Should a girl meet first? How to meet men first and is it worth it? Why is the girl the first to meet me

I want to ask you how anyone relates to the fact that a girl takes the initiative in dating in her own hands. Here I found in the internet examples of original, according to the author, acquaintances. Write, please, your opinions, what do you think. They just advise everyone to go to the cafe and go to the cinema, but there, too, the guys don’t come up very often. So these are the ways:
1) On the street you liked a young handsome man. How to approach him? What to say? Try asking him for a compass and a rope. You heard right. Come up and directly ask: “Young man, do you have a compass?” While he looks at you in surprise and digests the information, you continue: “Well, do you have a rope?” - "No". - “Well, do you have a telephone, perhaps? Can you tell me your number?" The young man will appreciate your originality and sense of humor.
Well, personally, I myself think that the girl will look too intrusive. I don't think it's the best way.

2) Approach the guy you like. Ask for his hand, offer to tell fortunes. Look at the palm and tell him that today you will meet with a beautiful stranger who suddenly wants to make you a prediction (or, for example, she will be dressed ... (and here you describe what you yourself are wearing) yours?), whether this meeting will end with an interesting acquaintance or you will never see this girl again - it depends on you!

I personally like this option. How about you?

3) You noticed a young man sitting on a park bench. Approach him, say hello, and start a conversation. The young man will let you know that he is seeing you for the first time. Then tell him the story that a friend wanted to introduce you to one person here. Then call your friend (negotiate with her in advance) and suddenly it turns out that all this is a joke, she played a trick on you. You, saddened, sit down to the young man and complain about your friend. The conversation is over.

4) When you meet a handsome man on the street, tell him: “Hi, Sasha. How long have we not seen each other, how many years, how many winters! Let me hug you." And then "Oh, I'm sorry, I misunderstood. It's a pity ..."

5) Say "Young man, do you believe in love at first sight or should I go through it again?"

Methods were also proposed where the girl herself asks for a number. For example, in method 2 and 4, the girl asks for a number (in 2 - supposedly as a payment for fortune-telling, in 4 - the girl herself offers to meet, because he is so similar to his friend Sasha). But to be honest, it seems to me that it looks intrusive when a normer girl asks or says "maybe we'll get to know each other," so she came up with an excuse to come up.
And how to react if they refuse, well, let’s say he doesn’t agree to fortune-telling, and you approached him specifically for this?

In general, how do you perceive such girls who are the first to get acquainted, let's say, by the proposed methods? And which one seems the most successful to you, or maybe you have your own version?

Is it possible for a girl to meet first? The answer is unequivocal - of course you can! And that's why.

Why is it worth getting to know each other first?

Some young people are also embarrassed to come up first. This can be explained by natural indecision, fear of hearing ridicule or refusal in response. They are sometimes simply lost in front of the beauty of the girl they like.

Many girls are in search of the only man who will make them happy. Of course, you can count on a chance meeting. But when such a meeting will take place, no one knows. So the girl can try herself take the initiative and meet first. This is currently normal.

Most girls just upbringing. They are taught from childhood that they should not be the first to approach strangers. It's indecent, ugly. What can they think of you?! Hence the fear of such an acquaintance.

How to behave?

On the other hand, if the guy liked? At least externally. After all, you may never meet him again. Therefore, you can be decisive and come first. In the end, you won't regret anything later. At the same time, you will learn the real attitude of young people towards yourself. It is necessary to mentally prepare for such an acquaintance in advance. After all, it is not known how the man will react to him. The result may be negative.

What to do?

1. Act according to circumstances. Get ready for any outcome. Be a little bold. Think about your future.

2. For starters, try to get the guy's attention.

3. Try talking to him first. You will immediately feel his reaction to it. In the first minutes of communication, you will have to understand what his attitude towards you is and, most importantly, you will form the first impression of him. And it matters a lot. Only from this you can determine the approximate level of development of the guy and the range of your common interests. You will understand whether it is worth continuing the conversation, whether this is the person you want to find.

4. If everything suits you, then try to exchange contacts for further meetings.

That's all. The acquaintance took place, but time will tell how your relationship will develop in the future.

