The husband left and went to his mistress. What to do if your husband left for someone else. The husband left for his mistress, how to return the plot

Steps! One two Three!

1. Rejoice - you are now free!
2. Read, learn, analyze!
3. Change what you can change - yourself?!

This question is extremely important. Therefore, we decided to publish a book to help those who need it. You can purchase the e-book using the link in the "Links to other resources" section

EBook. Epub format

ISBN: 978-1-365-68661-0
© Yurchenko 2017 All rights reserved.

Sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that they cannot be changed.
But there is still a way out! It is about changing your attitude towards current circumstances. This book will help you do that!

You will be able to regain your inner balance so you can live a full life.

You will learn how to behave in order to live with the hope that the future will bring happiness.

You will be able to change yourself so that you will be absolutely confident in your chosen one.

You can change your attitude towards the situation so that life will sparkle with bright and vibrant colors again

About the book

Content
Reasons why husbands leave for their mistresses?
Prerequisites for treason
Signs of a cheating husband
Feature stories
Husbands go to their mistresses in search of a fairy tale
How to prevent your husband from cheating?
Can you trust your friend?
A woman must work
If a wife nags her husband...
How can I stop nagging my husband?
What do my colleagues think of me?
Selfie or happy family?
Communication in Odnoklassniki and betrayal
Why have a husband if there are social networks?
A long-delayed holiday for my husband
Unequal exchange on social networks
Should a husband help his wife around the house?
Other books by authors

***
Dear women!
I know how painful it is for you when there are suspicions of your husband’s infidelity or your husband leaves...

The world seemed to collapse in an instant. Although it was obvious even before that that something was wrong.
And yet the very departure of her husband is as if the earth had fallen under her feet.
I understand you very well. And the first thing I want to help you with is to relieve your pain. After all, it is pain that does not make it possible to adequately make decisions. The soul seems to be torn into small pieces. And it’s impossible to collect it.
Pain prevents you from feeling yourself and your worth.

You understand well that a man does not go anywhere. He leaves for his mistress. 99% of them are like that. And the same statistics show that more than half of husbands return to their wives.
But how can you ensure that the relationship does not get worse after the return of the prodigal husband?

And this is where my book will come to your aid.
She will help you:
- understand whether it is necessary to return your loved one;
- return him without stress and humiliation;
- establish relationships without betrayal, quarrels and lies. But men don’t leave such relationships, and the women there are happy.

After reading this book, you:
- learn to preserve love;
- you will become confident again;
- you will feel your own worth. And no one will ever be able to destroy it.

Remember now that your husband chose you because:
- you were beautiful;
- you were confident in yourself as a woman;
- you radiated joy and calmness;
- you knew that you wanted to be with him.

Let's together, plunging into the world of this interesting book, return your previous state. You will become irresistible first for yourself, and then for him. And they won't cheat on you anymore. What for? There will be no point in cheating. By applying the knowledge you have gained, you will satisfy all men's needs. Good luck to you, dear women!
***
Reasons why husbands
go to their mistresses?

The most important questions that concern a woman whose husband has left for his mistress:
- Why?
- For what?
But these are the wrong questions.
The answer to them causes pain, without bringing any positive changes to life. Why is that?
Because for housewives of such questions, knowing the answer does not bring action into life. Knowing the answer brings tears, whining, complaints to girlfriends, hateful words addressed to the man.

There is only one right question to ask yourself:
– So that this never happens again in my life, I want to understand why this happened?
This way of asking the question suggests that a woman’s intellect is ready to accept the lesson, learn from it, and not repeat it in her life.

Therefore, the answer to the question “Why?” This article is presented for those women who, having learned the answer, will not moan about the truth expressed in the answer to this question, but will get down to business.

The answer to the painful question “Why?” for most women it sounds like this:
– Because the woman, through her action or inaction, herself created such conditions when a man is forced to look for a replacement relationship with another woman. We pay attention to the word “forced” because it is an important word. Important because it is true. No, little dog, not a bastard, not a bastard! He is forced to do this. because he was forced. A woman also does this if she is forced to do something by circumstances. After all, we are all people.

So, after all, why do husbands leave for their mistress?
There is a theory that says that men are polygamous and women are monogamous. But these explanations have no credibility, because polygamy is inherent in both men and women. Because polygamy is in the head, and the head is controlled by our consciousness, which does not allow men and women to throw themselves at each other just because there is mutual attraction between a man and a woman.
There are other explanations for why husbands leave for their mistresses.
– A man does not have the same responsibility to his family as a woman.
This is due to its genetic characteristics, which are associated with male animals. Everything is like in nature. The mother wolf will never entrust her cubs to the father wolf, fearing that he will eat them. A male animal is concerned with only two things. The first is to be full. The second is to have many females and fertilize them. Based on this, it is concluded that most men have a model of relationships with women similar to that of male animals.

