My husband's mistress is pregnant from him. “My married mistress is pregnant and, possibly, from me. What to do? Husband torn between family and mistress

In life together, from time to time, various kinds of difficulties occur, which not everyone can cope with. Cheating is a very sensitive topic and not everyone admits to it, but no one is safe from love triangles.

According to statistics, most infidelity occurs on the part of married men. Betrayal by a spouse becomes a terrible test for any woman, no matter how many years of married life she has lived behind her.

It’s hard to imagine what a blow the news that her husband’s mistress is pregnant will be for her. In addition to anger and resentment towards a loved one, a feeling of despair and depression appears. After all, now a child will appear in your common life. Someone else's child who split your family into “before” and “after”. Due to the reckless actions of adults, he is deprived of a happy childhood and a full-fledged family even before his birth.

This situation makes it impossible to think soberly and knocks the ground out from under your feet. On the one hand, this, but on the other, my own family, my own children. Dreams and plans for the future. What to do in this situation?

• The most important thing is to calm down! Of course, this requires incredible effort, and the feeling of resentment and bitterness is overwhelming. But, in order to fully understand the current situation, it is necessary to approach the issue with a cool head. Even the worst state should not make you think that what happened is your fault. It is quite possible that your husband did not intend to betray you and destroy the marriage. Everyone makes mistakes, but after such an act comes a clear understanding and remorse. Over the long years of married life, a lot changes, passion subsides and a quiet, measured life sets in, and against the backdrop of everyday problems and contradictions, disputes and resentments arise. At such a moment, men prefer to forget themselves and get away from problems. It is these events that most often lead to betrayal. Surely he has already regretted what he did ten times, but it is no longer possible to change what happened.
• Once alone, give free rein to your feelings! Psychologists assure that it is not worth holding back accumulated emotions. If you want to cry, do it, scream to your heart’s content. Let all the anger spill out. You will be surprised how your state of mind will improve.
• Analyze the latest events. The correctness of the decision depends on this. How did you find out about your pregnant lover? Did the spouse repent and talk about this accident, or did this relationship last for a long time, which implied such an outcome of events? Or did your rival tell you about her pregnancy in order to destroy your family? Often pregnancy is just a pretext for manipulation aimed at taking your spouse away. Don't let your rival manipulate you, don't communicate with her and don't ask for anything. The person responsible for the events must correct the situation; you don’t need unnecessary worries. Check to see if pregnancy claims are false.

What to do if the relationship with the homewrecker continues for a long time and the spouse continues to live in two houses? At the moment of exposure, a man can swear that he chooses only you and relationships on the side mean nothing to him. But do you need such a person? Allowing yourself to cross the line, lie and cheat for a long time and act in the same way towards her. Can you trust him again? Will you be able to forget everything and rely on him? Even when you try to restore the relationship, you will always think that he is deceiving you again. In addition, every reminder of your rival’s child will again return you to these events. Only one piece of advice is appropriate here - get a divorce. After all, there is simply no hope that he will change.

“What can I expect from my husband if he categorically does not want to separate?” If this is so, he will put an end to his relationship with his mistress. After all, what happened once may not happen again, and your family will become stronger after going through this obstacle. When you visit a psychologist, you will probably hear a lot of real stories of people who went through this together and got through it. Why not fight for your happiness? And everything would be fine, but there is one thing - a child. A huge responsibility that will not go away. If your husband insists on an abortion, remain neutral. At this moment, just be close to your companion and tell him that you will always support him. Be kind to him as never before. This will help you make the right decision. If you decide to keep the child, agree to help financially. This will save you from many problems. But it is important to understand that meetings with a child from another woman will be a frequent occurrence. Therefore, you will have to come to terms with this state of affairs and accept it. If you don’t even think about it, then you should think about whether you need to save the relationship. Be prepared for the fact that your rival will continue to try to destroy someone else’s for her own purposes for a long time.

Having decided to separate, do not rush to file for divorce under any circumstances. You will always have time to do this, just as your mistress is pregnant by her husband, she will have time to take your place if you clear the way for her. Therefore, never give up your position. Why should a rival get something that was built with backbreaking labor? Fight for your happiness, but don't show it. Radiate calm and wisdom. Deal with family issues with your husband together. Load it up with pleasant errands. Feeling guilty, in an attempt to make amends for it, he will do everything in his power. Go to the countryside more often, relax together. Add some color to gray everyday life. You yourself won’t notice how quickly your mistress will be left with nothing. If a man feels the former support, care, sensuality, he will rush home to you. It's only a matter of time.

Reasons for betrayal

Why does my husband cheat? Every woman sooner or later asks this question. According to psychologists, both are always to blame for betrayal. The reason may be frequent disagreements, feelings that have cooled over time, or everyday problems. The relationship is significantly influenced by the career of one of the spouses. Frequent business trips of a spouse or a wife’s career, which takes up all her free time.

“The woman who is pregnant by my husband is trying in every possible way to ruin our lives.” Men often want to diversify their sex life, and the fact that their mistress allows this to happen is no secret to anyone. A man can be a wonderful family man, a loving father, but not many can resist such temptation. Most of these connections are just a way to satisfy a sexual need, without any obligations or long-term relationships. A man always returns to where he is expected. But it happens that the mistress does not agree to play such a role. Like every woman, she wants to take her rightful place. Therefore, she resorts to various tricks to keep her partner and destroy his family. Blackmail, constant calls and messages, and conversations with his wife are used. Thus, these relationships cease to be a secret and turn into confrontation.

