Condolences in your own words. A sad chapter of life: how to express condolences over a death. How to Express Condolences for a Death

Hello dear readers. Each of us has faced a situation where it was vital to support a loved one who had experienced loss. And there is no such person who would not think about how to express condolences over a death.

What are condolences

How to convey to a person that you sympathize with him, worry and are simply ready to support with all your might? What are condolences, and what should not be said? Let's try to figure it out.

Let's start with a definition. On the one hand, words of grief are an expression of moral support for a person experiencing grief. On the other hand, it is the duty of a person present at a funeral or death anniversary, an unshakable rule of etiquette that should be observed.

Fact. On the day of mourning, everyone, regardless of desire, must say these two words: “my condolences.”

Funeral words should not offend, offend, or evaluate the current situation. Their main role is sympathy, simple and human. It is not necessary to write poetry, long obituaries and make sentimental speeches about the deceased. Your task is to provide support to relatives - moral, financial, physical.

In addition, one must realize that the burial ceremony is not only a symbolic farewell to another world, but also a very troublesome matter that requires physical and financial assistance, because organizing an entire funeral procession is not so easy.

That is why an envelope with a small amount of money given to a person who has lost loved one, will become so-called humanitarian aid.

Words of sorrow on the occasion of death

Condolences regarding the death of a Muslim should contain the following words: “may Allah grant you patience,” “may Allah forgive your deceased,” “may Allah grant you happiness to your home in exchange for grief.”

Words of grief in this faith also imply instructions, prayers for forgiveness, parting words and wishes for earthly blessings in return for the grief that has overtaken the family.

When talking about the death of a father or mother, you can use established phrases:

1. This loss is irreplaceable for all of us. The loss of such support, reliable and so close, is always difficult to accept.
2. Please accept my sincere condolences. I knew your father (mother), he was very good man. We will never forget him, his memory will be eternal.
3. There are no words to express my sorrow. This is terrible, and losing such a person is like losing a piece of your soul, your heart. Hang in there, we are with you.

It is especially difficult to find words of sympathy for a person who has lost his child - a son or daughter. What can you say other than “Be strong”? Maybe something like this:

This is a terrible shock for us. I can't believe he/she left so early. It was so early for him to leave this world, but time does not spare anyone. If there is heaven in the world, then let him go there. He deserves better.

Advice. Common phrases exist so that you can compose your monologue, short but meaningful in meaning. These are, first of all, templates that are designed to help those who find it difficult to express their thoughts on this matter.

Condolences on the death of husband, father

Any tragically cut short life causes pain and bitterness in the hearts of people. When expressing grief to people who have lost their husband or father, you must understand who this person was to his family:

1. It is very difficult to accept such a loss, my husband is an unbreakable support, the head, and it so happened that he is no longer with us all. Patience, my dears, strength. We offer our condolences.
2. Please accept our deepest condolences and help, symbolic, but still. Such a terrible tragedy has come to your home, may God give you strength and peace to your home.
3. Eternal memory to him... What a man, what a personality. He was truly amazing and sincere, may he rest in peace, we will miss him very much.

Well, let’s say these are roughly the words of grief spoken to loved ones in need of support.

Remember, these are just general examples of how to speak at funerals and on days of mourning. Along with such phrases, as a rule, you should offer an envelope with in cash. Let this help be even a symbolic drop in the ocean, but the sea consists of drops like these.

Don’t be afraid to hug a person, offer a scarf, or bring carnations to the altar of the deceased. Every step of an attempt to get closer and help a person will echo in him an echo of kindness and warmth. The grieving person needs support more than any words, no matter how harmonious and beautiful they may be.

Mourning clothes

When entering a house where mourning is taking place, according to the rules of etiquette, men are supposed to take off their hats; this rule does not apply to women. Also take care of your appearance. Discreet, without rhinestones, crystals or bright prints, floor-length black dresses are perfect for such an evening.

An open neckline and bright makeup are not allowed, and men are supposed to dress in formal suits; dull sweaters and shirts are allowed.