Which in fact do not help, but only prevent us from finding each other. The traditional distribution of roles in society dictates that if you like him, then you just need to passively wait and smile until he bothers to approach you first. Still, life is too short, and alcohol in bars is too expensive to waste time procrastinating. Get together and take the first step yourself! Where to begin? First and foremost, in order to get out of my head the fear of “Will he like me?” and replace it with the doubt “Will I like it?”, Which in practice will mean: if you were refused, then the candidate did not live up to expectations, and it doesn’t matter if he liked you or not, but what matters is that he didn’t came up to you. In this material, especially for those who are tired of online dating, we have collected tips and scenarios for the first acquaintance for beginners, intermediates and flirting professionals.

Beginner level: make eye contact

A passive and not the most effective trick for meeting men, but for shy and beginners, it is just the most convenient. A minimum of awkwardness and initiative, because, as we all repeated at school, "no one forbids me to watch." All that is required of you is not just to exchange glances (although you can start with that!), but to get to the point where he catches you peeping at him, and still do not look away or openly smile at him . Most likely, his actions will immediately follow such a hint. Just keep in mind that men are shy to approach groups of girls, so as soon as contact is established, try to disconnect from the company and make it easier for the guy to maneuver.

This absolutely universal way of dating works wherever there are men and women, but it is better in those places that have a male thematic focus, whether it’s even a robot car wash, even a moped festival, even a Czech beer bar. In such places, a man is always a connoisseur or at least knowledgeable, and you only need to politely ask for a hint in the spirit of “How does it turn on?” or “Which model/brand would you recommend?”.

Intermediate level: ask what he eats or drinks

Here you can use a little acting skills, as well as a healthy feeling of hunger or thirst. Imagine that you met him at a bar or at a restaurant where you came with your girlfriends. If he orders something at this point, ask him if he liked the food or drink and justify that you want something similar. The scenario of such an acquaintance should be easy and short, otherwise it will seem to the man that you insist on being treated.

Intermediate: Compliment him

This recommendation is located on the verge of the "Average" and "Professional" levels, because, on the one hand, there is nothing difficult in praising someone, and on the other hand, you need to be able to give compliments with taste, otherwise it will look - idiotically. Start by inspecting his clothing and trying to find a clue—whether it's on a T-shirt or a professional running shoe brand—that will start a conversation ("I love the phrase on your T-shirt" or "Nice workout!"). And if you are in the company of mutual acquaintances, then find out what he does and pass off acquaintance as a professional interest.

Professional level: ask his friend to introduce you

A brazen and unceremonious way of dating, which is better to use if you already have experience of spontaneous flirting (or if you have drunk enough "for courage"). Go up to his friend and directly ask you to introduce him (level "Super professional" - ask a friend right away if the guy has a girlfriend, so as not to try in vain). This method consists of a cunning role-play: you initially put yourself above the object of your interest, leaving him no right to choose (in fact, a friend will choose: to introduce or not? - and is unlikely to refuse). It's like asking a person on the street: "Can I pet your dog?" – and if not allowed, thank you politely and leave with a smile.

Professional level: take a picture of him with your phone

Another daring way of dating, which in theory can cause a negative reaction (but who does not take risks, he does not get acquainted with handsome men first!). In this case, prepare an excuse that you confused him with your girlfriend's boyfriend, and apologize. But if he's not Sean Penn, who likes to fight the paparazzi, then he will most likely react with humor and come up himself to at least ask why you need his photo. Since we are talking about the “Professional” level, you can not hesitate and immediately admit that you liked it. And then add that you are fond of portrait photography...

REGISTRATION

If a guy and a girl are to meet, then the guy should come up first and take the initiative. No one will say that a girl should approach a guy and offer to get acquainted. In this matter, all people are unanimous. A logical question arises: why don't girls get to know each other first?

Every guy would like it not for him, but for girls to approach him so that. Already tired of being the first to approach the girls. Periodic failures have already become boring, which sometimes lower self-esteem. I would like the girls themselves to approach the guys to get to know each other, and get rejected if the guys are not satisfied with something. I would like to choose among all the fans with whom to meet, and not become one of those who want to start a relationship.

In our society, it is customary for guys to be the first to meet girls. The male site site will try to answer the question of readers who are interested in why it is not customary for girls to get acquainted first, or why this is considered unacceptable.