How to survive betrayal?

In order to relieve mental pain, you need to distract yourself from all negative thoughts. It is important not to withdraw into yourself, not to engage in self-flagellation. The following steps will help you cope with this turning point:

• Communication with close friends and family. They will always support you, surround you with care and attention, and also help protect you from dark thoughts.
• A great option would be to move away from your shared home for a while. This will not only be a good rest, but will also make your spouse think about his actions and decide what to do next. The fear of losing what has been built over the years will play a role.
• Under no circumstances should you think about revenge. By doing this you destroy yourself, undermine your own health and deprive yourself of beauty. This fact has long been proven by scientists. Let go of the situation and life itself will punish the homewrecker. You can be sure that she will not build her happiness on someone else’s grief.
• Take care of yourself! Family life is not easy work. The priority becomes comfort in the home, children, husband, and domestic issues. There is absolutely not enough time for yourself. This is familiar to absolutely all women. Now you have every right to do something for yourself. And this applies not only to appearance. It is unlikely that you had the opportunity to attend any courses or trainings. Perhaps you have always dreamed of getting a license? Or study a foreign language? Feel free to make your dream come true. Amazing things happen to those who decide to make changes.

• A visit to a psychologist will not be superfluous. Don't worry, because there is nothing shameful in this. After talking with a good specialist, even the most difficult issues can be resolved.
• Don't try to start a new relationship without commitment in order to get back at your spouse. Now your condition most likely leaves much to be desired. Many women try to forget themselves and look for a fleeting connection in order to hurt a man, to take revenge using his own methods. But believe me, this can worsen your condition even more. Your relationship will further distance you from each other and you will feel lonely. And most importantly, do not forget about your children. After all, they will be participants in these events. This can significantly disturb their psyche and it will be extremely difficult to correct it.

Is it possible to save a marriage?

The situation when a husband has a pregnant mistress is difficult for any family. At this moment, it is up to you what decision to make. However, you should not chop rashly. Yes, at first the only thing you will feel is the desire to run away, get a divorce, erase him from your life. It seems that there is no turning back and the family is destroyed forever. But if you still love, and your husband worries with all his heart and shows through his actions that he wants to save the family and atone for his guilt, you need to listen to your heart. Time will pass, the pain will subside and many things will seem easier than they seemed. Many couples went through this and stayed together, and all the ups and downs remained forever in the past. If the choice is in favor of family, then try to sincerely forgive. And during quarrels, do not try to delve into the past. If everything works out for you, you will find peace, and your children will never know the bitterness of family loss and betrayal, because they are our reflection. Everything they see in their parents’ family will certainly become their model of behavior in the future. Therefore, working on yourself is simply necessary. First of all, for the sake of our own children.

“The initiative for family reunification does not come from my husband.” If the affairs between the family and the mistress do not stop and become systematic, a divorce should be demanded. No matter how painful it may be to realize reality, you should take a decisive step. Otherwise, you risk being a backup option all your life and putting up with betrayal. If a man does not have family values, alas, they cannot be instilled. It would be much wiser to put an end to this relationship and find quiet family happiness with a real man. The issue of children is no less important here. Under no circumstances should you maintain such a painful relationship “for the sake of the children.” Divorce will leave its mark on their state of mind. However, over time they will understand the reasons and draw the right conclusions. This is much better than making them experience betrayal over and over again until a similar situation happens in their personal lives. What could be worse than ruining the lives of your own children?

• By entering into a relationship with a married man, you are destroying not only someone else’s family, but also your life. For the sake of an affair, a man will not voluntarily leave his home, children, and most importantly, his wife, who went hand in hand with him through obstacles and difficulties throughout his life.
• After pregnancy, you will be left alone with your problems, since he has his own family, and these relationships have no weight. Moreover, the status of a pregnant mistress does not add honor. Surely you will be ashamed of this in front of your own child.
• If you did not know about your partner’s marriage ties and sincerely fell in love with him, and after pregnancy the truth was revealed, you should not keep the man. Even if the chosen one promises to divorce, most likely this will not happen. If a man has led a secret life for more than six months, he will never make a choice in your favor. Run away from him before it's too late.
• To become happy, learn to love yourself and not seek happiness by breaking up a couple.

Treason has existed at all times. However, only at the present time people still cannot overcome this “relationship disease”, although they are quite equal, self-sufficient and independent. in the hope that her husband will be faithful. However, it becomes much more difficult to accept the news of betrayal if the husband also happens to be pregnant.

Psychologists will not insist that you calm down, pull yourself together and remain calm. It's almost impossible! A woman who trusted her husband and remained faithful herself will always be shocked by the news that her husband has a mistress, and who is also pregnant. The wife will initially experience anger, anger, depression and deep disappointment.

You need to allow yourself to experience the whole range of feelings. The only condition is not to delay in order to begin to resolve the situation. First, allow yourself to experience the emotions that arose as a result of your husband’s infidelity and the pregnancy of his mistress, and then after some time, proceed to other decisive actions.

