, God is with her.

She comes to the temple and prays for herself, for her children, for her (often unbelieving) husband. Although, as a rule, it is difficult for a woman to comprehend some complex spiritual issues.

Her faith is, to a large extent, a feeling, a feeling, it is intuitive. She is often driven by the instinct of self-preservation and family preservation.

So, it is easier for a woman to come to church, there are more of them in the Church, but without men the Church will not stand. Because the man was and will always remain the head of the church community, the performer of the Divine Liturgy, the image of Christ for the Church and for his family.

Women's happiness - if only a sweetheart were nearby... On the one hand, this is of course necessary; It is next to her husband, a man, that a woman realizes herself as a wife, mother. On the other hand, we, dear men, should not delude ourselves: being next to your spouse and delighting her with your presence is only, as they say, a minimum minimorum. And we need to work hard to make our loved ones truly happy.

Generally speaking, almost every woman expects two things from a man:

First: the ability to make decisions (that is, decisiveness) and be responsible for them. After all, being the head of the family, a responsible person, is a man’s direct calling.

The second thing any woman and wife wants is an attentive and caring attitude towards her from her beloved man. After all, in the nature of a woman from God there is a desire for strong man's shoulder, to a being capable of taking care of her, supporting her, listening and comforting her. If she does not find this in a man, her behavior becomes inconsistent with feminine nature and purpose. Both she and her husband suffer from this.

Determination and responsibility on the one hand, and tenderness and attention on the other - this is the key to the heart of a beloved woman.

Much has already been said about determination and responsibility.

Let us dwell in more detail on why a woman so needs communication with her beloved man, and why she so values ​​attention from him. Lack of communication between spouses often causes mutual alienation and family conflicts.

Many men brought their marriages to divorce simply because they neglected communication with their spouses, they simply did not understand that their spouses really needed their attention. This common mistake occurs because people do not realize how different male and female natures are.

American psychologist John Gray writes: “One of the most important differences between men and women is the way they behave in stressful situations. Men tend to withdraw into themselves in order to “digest” the problem and the associated experiences alone, while women are simply overwhelmed by emotions. At such moments, men and women need completely different things to pull themselves together. It becomes easier for a man when he takes on the solution to a problem, and for a woman - when she starts talking about it.

Failure to understand and accept these differences creates unnecessary friction in our relationships. Let's look at one quite common example.

Tom came into the house: he needs to relieve tension, relax, he wants to sit down and calmly read the newspaper. The day turned out to be difficult, some problems remained unresolved, and Tom needed to distract himself and forget about them.

Mary, his wife, also had a difficult day; she also wants to relax.

However, the relief for her is to speak out without missing any of the day's problems. And so tension arises between the spouses, grows and, in the end, results in mutual irritation and resentment.

Tom thinks to himself that Mary talks too much. And at the same time, it seems to Mary that her husband is ignoring her... The fruit of such mutual misunderstanding is alienation, the separation of the spouses.

You are probably very familiar with this situation in which, it should be noted, a man and a woman are worth each other. This problem is not just for Tom and Mary - almost everyone faces it. And her decision for Tom and Mary depends not only on how dear they are to each other, but also on the extent to which each of them is able to understand a representative of the opposite sex. Not understanding what a woman needs to “throw off”

problem, you really need to talk about it, Tom will still think that his wife talks too much. And Mary, not knowing that Tom took up the newspaper in order to come to his senses a little, will think that her husband is ignoring her, neglecting her. And he will try to involve him in a conversation, while he doesn’t want to at all.”1) What to do about it? How to resolve these contradictions between the male and female sexes?

Firstly. Take it for granted. Indeed, men and women are very, very different creatures and nothing can be done about it, God created us that way. We just need to know our differences in order not to sulk at each other and not take the characteristics inherent in each gender as a personal insult.

Secondly. It is necessary to treat each other with care and understanding, and try to come to some kind of compromise that will suit both of you. And, of course, “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6.2). That is, wives should be less offended by their husbands for “inattention,” and husbands should spend more time communicating with their spouses.

____________________

1) John Gray. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. M., 2007. p.45, 46 What does a man want?

So, we found out, “What does a woman want?” We talked about the peculiarities of male and female logic, and now it’s time to talk about what a man expects from a woman and how a woman’s purpose is revealed in relation to a man. Although, it seems to me, when discussing male virtues, the topic of women's vocation has already been partially covered.

