What to do when your wife leaves you. Why do wives leave their beloved husbands? How to help a man survive a divorce from his ex-wife if she left him

Igor Valerievich

Hello! I don’t know what to do... My wife and child left me! I am depressed! There is emptiness around me, my head will soon explode with thoughts and waves of memories! Specifically, how to cope with stress?

Hello, Igor Valerievich. I see how hard it is for you now, and I sympathize with your loss.
Please tell us about yourself: age, study or work, are there any relatives or friends who can support you in this difficult time?
How old is the child? What was the reason for the breakup in your relationship with your wife?

Igor Valerievich

I am 28 years old. My son is 3 years old. I was working, and it so happened that at this time I am again looking for work. There was often abuse based on the fact that I allegedly paid little attention to her. I came home from work, was very tired, and sometimes fell asleep very early. Nevertheless, I tried to walk with her, go to the movies, and see friends. And so on. It so happened that I initially lived with her, then moved to my place, to my mother. Mom periodically leaves to live and work in another city. I invited my wife to live with me and my son. Then the quarrels began again without any reason. I also went to work in another city, which is why I lost my main job. When I arrived, I was fired. I started looking for a job. She also started looking for a job, and found one. She quarreled with my mother and moved in with herself. After that, somehow everything began to change... She often began to say when she came to me that why am I not afraid of losing her... There is no need to trust people. Although I will note some facts... Before, when we were just dating before the birth of our son, I told her about the numerous problems that could arise in life, I said that while there was no nest of my own, there was no need to rush with a child. She assured me otherwise, that we would always be together, we would overcome difficulties and adversity no matter what! I believed her, although at one time I had strong and rigid foundations and morals in life; I could not be fooled under any circumstances. But I really saw in her the person who would go with me to the end, who trusted her; I had never seen anyone like her in my life. And now, when I tell her, let’s save the family, that I don’t want to lose her and my son, in response I hear... I’m tired, don’t impose, I don’t want anything, I’m filing for divorce and alimony. No matter how hard I tried to talk to her normally or make contact to save the family, everything was unsuccessful! At this time we are not communicating, I humiliatedly begged her on the phone initially, in the morning I went to see her, waited for her to go to work from the entrance, met her. Everything is useless, cold look, swore with my son that he doesn’t love me anymore. So, since the last conversations by SMS, I wanted to see my son, to which she answered me that he was sick for now, then I’ll see you later. Then I didn’t write and don’t call her, so as not to show my obsession. And deep down in my heart I am very angry with her, for her falsehood and betrayal, for the fact that she trampled on the family. But I still love her, and I really miss her son. She has common friends, everyone is silent. They don't call. My once loved ones called, I shared with them, but they have their own families and problems. .. They only consoled me, saying that it happens, it will pass. And my relatives, I can’t communicate with them, they either condemn or talk some kind of nonsense, which does not help me at all in solving problems. I just want to know what to do next, what to do? I’m not writing very clearly, sorry, there’s just so much I want to say, but I can’t put it in writing. Sometimes it seems like I’m getting paranoid, I want to follow her, find out... Maybe I’ve found someone, and all sorts of crap comes into my head. No matter how much I would like not to think, new and new thoughts and memories still creep into my head, her last strange questions that she can’t be trusted, although she said otherwise before, etc. I haven't been able to sleep for the last week because of these thoughts.

Igor Valerievich

Sometimes, I look through numerous new photos of my wife (or no longer my wife) on social networks, it changes before my eyes... New hairstyle, smile... Happiness! Moreover, it’s as if he’s expressing to everyone... Look, people, what am I like now, without Igor! Isn't she in pain, isn't she in pain? Why is life so unfair! Although, what is there to think, since she swore by her son that she doesn’t love me anymore! Yes, and I also want to add, I told her that as long as there is a stamp in the passport, and she is not thoroughly divorced from me, please... Don’t cheat on me, to which she replied that the stamp means nothing, and don’t interfere with my personal life ! I will do what I want! How can I deal with this whole mess, how can I figure out how to build a life in sexual terms, and in general what should I do? ! Sorry for the mistakes, T9 rules as he wants.

Igor Valerievich, I understand how difficult it is for you now: you hoped to live a long happy life with your wife (albeit not without conflicts - everyone has them), but your expectations did not come true, and now you feel the pain of betrayal, anger at your wife and fear uncertainty of the future. She made it clear that she doesn't love you, and you still love her? Are you ready to take it back, knowing that, most likely, old quarrels will continue?
The only thing you can do in this situation is to try to talk to your wife, using “I-messages” to convey your feelings to her, for example: not “You don’t understand what you’re doing, you’ll regret it later. And son shouldn’t grow up without a father,” and “I always wanted that, no matter what, we would continue to be a family - one team. Your decision simply unsettled me: I feel anger and resentment because I am not heard. I still love you and my son and want to save our family."
However, be prepared for another refusal from your wife: judging by your description, she has already decided everything for herself, and it is very difficult to convince a person in such a situation.