How to proceed?

If you find out about your husband’s betrayal, whose mistress also happens to be pregnant, you are probably overwhelmed with emotions. How to proceed after those few days when you allowed yourself to get angry and blame your spouse and his mistress for all the troubles? Now you need to realize that you need to act and be responsible for the consequences of your actions.

Start with the following:

1. Take control of your emotions. Don't do it harshly. Just start to understand that you can be angry and grieve for the rest of your life, but you suffer from it and waste your own time. If you don’t want to suffer all your life, then it’s time to put your emotions aside and start solving the problem.

What you think about what happened depends largely on your desires and feelings. If you still love your husband, then you can think about what pushed him to cheat. It will be more pleasant to think that everything is his fault. However, a man will never go to the left unless certain factors contribute to this. Surely something was not going very well in the relationship between the spouses, which is why the man decided to commit a treacherous act.

The fact that you find out the reason for what happened does not justify the man. Whether he deserves your trust or love is up to you to decide based on how the man will behave and whether you are ready to forgive him. However, you should understand that if you forgive your husband too quickly, he will not “learn” his lesson and will not appreciate your nobility.

Why don't many men return to those who beg them to? Why do men more often choose calm women than emotional ones? Why can a man mercilessly turn away from the one who cries because of him? The answer is quite simple: men are logical creatures and they do not like being pressured for pity.

Women are emotional. This is good when you need to show a man how interested you are in him, or to be creative in order to create your own unique external image of a lovely lady. But when it comes to solving serious issues, emotions only aggravate the situation. And since men are more realistic and down-to-earth, they don’t like it when a woman starts to have her head in the clouds and push for pity. A man will prefer someone who knows how to balance between emotions and logic. Therefore, it is necessary to keep your emotions under control.

It's actually not that hard for a woman to achieve this if you believe it. Just calm down and understand one fact: it is better to see, accept and understand what is already happening than to brush it off with your hands in the hope that the unpleasant thing will disappear. With your emotions, you try to brush aside the unpleasant. But how can you make death disappear (if a person has died) or a child appear (if you are not pregnant). Reality needs to be seen and accepted, no matter how unpleasant it may seem to you. Balance between reason, when you understand what is happening, are clearly aware of where you need to retreat and where you need to push, and emotions, when you can simply be happy about something or have fun discussing pleasant topics.

Keep your emotions under control. Men prefer women who know how to have fun and get back into real life, accepting even what they may not like. With pure emotionality, you can only attract an equally emotional and stupid man who will have his head in the clouds, not wanting to face reality. Therefore, learn to think with your head even when emotions overwhelm you. Make decisions based on logic and the realities of life, so that you don’t regret your actions later. This is in your own interests, because a man, first of all, wants to see an adult woman next to him, and not a stupid girl.

So, we've grieved and that's enough. It's time to solve pressing problems.

1. Analyze what happened. You should understand how long the man dated his mistress, from whom she is actually pregnant, how the husband treats his mistress and her pregnancy. All the answers will allow you to make the right decision. Of course, you can just leave without understanding anything. However, if it is important for you to understand whether the betrayal was a mistake or an intentional act that lasted a long time, you need to understand the situation.

Have you ever said to yourself: “Why did I do this? I just succumbed to my emotions and didn’t do what I wanted.” Emotions are indicators of exactly how you feel about a particular situation. If you feel joy, it means you enjoy the event. If you feel angry or sad, it means that something does not suit you. Emotions are only indicators of your attitude towards a specific situation, but they never help solve the problem.

Don't give in to your own emotions. Note, do not fight your feelings, namely, do not give in. Understand exactly how you feel about a particular situation; your emotions will help you understand this. But as soon as you start solving the problem itself, disconnect from your own feelings.

Emotions often distort your perception and also cause you to defend yourself rather than solve the problem. Please note that people often make excuses, scream, threaten, cry, snap, and take revenge when something unpleasant happens in their lives. But all this is an indicator that they succumb to their emotions, while they do not solve the problem that has arisen, but simply try to protect themselves and their interests from the enemy.

While you are defending yourself, you are not solving the problem, but are just waging war. You are trying to forcibly humiliate yourself or another person so that only the interests of one of the parties are taken into account. But in this way the problem is not solved, because when the “defeated” person calms down and understands how he was deceived, he returns to solving the problem again. Therefore, do not give in to your own emotions. If you want to solve the problem, and not make enemies and eventually return to the unresolved issue, then turn off your emotions, calm down and soberly realize what you want to achieve as a result of solving the problem.

Make contact with your opponent, understanding that he also has his own interests. “I have to solve the problem,” scroll this thought through your head. And in order to achieve your goal, you must be engaged in discussing the problem, and not in the desire to offend, humiliate or blame someone for something.

Make contact with your opponent to show him that you want to find a compromise that will take into account the interests of all participants in the process. Therefore, you must jointly focus your efforts on solving the problem, and not on defeating each other. If you want to put an end to an unpleasant situation, then you will have to take into account the interests of your opponent, but at the same time firmly and clearly express your opinion. The most important thing is that you do not give in to your own emotions, because you will be fighting, not solving the problem. This in turn will lead to the fact that the problem will not be solved, and your war will never end until you peacefully sit down and talk about what you need to do so as not to return to the issue.