Public stereotypes

Let's start from the end. In connection with the traditions and rules of etiquette by which the whole society lives, a real man will be ashamed not to approach a woman, and a real woman will be shamefully the first to get acquainted with men. Social stereotypes have led to the fact that, even without knowing another person, already at his desire to get to know someone, people judge him.

A real man strives to be the head of the family. It is he who must make decisions, take active actions, be active, etc. If he sits sluggishly and forces women to get to know him, he loses his sexuality in their eyes. You can deduce such an axiom: the one who is the first to meet, becomes the leader in the relationship. If a man gives a woman the opportunity to approach him and get to know him, then he takes a passive role, and transfers the role of the head to the woman.

A real woman strives to be passive so that men look after her. However, when she herself approaches to get acquainted with a man, she completely crosses out the possibility of showing care. Why take care of her, she's doing it quite well on her own?

The woman who meets first is pitiful. “Apparently, she has no fans, since she has to approach men herself in order to get to know each other. She is not interested in anyone. She is not attractive.” It is no wonder that such thoughts may arise in a man or other people who are watching a woman. And indeed, if a woman was not lonely, then why would she meet men first?

The woman who comes up first, as if behind the scenes, says that she is not just lonely, but generally does not attract or interest anyone, therefore she takes the initiative first.

Often, a girl's attempts to meet guys end in failure. And the point here may not be pity and unwillingness to communicate with one that is of no interest to anyone. The problem may be that all people are subject to social stereotypes. If a woman meets a man first, then something is wrong with her, which causes rejection, no matter how beautiful and sweet she may seem.

Social norms and rules

Do not forget that all people live in society. Unwittingly, people are instilled with certain social norms and rules from childhood. “Boys should be the first to meet girls, invite them to meet, give flowers ...”, “A girl should not take the initiative.” In other words, already from childhood, all people learn certain rules by which they must live, whether they like it or not. If they do not adhere to these rules, then public stereotypes will turn on when others think something bad about the “initiative”.

Men should be the first to approach and meet women. The norms and rules of etiquette - all these unspoken and public laws exist in the life of every person. Already from birth, parents begin to accustom a small child to certain rules of behavior in society, thereby not allowing him to be spontaneous and act at his own discretion. On the one hand, frameworks and norms help people establish good-natured contacts with each other. But on the other hand, no one guarantees that these very contacts are really good-natured, and not far-fetched and artificially made.

Etiquette, family responsibilities, work rules, mentors, advisers simply bind a person, not allowing him to act at his own discretion. People give compliments and give gifts, wanting something for themselves in return. If they don't get it, then they get offended. Now think about whether the act was done so sincerely and wholeheartedly if then a person is offended or angry when he does not receive something good in return? This is one of the signs of the framework, norms, rules of the game that people play to get what they really need. For example, a man gave a woman a bouquet of flowers, and she forgave all his mistakes. Imagine what a man would do if he did not receive forgiveness from a woman? Most likely, he would have screamed and started criticizing his partner for her insensitivity and misunderstanding.

Things do not care: where, how are they and is it right? Why does a person shackle himself in the fetters of all the laws and rules artificially invented by society. Consider this question: if you act like everyone else, then who are you? Try to determine for yourself what is important to you in yourself, and what is not important. After all, everyone knows how a person treats himself, so others treat him. If you do not consider yourself, then why should others consider you?

White, thin, privileged people draw a kind of circle, within which everyone is normal. And everyone outside the circle should be beaten, criticized, changed in order to drag them inside the circle. And if it doesn’t work out, they need to be locked up or regretted. Why pity a man who easily circumvents the empty rules of decency, meaningless, hypocritical, and therefore humiliating? He does not need to pretend that he cares about your back pain or the beauty of painted nails. Imagine how easy it would be to live without all the accepted norms.

Rules are made to help stupid people who don't know how to make their own decisions. By playing by the rules, adhering to ethics and morality, you make other people happy. But you may object: how else? If you act in your own way, then you will not be accepted, not understood, or even kicked out of your circle of friends. In this case, you are afraid of what others will think of you. And in order to protect yourself, you resort to the implementation of the norms and rules of etiquette. A simple example is that guys still go first to meet girls, even if they don’t want to, and girls refuse to be the first to approach guys, even if they like someone.