Advice. Sometimes appearance a person speaks more than his words. Vulgar appearance is not allowed for girls or adult ladies. Be modest, decent, speak in a calm, quiet voice, and keep banal valerian tablets in your purse.

A funeral or death anniversary can be calm and civilized, or extremely emotional.

What not to say on a day of mourning

If we make a top list of the most stupid and inappropriate phrases regarding a death or death anniversary, then the honorable first place will be taken by an expression like: “How are you?” Do you agree?

Second place will be given to the remark: “This was to be expected” or “It was predetermined by fate.”

Stupid phrases like “That’s life” and “We’ll all be there.” Hearing this is not the most pleasant thing for a person in mourning. And to say something like that should be enough courage and shamelessness, but there are such amazing people.

Do not show excessive concern for a person who is in a mourning mood. Let him be with his thoughts, cry, say goodbye to the deceased and just come to his senses.

Expressing words of sorrow in a letter

In the age of high industry, you don’t have to empty your wallet for a carrier pigeon. It is enough to write an SMS or a letter: short, but conveying the meaning of your words.

This way you will remind them of yourself, show how you care and sympathize. Even a small SMS message will be a good message and good support.

In such a message it is necessary to fit briefly very meaningful phrases. For example:

Please accept my condolences, this is a great tragedy. I am with you in thought, hugging, kissing.

Messages of this kind can be sent to a friend, a colleague, a mother, or a grandfather.

But if you decide to write an entire memoir about your grief, then prepare pen and ink; the speech should uncompromisingly express your experiences.

An example text of a letter may contain the following expressions:

When I found out what happened, I couldn’t hold back my tears. There are no words to express the pain of loss. I am sincerely sorry that such a long distance separates us, and I cannot support you personally, just hug you at such a difficult moment in life. I hope that your closest people are with you now and they are supporting you.

If you enclose a couple of banknotes, I think this letter will further express your sincere feelings and show that you support the person dear to you with all your might.

How Orthodox Christians Express Condolences

Orthodoxy believes in an afterlife - where both hell and heaven exist. Every person, professing Orthodoxy, hopes to go to heaven to the Lord God himself, therefore, if you express words of sorrow and condolences to an Orthodox person, the following expressions would be quite appropriate:

• May he rest in peace;
• May God grant you patience and all the best;
• The Lord is generous and merciful, may he forgive our sins;
• sleep well, may God rest his soul.

Be punctual, behave naturally and politely. Sign of support and good attitude- this is your attention. In this way, you show your reluctance to remain on the sidelines when grief occurs to your loved ones.

I hope this article was helpful to you. Do not write long obituaries - speak sincerely and from the heart. Share this parting word with your friends and loved ones on social networks. Subscribe to our blog updates. All the best!

When loved ones die, correctly selected words of condolences from those nearby are needed to console and support them in difficult times.

The proposed material provides examples of condolences to friends in connection with the death of relatives as a consolation to the grieving.

If you have to attend the funeral of relatives of friends, you should not remain indifferent to what is happening.

The spoken words of condolences are a tribute to the dead and support to the living.

But you should be careful in choosing your words, taking into account the stressful state of people facing loss.

When speaking words of support to the relatives of the deceased, you must adhere to the following recommendations:

Death always comes unexpectedly, bringing grief to family and friends. It especially hurts when the farewell is premature.

It would be immeasurably more difficult for Kemerovo residents, parents of dead children, to survive grief if they were left alone. But with words of support, the whole country shared their suffering.

There is no need to pass by indifferently; sincere condolences will not relieve the pain, but will show the mourners that they can always count on the support of friends.

When expressing condolences on the occasion of death, it is strictly forbidden to:

• As a consolation, argue that the pain will decrease over time. For those who have lost loved ones, especially children, the thought of further existence without communication with them is unacceptable.

  At such a moment, people do not think about the future - pain completely absorbs the mind, crowding out everything else.