A man will lie and make excuses for his betrayal - this is a reason to think again about how much you need him. If a man admits everything and repents, then you can think about forgiving him.

Separating from your husband is very easy. If he does not break up with his mistress and continues his relationship with her, then this will be the right way out. However, if a man breaks off relations with his mistress and decides on his own about her pregnancy, then you can pause and see how it all ends.

Reasons for betrayal

The reasons for men's infidelity do not in any way relieve them of guilt, although the point is that the man had factors that pushed him to cheat. And these reasons are:

1. Disagreements with your spouse.
2. Fading feelings for her.
3. We have been leading separate lives for a long time now.
4. Lack of intimacy or rare sex.

Sooner or later, a man wants to remember his masculinity again, and his mistress helps him with this. However, now the wife needs to decide how.

1. Don’t isolate yourself, but communicate with loved ones, friends and other people.
2. Go on vacation for a while, to relax.
3. Go to a psychologist to consult with him on how to survive betrayal.
4. Take care of yourself: your appearance, emotional state, life.
5. Don't think about revenge. You can take revenge, but your husband will not return after that.
6. Do not start a relationship without commitment in order to take revenge or forget your husband. In this way you only harm yourself.

Should you save your marriage if your husband cheated and his mistress is pregnant? Each woman will answer this question herself. However, psychologists advise remaining flexible. If the husband asks for forgiveness, tries to get his wife back and leaves his mistress, resolving the issue of her pregnancy, then you can think about restoring the marriage bond. However, if the husband doesn’t even lift a finger when his wife leaves him, then it’s time to separate. Perhaps the mistress was just a reason for the wife to leave her husband.

And now a few words to the lovers:

1. Having an affair with a married man will not make you happy. In rare cases, men leave families on their own initiative. And with your presence you only destroy someone else’s family and corrupt a man.
2. Pregnancy will most likely be a blessing only for you. But your lover may leave you, which will leave you alone with the baby and all your obligations.
3. If you found out about a man’s status only after your pregnancy, then you should break up with such a man. He has already betrayed one wife. Do you want him to betray you in the future?
4. Happiness cannot be achieved by breaking up someone else's family. Such a man clearly cannot make a woman happy. Better learn to love yourself and look for a partner who does not deceive or betray anyone.

Bottom line

Ideally, a man should be punished for his actions: his wife should leave him, and his mistress should file for alimony. Both women should leave a man who does not value either family values ​​or the loyalty of his ladies, since with such a partner no lady will definitely be happy.

Every woman starts a family with the hope that her husband will be the most faithful. No one builds a relationship with the idea that the other half will walk to the left. However, often years pass, feelings subside, and the spouse no longer talks about his love so often. In the end, it may turn out that he is not only cheating, but that his mistress is pregnant. What to do, where to run and why doesn’t the husband confess?

So, you live and think that your . However, there are many factors that indicate that a man may (although not necessarily!) cheat on you. For example, you no longer sleep with him, he doesn’t tell you about his love, he often walks somewhere or is late at work. If you still want to be a united family where everyone is faithful, then it may come as a blow to you to learn that your husband has an affair. Moreover, she is still pregnant.

When this is discovered, wives usually do not know what to do. On the one hand, they want to find out who these mistresses are, how they attracted their husbands, and who they are pregnant with. On the other hand, you don’t want to understand anything, but just give in to emotions, tear and throw.

However, you should take control of your feelings and think about what is really happening in your family, since women often invent some kind of mistresses, and pregnant rivals are going to give birth to children not from their husbands. Thus, you first need to reliably find out who your husband’s so-called “mistress” is. Perhaps she is just a work colleague or a former classmate whom he helps or simply communicates without any intimacy.

Husband torn between family and mistress

But let's not fall into illusions: men rarely pay attention to women they don't like and aren't attracted to. If your husband pays attention to some young lady, then she has already become or, perhaps, will soon become his mistress. And if the “doves” have been cooing for a long time, then the presence of a belly on the mistress will clearly suggest that this child is her husband’s. If a spouse is torn between his family and his mistress, there is clearly something fishy here.

What should a wife do if she finds out about the presence of a mistress who is also pregnant? You should abstract yourself from your emotions. In order to make a balanced and not an impulsive decision, which will later cause the woman to suffer, she needs to distract herself from her emotions, indignation and shock.

Emotions will interfere with seeing the real picture of what is happening, as well as clarifying important issues for yourself. To achieve the desired effect, you can imagine that you are a spectator watching a series where the main character is in the same situation as you yourself. What does your heroine do? What advice would you give her?

Also, do not forget the wise phrase that “Everything passes, and this too shall pass!” Your situation worries you only now. In a few years, you will already calmly react to what is happening to you now.

First, control your emotions, and then think about how you will solve the situation. If it turns out that your mistress is pregnant by your husband, what are you going to do? You don’t need to think about what your husband will do, what other people will think of you, what your mistress wants. Here you can be selfish and think about how to act for you personally:

1. You can separate from your husband and leave him alone with your actions and decisions.
2. You can save your family and put up with your husband having a second family.
3. You can agree on something with your husband, for example, raising his child together if you do not have children of your own.