But this is not about your sincere desire to act or say so. It's just that you are afraid and do not want to seem different from what you really are. If you are afraid to look stupid, nothing bright and interesting will happen in your life. And the price of that life is worthless if you cannot make a stupid decision and show free will.

Problems with frames happen to those who do not fit into them. But are these frames really needed in your life? Perhaps they only limit you, preventing you from expressing yourself, even in a positive way. It is natural that a person adheres to generally accepted rules only in order to be understood and accepted by others. Everyone is pleased to know that there is at least one other person on Earth who thinks the same way as they do. But maybe you should look for like-minded people, being yourself?

Leader - active position

Why don't girls meet first? Because this is where leadership comes into play. Who will be in charge in the relationship - a guy or a girl? The one who will be the leader should be the first to approach and get to know each other.

To be a leader means to be active. Not a single leader has ever sat in one place without making efforts so that people would follow him, honor him, respect him. And now let's remember that in a family a man always wants to take a leadership position. And it is not possible to achieve this for those who lie on the couch and do nothing.

The leader must earn respect. The leader must please the people he wants to lead. The leader must inspire confidence so that people themselves want to put him on the throne. In other words, the leader must first be active, purposeful, resolute, in order to please, deserve, receive, achieve. And while someone lies on the couch or is left alone with his fear, he does not cause any respect, no desire to put him on a pedestal, or follow him.

Men all want to be leaders and heads. Women generally don't mind following men. But the question arises: who should a woman follow if a man does not go anywhere? Does a man deserve respect if he is afraid, because of which he sits in a corner and does nothing?

Women love strong and purposeful, fearless and determined men. And if men do nothing, then they do not cause any admiration. In society, it is customary for men to be admired, and women to be trophies. This cannot be achieved if women conquer men and men become the trophies of women.

Outcome

In society, it has long been customary for boys to be the first to get acquainted, and not girls. Otherwise, people incorrectly perceive the initiative of a woman and the passivity of a man. You just have to accept the rules of the game that people have been playing for centuries and have succeeded in this field.

"Young man, can you tell me how many degrees are below zero now?" A slightly modified phrase from a famous movie. Dear ladies, have you ever had to approach a guy first and get to know each other? I think most will say no. But, believe me, many male representatives are concerned about the question of why girls do not get to know each other first. Let's try to deal with this problem.

Here an attractive guy passes by, and the girl tries her best to inspire him: "Come to me, speak!" In the course are smiles, languid glances, winks. And if the attracted object does not react? How to be? Walk past a dream? "Accidentally" scatter the contents of the handbag at the feet of the chosen one? There is no definite answer, it all depends on the girl's commitment to traditions and stereotypes, as well as on her determination and courage.

Before putting forward many reasons for a girl’s reluctance to start dating first, let’s find out what men and women answered the question “why don’t girls want to get to know each other first?”.

Tatyana, 23 years old, single

I don’t fit, or rather didn’t fit, to the guys first, because. believed that further initiative would have to be taken into their own hands. Those. I gave signs for a man and waited for a reaction. I don't need a shy boy, because I am indecisive myself. But sometimes she was quite active, but now it seems she was proving something to herself.

Elena, 22 years old, recently married

Guys have been acting worse than girls lately. Previously, even the girls tried to get to know each other, but now they understand - why get acquainted with their own kind ?! A real man won't let that happen! In any case, from time immemorial, the guy was accepted - the first! In no fairy tale, not a single princess fought a dragon for a prince! And in the end, if we are the first to get acquainted, offer relationships, etc., then let them be ready to be second in everything!

Marina, 31, single

It so happened historically that men took the first step, were the first to get acquainted, etc. Therefore, out of habit, we do not dare to take the initiative. But time changes everything, and now men are waiting for the first steps from us. The first I have never met myself, although I do not exclude such a possibility in the future.