But this also does not explain why husbands leave for their mistresses. And not everyone does this, and not the majority, but a certain tiny percentage. In addition, in nature there are examples of faithful married couples, without a harem, with mutual participation in raising their young.
But, if now a woman asks her man:
- Expensive! Are you the same as males in nature? Do you want a harem?
She might get the answer:
- No, of course, because I love you!
And it won't be a lie. This will be an honest answer, regardless of any genetic connections. The fact is that man is not an animal. He has a highly organized consciousness. It is consciousness that guides a person through life. And if a man’s consciousness generates a state of happiness from unity with a woman, a state of pleasure from being next to her, then he will not even think about cheating.

So we have come to understand the reason why a man leaves for his mistress.
This reason is a destroyed unity, the disappearance of the pleasure of being near a woman.
What is it in a woman’s actions that can alienate a man from her? Let's try to come to an understanding consciously, using logic rather than emotions.
***
This was an introductory fragment.

Lulu.com/shop/-/------/ebook/product-23033102.html

They never admit to their ex-wives that they feel bad, that they are drawn home - they are proud and cool. But nature and alcohol, and I met them on a hike organized by our psychologist, loosened their tongues.

I will not name the city, their real names - I promised them.

And why is this necessary; alas, typical tragedies, typical mistakes that happen near us. Both pain and resentment are the same.

How I want men to find strength and courage and return to their first wives. So that the ending would be like in the movie “Love and Doves.”

Mikhail, 44 years old, lawyer:

My wife Katya and I knew each other for only six months and decided to get married as soon as we graduated from college. She studied on a parallel course. Tall, beautiful, with long hair. I immediately noticed the hair. She still hasn’t cut it, although she’s wanted to do it a hundred times, especially in the summer. The wedding took place in my parents’ apartment and we spent half the night hanging out with friends. Young, happy. Then the first daughter was born. And then we couldn’t get pregnant for a long time. And the second daughter was born only 12 years later. I don't know how all this could happen to me. We achieved everything ourselves. When I lost my business, Katya took everything on her shoulders.

At the same time, I behaved disgustingly. I was ashamed of having no money, and I took it out on her. We overcame everything, Katyushka started talking about a third child. I remember how she and I danced at the graduation of our eldest daughter Anya. The teachers said that we were like graduates ourselves. And it seemed that the more we were together, the closer we became. And then Katya was invited to a very good position. The daughter went to Moscow to study. The three of us were left. My wife was missing at work, and so was I. And then comes a moment that I still cannot forgive myself. I want to close my eyes and erase everything from my life. To make it clear to other men who are now at a crossroads or through the looking glass. I'll explain everything in detail.

My wife and I did not become strangers; everything was fine with us. Moreover, she was my closest friend. But all my friends began to get divorced in batches. And our men’s vacation, fishing, kayaking, began to take place differently. Women began to appear. Alcohol, laughter, freedom. That's how I met Toma. A friend of one of my friend's ladies. When I drove home, I was not ashamed. This is just for one time. But it didn’t happen all at once. I was drawn to it. She lived alone. We met during the lunch break during the day. And it was just a passion, but so strong that it was difficult to cope with. At the same time, relations with his wife were still close. These were different lives of mine, I didn’t connect them in my head. And then there was a quarrel with Katya over some trifle, then a second, a third. She felt it. I began to find fault with her. Specially. And, what surprises me now, I didn’t feel guilty. After one of the quarrels, I packed my things and left.

I called Tome, she accepted. I spent the whole week like in a fairy tale. In the morning, a five-course breakfast, she massaged my legs and jumped on top of me. Then my mother called. I won’t relay the conversation, but I was hurt by what she told me who I am without Katya. Nobody. And here I am God for a woman. And there I am Misha. With all the shortcomings and flaws. Something like this. Everything happened very quickly. Katya and I divorced, I began to live with Toma. New friends, girlfriends, her parents. I met my daughter, the eldest was simply in shock. That’s what the family said: I traded my mother for...

Exactly a year - and I realized that I was living with a complete stranger. I wake up, look at her and am ready to scream from loneliness

She doesn’t need my children, jealousy towards the youngest was simply killing me. Only the “MUST”s remain: we need to build a balcony, we need to buy laminate flooring, we need to change the wallpaper, our parents need to install gas into the house... The passion is gone. I see before me a lazy woman consumer who knows nothing about family life. In the evening with friends, cafes, cinema, get-togethers. There is nothing to eat at home, I cook it myself. Well, it’s my own fault... And there’s no warmth. Only horror that I lost my Katya. That my children survived this. Now I live in an apartment, renting. My wife will not forgive me, I know that for sure. And I can’t admit that I miss you and want to join my family. It's a blur, nothing else. Disgusted with myself. It's a shame that my wife is already dating someone... Life has collapsed, that's for sure.