What you do is up to you personally. The main thing here is to get rid of the illusion that the husband will leave his mistress if she carries his child under her heart. Of course, there are men who abandon women while pregnant. But even in this case, you should think about it: do you need a man who can leave a woman in a helpless state when she urgently needs him? Even though we are talking about a mistress - your rival, if a man can do this to another woman, nothing prevents him from doing the same to you sooner or later.

Not all couples break up as a result of some kind of conflict situation. Sometimes partners separate because they are tired of something in their relationship. They torment each other, constantly make scandals, they can even love, but at the same time they see how disrespectful and insulting their loved ones treat them. It is in such moments, when on the one hand you understand that you need to separate, on the other hand feelings appear that interfere with this matter.

Emotions get in the way of breaking up. When you quarrel once again, you already understand that you need to leave your partner. But for some reason you don’t do this. Why? Because your emotions are turned on. You quarrel while under the influence of emotions. Hearing another armful of unpleasant words addressed to you, you worry, cry, worry. All these are emotions. How else could it be?

Usually it is easy for people to break up when their emotions are completely turned off during a quarrel. This does not mean that they do not love. Love is a feeling. And emotion is your attitude towards what is happening. You evaluate the situation from the point of view of whether it is good or bad for you. But you don’t notice the situation itself. Your emotions redirect your gaze from seeing a situation as it appears to you, to simply evaluating it, whether you like it or not, and then fighting to make it pleasant for you. You don't solve the problem, you try to make it so that it makes you happy. This is what emotions do that get in the way of a breakup.

When your emotions are turned off during an argument, you do not evaluate what is happening. You are calm and do not try to change the situation, because it does not make you happy or sad. Therefore, you see the quarrel as it appears to you. You hear everything that your loved one tells you, you understand what he is doing, you interpret everything in its literal sense and meaning. You do not fall into illusion and do not ask questions whether your partner loves you or not, because by his actions you can already see his true attitude towards you. They beat you. Do they love you at the same time? Are they showing deep feelings towards you by insulting you or telling you that they will find a replacement for you? Being under the influence of emotions, you do not understand where the truth is and where the lie is. But being calm and looking at the situation soberly, you finally see the person’s real attitude towards himself.

Why doesn't the husband admit that his mistress is pregnant?

Do you find out that your spouse has a mistress who is also pregnant? What to do? Why doesn't the husband admit to having a pregnant mistress? Even though you are concerned about such topics, you must understand that this is not your problem. The husband does as he sees fit. It is up to you to do what is convenient for you. You don't need to watch other people's actions, watch what you personally do.

If the husband does not admit to having a pregnant mistress, then there is no need to reveal it. If you don’t want to break up with your husband, then just wait until your husband tells you everything. In the meantime, you can do your own thing, for example, indulge in your hobbies or meet with girlfriends.

If you are ready to quarrel with your husband, then start discussing with him the topic of having a mistress. Be prepared for the fact that your husband will lie to you at every step. First he will deny cheating, then he will deny his mistress’s pregnancy. Such tactics are often resorted to by irresponsible men who do not reveal the secret of the birth of children from their mistresses.

However, in this matter you need to be sure that your mistress is pregnant from your husband. A spouse may not say anything about his girlfriend's pregnancy because he himself is not sure that she is pregnant from him, or he is convinced that she is pregnant from someone else (for example, her husband). It is only you who may not know for sure from whom your mistress is pregnant. Here you need to have strong evidence that your mistress is pregnant from your spouse, which only a DNA test can help with.

When dealing with this situation, you should remember that the mistress may have intentions towards your husband. She may want to divorce you and marry him to herself. A mistress can be pregnant by another man, but tell you that your husband is the father so that you leave him and she gets the opportunity to marry him.

Consider all the factors that may arise in a given situation. And if you do not intend to divorce your husband, then you will have to work with your own emotions. You need to remove all grievances and depression, which will help:

1. New hobbies.
2. Work.
3. Self-development.
4. Writing a letter to your husband in which you express all your anger and dissatisfaction.

To restore peace of mind, you need to start by analyzing the situation that is actually happening. Emotions will get in the way in this matter. Either you get emotional and, most likely, see something that is not really there, or you remove the emotions and find out how the circumstances really turn out.

Why can you objectively assess other people’s problems and even find the right solution, but when you yourself encounter difficulties, you cannot help yourself? This happens for the reason that a person does not experience deep spiritual emotions towards other people’s problems that would force him to concentrate on his own experiences and hurt egoism. As long as you study someone else's history, you remain calm. You don’t care what the outcome of these events will be, so you can find a way out of such situations, not just one, but several. You can help another person choose the option that will allow him to achieve the results he wants. And you can get out of one situation in different ways.

But when problems happen to you, you already become interested in ensuring that situations are resolved in your favor. You think only about your own desires, interests and views. This process involves your emotions, which force you to fight for what you want and reject any interfering factors. You can no longer step away from the situation and see it in its entirety, since you are involved in it and are a direct participant in the process.

Emotions prevent you from seeing the situation as a whole. And they always turn on when you are interested in the outcome of certain events. That is why it is easier for you to analyze other people's problems than your own, where you are the first to be interested in the best outcome for yourself.

