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Valeria Protasova
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Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-spirited person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is not mutual at all - this is what causes unrequited love.
Drive away negative thoughts away, and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love .
Unrequited love is familiar to many. Here are the types of requests and questions specialists receive, and what do psychologists advise? :
Marina: Hello, I'm 13 years old. For two years now I have liked a guy from my school, who is now 15 years old. I see him at school every day, but I don’t dare approach him. What to do? I suffer from unrequited love.
In this situation psychologists advise find this person on social networks and chat with him. From this virtual dialogue it will be possible to understand what actions can be taken in real life.
Vladimir: Help! I think I'm starting to go crazy! I love a girl who simply doesn't pay any attention to me. I have nightmares at night, I’ve lost my appetite, and I’ve completely given up on studying. How to deal with unrequited love?
Psychologists recommend doing the following: Imagine looking at the current situation from the future, with a time interval of two years. After such a time, this problem will not matter in the slightest.
You can travel in your fantasies into the future, several years, months ahead, and into the past. Tell yourself that this time was not very successful, but next time you will definitely be lucky. By moving mentally through time, you can discover and develop a productive attitude towards the situation.
Even these negative situations will bring positivity to the future: by experiencing not very good events now, you will be able to better assess the components of your future life and gain experience.
Svetlana: I am in the 10th grade and unrequitedly love a 17-year-old guy from the 11th grade of our school. We met with him in general company four times. Then he started dating a girl from his class, and I continued to wait, hope and believe that he would soon be mine. But he recently broke up with ex-girlfriend and began to show signs of attention to me. I should be happy, but for some reason my soul felt even heavier than before. And if he asks me to date, I will most likely refuse - I’m not going to be an alternate airfield. But I also really want to be with this guy. What to do, how to forget unrequited love? I do my homework, go to bed, think about him and torment myself. Please give me some advice!
Psychologist's advice: Svetlana, if the guy you like couldn’t take a step towards meeting you, then take the initiative into your own hands. Perhaps he is shy, or thinks he is not your type.
Try to be the first to start a dialogue. Find him on social networks and write to him first. This way you can establish initial contact and find common ground in interests and other topics.
Take action. Otherwise, you will continue to experience unrequited love. Who knows - maybe he is in love with you too?
Sofia: How to get rid of unrequited love? I love without reciprocity and understand that there is no prospect, no hope for a future together, but only emotional experiences and suffering. They say that you need to thank Life for what gives you the opportunity to love. After all, if you love, it means you live. But why is it very difficult to let go of a person and forget unrequited love?
Psychologist's advice: Unrequited love is a mirage. A person draws an image in his imagination and falls in love with this ideal, and not with a real person with his shortcomings and merits. If love is unrequited, then there is no relationship as such. Love is always two people, and if one of them does not want to take part in the relationship, then it is not a love relationship.
Share with your friends:Good day, dear readers. In this article you will learn how to survive unrequited love. You will know what you need to do to try to win the heart of your beloved. Find out how you need to behave in order to quickly forget the girl and move on with your life.
Many women have the opinion that only the fair half of humanity can have unrequited feelings. However, it is not. Men are also prone to love without hope of mutual feelings. Moreover, among male representatives, love can persist throughout life; it can push a person to heroic deeds, and maybe even to crazy actions. Although men are still less likely to suffer from unrequited feelings. Perhaps this is dictated by the fact that they first of all think not about starting a family, but about their basic instinct. When one young lady does not reciprocate, there is always another who will not refuse. But if such problems are constantly observed, the man is lonely all the time, the issue of unrequited love arises very acutely.
If you want to compete for your love, you can try by following the recommendations.
Unrequited love is an excellent incentive for self-development and self-improvement. The main thing is that a man understands that it is necessary to act, and not sit and kill himself with his suffering. Use your love to become better inside and outside. If necessary, go to the gym, become a professional, achieve success in your career. Serious work on yourself will significantly increase your self-esteem and will arouse greater interest among others in your person. After such changes, it is possible that the once beloved young lady will “lose her head,” but she will no longer evoke the old feelings in your heart, and then it will take place.
Unrequited love for a woman can happen once and over time it will be erased from memory, or it can last a lifetime. And in the second case, we will be talking about a serious dependence of an emotional nature. More often, such an attachment arises in a situation when a young man meets a girl who fully meets his expectations, tastes, and is his ideal.
