Question to the psychologist:
I am 36. She is 34. I have been married for 14 years. They dated for 2.5 years before getting married. Son is 12 years old, daughter is 4 years old. The first child was unexpected, the second - long-awaited. Marriage for both is the first. He never raised his hand to her, tried to be an ideal husband - an exemplary family man. But I want to get divorced.
My parents are going to celebrate a sapphire wedding next year. We hope that we will live to see gold. I also had a brother. 7 years older than me. After the army, he returned a different person. For five years he terrorized the whole family. He pulled everything out of the house and sold it for drugs. Died of an overdose when I entered college. I entered there on a full-time department budget for a prestigious specialty (I graduated from school with a gold medal). Teaching was easy for me. Without straining, I could finish the institute with honors. But, subconsciously, I wanted to stop being an “exemplary” boy. I deliberately did not go to retake the exam when almost all of my classmates went.
For the last five years I have been working in a small town (population 15,000) 200 km from our home in a city with a population of over one million. I leave on Monday morning for work, on Friday evening I return to my family. On weekdays I live in office housing. Neither I nor my spouse consider it expedient to transport the family “to the periphery”. The work is "sedentary" - does not involve physical exertion. But the drive (urgently, quickly, “yesterday”, etc.), communication (call, organize, find out, etc.), emotions (mat, flattery, “setups”, etc.) exhaust me like this that I crawl into bed in the evening squeezed like a lemon. And I don’t even always crawl (business trips, nightly gatherings at meetings, etc.), - sometimes I stay for the weekend to finish “urgent” and “important” things. Recently I was promoted at work and all this "pleasure" was added. The salary, even by Moscow standards, is good. I have had a craving for money since childhood, I always wanted to make sure that my family did not need anything. We got loans, bought good cars, real estate. The salary is enough to service these loans. Wealth (assets) is now greater than debts. I know how to manage finances.
Every evening I call my wife to see how they are doing. She does not have a permanent job - only a hobby, from which she periodically receives some money for her expenses and for the entertainment of the whole family. This hobby is connected with entertainment and, as a result, with days off, social networks, communication with a very large number of people. She has always been sociable. Can talk about nothing for hours with unfamiliar people. She is ready to help everyone and everyone, even to the detriment of the interests of her family. It always annoyed me. Recently, this business of hers began to bring, albeit a small, but regular income. But it also regularly disappears during the day on weekends. She returns home tired. The house is a constant mess. There is never enough time for cleaning and cooking. But, on social networks or hourly conversations about nothing on the phone with friends unknown to me - he always finds it. I work with the kids or drink beer or go for a walk with friends (sometimes until the morning). When it works, we go to the cinema or shopping with our family. We eat on the weekends, mostly out of the house or order food at home. Even the girls at work jokingly (probably) sometimes offer me to iron my shirt or wash my trousers.
In the last couple of years, we have had interruptions with intimacy. Either I had health problems in this area (I was ill for about three months), then she was tired, "had a headache" or she did not want to "sniff beer and cigarettes." More than once a week (on weekends) there was nothing. But it wasn't every weekend either. Less and less. I felt that for both of us it becomes more of a duty than a pleasure. You just need to satisfy the physiological needs of each other and continue to do your own thing!
Here I must admit that I have a problem with alcohol. In order to relieve stress from work, almost every Friday and Saturday (and to be honest - and regularly on weekdays, when I came home from work after midnight) I drank beer. I could easily drink half a bucket and even a bucket! On Sunday, I tried to take a break so that I could get behind the wheel early on Monday morning and leave for work. Same problem with tobacco. He started smoking a week before his 16th birthday. I was then dumped by a girl who I really liked. Since then I have been smoking. Although I promised my wife even before the wedding that if I gave birth to a son, I would leave. Then he said (but did not promise) that if a daughter was born, I would not be able to poison her with tobacco. I smoke to this day. Once, drunk on my wife, I let it slip that I would quit smoking only for the sake of great love ...
Once again, on the second Sunday of December, we were going to go with the whole family to eat somewhere in the afternoon. My son and I went out a little earlier than my wife - to warm up the car. She left the entrance with her daughter in a couple of minutes. She was followed by a neighbor who had already divorced his wife for a year - our age. The neighbor's car was parked next to mine. I only heard the end of their conversation. She told him: "I will be at home tomorrow from 10 to 12 and from 14 to 17." Various thoughts immediately popped into my head. I will be at work at this time. Daughter is in kindergarten. The son is at school in the morning, and in the afternoon at training. Why is she telling him this? And why with me? She got into the car. I asked her about the subject of the conversation, to which I received an answer something like “he wants to go for salt” (conditionally, of course, but the question was petty and why he turned to my wife with it and at the time when she would be at home alone, I still don't get it.) In the evening I did not drink, did not smoke for three hours before going to bed, took a shower, brushed my teeth, shaved, put my daughter to bed. I wanted closeness. The wife was sitting at the computer and seemed to be working. I waited for her until two in the morning (and I have to get up early for work). She came and said she was tired and wanted to sleep...