Dmitry, 39 years old, civil servant:

We were sent on a business trip for a month. To another city, four specialists. It was hard to leave my family. It's summer after all. How will they cope without me at the dacha? I thought about it all the time. My son and wife Masha sent me photos and pictures via Viber. And then I started an affair. Just like that, with nothing to do. Another city, no one will know. The girl is pretty, naive, young. I am 34, she is 22 and already has a one-year-old son. Some youngster did not want to bear responsibility. It was a pity.

In the evenings we walked along the beautiful embankment, I bought her ice cream, she was very happy with any gift. And I got attached. Very fast. I didn't even expect it from myself. Then we parted with tears, because I didn’t deceive her: I said that I was married and had an eleven-year-old son. Left. But we continued to correspond. Masha asked why I encoded the phone, I had to lie. And I really missed you.

I came up with a business trip and went to Nastya again for a week. And I realized that I don’t want to be apart anymore. And I’m such a bastard, I came to my wife with champagne and flowers, I said, we need to seriously discuss something. There was a scandal, then tears, Masha begged to think about her son and family. Then she kicked me out.

I rented an apartment and moved Nastya and my son to my city. All our friends did not understand anything, our parents spoke out: “Your life, decide, you are a man.” Masha’s friends said that she was completely broken, crying all day long, and her son had slipped in his studies. It was very painful to hear this. The divorce was difficult, with division of property and scandals. I practically hated Masha. Nastya supported me... And I kept thinking that there is no need to get married early, true love can come during marriage and it will hurt everyone. What now? I do not even know where to start. I am raising someone else’s child, to whom I have never become attached, the boy is very difficult, with behavioral problems and hysterics. Nastya is a good girl, but not my kind of person at all. Do you understand? Masha and I were on equal terms; she is smart, well-mannered, serious, and purposeful. Nastya doesn’t want to work, study, doesn’t want anything. I'm replacing her father, or something.

There’s nothing to talk about, in the evenings “Dom-2”, no friends, doesn’t want to talk to my friends. If before my house was hospitable and feasting, now, in order to invite people to visit me, I buy food for the table. Nastya leaves with her son so as not to interfere. He is silent with his friends' wives, he will hide in a corner and remain silent. I wanted to pay for her college, but no, no. I watch old Soviet films - I don’t know a single one. I don't know what else to say.

My Masha is still alone. And I’ve been missing her and my son for three years now. The child is already a teenager, such a good guy. I can't tell her that I love her. After such betrayal, after such pain, what I did. My friends already believed in mysticism: like, they simply bewitched me then.

But I understand that I succumbed to something else. That I exchanged something very important and expensive for something simple and unnecessary for me. Nastya clung to me like ivy. “You took me out of my city. You took responsibility for me and my son!” How painful it all is. How could one get into such a mess without a brain, thinking something else? If Masha had forgiven me, I would have returned. But, as practice shows, men are rarely forgiven for such things. And I don’t know what to do next.

Alexey, 61 years old, builder:

I have a short and sad story. Demon in the rib. I lived with my wife for 27 years. Our son and daughter are the same age. It was difficult, but my wife and I were still halves, we coped with all the difficulties well.

Immediately after the birth of my grandson, I found a woman. Or rather, she me. I liked all this attention, I felt like a young man, not a grandfather. And I was very upset that I was starting to get old. He looked as young as he could. And here is a beautiful lonely lady 15 years younger than me. I won’t say that I was a good girl in marriage, there were all sorts of things: parties on the side, and fleeting romances, but my wife Tanya was always a priority. And here’s the thing – I fell in love. We dated for a whole year, and then she gave me an ultimatum. And at home there are twists, cucumbers, tomatoes, a wife in a dirty apron screams. And I wanted a new, beautiful life. We men don’t always understand, or rather, we forget that we are not gifts in life. That our women have gotten used to us, that we are already family, a lot is forgiven. I left Tanya.

The children didn’t talk to me, mutual friends staged a boycott. Everyone took the wife's side. She lost 20 kg, became haggard, and got sick. The son shouted: “Dad, are you completely stupid? You are different from her, look!”