Let's look at what to do if you are filled with an unrequited feeling.
Now you know how unrequited love for a girl manifests itself and what to do about it. Of course, you don’t need to give up right away, you can try to win the heart of your beloved. If you are completely sure that the feelings are not mutual and there is no chance that everything can be changed, let the girl go from your head, from your heart, continue to live, soon someone will appear who will be able to appreciate your love and respond in kind.
It’s easy to talk about unrequited love when it’s not happening to you, especially for those who are in love and the feeling is mutual. In fact, the topic is very difficult. Perhaps only someone who was once in a similar position can understand the complexity of the situation.
If we are talking about feelings, then we should discard all rationality. There are no and cannot be unambiguous answers, a clear division into black and white. It cannot be said that one feeling is false and the other is true - logic does not work here. It also cannot be said that a mutual feeling is love, and a non-mutual feeling is not. Sometimes it seems to people that everything is fine, the relationship is wonderful, but in fact this feeling turns out to be not mutual love. If we consider love through the prism of reciprocity, then it can be conditionally divided into mutual and non-reciprocal. In one case, the object responds to the feeling of the other, and in the second does not experience sympathy or reciprocal attraction.
A feeling can be called unrequited when another person feels nothing towards you except indifference or ordinary sympathy, treats you like a friend. It doesn’t matter how often people spend time together, whether they are with friends, whether they live nearby or in different cities, whether they are married or not. If a person loves, then he is capable of much, distances and obstacles on the way can be overcome, if there is a desire, that is, a feeling, so either it is there or it is not.
Non-reciprocal love happens at any age, regardless of status, worldview, and so on. But still more often this happens at a young age. Teenagers often don’t know what they want, they are vulnerable and their mental state is extremely unstable. Probably many people had such love in their youth.
Before you blame everyone around you and everything that exists for the misfortune that happened to you, you should think about why mutual love comes to someone and not to others. Here you need to look for the answer within yourself, because everything that happens to you is the work of your hands alone. Perhaps you are subconsciously drawn to sad stories with a dramatic ending and if this is so, then the whole world around you will strive for this. your subconscious desires are the law, they give you what you really want, perhaps without even realizing it.
Sometimes unrequited love hides ordinary self-doubt. The subconscious mind has the idea that you are not good enough to be loved. You won’t get far with such an attitude; in this case, you need a shake-up, a trip for example, and not love at all.
It’s not easy for those who didn’t see an example of a good loving family in childhood. Such people simply cannot understand what it should be like, true love, then unrequited love can be the norm. Sometimes people think that they are living a full life, but in fact they are stuck somewhere between worlds. Some pretend that everything is fine, falling in unrequited love. It's just avoiding problems. Many people like to feel like a victim and the origins of this need to be sought in early childhood.
Everyone has their own story; for some, an unrequited feeling is an inspiration, especially for those who are creative. History knows a lot of examples when creative individuals, out of mental anguish for the object of their passion, created talented works and masterpieces of world art.
This feeling is inspiring; sometimes people radically change their lives in order to be worthy of their beloved and, as a result, they grow above themselves. However, there are other examples with the opposite psychological effect. There are quite a few situations where unrequited love pushed a person onto the path of self-torture or even taking his own life. Psychologists are confident that mature individuals can draw basic conclusions from a situation and no longer make mistakes.
Girls who once fell in love like this have a large reserve of feelings, so when they meet the right person can give him their love and receive the same from a man in return. If a person is optimistic, then even in unhappy love he will be able to see many advantages. For example, they will not stop loving him, they will not leave him for the sake of another person, his feelings will not be destroyed by everyday life.
The final stage of healing. This can take years to achieve, especially if the lover does not even think about asking for help.
There is a misconception that only girls fall in love unrequitedly. This is not true. Guys fall in love the same way, but they don’t talk about it left and right, they tend to keep their feelings to themselves. This is why men very rarely talk about their feelings; according to psychosomatics, they can have serious health problems, they can become alcoholics, and some even commit suicide. In this sense, it’s easier for women, they can talk through problems and this makes it easier. They receive support from the outside and experience everything faster.
Here everything depends on the lover himself. If this strong personality, then the person soon realizes that he cannot achieve reciprocal feelings by force, he will draw a conclusion and try to somehow solve the problem. Get over this feeling and avoid this in the future.
The weaker ones will be very worried, experience a feeling of depression, even to extreme measures.