Karina 24 years old, married

Girls do not want to be the first to get acquainted, because. The initiative must come from the guys. Still, they are the strong sex. In my opinion, it’s stupid for a girl to be the first to approach, what if he already has a girlfriend ?! And in our time, many have forgotten how to communicate realistically, everyone is trying through the Internet, and then when they meet, they cannot connect two words. I wouldn't be the first one either.
Leonid, 25 years old, single

I love it when acquaintances are made spontaneously (in the company of friends, at corporate parties), when everyone is more or less relaxed and the atmosphere is favorable for acquaintance and further communication. And when you go to work in the 30-degree heat underground on Monday and see an inviting look, for some reason there is not the slightest desire to fly through the whole sweaty car to this "only one" with an offer to get acquainted. To seek out among the crowd, to decipher female signals, well, I'm not interested. If they come up on their own, then immediately I'm on my guard. And why am I so honored? I know one thing - the girl will come by herself only in two cases: 1. If she really needs something urgently. Well, she felt bad, her heel got stuck, she got lost, she lost her watch. 2. If she doesn't give a damn about public opinion, ancient stereotypes and other fictitious heresy in her life. There was such a case, as I remember now! I have special respect for such women and always bow low.

Victor, 34 years old, married

I think that this is a far-fetched (or generally accepted) stereotype, such an unspoken rule of good form. But in the modern world, it seems to me, this kind of conventions are starting to become a thing of the past. If a girl likes a guy, then she can take more drastic steps. Also, a lot depends on what the girl wants from this acquaintance: whether it is an object of desire only "for the evening" or a night, or for something more long-term.

Sergey, 43 years old, married

A woman is predestined by nature to be shy. When a man meets a woman, he behaves more insistently. If it doesn't work the first time, he will make many more attempts until he achieves his goal. In addition, the woman is somewhere happy that she is being sought, and she eventually gives up. A woman, as a rule, has one chance. She likes the guy madly, and would be very glad to meet you, but ... What are her thoughts? What if I'm ugly, what if he doesn't like me and he refuses? If a woman tried to get acquainted and everything fell through, then, as a rule, she does not do the second approach. Fear of rejection is the main reason. Most often, the fair sex tries by their behavior to make the man come up first. Although if a woman feels that he will not refuse, then the first one may come up. True, this is more of an exception, because. the fear of rejection will always be there. For female pride, it is necessary to become the one and only for this guy, without asking herself. Such a small female victory in this matter is important to her. Or maybe not small, it happens that this victory is for life.

On the other hand, by nature a woman is more faithful. And when she first met and the man did not refuse, then even if something in life goes wrong, she will endure, because. chose it herself. Fidelity of a woman is very strong, while a man, on the contrary, is naturally more arrogant, and besides, physically stronger than a woman. He feels his advantage over a woman, like "what will she do to me?". A woman can be tormented all her life, even if not love, but force of habit. She is less inclined to change, but sometimes she is simply afraid that a man can do anything with her, because. stronger.
So why don't girls meet first?
Dependence on traditions and stereotypes.
The girl thinks that the guy most likely has a girlfriend.
The girl's confidence in her attractiveness - "I am beautiful, and so there is no end to gentlemen"; the opposite option - "where can I interest him, with my appearance."
Fears that the guy will think: since the first one came up, then no one needs it or, on the contrary, it is easily accessible.
Fear of rejection and ridicule (especially if you have already tried and been rejected).
Fear that a man will turn out to be a rapist, a thief, or just a bad person.
A girl needs a determined man, and if he does not take the initiative, then he is not confident in himself.

Why is it worth trying to get to know each other first?

If the girl came up first, then we can judge that she is sociable, self-confident, brave enough, and most importantly, she was really interested in this guy! He will know for sure that he will not be "pushed".
The girl has the right to choose and the opportunity not to pass by the "second half", regretting it later.
Even if the young man ran away in fear, it's not so bad. If he ran away, then he is a coward! Does a girl need a cowardly guy?

Why shouldn't this be done?

The opportunity to end up with a henpecked guy, from whom you should not expect any initiative.
During a quarrel, a guy may well reproach a girl: "You yourself met me!"

A separate topic is online dating. Here, girls are much more likely to take the first step. This is quite understandable: getting a rejection from a virtual man is not at all offensive, there are still so many of them - on websites and forums. Only rarely does such a virtual acquaintance turn into a real one. Yes, and the habit of looking for love on the Internet is somewhat dangerous because it causes laziness in dating in real life.

There are strong stereotypes in our society that a man should be the first to take the initiative. Maybe it's time to break them down? Each girl decides for herself. The main thing is that both then be happy, regardless of who met first!