We have already talked about what the Lord said when creating the first woman, Eve: “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2.18). What does it mean “an assistant corresponding to him”? Here, of course, we do not mean some kind of clerk, a secretary who will help Adam give names to the created animals. Both in ancient times and in our days, a man by his nature, despite his external strength, power, and thick skin, was a very vulnerable and vulnerable creature, much more than a woman. Under the armor of masculinity, a man hides a very fragile nature. That is, a man needs someone nearby who will love and pity him, and therefore help him. For helping your husband, supporting him is not just waiting for him home with a hot dinner and keeping the fire burning in the home, but something more. On earth there was no equal among creations to man. And so the Lord creates a woman - a creature who can give a man the kind of love that he may not even be capable of. Because a woman is given the ability to feel much more acutely and fully than a man. Why did the Lord create the first man so vulnerable, vulnerable, etc.? It's hard to say, but God doesn't do anything by accident. This means that He wanted the man to be loved and to be able to love himself. One fact testifies to the fact that a man’s soul is more delicate, fragile and sensitive. Women are five times more likely to commit suicide (i.e. suicide), but three times less likely to die by suicide. That is, for a woman, as a rule, attempting suicide is a kind of “pampering” (so to speak). There is no desire to really die, but a desire for pity and sympathy. It is known that the female sex is more susceptible to depression, but comes out of this state much easier.

How many times has it been noticed: a woman becomes depressed, cries, that’s it, the end of her life. You feel sorry for her a little, sympathize with her, and she has already perked up and smiles. It's not like that for men. Men, whose feelings can be hidden very deeply, have more psychological problems than women. Women’s ability to rebuild and adapt to living conditions has already been mentioned above.

One more point: men traditionally hide their feelings; experiences for them are a manifestation of male weakness. Women need to know all this so that when they need to come to the aid of men. Men don't like to show their feelings, it makes them vulnerable. But this does not mean that he is somehow rude and insensitive.

For a man, what he usually does is work, his favorite thing is of very great importance. This is again connected with his masculine destiny, the dominant personality, the breadwinner of the family. It is a grave insult for a man if his wife calls him a loser, or worse, a weakling. For him, this is worse than female infidelity. Even when a wife earns a little more than her husband or has achieved a higher position, this is the cause of the man’s constant internal dissatisfaction. Another thing is that sometimes he himself is to blame for this. But it's not that. And the fact is that a woman’s task is to inspire a man in his activities.

At all times, men have performed feats and actions for the sake of women. Knights won tournaments for the sake of their ladies, poets dedicated poems to them, artists painted canvases and sculpted statues in their honor. That is, women were their muses. A man is like a child; his activities need constant high appreciation and favor from the woman he loves. He needs positive reinforcement. It is a very bad symptom if a woman is not interested in what her husband is doing or what is happening at work.

It has already been noted more than once that if people a happy family and the husband has achieved some heights, for him the praise of his wife is higher than all prizes and state awards. He seems to dedicate his achievements to her. If a man is a grandmaster, a world champion, everyone carries him in their arms, and his wife doesn’t care about what he does (which means she doesn’t love him), will he be happy? Hardly.

There is a Russian proverb: “A smart wife is a mistress to her husband.” What does it mean? Of course, it is not that the wife dominates or rules over her husband. And the fact that a wife who supports her husband when he feels bad, encourages him when he does something good, shows determination, can achieve much more than if she follows him, nags him and bothers him with endless requests.

It is necessary to cultivate his best sides in a man through assessment and positive reinforcement of these qualities. And first of all, he expects this support from the woman he loves. We have already talked about female and male depression. Women are more outgoing.

Women are more optimistic by nature. Otherwise, they would not be able to survive in the conditions of the modern (and not only) constantly changing aggressive world. And since a woman’s task is to be a “beautiful lady,” “muse,” “good genius” for a man, she must have this quality in order to instill love of life, cheerfulness in him.