In this case, it is simply necessary to seek psychological help in order to avoid serious consequences for physical and mental health. Finding a way out here on your own will not be easy. It feels like a quagmire - the more you struggle, the deeper you get stuck.
The lifespan of love is 3 years, but not when we are talking about unrequited love. Sometimes people carry this feeling throughout their lives. A person can arrange his life, create a good family, have children, thinking about his beloved person and after many years he will experience pain. The feeling passes differently for everyone, some need a couple of months, others suffer for years. A lot depends on the personality, upbringing, and environment. Only someone who has once been in a similar position can understand what it is like and how difficult it is to get out of this situation.
You need to realize that unreciprocated love is not so scary. This is a lesson from the universe, you need to accept it and derive some benefit from it. Under no circumstances should you leave everything to chance, because problems will only grow. It is necessary to recover from illusions, vain hopes, suffering and torment. It’s great if there is someone nearby who can help you, especially if it’s a qualified psychologist or close person, understanding you. This is especially important when it comes to young people whose psyche has not yet been fully formed.
Accept and love yourself. All psychology experts talk about this all the time. You need to learn to love yourself first, and then others. If you love yourself, you will not allow yourself to be manipulated and you will not humiliate yourself in front of others. The norm is a healthy relationship between two people where there is respect for each other.
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Hello, dear readers. Today we will talk about what unrequited love for a man is. You will learn how it can manifest itself and what consequences it may have. Find out how to act in order to try to conquer your loved one. You will become aware of the algorithm of actions necessary to get rid of feelings. Find out what to do if unrequited love has filled your heart.
A girl may experience unrequited feelings for a guy who abandoned her, for a young man with whom she has not yet had a relationship, as well as for a public figure with whom there is no chance of even meeting in the real world.
There is a feeling that no one around understands what is in your heart. The girl is very mistaken, because almost every person in life had unrequited feelings. Unrequited love for a guy can be expressed in various reactions.
If you are sure that you love a young man very much, but he doesn’t even notice you, then you can try.
Before you think about how to get rid of unrequited love, you need to make sure that it really is such. There are cases when a girl mistakenly thought that her love was not mutual. You also need to figure out whether the feelings are just ordinary love.
At first, all attempts to get your loved one out of your head will not be successful. Everything around reminds of him, every sound, smell. And in my head there is only one thought: “I love him.” Such love is most difficult during the period. Feelings are intensified by hormones, and the matter can end very tragically. You need to know that the cause of 60% of suicides among teenagers is unrequited love.
A person is not able to get his love out of his head at once. For some it takes years, while others continue to remember their loved one until the end of their days. The main thing is to be able to cope with this feeling in order to prevent serious consequences of unrequited love.
I also had unrequited feelings in my life. It was in adolescence and was simple sympathy, although it didn’t seem so at the time. On Valentine's Day in sixth grade, I gave a Valentine's card to a ninth-grader. Naturally, he was surprised and from that moment began to avoid me. But my classmate had an unrequited love for the teacher. The girl suffered throughout all her years of study. In her last year, she accidentally met a guy who aroused feelings in her that were much stronger than those she had for the teacher. After graduating from university, she got married and no longer remembered unrequited love.
Let's look at what to do if you are unlucky enough to have unrequited love.
A girl who can survive unrequited love will strengthen her character, be able to improve herself, and find the strength to live on.
Now you know how to survive unrequited love for a man. The main thing is to understand that many people go through this. You now have two options, either try to get the attention of your loved one, or understand that this is not your person, that you need to live on, over time life will get better, a man will appear who will be worthy of your attention and will be able to make you happy.
There is not a single person who has not at one time experienced the oppressive feeling of unrequited love. This is a stage of growing up in adolescence, a path to awareness or a way to perk up in adulthood.
This state can hardly be called pleasant, and if a person gets stuck in it for a long time, it has a detrimental effect on his psyche and health. You need to get out of feelings that are not mutual as soon as possible, but this is easy only in words. If you are “covered” by unrequited love, what to do and where to run?
First of all, understand that you don't have to be loved by everyone. Even the object of your affection.
If you are not loved, you must first understand the reasons, not starting to put the object of your adoration on a pedestal, but trampling yourself into the floor, as unworthy and not deserving of great happiness mutual love. Maybe everything is not as critical as you “pictured” for yourself.