I never fell asleep that night. Thoughts about the neighbor, about her behavior lately, about changes in intimate life, etc. didn't let me sleep. I went out to smoke all night every half an hour - she did not even move her ear. I somehow got to work, somehow worked the day, somehow called her back in the evening. He said he didn't sleep. She didn’t even ask about the reasons for the lack of sleep ... Before going to bed, I wrote her an SMS about what I think about my neighbor. And he was sent obscenities with his jealousy to hell. She never spoke to me before...
About jealousy. I have always been jealous. She has always been sociable. I'm jealous of every post. She smiles at every pole. Former girls always told me that I was not jealous, but the owner. Intellectually, I know that they are all right. But on the surface, I always justified it with love - “jealous means love” (c).
Before going to bed, after I was sent, I, driven by pride, decided that I needed to find myself a mistress. In revenge. Of course, I am not ideal in terms of fidelity, but I never started a relationship on the side and did not even have such intentions. I never gave my wife a reason to be jealous.
The next morning, mindful of my intention, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror. I got scared. The belly is like that of a girl who is nine months pregnant, the chest is like that of the heroine's mother who is not feeding the first twins. I stopped drinking beer. I began to perform a set of exercises to increase muscle tone. I switched to a different diet. By the end of the week, I was able to fully see my masculinity in my soul without a mirror. I began to notice the interested looks of the girls on me. It flattered me. I stopped calling my wife in the evenings. Intentionally coldly unsubscribed to her in the evening that everything was fine with me. He deliberately answered her calls dryly. This is how the first week went. I came home for the weekend. I didn't drink a drop over the weekend. But he only paid attention to the children. A lot of attention. I had no idea that I had been such a bad father all this time. He began to talk with his son, play with his daughter. At night with my wife, I pretended to be tired. And I didn’t want to myself either - thoughts about my neighbor didn’t let me go. The next working week and the next (New Year's Eve) passed in the same vein.
We were going to celebrate the New Year visiting friends, where there would be many children, so that the little ones would have fun. We also had to buy gifts for friends and relatives. There were only two days left. I knew that my wife wanted to buy a new expensive phone. I even saved up some money for it. I saw how she suffers with the old. Although he worked, he was already “out of trend”. I offered her to buy a new modern flagship, but of a more modest brand with all the features she needed. I picked it myself. I offered the missing money to her as a gift from me for the new year. She agreed. The phone's other operating system upset her. She freaked out about the fact that she could not transfer contacts from the old one. For me, the OS of her old phone was unusual. But I decided that I could figure it out and quietly tried to help her transfer contacts. I reached into her phone.
I must say that before, due to my “jealousy”, I looked at the records on her phone. Sometimes I saw in them correspondence with her ex (long time ex) boyfriend. They corresponded about his problems in family life, she supported him. There was nothing “criminal” there, but the very fact of this correspondence also pissed me off. Plus, her work and correspondence with a lot of unfamiliar people ...
Long story short, I came across a folder with deleted photos. Among others, there was a photograph of a note - a letter written on a piece of notebook by her hand addressed to a certain V. The neighbor was called by a different name. I have been preparing these weeks to find out that she has another. Although until recently I was looking for reasons why this could not be so. But such an unexpectedly found confirmation of this (and even contrary to my conjectures about a neighbor) made me convulse so much that even my daughter, who was playing nearby, fell silent. The letter contained congratulations on the upcoming New Year, wishes to improve relations in his family and ... gratitude for the time spent (“I felt easy and comfortable with you”). At the end of the letter was "Kiss." and had her signature.
After reading it again, painfully remembering that I had not been drinking alcohol for three weeks and should be in my right mind, I called my wife and asked to explain. Seeing the fear in her eyes, hearing that she wrote a letter for a friend to “set up” a stranger, I went out for a smoke. She ran to the bathroom with the phone. Ten minutes later she came to me and began to swear (including by children) that she had never cheated on me. She continued to insist on this stupid excuse. She showed just made correspondence with a friend, allegedly confirming her version (the phone is new, there is no way to check). I tried to persuade her to tell the truth for an hour. She insisted on her version. I started getting dressed to leave the house. I often did this when we quarreled - I ran away from problems. She begged me to stay, saying that if I did not want to see her, then I could lock myself in our room, and she would not enter there. I gave in and stayed.