Every wife needs to remember that it is not only the man’s social activities that need reinforcement and encouragement, although this is very important. It’s not without reason that they say that a man’s success is often determined by the type of woman next to him. But, first of all, what a man does for the woman herself needs to be assessed. For a man, praise from the lips of his beloved woman, gratitude for what he did for her (even for some little thing) is higher than all awards and prizes. And a smart woman knows this very well. As St. said Martyr Empress Alexandra Feodorovna: “Love needs its daily bread.” But the most important thing that a man expects from a woman is selfless love. It is very important for a man to feel that he is loved not for something, but for who he is; for this, a man is ready to do a lot.

If a husband starts complaining about his wife, for some reason I don’t feel any compassion for him. First: he made his own choice. No one pulled him down the aisle with a lasso. Second: what kind of man are you if you whine that a weak woman is offending you? And finally, third: it is much easier for a woman to change than for a man. A woman’s behavior is very much determined by living conditions and the kind of man who is next to her. To put it simply: a woman will only be a real woman next to a real man. So, if a man has a dysfunctional family, he should not complain, but take a closer look in the mirror, maybe he’ll see something.

Fathers and Mothers The Apostle Paul has wonderful words addressed to spouses. These words accurately reveal the meaning of marriage, that the Church included them in the rite of the sacrament of Marriage:

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church.” And further: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5.24-25).

Great is the purpose of a man. He is not just the head of his wife, called upon to patronize her and make decisions that are important for the whole family. He is compared to Christ. Much higher. Christ doesn't just love the Church. He is the Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep. But Christ is not only the Spouse of the Church. He and her Father. Since a husband is compared with Christ in everything, it means that he is also in some way a father, not only for the whole family, but also for his wife.

Let's look at this in more detail. There is a theory that wives are divided into daughters and mothers based on their character type. It's clear what we're talking about. The mother is the dominant, dominant woman. The daughter is a follower, submissive. The classic scheme is the father

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« jokers of world folklore f MAIN EDITORIAL OF EASTERN LITERATURE. MOSCOW 1972 Editorial Board of the series “FAIRY TALES AND MYTHS OF THE PEOPLES OF THE EASTERN” I. S. BRAGINSKY, E. M. MELETINSKY, S. YU. NEKLYUDOV (secretary), D. A. OLDEROGGE (chairman), E. V. POMERANTSEVA, B. L. RIFTIN, S. A. TOKAREV Compilation, introductory article and general editing of the texts of G...."

We are all very different. Everyone has their own heredity, character, upbringing, education. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult for us to find a common language and come to an agreement. But people are still divided into men and women. The difference between them is huge. Sometimes it seems that these are creatures from different worlds. But we live on the same planet, and the continuation of life on Earth depends on the interaction of the male and female sexes. This means that we simply need to learn to understand each other. Why did God create men and women? What does a woman expect from a man and a man from a woman? How can we come to mutual understanding and love? The author tries to answer these and other questions.

“Why is family happiness? Because it helps us constantly, every day, to feel that there is someone whom we love more than ourselves. It is known, for example, that parents, as a rule, love their children more than the children of their parents. But this does not make parents any less happy. Children can give them much more joy Have a good mood than we give them.

And happiness directly depends on how we appreciate what God gives us. In our case it is love, family. Perhaps my words are somewhat pretentious, but I will say that the balance of the forces of good and evil in the world depends on whether there is peace in each particular family or whether sin and evil reign there.”

“Of course, there can be no equality between men and women. They are completely different. Everyone has their own great calling and purpose. He and she are polar. Plus cannot be equal to minus, but it is precisely because of this that attraction occurs.”

• Preface
• Part I. Male and female
  • The bitter fruits of emancipation
  • Generals in skirts
  • Just generals
  • Daughters and mothers
  • We choose, we are chosen
  • Female and male logic
  • White handkerchiefs
  • Women's happiness - if only a sweetheart were nearby...
  • What does a man want?
  • Fathers and mothers
  • I do not like...
  • Humiliated and Offended
• Part II. Preparing for marriage
  • How not to make a mistake?
  • Apology for marriage
  • What is love?
  • Love
  • About love
  • Choice
  • How to get to know each other better?
  • About errors
  • I can't bear to get married
• Part III. Husband and wife “Thou hast placed crowns on their heads”
  • Head of the family
  • Family life
  • Getting ready for married life
  • Debriefing
  • You shouldn’t bend to a changing world, or On the benefits of marital abstinence through fasting
  • Traffic Laws
  • Common interests
  • Weaker vessel
  • Take care men!
  • Heavenly patrons of marriage
  • Oh happiness
• Part IV. Family storms
  • Introduction
  • An ideal image or a living person?
  • Once again about conflicts
  • Everyday affairs
  • About disputes
  • Crises
  • "Ore et labore"
  • Seventh Commandment
  • Passion means suffering
  • Believers and non-believers
  • Mothers-in-law
  • Monastery in the world
• Conclusion
• List of cited literature

Pavel Gumerov (1974, Ufa) - priest.