Olechka tried to establish relationships with her children; she did not have her own. I asked my grandson for the weekend. But it was taboo. My life really started to be different. We traveled to Egypt, Turkey, Thailand, and the United Arab Emirates. Everything was beautiful and unusual. My wife and I had a private house, and we rested there, sometimes going to a sanatorium on a work trip or to Lazarevskoye. Olya changed her hats, spoke slowly and somehow like a movie. I was still wondering how such a woman chose me. And then I got sick. And I had to be looked after. Stroke. Olya held out for two months, and then asked the children to pick me up, since she had work and I was unattended. She became irritable, said that she did not have enough money, and she was now forced to work a lot. This is where it all dawned on me. Who is friend and who is enemy.

My wife took me! Can you imagine it? She came out, but did not forgive. “Love and Doves” is a good film, but life is not like that. I've been living in a hostel for five years now. I'm not happy with myself. I understand that I love my wife and children and grandchildren. But nothing can be returned. This is a very scary feeling! Very! Understand that he himself destroyed everything. That you betrayed, and then they betrayed you. That your wife never found a man. That you are now alone and not attracted to any woman.

Maxim, 35 years old, entrepreneur:

I filed for divorce myself. I myself made the decision to leave for my mistress and now I carry it all on my shoulders. My wife doesn't even know how bad I feel. This is my character: I can’t confess and fall flat on my face. And now I understand how disgustingly I acted. I left my wife and daughter because of love. It seemed to me that this was right. When you can't live without someone anymore. Everything started very quickly. Julia came to my office as an accountant, put everything in order, smiling, beautiful, with humor. Such a megastar, freedom-loving and passionate about pole dancing. And I got it. Our romance lasted two years! And then she said she was pregnant. And then I decided that this was a sign. I left my family and my second daughter was born.

The first one moved to second grade. I helped my first wife and child. It seemed like he did everything like a decent man. Yulka posted our photos on social networks, happy faces on Instagram, “breakfast for my beloved,” my daughter’s first steps, the blue coast of Bali, this is what my Kotya gave me, “happy family on vacation,” “my beloved spoils me with this and that " Instagram is truly beautiful and happy...

In fact, there is no end to our swearing. From morning to evening on weekends, breakfast in the morning is not for me at all, but for photography.

There is almost no bed, I am working with the child, Yulka is doing her training. There can be no talk about work, she is a star, and she should be appreciated just by being nearby... And next to me was a selfish, ostentatious person, aimed only at external beauty...

We arrived at my grandparents’ place, and she disgustedly washed all the forks before sitting down at the table. I couldn’t go to the toilet: “It smells like old people in there...” You can’t make a remark, it’s just a scandal. You can't talk - there's screaming. But on the street we are a happy, beautiful, awesome couple with a stroller for 120 thousand (this is very important for her). And I am watching Irina, my first wife, more and more. And I understand more and more who I lost. And for whom? There's a child, there's a child. Irina is a lawyer in good company, a smart daughter. Home is a cozy place... My daughter says that my mother looks at social media pages with me. She says it hurts her, but dad found his happiness and we need to be smart and forgive. What happiness?

If only you knew, our calm, kind, sweet women, what could be hidden behind this. Once upon a time, for my fifth wedding anniversary, I gave Irina a painting with humor, where our faces had aged and there were children and grandchildren around us. She is still before my eyes.

Discord in the family happens often, marital relationships are a complex matter. It’s difficult to give advice here, but many girls fall into deep despair when they realize that their husband has left for his mistress and this is no longer an ordinary quarrel. Therefore, we decided to give some recommendations so that you do not lose heart.

The first minutes are the most terrible, what should you not do in a moment of despair?

The main thing is not to give in to emotions and resentment; under their influence you can cause trouble. Now categorically it is forbidden:

• Arrange a showdown with your mistress. If you are not looking for meetings with her, maintain your pride and dignity;
• Humiliating yourself in front of your spouse, begging him to return, and threatening him will cause a feeling of disgust. Maintain outward calm even when he asks for a divorce;
• Complaining to everyone - find solace in one reliable friend in whom you are confident;
• To rush at the first person you meet, wanting revenge - you cannot yet evaluate a man objectively;
• Turning to fortune tellers - taking advantage of your condition, they will only deceive you.

We need to get out of depression, realize what happened and what to do next. This will take time and a lot of effort - take care of it.

My husband left for his young mistress, will he return?

Of course, the main question now is will the faithful come back?

Often, after 40 years, men begin to have a crisis - they don’t want to grow old, and the realization that this is inevitable makes them wonder. Usually they try to cheer themselves up by having an affair with a young girl to prove: “ I'm still wow" In this case, husbands do not plan to leave their family, they just we need a new incentive, not a new wife . Some, however, are in a hurry and are packing their bags.