What does this mean? That to find a way out of any situation, you need to be impartial. You want to achieve a certain result, but your emotions are turned off. You can get out of the situation, look at it from the outside, see your behavior, the behavior of other people, set a goal for yourself and see the path to achieve this goal. It's not easy to do. It is a great art to be impartial, calm and reasonable in your own problems. But this can be learned, and besides, it is necessary if you want to emerge victorious from any problem.

To restore peace of mind, you need to understand that you are not to blame for what happened and are not responsible for your husband’s actions. Your man himself decided how to act, you are only free to make decisions on how to react and build a relationship with him further after all his actions.

If you are not ready to put up with having a mistress and forgive the cheater, then it is better to break up with him. If you feel better after this, then this is the right decision for you.

Bottom line

Why doesn't the husband talk about his pregnant mistress? Because he doesn’t want to part with you, he himself is not sure of his paternity, or he simply spends time with a woman who is not pregnant from him. What to do in such a situation? It's up to you to choose, because only you can live with the consequences that will arise as a result of your decision.

To make the right decision, you can simply close your eyes, take your mind off the situation at hand, and simply remember the moment when you were happy and loved. Spend a little time in that state when you felt fulfilled, happy and satisfied with life. Now move your thoughts to the future, where you also live fully, happily and quite well. What kind of future is this? Is it possible that in this future your husband and his child are from his mistress? If in your happy future there is no man who cheated on you, then it’s time to break up with him.

08.03.2014

So, a terrible trouble happened in your life, namely, you found out that mistress your his husband is pregnant. This is a double blow to pride. Not only that your husband is cheating on you. So you are also horrified by the fact that mistress is pregnant. What to do in such a situation? Let's try to figure out the current problem together.

Let's start with the main question. Did you know that your husband has a mistress? There are only two answer options, either yes or no. If you answer the question positively, then deep down you must have been aware of the fact that sooner or later, this could happen. If you answered in the negative, we conclude that your husband did not just cheat on you, he betrayed you. But the essence of our problem is what should we do with this pregnancy?

Pregnant lover She certainly must let you know about her situation, but you, in turn, don’t even think about dealing with her and waging war. After all, your showdowns can lead to a miscarriage. Leave scandals, swearing and your emotions to your husband, or better yet, approach this issue with a cool head.

First of all, you yourself need to decide whether you need your husband after this, whether you are ready to fight for him. Or you simply decide that you are breaking off relations with your husband and filing for divorce, even if you have children together. If you chose the second option, then let's get started. But, the most important rule, never make contact with your mistress. Don't ask her to leave your husband, don't offer to have an abortion. These decisions should definitely be made by just the two of them. For your part, challenge your husband to a frank dialogue and find out for yourself what he thinks about this and what he intends to do. The main thing for you is to understand whether he is going to go to her, whether he wants to have a child.

Of course, the birth of a child is certainly a holiday for every person. But it happens that a child is not planned and not desired. And therefore, many parents, especially single mothers, decide to have an abortion. If your husband belongs to this category of people and wishes that mistress had an abortion, don’t dissuade him, but don’t agree either. Just listen to him why he decided this way and tell him that you will accept any of his decisions. If your husband agrees with the birth of the child and even plans to help him in the future, don’t judge either. Of course, this help will be not only physically and morally, but also, of course, financially. That is, money will go from your joint budget to another family. This is correct, because the responsibility for the child falls on both parents.

What to do if your husband does not leave you, and your mistress wants to quarrel between you in every possible way? Well, in this situation one can understand a mistress. Who wants to raise a child alone, even if there is help from the father. She wants her baby to grow up in a full-fledged family. But in this situation you have an advantage. Which? Yes, such that you are the official wife, that it was not you, but she who invaded your family, she tried to destroy your social unit. As they say, you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Therefore, do not see her. Tell your husband to let him, not you, resolve the issue with his mistress. Tell her not to call you or bother you anymore.

Don't forget the most important thing: confirm your pregnancy. After all, in life it also happens that a mistress, in order to take her husband away from the family, resorts to various tricks. She can easily invent a pregnancy, and when she achieves her goal, she will say that a miscarriage has allegedly occurred, or she will do everything possible to get pregnant in the near future. There is also another trick: she can get pregnant from a complete stranger, and tell your husband that the child is his. In this situation, if your husband doubts paternity, you can only do the DNA of the child and the alleged father, and judge by the result.

Remember, a man will never take a mistress if he is expected and loved at home, appreciated and respected, and treasured. He will never go to the left if he knows and understands that you are his only and real woman, who simply cannot be exchanged for another.

Question answer

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Unfortunately, we do not have children together. One day a girl came to our house and said that she was pregnant from my husband. IAt first she didn’t believe her and kicked her out. Then, after a long conversation, her words were confirmed by her husband. I didn’t start a scandal, but simply let him go to her, hegone. At the same time, he said that he was not leaving me, but going to the child, he wants the baby to grow up in a full-fledged family. Did I do the right thing by not becoming him?hold?

Lena

You acted very wisely in this situation. Whether you did the right thing, there is no clear answer here. Perhaps yes, a child really should grow up in a family, but perhaps not, because each person is the creator of his own happiness. In any case, if your love is strong, your husband will return to you.

After living with my husband for 4 years, I found out that he had a mistress and that she was pregnant. The husband completely denied his guilt, said that he did not cheat on me and that even more sothe child is not his. But I know for sure that the mistress and her pregnancy are reality. I kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce. Do you think notAm I in a hurry?