• Search for the culprit - if such accusations concern the deceased or his relatives, such a reproach will only bring additional torment to the mourners. You shouldn’t bring additional negativity, it won’t make it any easier for anyone. There is no need to remember past grievances.
• Show excessive curiosity, clarifying the circumstances of the death, asking about the state of affairs of the deceased and other things.
• Using cliched phrases or speaking in verse - excessive theatricality or dryness will emphasize the lack of sincerity. In addition to words, light hugs and touches will be a consolation.

Important! Sincere feelings they will always give you advice Right words and will help prevent tactlessness, let emotions not be restrained by reason.

Memory in connection with the death of a mother, child and condolences in your own words to a friend

If a friend is faced with grief such as the loss of her mother, she especially needs support and help.

Even if you are in a quarrel, it’s time to forget about past disagreements. You should not think about the fact that you will not be welcome, choose special words in advance and be tormented by doubts about the appropriateness of the visit.

Simple short phrases said in your own words will help:

• I grieve with you, it’s easier to endure grief together.
• Hang in there, I know how much your mom meant to you.
• Such a loss is always a great pain, I want to share it with you.
• It's not easy to find words, don't forget, I'm always ready to help.

The death of a child is a particularly difficult experience for a mother. It is an unnatural situation when you have to mourn your children. You wouldn’t wish this on anyone, so words of support are especially important.

It would be appropriate to say:

• My condolences, such a loss is impossible to come to terms with.
• I am shocked by this news and mourn with you.
• What happened was a ridiculous mistake, I can’t wrap my head around it. I empathize with all my heart.
• I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now. I sincerely sympathize.

Avoid learned and unnatural phrases, poetry is especially inappropriate. Take time to support your friend in person.

If this is not possible, be sure to call, but do not resort to SMS - written phrases cannot replace living words of participation.

The person will understand that you did not call if you know the phone number. The last option is to write a message by email if you cannot call.

Don’t be afraid to approach a person and support him if you didn’t do it in a timely manner.

If you took too long, apologize, citing the circumstances as an excuse (long business trip, etc.).

Condolences are also appropriate on the anniversary of a mournful date, when the memory of the sad event returns again, and the feeling of loss intensifies again.

Remember the sad dates of close friends and acquaintances in order to support and be there in a timely manner.

Short eulogy at a funeral

Attending a funeral is a forced and always sad necessity.

When you find yourself at such an event, you must make a short speech in memory of the deceased, addressing his family. If you didn’t know this person closely, general phrases will suffice.

Farewell words to acquaintances should not remain impersonal; put sincere emotions into the address, emphasizing that you are aware of the severity of the loss.

Short examples of funeral speeches:

• The deceased remained a kind and sincere person until his death. He did a lot for me and will be remembered forever.
• He went through life spreading goodness. It's a shame his journey was cut short.
• I feel deep regret and grief over the death of my father and grandfather. He will be missed by all of us.
• I don’t know how to express the pain, I can’t find the words. She will always be with us.
• The sunny day darkened due to such an event, I express my sincere sympathy.

Sorrowful short examples of condolences

To support the relatives of the deceased, a few short phrases are enough. Death is not a reason to practice eloquence. The very fact of presence and support and the help offered will say more.

If friends, colleagues or acquaintances are faced with loss, the words of sympathy would be appropriate:

• My condolences in your grief, we will help and support.
• I remember you were happy together. I'm grieving.
• I'm sorry I wasn't there when it happened. Count on support.
• I can't wrap my head around this death, I sympathize with you.
• No words can ease the pain, my sincere condolences.

Words of sincere support to friends regarding the death of relatives is the least that can be done. Do not remain indifferent to the grief of even a stranger, and let trouble pass you by.

Useful video

Conveying condolences for a loss sincerely and tactfully is always difficult. Especially if you have to do it in person. There are certain forms of etiquette that will make communication go smoothly, despite the tragedy of the moment. We hope our advice will help you to hold yourself with dignity and show your best sides.

Examples of words of condolences

To find the right expressions, you need to gather your thoughts and look inside yourself.

Don't try to hide behind dry clichés, but don't be too emotional either. Never use swear words in speech.