How events will develop depends on a lot: on the reaction of the wife and on his age. If a crisis hits a man at the age of 40, he may get excited, but he will soon return, and at 55, he is unlikely to leave.

If you do not want to lose your husband, follow a wise policy:

• Don’t make a scandal when you learn about cheating;
• Don't spread rumors;
• It may be better to pretend that you don’t notice anything for the time being;

Try to return him cunningly, without scandals, and even more so, do everything so that problems do not affect the children.

In this video, family psychologist Oleg Torlopov will give some tips that will help change your spouse’s decision to leave the family home:

What to do to get your spouse back?

In this situation, victory will go to the one who has more endurance and a sharper mind. You shouldn’t get all worked up and kick your spouse out now; it’s better to let go and say a few kind words that you love and are waiting. This is what should be done if he has packed his suitcase.

If he doesn't go away yet, tread carefully:

1. Pay attention to your appearance, it may need to be tidied up;
2. Try to diffuse the situation at home - greet him from work with a smile, prepare a new menu;
3. Introduce mystery - disappear and don’t call, for example, say that you need to go away and without explaining where you are going;
4. Ask your friend to call in the evenings as if it were not her, but a new colleague. But the main thing is not to overdo it with jealousy, otherwise he will think that everything is fine with you and you can leave calmly;
5. Do something you've never done - take a course, go to the gym or take dance classes. Develop and grow before his eyes.

Even if it doesn’t work out and he leaves for a rival, it will be easier for you to survive what happened, because now you are an athletic, beautiful woman who is used to always smiling and looking at the world with a positive attitude.

My husband left for his mistress, when will he return: timing?

Of course, I want to understand what to expect, and most importantly, how long it will take until he comes to his senses. But it’s a grave mistake to set a time frame, as this will make you worry more. On the other hand, you can’t wait forever if he has firmly decided that he needs to improve his life.

According to psychologists, serious relationships on the side last about 8 months . But everything is individual, some men spend their entire lives extolling their wife above everyone else and surrounding her with care and all kinds of attention. Others sometimes go on a binge to maintain self-esteem and vitality.

Everything now depends on you - what you are willing to do to save your family and how long you will endure it. Focus on the situation, your and his character, relationships. No one can say when his loved one will return, not even himself.

Why doesn't the husband leave for his mistress?

When your spouse is constantly walking, you begin to wonder why he doesn’t leave, maybe it would be better if he constantly pulls to the left?

There may be several reasons for this:

• Afraid of change. You already have a lot in common with your wife, you know her habits well, you can adapt to them, and what awaits there will suddenly be worse;
• Believes that his wife is better. He understands that he and his girlfriend feel good in bed, since this is new. But she cannot give more;
• He's being held children, or rather, father’s authority - by divorcing you, he will definitely decrease;
• Moral principles- what will relatives and acquaintances say?

Sometimes a man cheats under the influence of alcohol, at a corporate party, for example. Then he continues to meet with her out of inertia - he cannot refuse, he is afraid of offending her. In this case, some wise wives help him. Having understood the situation, they reveal their cards and solve the problem together. Different things happen in life, and this too.

How to return to normal life: the advantages of the situation

Even at this difficult moment it is important pull yourself together in time and move on. Get busy and reassess what happened:

In general, get distracted and have fun in every possible way, don’t be sour at home, let resentment and pain push you forward, rather than drag you down.

Yes, it’s hard and scary to understand that your husband has left for his mistress, perhaps for a long time or forever. But life goes on as usual and your task is not to fall out of it, but to use difficulties for personal growth.

In this video, psychologist Natalya Tolstaya will tell you what a wife should do if her husband intends to leave the family:

You can put a lot of effort into your beauty, comprehend spiritual practices and culinary art, love your spouse madly and one day discover that everything has collapsed - he leaves for another. Some blame their mistress for this, others blame their husbands, others blame themselves. Who is really to blame?

If the husband left for his mistress, then there is a reason for this. Perhaps after some time he will be drawn home and the couple will be reunited again. In order not to step on the same rake twice, a married couple should find the cause of the breakup and try to eliminate it. What could become such?

• Polygamy. Sometimes there is no one to blame. Polygamy is inherent in nature, so it’s better to take the information for granted and just wait. In 90% of cases, men return to their families.