Nastya

Yes, you were in a hurry. Having lived with your husband for 4 years, it’s not like you didn’t have trust in each other. And are you sure that your spouse lied to you? You should have been 100% sure that there was cheating and that there was a pregnancy from your husband. And of course, wait for your spouse’s recognition.

The question becomes especially acute if the mistress becomes pregnant and demands a final decision: is she the wife? The topic is very spicy, not everyone can share it with friends or loved ones, not to mention their spouse. After all, a person by chance falls into his own trap. In this situation, even a psychologically stable person can break down. After all, there is nothing worse than uncertainty.

We will try to consider different points of view on this situation and give some advice on how to decide on your desires and decisions.

So, what do some representatives of the fair sex think about a child from a mistress? How do they see the future of a person who finds himself in such a delicate position?

Let's take the most standard example: a married couple has been living with each other for many years. Suddenly the spouse realizes that routine and everyday life have become boring, and there are no bright colors in his personal life. And so the faithful gets himself a girlfriend on the side. Of course, he has no thoughts of leaving his wife, he just decided to cheer up. But one day, the beloved tells the “good” news - she is pregnant. At the same time, she declares that she will not have an abortion (or it is already too late), and in general, she has long wanted a child.

Well, the position is quite justified, because a dear friend has already promised several times that he will leave his missus, and now there is an excellent reason for this. Passion is confident that now they will have a real family, and the beloved will immediately forget about his old and boring wife. But this is just her personal point of view.

But the partner thinks completely differently. Or rather, he may be deeply attached to his new girlfriend and even sometimes thought about divorcing his wife and marrying his beloved, but thoughts are one thing, and action is another.

Of course, it is not excluded that divorce and marriage can take place, but most often this option is erroneous. Because after leaving the family for a pregnant lover, a man experiences the following:

• Tossing from one family to another. Visiting children from your first marriage, going for walks with them, spending time in your former home is not easy. The man will be visited by doubts: did he do the right thing, or maybe he should have stayed here and not left? And although the child from his mistress occupies no less place in his soul, the thought of his action will constantly spin in his head.
• Persistent feeling of guilt. Before the ex, before the children from his first marriage, before the new chosen one (for spending time with the offspring and, willy-nilly, dating his wife).
• Trying to make amends to two women, to be good both here and there. And, as you know, you won’t be good to everyone. A man may be hit with a barrage of accusations or silent reproaches from both sides. And he will not be able to cope with this.

So, a person faces an endless run in a circle until, ultimately, some kind of heart attack overcomes him.

Spouse: male gaze

The very first thing - do not execute either yourself or your pregnant companion. Understand once and for all that the unborn baby is the only one who is absolutely innocent here. The same, by the way, as the children from the first marriage. Therefore, women’s advice is this: save the family, this is your duty to your spouse and to your existing children (especially!).

But on the other hand, this does not mean at all that you need to say the following: pregnancy is a mistake, it was not me who initiated it, so I don’t care. Think about how you will look in front of your wife, not to mention your abandoned loved one.

So, a woman’s view of the situation is to save the family, but take on some of the troubles about the future baby. Both are your responsibility. You must choose the days that you will devote to your offspring - picking them up from kindergarten, going for walks, etc. In addition, financial assistance is also on your conscience. It is very difficult to provide for a child alone.

But what about the throwing, and what about the feeling of guilt - you ask. Yes, there will certainly be difficulties, but if the unfaithful husband already has offspring, then the choice in favor of his wife will be the right one. After all, they have already become attached to their father, are accustomed to living with two parents, and the departure of their father will become stressful for them. And a baby who has not yet had time to experience feelings of attachment is not in danger of stress or psychological trauma. After he grows up, it will be easier for him to explain the situation than for today's children now.

Now let’s find out what the representatives of the stronger sex themselves think about this when their mistress is pregnant. So, according to some men, this situation has two ways of developing events:

1. Presence of young children in marriage.
2. Presence of adult offspring.

Based on the first scenario, our experts recommend remaining legally married without any doubt. That's what they would have done themselves. However, the second passion should not be offended and forced to have an abortion. After all, abortion is not only a psychological threat, but also a physical one. Despite the fact that medical technology is at a high level today, there is still a risk of complications or infertility. In addition, getting rid of human life is completely inhumane; no one has the right to take a person’s life. The best option, men say, is to stay with the family, raise and help the newborn.

Yes, conflict situations and quarrels cannot be ruled out here either. And sometimes a person is so busy with work that he barely has enough time for one house. What about the second?

The recommendations are: take all your kids and spend the weekend with them. And yes, it is better to introduce them right away and teach them that they are brothers and sisters, regardless of which woman gave birth to them. Prepare for misunderstandings with mothers, but you must defend this point of view. At first it will be difficult, but over time women will get used to it, and spending time together will be taken for granted.

When personal relationships with your legal chosen one have reached a dead end and common topics of conversation come down to only mutual reproaches, you should think about getting a divorce and building a new life. But this should not affect the children; they need to behave in the same way as in the first case.