If a person considers himself ugly, unstylish, uninteresting, and unable to carry on a conversation, then it is difficult to imagine that for such a set of “advantages” someone could love him. It’s not for nothing that they say that first you need to love yourself so that other people can feel the same about you. Look around: thousands of short, plump, bespectacled people with sparse hair have a soul mate and are even happy with her. And why? Because they accept themselves as they are and know their worth, so why are you, who are superior to them in many respects, not worthy of it? To start loving yourself, start with self-respect. Take care of yourself and pamper yourself, look for what you want to do in life, direct your efforts inside yourself and not into the outside world. Get rid of thoughts. It is not true.
Maybe you like to console yourself with your worthlessness and hope for an evil fate. If you constantly feel sorry for yourself and behave like a victim, over time this feeling will develop into contempt, not only for yourself, but also for those around you. What kind of mutual love can we talk about then?
If you are not a very sociable person, and, apart from work, you don’t go anywhere and communicate with few people, the first representative of the opposite sex who pays attention to you can cause a feeling of falling in love. Maybe he just decided to exchange a few phrases with you, and you have already made plans for a happy life with each other until old age. Such unrequited love occurs in emotionally unstable people who are deeply immersed in routine life.
The other side of this coin is the subconscious. Are you really ready to sacrifice your freedom, habits, way of life, and start experiencing inconvenience for the sake of another person?
The first thing a person experiences when he realizes that he has fallen out of love or has never been loved is the desire to regain lost hope. In a disheveled state, he is capable of stupid things: constant phone calls, binges, blackmail, tearful hysterics.
All this will not only not return love, but will drive you into the farthest corner, from which you will definitely not be able to get out on your own. The only thing that can be achieved by such behavior is increasing hatred and irritation towards you on the part of the object of adoration. And you will understand this if you don’t “fever” and sort out the thoughts in your head.
It is necessary to treat unrequited love on the advice of a psychologist radically, especially if it does not allow you to live normally and has been poisoning your life for a long time.
Remove his number from your phone so that there is no temptation to congratulate him on the holiday, etc. Hide it away, or collect all the things that remind you of him and throw it away. You don't think you're special and no one around you understands your feelings. Everyone has gone through this, so everyone has their own experience of dealing with depression from non-reciprocal love, and it will not hurt you. Be around people more, even if you have no desire to see anyone.
Important!
Love is a psychological addiction, the same as drugs and alcohol, and it is not always easy to get rid of it, especially when it turns into obsessive states. It brought a certain amount of positive emotions, positive energy, and now you have lost it. Forgetting about it is not easy, but it is possible. How? Stop idealizing a person who doesn't love you. He is not made up of only virtues, like any other person. Think about his shortcomings or habits that annoyed you or that you did not understand. Even a bouquet of the smallest flaws can form the image of a completely ordinary man, a replacement for whom can always be found without much effort.
How to get rid of unrequited love? The main thing is to really want it, and not look for excuses why it is impossible.
Just as looking for ways to finally achieve your beloved, instead of trying to forget, will also help little to change the situation. The first step should be the realization: they don’t want to be with you, and that’s not so bad.
Symbolically, this can be done like this: write everything that is in your soul on paper, read it out loud to understand it, and then symbolically burn it, tear it up, crumple it up. This is a traditional way to get rid of negative emotions. With the wave of a magic wand, you, of course, will not forget love, but it will become easier for you due to the fact that you have begun to work in your favor.
Inventing a certain ideal and filling it with non-existent qualities has been a favorite pastime of girls since ancient times. So, they used to fall in love with the images of literary heroes of novels or with heroes. Or, ladies brought up in a highly moral society endowed the image of their future spouse with strong moral qualities.
Need I say that an image created out of thin air and superimposed on another person will inevitably lead to disappointment?
But don’t focus your energy on confessions or ways to get him back. Pay more attention to understanding what is happening, the processes, the situations in which you find yourself. Unrequited feelings force a person to delve into himself, and this is not always a bad thing if you do it skillfully.
For example, this is an opportunity to improve yourself: to understand more about your true desires, to discover previously unfamiliar traits of your personality, to become more open to people, to change in appearance, to go on a diet, to sign up for fitness or courses, to do something crazy - to jump with a parachute or go to a concert of an unfamiliar group. This is a great reason to go beyond the boundaries you set for yourself. Don't take unrequited love as the end of your life. It is an excellent tool for changing your life path.