• Mystery. By nature, a man is a hunter. To keep him, you need to intrigue him. No wonder there is an expression that a woman must have a mystery. When it is solved, the hunter rushes in search of a new victim. But then he returns to his wife again. This fact does not apply to all males. But there is a certain type for whom such a game represents the essence of a love relationship.
• Strong woman. There are women who do not tolerate sentimentality and are afraid to show weakness even in private. They do not disdain men's work, solve family problems and earn more than the head of the family. It’s no wonder that the husband leaves for his mistress after some time. After all, no one asked how he sees an ideal marriage. Perhaps he wants to show care, be the main breadwinner and solve everyday problems himself. And then at one point in a man’s life a companion appears who allows him to do this. Although there is also a downside: since this type does not naturally have initiative, the role of head of the family will not be fulfilled for long. When the enthusiasm fades, the husband returns to his wife again.
• Life It's no secret that everyday life kills feelings. A series of problems is annoying and often leads to quarrels in marriage. Scandals become the only emotional outburst. The rest remains behind the scenes. It is this “rest” that the spouse finds on the side.
• Extreme. The passion between spouses subsides over the years, and the relationship becomes more like a friendship. She cooks, he looks for novelty and finds it on the side. Although the ending of these love stories is also predictable - usually, after experiencing a dose of extreme sports, the faithful return to their ex-wives.
• Wife's indifference. This is a classic situation: robe, curlers, pots, children. The wife is too lazy to take care of herself and has no time to listen to her husband’s problems. The husband in this situation, as in the previous one, finds consolation in another.

How long will the fight between the ex and the future last?

There are a lot of cases when men return to their family from a new passion. The question is, how long does it take for this to happen? How long should you wait - a year, two, three or more? According to psychologists, serious affairs on the side last about eight months. This is a short period of time, if you remember the theory that love lasts three years. At the same time, it is impossible to answer with certainty how long it will take for your loved one to return home. Everyone has their own situation. For some representatives of the stronger sex, relationships with their mistresses can last ten years. These are the cases when they are in no hurry to make a choice and live in two houses. Marriage here is based only on an unspoken agreement: everyone has their own personal life.

If the husband left for his mistress immediately

Without long hesitation. The situation becomes a little simpler because:

• The period of throwing, and at the same time the suffering of all parties, is reduced.
• The sooner a new couple begins their life together, the faster their feelings will be tested by everyday life.
• The man will begin to compare his ex with his new passion and quickly determine whether he feels good in the new conditions.

The optimal period required for the transition from passion to everyday life is one and a half to two years. The period may be shorter, because sometimes the very fact of furtive meetings adds spice. If this was the only meaning of love, exes quickly break up with their mistresses and come back. Here are some more reasons why husbands return to their wives from their mistresses:

• Mental and physical comfort, which was in the previous house and was lost in another.
• Financial situation, which suited the former and does not suit the current companion - she was counting on more.
• Disappeared passion. Perhaps passion was the only reason for the union. When she disappears, the situation reaches a dead end. About such cases they say: “It was a mistake.”
• Epiphany. It turned out that the love was far-fetched, the man just needed a pause to understand how dear his ex-wife was to him.

It is possible that the above will have one underlying reason - a midlife crisis. Many mistakes are made precisely because of a radical revaluation of values. In times of crisis this is very important.

How long a midlife crisis lasts is as difficult to determine as it is to answer how long it will take for your spouse to want to go home. Everyone has their own deadline.

It can be squeezed into a year, or it can stretch out for ten years. It all depends on internal complexes and upbringing. But no matter how long the midlife crisis lasts, outside consolation will not be a salvation from worries. An option is possible when a man breaks off relations with his wife, and then with a new passion, and remains in the status of a bachelor for some time.

Behavior of a woman who has been abandoned: first reaction

The departure of a loved one is stressful, so experiencing negative emotions in the first period is normal. The woman feels humiliated, insulted, she is hurt and scared because no one needs her. Containing emotions is not a woman’s business, therefore, the sooner they spill out, the sooner you can pull yourself together. The latter is very important for those who intend to bring their spouse home. Yes, you won’t be forced to be nice and no one gives guarantees that he will return, but to accept the news of leaving with dignity is the first step towards reconciliation.

The most important thing is to contain negative emotions at the moment of leaving. Even if the couple never gets back together, the unpleasant feelings from their actions can remain for life.

When the job is done and he has left, you should not seek solace in food, alcohol or promiscuous relationships. Going to extremes will not make it any easier. Endless phone calls do not bode well either. Requests to return home, accusations and reproaches only humiliate. You definitely can’t save your family from your mistress. Rather, on the contrary: for your loved one, these actions will become another confirmation that he did the right thing.

How to behave? It’s good if the spouse has long guessed about an affair on the side and had the opportunity to prepare herself for the news of leaving. It’s worse if the news came as a bolt from the blue. In this situation, you can’t pick a reaction; it will spill out intuitively. Although you can stop in time. Ideally, it is better not to start a scandal, not to play out a drama, but, having swallowed the insult, calmly accept the news. And if a woman has the courage to say that she respects her lover’s decision, then the first winning move is automatically credited to the ex’s account. The husband will certainly appreciate his wife’s wisdom, not now, but later, when he wants to return.