She came in half an hour later and said she was ready to tell the truth. Allegedly, they met by chance in a store two months ago. They studied together before we met her, and she liked him. She (as always at work) left him her phone number. He wrote to her on viber and they began to communicate first on the topics of his family. Then he invited her to meet. At their first meeting, they allegedly just drank coffee on the street. Then, in communication via the Internet, they had a “kiss” at parting. From that moment on, she began to hide this correspondence from me. Then he once again invited her to meet on the street. They drank coffee again, embraced, he wanted to kiss her, but she turned away and left. They continued to communicate via the Internet, then stopped. She wrote this letter, but did not send it to him. This is her version. I want to believe in her, but I can't.
We talked all night. Calmly. We talked like we've never talked to each other. Even without this conversation, I understood that everything that happened was mostly my fault. I did not pay enough attention to her, she did not have enough communication with her husband on the topic of love. And then he turned up with this topic. I realized that nothing can be corrected and I will never be able to “unsee” this letter. But what killed me the most was her lies. This is betrayal. I will never be able to forget and forgive her for that. I will never be able to trust her and trust her. But there can be no family without trust. And I can never trust her again. How does she want to live with me? She said then that with me and in hell for her there will be a paradise ...
In order not to spoil the holiday for the children, the next day I pretended that nothing had happened, and we went to celebrate the New Year with friends. It was the most sober new year in my conscious life. In the morning I woke up before everyone else. Played with children. The wife got up much later. She came up to me (there were no friends and children nearby). I sent her away from me. She began to resent this. I reminded her of hell, got dressed, left her car keys and went home. On foot.
Through a friend, I tried to convey to my wife that they should not come home that day. They came. I left. She ran after me and asked: “Did you learn something else?” Then I realized that I did not know everything. She insisted that she told me everything. I asked her to go home. They went with the children to her mother. I asked them not to touch me for a couple of days. All these days we corresponded every evening, discussed long overdue problems in the family, opened each other's eyes to obvious things. In the end, I wrote her a long e-mail, in which I wrote in words that it was all over and I did not love her. Described everything that interfered with me in it. He described all the claims in detail and told what needs to be done in order to prevent such mistakes in the future with others. But in hidden text he wrote that I want her another and I am ready to start all over again. I have been writing this letter for two days. She didn't read the hidden text. The counter-reproaches began again. I tried long and hard to convince her to see in the letter what is there, and not what she herself wants (can) see there.
Her name is Irina. She is almost my only memory from my preschool life (apart from breaking a friend's arm and losing a pistol). I remember that in kindergarten we sincerely said to each other: “You are mine!” and “And you are mine!” and promised each other to get married when we grow up. We went to school together in elementary grades (perhaps even in the same grade), but I didn't remember her in those years. Then I moved to another school, she stayed. When I was “friends” with girls, I always told them about Irina as about my first love. Immediately after graduation, I found Irina's phone and decided to call (oh, what it cost me ... I'm talking about calling). We agreed to walk around the park and chat. At the time, I didn't really know how to behave on a date. Before that, girls always invited me to take a walk, but here I took the initiative. I didn’t really know what to talk about with her, I was squeezed, constrained, the words were confused. In short, it was a fiasco. I walked her to the entrance, and she asked me not to look for meetings with her anymore. Yes, and I wanted to quickly forget such a shame. Forgot... I already smoked at that time. I forgot ... Well, how did you forget? I always wanted to name my daughter by her name. I argued with my wife for a long time. She had bad memories of a girl whose name was almost like my daughter's name and patronymic. The wife was hysterical and begged to give her daughter any other name. I succumbed to concessions and agreed to change only one letter in the name. This is again about compromise with conscience...
When I saw her photo, I fell in love with Irina again. Do not ask me why I think this way and do not talk me out of these thoughts. I know for sure that I fell in love! I experienced this before, but now these feelings are a hundred times stronger. The only problem is (and I understand this) that I fell in love with the image that was in her photo. I fell in love not even as a young man, but as a child. As then: "You are mine!" and “And you are mine!”. I searched the Internet, social networks, collected information about her. She now has a different surname, but in none of the photos does she have a ring on her finger. From friends (with a new surname) - only a young man of 16 years old (probably a son). On many of my messages to her, I received only one response from two words - “Hello. Thank you." and all. The rest of the messages are ignored. I really want to break the agreement and meet with Irina. I don't need sex or kisses from her at the moment. I just want to be there, look into her beautiful eyes, hold her hand...