If you have to express condolences in writing, avoid exclamation marks. Be brief and straightforward - the person is gone forever, and this cannot be hidden by any softening expressions.

How formal your appeal will be depends on the specific case, but it is imperative to end it with a question about how you could help.

In both written and oral form, you can use the following text as an example:

• “A wonderful man has passed away. I send my condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult moment”;
• “I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you";
• “I was told that your brother died. I am very sorry and I send you my condolences";
• “I want to express my deep regret at the death of your father. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know."

When is it customary to express condolences?

Time, like words, is also of great importance. You should be tactful towards the loved ones of the deceased.

Typically, those who want to express sadness over someone's death have two concerns: Will I disturb the mourners and is it too late (or too early) to turn now?

1. The first point is psychological.. It happens that you have no experience in such conversations, or you are afraid to enter a house that has recently been visited by death, or during the life of the deceased you did not get along with his family... Most often, people simply torment themselves, feeling that they are obliged to come or call, but are afraid to see someone else’s grief and do not know how to behave in such a situation.
2. The second point relates to moral behavior. Is it possible to call the family of the deceased as soon as you have learned the dark news? Is it worth waiting for the funeral to support his relatives there? And if you were not invited to the funeral or commemoration, then when should you show up with condolences? Will it be too late in a week?

No matter how difficult and scary it may be for you, you should show up or call when you feel that it is expected of you. For example, a friend, relative, or neighbor needs consolation. Also, if you know that your presence or a few kind words over the phone will encourage the person, you should do so on a “if not me, then who” basis.

You may not be best friends, perhaps you have not been to this family for a long time, but sometimes support is needed from outsiders, especially if the grieving person is lonely and unprotected. These could be pensioners, widows, orphans, young mothers with baby, just closed people who find it difficult to count on help.

Don't get overly embarrassed. Even if you are received distantly or asked to be shorter and leave, then at least your behavior will be correct.

Still, most mourners need and expect visitors and calls. If you are close to them, call as soon as you find out about the grief. If not very close, it would be more formal to come or call in the first three days after the funeral.

A maximum of a week later, it is customary to bring condolences from employees at work, and if you contact them even later, then prepare a short excuse (they didn’t know, they were in another country, etc.).

What not to say

Well-worn phrases, which can be used to get away with it if a friend is just having another problem, are absolutely not suitable during the period of mourning for the deceased.

When difficult news of loss comes to a family or circle of loved ones, relatives, friends, colleagues, one should remember the need for support and delicacy. It is very bitter to lose your loved ones, but it is necessary to find the strength within yourself to find the words to express your sympathy and condolences in connection with the death of a loved one.

How to properly offer condolences, talk about how the deceased was loved, what human qualities were especially valued and respected for?

Funeral speech

Farewell words at a funeral should be concise and logically structured. No matter how difficult they are to pronounce, they should not be unprepared, slurred, or excessively confusing. This may be perceived as disrespect for the deceased. That's why It’s worth thinking about the words that will be heard during funerals and farewells in advance., highlight the main points in it, draw up a diagram of the funeral speech. Its main parts and examples are given below:

Main parts of a funeral speech

1. Address to the guests gathered at the funeral
   “Dear family and friends of (name of the deceased)…”, “Dear guests!”, “Loved ones and relatives...”.
2. Introducing yourself, indicating the degree of relationship with the deceased.
   “My name is (proper name), (name of the deceased) and I were colleagues (friends, etc.) for ... years”, “We were neighbors with ...”, “Dad was ...”.
3. A memory of a tragic event and a short story about one’s own experiences, one’s pain.
   “We met him just yesterday...”, “40 days have already passed since...”, “He has not been with us for a year...”.
4. Characteristics of the deceased.
   “He always smiled...”, “He fought for life until the end...”, “He taught me...”.
5. Condolences or customary funeral words.
   “My sincere condolences...”, “May the earth rest in peace,” “Eternal memory,” “Rest in peace.”