Important! Under no circumstances should you sort things out with your spouse’s new companion! This is always a loss and humiliation of oneself.

Another important recommendation is not to overdo it in discussions with friends. You should not devote them to the details of your married life and throw mud at your ex. What if after a while he returns home and family life gets better again? Meetings with people who are aware of a family scandal are not very pleasant. You will have to change friends and company.

And yes, the more talk about betrayal, the more the emotional pendulum swings. It will be more difficult to find peace of mind, and the state of resentment will last longer.

What to do when emotions have subsided: trying to understand yourself

When the first reaction has been experienced, instead of replaying the situation over and over again, you need to step back and think about what to do next. It must be remembered that there are only two options: forgive and return, or forget and move on. If the choice fell on the first, then you should seriously think about what exactly makes you return your ex-spouse. After all, feelings tend to mix and in such a situation it is difficult to distinguish where the truth is and where it is a product of anger and resentment. What may guide you when deciding to get your ex back:

• The desire to restore dignity. Trying to take away what is hers, the spouse wants to restore self-esteem and compensate for the insult. If a reunion occurs, the couple does not live together for long. Life together comes down to reproaches and pressure to feel guilty. Do husbands return to such exes forever? Hardly.
• Revenge on the homewrecker. Perhaps the relationship between the couple collapsed long ago, but the spouses never talked about it. As a result of the breakup, a woman may simply be angry at the one who allegedly broke up their family. But if the man returns, the feeling of victory will last a maximum of a week. Next there will be the same reproaches, feelings of guilt and disgust.
• Children. The most common reason. Parents forget that children are happy when their mom and dad are happy too. Children feel emotions very subtly, so preserving the family through deception is not the surest way. If you talk to children on an adult level, they will understand and support any decision of their parents.

But what if the reason is true love? After what time can you start trying to get your loved one back? At once. The first rule is not to put pressure, set conditions, not threaten or force decisions. The second is a serious but calm conversation in private. A married couple needs to try to remember all the difficulties and happy moments lived together. It’s good if she makes it clear that the feelings haven’t faded yet and that she’s ready to accept her ex into the family after the betrayal. The conversation will be a test for herself. Suddenly, in the process of communication, it turns out that there are no feelings at all, that this is self-deception. Or it may be that the spouse himself will express doubts about the breakup and hint that all is not lost. His departure may be just a moment of madness.

Women's advice: If the husband decides to return, do not quickly open your arms. At first, it’s better to “think” a little about whether to take it back. After all, he is the culprit of women’s tears and suffering.

What if he doesn't intend to come back?

If a man remains adamant after a conversation, then worry and self-criticism away. These two satellites are the worst solution to the problem. We need to focus on the future and start creating a new life. This is only possible if you once and for all prohibit yourself from scrolling through variations on the theme: will he ever return to me? You only need to focus on yourself: remember your attractiveness, your ability to arouse desire in men.

The best way to start a new stage is with your appearance. This is even recommended by psychologists. A new hairstyle, a radical change in clothing style, getting rid of extra pounds - these worries can fill your thoughts at first. If there are any things in the house that remind you of a past relationship, you need to get rid of them or put them out of sight. The same goes for the wardrobe.

You need to find the positives in everything. If the husband restrained his former companion in some way, for example, did not let him go out with friends, now is the time to take advantage of the opportunity. It is also worth thinking about what you always wanted to do, but did not have time for it: yoga, dancing, swimming pool, fitness, etc. The more active the pastime, the greater the chance of switching to good things and pushing an unpleasant event into the background.

It’s even better to regard the breakup as an opportunity to analyze your mistakes in family life. Perhaps after some period it will be discovered that the reason for the divorce was not at all what it seemed at first. If a woman finds the courage to admit and work through her mistakes, she will have a better chance of creating a new and more prosperous family.

And perhaps it will happen that after a while the man will be drawn home. They often return to their exes if they give them complete freedom. After all, the more the level of importance of a problem decreases, the faster it resolves itself. And then it’s up to the woman to decide whether to accept her ex into the family after cheating or continue to build a new life with another person.

The husband left for his mistress. How long will it take for him to feel the urge to go home? The advice of a psychologist will give you the answer to this question and tell you how to behave correctly during this period, so that in the end he will return to you again and want to stay with you. And he perceived his mistress as an unsuccessful hobby that must be forgotten and erased from his life as quickly as possible. And he will definitely be drawn home in exactly six months, you can’t even doubt that! Essentially, your situation is what is called in psychology the “yoke effect.” And it is considered a classic in relations between spouses. Simply put, 90 percent of couples on planet Earth go through similar stories.