As for the second scenario - adult offspring - often only affection remains between spouses after so many years. If your lover is pregnant and you have strong feelings for her, why not try your luck in a new marriage - this is the male opinion. Teenagers should already understand that there are difficulties in life. And if not, then try to explain competently: there is simply no other way out, it will be better not only for mom and dad, but also for you - you won’t have to listen to endless quarrels and suffer from the fact that your parents feel bad together. In addition, in addition to teenagers, you have another unborn baby who needs more education and attention from his father.

Why does a married man need another child?

Here's another point of view - a sobering one. She reveals the essence of what a married partner actually experiences when his girlfriend gets pregnant. An example is taken as a basis when the spouse does not know about what happened.

So why? No need. Even if a loved one sincerely claims the opposite and asks not to have an abortion, he has no need for a child. Just as the following complications are not needed:

• From a girlfriend with whom it was easy and sweet, a woman turns into... a second wife.
• The connection is not easy to hide anyway, and if a child appears, then even more so. You won't last long on tricks and lies. In the end, you will have to admit everything.
• Confession entails the subsequent disclosure of the secret to relatives and friends, which is completely unnecessary for a decent married man.
• Time is always short, and finances sometimes sing romances, so the appearance of another child is completely inappropriate.

In fact, an affair starts only as a distraction from everyday troubles and boring routine. The purpose of a girlfriend is to please and give joy, which the faithful does not receive from his legal companion.

And here it’s worth stopping and asking - why do many unfaithful husbands tend to tell their illegitimate halves: I want a child from you? After all, in this way they seduce their passions and give reason to think that a child together will make them a strong couple? There are examples when partners even persuade them to give birth to a son or daughter. Why? After all, in fact, they are completely unaware that the desire to become a father is completely absent. This behavior can only be explained by natural instinct - procreation. The desire to have a little person arises in every stable couple who experiences genuine feelings. Therefore, attention: when a married man declares his “dream” out loud, a woman needs to mean something different: I would like you to give birth, but I believe that you are smart and will not get pregnant, because I can’t, I’m married.

Here are some more examples of what a married partner thinks:

• Of course, I agree, but it is unlikely that this will happen, because you have not been able to get pregnant for several years. There is nothing to worry about, requests can be satisfied.
• Give birth to me, you will be happy, and I will find someone else - anyway, our relationship is already losing its meaning.
• At the moment when I said what I wanted, I really wanted it, but now it turns out I didn’t.
• All my former and present ones give birth to me. Come on, you too! I like to feel like a male.

It turns out that male desire is purely abstract. In a sensual impulse, he does not even imagine what consequences await him (and not only) when a little man is born. All a man's guess is enough for is that sex will be less frequent. As for help and the split into two sides, reason is silent.

The desired little child is just a kind of poetic symbol with the help of which people in love want to consolidate the union. Therefore, when a passion gives in to persuasion or independently makes a decision about pregnancy, she needs to know that most of these “romantics” immediately run away after birth. Those who have more stamina can still be around during pregnancy, but after that you shouldn’t count on spending time together: caring for a baby is tantamount to a nightmare for a man.

And the situation itself goes beyond the initially planned relationship. A love affair on the side loses all meaning, and the mistress turns into a burden.

Now let’s ask what psychologists advise to do.

The first thing is to decide on the marital relationship, find out what is between you - love or just a habit? Evaluate your official companion with a sober look. Perhaps someone else's pregnancy will be a reason to be convinced of the importance of your wife and the relationship that you have created for many years.

Secondly, if your mistress gets knocked up, this is not a reason to convince yourself that you need to go to her. Dating and living together are two opposite poles. When leaving, think about whether you will eventually get yourself another person for pleasure? After all, routine will overtake you there too.

Third, you should tell everything to your wife. If she is wise and truly loves you, she will not only understand, but will also help you figure it out. Naturally, the conversation should be careful and delicate. Shock cannot be avoided, but it is possible that over time, thanks to betrayal and such a joint solution to a sensitive issue, the marriage will reach a new, more stable level.

If your pregnant lover is more important to you, if she is desired and loved, and your old marriage has long become a heavy burden, then leave. And don’t think that your wife will feel bad without you, that she won’t cope. It will be even worse for her with you. Especially after what happened. Also, forget to think about what people will say. Often it is those around him who stop a person and do not allow him to make the right decision. The rumor that a scoundrel broke up with such a wonderful woman and exchanged him for another, stray woman, often blocks access to real happiness.

But if there is no love, and the betrayal was a grave mistake, then there is no point in changing anything.

Tell your spouse about what happened, repent and ask not to “wash dirty linen in public.”

Otherwise, even here, gossip cannot be avoided: he decided to break up with his pregnant mistress, “he fucked him up and left him,” where his wife was looking, etc. Discussions and sidelong glances must be endured. It’s better not to pay attention and take care of the question of what to do with the little one. It is up to the expectant mother to decide whether to give birth or terminate the pregnancy. You just have to try to take it where it's due. If she wants to give birth, knowing that you will not be together, do not think that responsibility has been lifted from your shoulders. Understand that from now on you have another child who needs care and guardianship. And this is for life.

And for that matter, you have a responsibility, more than ever. By deciding your fate, you decide several more destinies (including all offspring). Make the right choice. And to keep inevitable suffering to a minimum, start from sober reason and truthful arguments.