When remembering a deceased person, you should not retell his biography at the funeral. You can say a few words about any significant episode of life, interesting fact, which reflect the dignity of the deceased. It is worth focusing the attention of people gathered at the funeral on the quality that is highly valued. It is better to remain silent about negative traits, sins, weaknesses, and ambiguous attitudes towards the deceased, following the Russian proverb “It’s either good or nothing about the deceased.”

Words of grief must come from the heart. Here is an example of a funeral speech delivered by Alexander Abdulov’s adopted daughter Ksenia Alferova:

“How grateful I am to God and fate that you were in my life. You are not my real dad - I, however, have never felt this. When I found out about this, I was terribly upset. I thought that this was some kind of injustice - he should have had a child of his own and by the end of his life he, or rather, she appeared! At first I was happy, and then I was afraid that I wouldn’t need you anymore. I now realized that this was stupid, I realized that you needed me no less than I needed you... It’s a pity that you understand such things too late.”

Examples of short verbal condolences

When choosing words of grief intended for well-known relatives of the deceased, it is worth thinking over a deeply personal, sympathetic phrase. Words must be sincere and delicate. In moments of bitter loss, at a funeral, the feeling of falsehood turns out to be heightened.

The choice of words and format of verbal condolences depends on the circumstances. If a narrow circle of relatives and friends of the deceased gathers, the speech can be especially heartfelt and personal.

If a person is going to see him off on his last journey a large number of people, then brief expressions of condolences are more appropriate, because words of sympathy and sorrow should be uttered by all those gathered.

Here are examples of such words:

• We all hurt, but it’s worse for you than anyone. If I can help you, please contact me right away.
• Be strong. We mourn with you.
• I sincerely sympathize with your loss.
• Our family feels very sorry for you. With the passing of (name of the deceased), we lost a piece of ourselves.
• (Name of the deceased) was like this wonderful person, we have always followed his example. He will forever remain in our hearts.
• What a loss! I pray for (name of deceased).
• (Name of the deceased) did so much for me, I will never forget him. I sincerely sympathize with you.

Funeral speech

To commemorate the deceased, it is customary to gather a circle of relatives and people close to him on and through. The words spoken at a wake are traditionally imbued with warmth and light sadness. At the wake they talk about the deceased person, remember various stories and incidents from life.

• Funeral speeches, like mourning speeches at funerals, are drawn up according to the classical plan. At the same time, we must not forget about the need to declare a minute of silence in memory of the deceased. The role of the manager, who announces it and also gives the floor to those gathered in turn, is usually taken on by a person close to the family of the deceased.
• According to tradition, the words of the funeral speech are first spoken by the people closest to the deceased person - parents, spouses, children, brothers and sisters, and then friends and colleagues. The host should always have a few appropriate phrases prepared in case the performance of one of the guests is interrupted by crying.
• Funeral words are always pronounced standing. Their main task is to revive bright memories of the deceased in the memory of those gathered.

Here is an example of the words of a memorial speech on behalf of children remembering their father:

“Father has always been a wonderful example not only for all of us, but also for many people around him. From him we learned to see and distinguish true life values, to give kindness to others. Many people who knew him admired his bright soul. We believe that our father left us too early. Eternal memory to him!

Poems and toasts

At a funeral, poetry is categorically inappropriate, while at a wake - on the 9th or 40th day, a year after death, poetry can sound more sincere and heartfelt than ever. Poems in these cases are acceptable, but carefully and in moderation, and it is better if they are of your own composition.

Mourning is said at the table. They should not relate exclusively to the personality of the deceased. Guests making toasts can express words of sympathy and grief for all the dead.

Here are examples of poems and toasts:

You died too early

Words cannot express our pain.

Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,

The memory of you is always alive.

My soul is worried without you,

You don't need girlfriends or friends.

Why is it possible without millions?

Why is it impossible without one?

“Friends, today is a day of sorrow. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with someone who left us. But today you and I drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on his last journey. But we will keep in our hearts the good memory of our friend, having hope of meeting again in a new place. Let's drink to the dregs for this!