In most of them, men prefer to return home. It is rare that they want to stay with their mistresses.

So what is the “yoke effect”? This is when a couple has an equal relationship and both partners love each other equally. But over time, first from one bucket, then from another, water begins to drip onto the floor, and the rocker can no longer be carried evenly; it will tip in one direction or the other. It's the same in your couple's relationship. If your husband has temporarily exchanged you for his mistress, then the last word is now his. His behavior upset the balance. He wants to leave, he wants to try a relationship with another woman. Moreover, now it seems to him that that other one will completely change his whole life, make it sweet and pleasant. He will no longer have problems, but only ease, positivity and regular sex. All these are hormones. Or in another way – temporary love.

Before continuing reading, we recommend watching the following video:

But six months pass, a maximum of a year, and the man lives with his mistress, on whom he had very high hopes. Everyday life appears, solving issues, problems, quarrels... and over time he begins to understand that this woman is no different from others. Or maybe even the other way around. She has much more cockroaches in her head than you, his beloved wife, with whom he lived for many years in marriage. The situation is aggravated by the fact that love (hormones) passes, the husband gradually begins to look to the other side...

And where does he look first? Right. How you, his ex-wife, live there!

Now, the most important thing. In order for him to return to you, you must behave correctly in this situation. And then success is guaranteed to you!

What do we have to do?

1 If he decides to leave for someone else, don’t keep him. Don’t beg, don’t beg, don’t be hysterical, and especially don’t threaten, and don’t humiliate yourself in front of him. Now he is controlled by emotions, and your attempts to prove or explain something to him simply will not bring the desired effect. Need time.

Therefore, openly let him know that you love him, that it hurts you to lose him, but you will always respect his feelings and emotions. If he has made such a decision, you will not interfere with him.

2 Eliminate the negativity in yourself. You need to forgive your husband. It is very important. Because all this pain, resentment and your desire for revenge, first of all, poison you, and from the inside. And sooner or later they lead to serious illnesses. Do you really dislike yourself so much that you are ready to live days and nights in this negativity? Moreover, until you forgive him, you will, willy-nilly, pour out all this negativity on him. In portions, but you will.

Because you won’t be able to accumulate it within yourself all your life. Treat the situation philosophically: he didn’t want to intentionally offend you, he just spoke openly about his feelings. Now it seems to him that he needs another woman, and he may even believe it himself. But, as we know, everything flows, everything changes...

3 Take care of yourself. You now have a wonderful opportunity to devote completely free time to yourself for your loved one. While he is “ripening” to the right and correct decision to return to you, push him to this decision yourself.

How? Show him that you are much better than his current woman. Not only does he realize this himself. He will still see what a beauty, smart girl and “Komsomol member” you have turned into, which means he will definitely want to come back to you. This effect can be achieved very simply:

- second - you need to change your life. It should not end with a man, and even more so, it should not revolve around him. In order not to live only with memories “of him”, you will have to find for yourself, organize and come up with new memories with which your life will now be filled.

Start communicating with people, going out somewhere in the evenings. Start new interests and new hobbies that you like. Be sure to exercise, as it is an ideal cure for depression and bad mood. In a word, start filling your life with something new, interesting, and not just relationships and memories of your man.

4 Devalue your relationship with him. All psychologists in this world will unanimously tell you one simple thing that works like clockwork: if we hold on to something very tightly, it eludes us. And vice versa, if we devalue something, then it will definitely come to us, on its own. Devalue your union with your spouse. Convince yourself that with him you will, of course, be happy, but without him you will not be lost either. As soon as you do this, the principle of life will work, and he will definitely want to return to you.

He will be even more hooked by your indifference. This is all inherent in the male psyche: the more difficult a woman is for him to get his hands on, the more interesting he is with her, and he appreciates her more later. So don't waste time, but act.

So, let's once again draw a small, short conclusion from our article. The husband left for his mistress. How long will it take for him to feel the urge to go home? The advice of a psychologist says this: in six months at least, in a year maximum. The trick is for you to behave as correctly as possible in this situation. Then you will have a chance not only to return him, but also to receive a lot of gifts and privileges, as an apology for the fact that he dared to leave you.

What should be done?

1. 1. Don't hold it. Don't be hysterical, don't beg or threaten. Respect the other person's personal space.
   2. Get rid of the resentment toward your spouse. Learn to make any situation work for you, and not against you.
   3. Work on yourself. Change yourself so that he will gasp the next time you meet him at your fit and vibrant appearance.
   4. Openly let him know that your romance is not over yet, but you will not keep him.