In 1984 he received Holy Baptism together with his parents, brother and sister. Father Pavel’s entire family lived in Moscow at that time. (Father Pavel’s father was subsequently ordained a priest, and in 2005 he took monastic vows with the name Job. He is now a resident of the Sretensky Monastery in Moscow).

In 1991 he entered the Moscow Theological Seminary in the city of Sergiev Posad, from which he graduated in 1995. In the same year he entered the Moscow Theological Academy. In 1996, while studying at the Academy, he took holy orders. In the same year, by decree of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy, he was appointed full-time cleric at the Church of St. Nicholas of Myra at the Rogozhskoye cemetery in Moscow. On December 14, 2012, he was appointed rector of the Church of the Holy Blessed Princes Peter and Fevronia of Murom under construction in Maryino. Since March 29, 2014, he has been constantly serving in this church.

Priest Pavel Gumerov writes books and articles, records CDs, gives lectures, conducts seminars and conversations on the topics of family and marriage, and moral theology. Also, with the blessing of the clergy, he sings in the clergy choir of the Moscow Peter and Paul Deanery. Married, has two sons.

Father Pavel is the author of the books: “The Small Church”, “He and She”, “Family Conflicts. Prevention and Treatment", "Eternal Memory" (co-authored with Hieromonk Job), "The House of a Christian. Traditions and Shrines" (co-authored with Hieromonk Job), "Orthodox asceticism outlined for the laity", "The Sacrament of Communion", "Three pillars of family happiness", "Keys to family happiness", "Civil marriage". Start family life or prodigal cohabitation?”, “Vladimir Vysotsky: the tragedy of the Russian soul”, “The Law of God. New book" (co-authored with Hieromonk Job (Gumerov) and priest Alexander Gumerov).

The book “Three Pillars of Family Happiness” was recognized by the Publishing Council of the Moscow Patriarchate as the best book for young people in 2012 and was awarded a 1st degree diploma.

Several books by Father Pavel have been translated into Serbian and Romanian.

Books (7)

Conversations about family and marriage

The family life of an Orthodox Christian should be based on three components.

The first and most important thing: love and the correct understanding of this concept, because not everyone knows what true love is.

The second is a correct understanding of the goals and objectives of family life.

And third is the correct family hierarchy. Family life is built on these three, so to speak, “pillars”.

Everlasting memory

The death of a person is always a difficult ordeal for loved ones. How to survive the pain of loss? How to properly prepare the deceased for burial? How to make your final journey? How to remember it later?

In the book, one of the authors of which (priest Pavel Gumerov) serves in the Church of St. Nicholas at the Rogozhskoe cemetery, you will find detailed instructions about all the details of an Orthodox burial, as well as pastoral advice and words of encouragement. Enclosed are consoling letters from St. Theophanes about the hour of death and prayers, which in the Orthodox Church are customary to read, seeing off a neighbor on the journey of the whole earth.

Small Church. Family life in the modern world

The book is dedicated to the modern family.

Its author conducts conversations with young people about how to build a modern family so that it is morally healthy, long-lived and happy. The author specifically addresses modern life and talks in detail about how to protect the family from the dangers that have such a destructive effect on the family.

The last two parts of the book are devoted to one of the most painful topics in our society - raising children.

He and she. In search of marital consent

Why did God create male and female? What does a woman expect from a man and a man from a woman? How can they come to mutual understanding and love? How to achieve peace and harmony in marriage, which is called by the Church the Mystery of God, the Sacrament of the union of “two beings into one inseparable being,” according to St. John Chrysostom.

The reader will learn about all this from the book “He and She. In search of marital consent."

Orthodox asceticism presented for the laity. About the fight against passions

The book by Father Pavel Gumerov is intended to help the Orthodox Christian in his struggle with passions and sinful habits.