Igor Valerievich

Maria, you are absolutely right. I wrote to her, all this from the beginning. She completely doesn't want to contact me. Regarding the child, he says that you can see him and take him with you. He doesn’t want to hear anything about the rest. At this time, what should I do? What to do? Right now it’s happening that I don’t write anything to her, I don’t call her. She is also silent. What exactly, and what actions should I take, please tell me?

Igor Valerievich, the point of working with a psychologist is not to receive specific advice (“Go there and do this and you will get this”), but to understand yourself - to get out of a negative state (fear, apathy, self-doubt) and realize your true goals/desires. You didn't answer my question - You still love your wife and want to save the family, right? If so, then now you can only continue to show her your love and care when she makes contact. For example, when taking your son to your place for the day, you can ask if your wife needs anything (showing concern), say again that you love her, give her a small bouquet of flowers (attention). All this is not a guarantee of her return, but she will be sure that she is loved, and that you forgive and continue to wait for her.

Igor Valerievich

Igor Valerievich, the situation can turn out differently (a lot depends on the spouse here). You won’t be nice by force, so all you have to do is continue to show her the immutability of your feelings and your desire to be together. Whatever the case, you will be confident that you did everything in your power to save the relationship.
It is not easy to live in this uncertainty, and I wish you patience and perseverance.

If your wife has left you, then it is important to figure out not only what to do, but also what not to do. It doesn’t matter whose fault this happened - the main thing is that the wife left her husband, and he wants to save the relationship and family.

When this happens, the husband often becomes a pitiful semblance of a man and does not know where to start getting her back (I come across such stories all the time, especially lately).

Here I give some thoughts that will be useful to men in a situation where their wife has left them. But before moving directly to the advice, I want to immediately warn you - you know your situation much better, so you must decide whether or not to use my advice yourself. These tips are based on my experience as a family psychologist, so I hope you will see something new here that is not on other sites that reprint each other's thoughts.

1. A very important point! She should see that you are in pain (it’s not in vain that you spent so much time together), but she should not see that you have no control over yourself at all and indulge in pleas and persuasion. This makes you very weak in her eyes, and women like strong men.
2. In many cases, it will be helpful to understand your own feelings and understand your emotions. The best way to do this is to write down your feelings on paper or in an electronic document. This will help you better understand what exactly you want from her and what she can give you.
3. Also, if your wife left you, then maybe you need to give her a little more space and not try to chase her. It’s a sad fact, but after such persuasion and attempts to always be there, the wife can block her husband completely and for a long time. It will be much more difficult to get out of such a situation later, so it’s better not to ruin everything completely.
4. Be sure to use the advice that is given on other sites, and do not make stupid mistakes that are common to almost all men whose wife has left them.
5. If the situation is complicated, your wife has left you, and you want to find out, then you might want to consider seeking professional help. Most likely, in your condition you will not be able to make wise and far-sighted decisions, so make at least one such decision and seek help from someone who will guide you through the entire process. This could be a family psychologist, if the wife agrees to solve the problem together, or a relationship restoration specialist, but the main thing is that it is a professional. Self-medication is fine if you have a cold, but if it’s something serious, none of us treat ourselves, but go to a professional. The same goes for trainers in the gym - compare the results of those who do something themselves and those who immediately turn to a trainer.

Once again, this article is not professional help. These are just some ideas that may be useful to you. You can find additional help

How should an abandoned husband behave?

1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Go to the gym. Not only physical activity will be useful, but also mental activity; the busier you are, the easier this stage will pass. You will sort out the papers, accounts, real estate, and the affairs that your spouse was involved in, now you will need to manage them.
2. Behave with your ex-wife with dignity, no hysterics, no accusations, you still have to divide the property and you will want to see the children and participate in their future. Accept the fact that she is leaving and plan your life further.
3. Section of the environment of friends and relatives. Difficulties may arise here, since they had mutual friends, it will also be hard for them, because they will have to choose a side. You have two options: either run away until everything calms down, or be a man and face reality, solve everything now.

Is it worth trying to get your wife back?

When the spouses have lived together for ten years, or even more, there will be not just one reason for the partner’s departure, but a complete set of dissatisfactions that have accumulated over the years. The emotional background from what happened will subside, then in a calm atmosphere, discuss what interests you in the relationship. Sometimes couples come to an understanding and remain friends.

Video: “Torsunov lectures. The wife left - two ways of development of events for the husband.”

In this article we will talk about the consequences after divorce. What should they be and should they exist at all? This is a rather sensitive and popular topic today. Do you know why?

Because Our divorce rate reaches 70-80%. And this terrible figure speaks for itself, showing how strong the degradation is in our society.

I will be very glad if you are married or married, and are fighting with all your might every day for a happy family relationship. You fight first of all with yourself, and not with a loved one.

Let's look at this topic step by step.

Why do people break up families?

Why do people get divorced?

There is only one answer: because there is no knowledge of how to live and because they don’t know what the destruction of the family will be like.

They break up because they think that “it will be easier and better for me with another person.” This is what a person thinks when he leaves his other half.

By the way, when a person says that he was abandoned, it means so. And when he says that they broke up, then most likely he left.

They destroy families because they don’t know how to achieve happiness in family relationships, what needs to be done for this. They destroy because of their own ignorance, causing pain to their loved ones, and dooming themselves to suffering in the future. And then they begin to think about the consequences after a divorce and how to avoid them, not realizing that the worst thing that could be done has already been done.

When we create a family, we think that we will be able to enjoy our loved one, and that our whole life with him will be a pleasure. But this is a big mistake and an illusion. With this approach, the pleasure will end in 1-2 years and deep disappointment will set in.

We must firmly understand that family is difficult, it is often painful, it is a test in our lives..

It will be easier with this approach. Happiness in the family must be earned, and for this you need to work a lot on these very family relationships, starting with yourself. Remember one simple rule and never break it:

NEVER Abandon Your Loved One

It is better not to have close relationships and be alone than to hurt a person later. In the meantime, alone, you need to engage in your spiritual and moral development.

If you have not yet managed to get a divorce, then take your time. Explore the article:

What happens immediately after a breakup?

There is always a strong connection between close people. So what happens to people after a breakup?

• The person who is the initiator of the separation , or simply abandons his loved one, feels the following: a coldness sets in in his heart towards his spouse;
• That man, who was abandoned , feels a sharp burning sensation in his heart, he finds himself in a state of stress. This person is having a hard time with the breakup.

Relationships between loved ones enter their most difficult and difficult phase at this moment.

If you and your loved one have been together for more than a year, then this is already a real family. It doesn’t matter: official or unofficial. So you are no longer together for nothing.

And now the moment comes when we can already say that the relationship is destroyed. You can immediately tell about the consequences that await each of them.

I want to give simple examples that occur in 99% of cases after a divorce. The consequences after a divorce concern each of the former spouses, and each of them gets what they deserve. This is a fact that has been tested in practice by a huge number of people.

Consequences after divorce for the one who left and who was abandoned

• What happens to someone who abandons their loved one?

If a person has destroyed his family, although he himself does not think so at first, then the following scenario awaits him. It is slightly different depending on the gender of the person, but the meaning is the same.

If a woman leaves her husband, then the following events will happen:

A woman leaves her husband and a cold feeling sets in her heart. She is still attractive, still beautiful. But entering into a new relationship, she no longer feels warmth, the new person does not become close to her.

This will continue until she begins to repent of her actions that she committed in the past, and this may take several years.

If a man leaves his wife, then the following awaits him:

The husband left his wife, and his heart became very warm. And one of the following options arises.

Or he meets a beautiful, good girl, but this is not enough for him. And, in the end, he begins to walk and suffer from this. Or he meets a girl with whom he falls in love and becomes attached to her. And after a while she unexpectedly leaves him, causing him terrible suffering.

• What happens to someone who is abandoned by a loved one?

Someone who is abandoned immediately faces a far from easy period of life, during which it is advised to engage in spiritual practices in order to alleviate their suffering. As a rule, this period lasts about two to three years. During this period, especially at the beginning, such a person is very strongly drawn to his former spouse, it seems to him that he loves him, and so on.

In such a situation, there is only one way out - to engage in spiritual practice, to work on yourself. It is during such periods that people change a lot and make great breakthroughs in personal development.

In such a situation, this article will greatly help you:

Summary of the article

This post was not simple, but very rich and useful. Especially for those who are in a state of breaking up with their loved one. The following conclusion can be drawn:

General conclusions calling to remember morality and reason:

• Families are destroyed because of people's stupidity;
• You will have to answer for the pain caused to a loved one;
• You need to try to respect a loved one, even an ex;
• You need to fight for a relationship with a loved one, but within reason;
• You need to create one family forever.

The consequences after divorce are as follows:

• If a person has abandoned his spouse, then he will not be able to create a normal relationship until he sincerely repents of his action (he will be abandoned, deceived, used, sometimes punishment comes through children);
• If you have been abandoned, then only spiritual practice will help you survive this period, and then create a good new relationship, or return the old one.

If your relationship has not yet been destroyed, then it can be saved! To do this, you can contact.