These sudden surging feelings allowed me to quickly forgive my wife. I let go of that situation. I see that she is trying to change, trying to do what I wrote about in my letter to her. Not everything works out for her. We agreed to start all over again, as if those 14 years of marriage never happened. I suggested that she go to a family psychologist. She seemed to agree, but then happily forgot about it. This often happens to her. I didn't insist. Despite the fact that she never saw the hidden text in the letter (it turns out she just guessed my desires), we began to communicate more, to understand each other better. In bed (both I and she) reached a qualitatively new level. These moments, by the way, are the only time when I don’t think about Irina (I tried it - it turned out garbage). Once, in one of the conversations with my wife, I even mentioned Irina. To her puzzled look, I replied that we had not communicated and had not seen each other for more than 20 years. I can't trust my wife and still feel like I don't know everything about that situation. I don't know if I can ever trust her. But I no longer take this situation to heart. There is no place in my heart for this nonsense now. It has Irina and it takes it all. My wife has become more tender, she constantly talks about her love for me. I don't tell my wife that I love her. I justify this by saying that "we just met." In fact, I just don't want to lie.
I also don’t want to break into Irina’s life, I can’t tell her about my feelings. I am afraid to see pity in response or, even worse, interfere with her family happiness. I do not need psychological help from her (although she works in a similar specialty). I read in her feed that you can talk about love only when you are ready to hear “no” in response. I am not ready…
And here I am, like that knight at the crossroads. I have always been able to make my own decisions. But here the advice of a psychologist is needed.
To go to the left - to destroy the family, to hurt the wife, to leave the children without a father (the son, especially now at his age, needs a father, although maybe a “Sunday dad” will do) for the sake of unrequited, but pure and sincere love, for the sake of the absence of lies in my life ?
To go right - step on the throat of your feelings, find another compromise with your conscience, become patient, live in distrust - for the sake of family, children (although I will still remain only a "Sunday dad"), for the sake of what is called in "society" "family values"?
The arrow "straight" on the pebble indicates the way to either a psychiatric or a venereal clinic. And from under your feet you can already hear the ticking of a time bomb ...
Wow, I've written so much. I re-read it and am not sure that a psychologist can help me. It’s more like a clinic here ... “- Sister, maybe in intensive care? “The doctor said to the morgue, so to the morgue!” (With)
Andrey, hello. At the beginning of your question, you clearly write that you want to get a divorce, then, first of all, you convince yourself how bad everything was in the family, what kind of wife is bad: she doesn’t clean, didn’t work much all the time, communicates with others and so on. But in the end, you still begin to doubt, but anyway, you imagine everything in such a way that "family values" are like duties and you "should". Don't you understand that the advice of other people will definitely be contradictory and everyone will give you advice based on their own life experience? That listening to others will make you even more confused? And if you make a decision that is not your own, that is, under someone's "pressure", will you also regret it? A psychologist can help you make your decision. When you wrote the question, what more would you like to read? What "must live for the sake of the family and children"? Or the fact that life is one and you have the right to live the way you want? Think about what was written and make your decision, and if you can’t make your decision, then you need to contact a psychologist for a personal appointment or online via Skype, where a full consultation will be held. I believe that you have not had a family as such for a long time, there was only an "imitation of a family." Also, if Irina hinted at least a little that she wants to start a relationship with you, then you would not make a choice ... And so you are just afraid of Irina's refusal and understand that most likely she will tell you no and so as not to experience negative feelings, you expose yourself as "noble", hiding behind the fact that you want to save the family - this is my assumption! Regardless of what decision you make, you need to learn how to build relationships, give up bad habits and enjoy life in general, without alcohol and cigarettes.
You are right that your problem will not be solved with the help of a written answer, your question is the beginning of solving a complex of problems, and if you really want to change your life, then you need to start working with a psychologist and possibly with a narcologist, believe me, there is something to work on.
With all my heart, I wish you - Success and all the best!!!
4.7
Rating 4.70 (5 Votes)Many people at the beginning of their relationship or immediately after the wedding tend to idealize their other half, but time goes by, habitual life changes, a joint life begins, certain obligations appear, and in general life puts everything in its place.
For many people, these changes in life cause conflicting feelings. Someone is happy to finally settle down and every day happily goes home to plunge into the routine of family happiness. And for some, on the contrary, an internal protest begins. After all, before there was a lot of free time, you could do something, and even your wife, then you still saw a girl, though every day, but several hours a day and managed to get bored until the next meeting. And now the wife is always there, not always beautifully dressed or made up, and her character has become different. A natural question arises: do you still have feelings for your wife or is it just a habit.
It is widely believed that men are big kids. And this is mostly true. A man in love is generally an explosive mixture. There is a struggle between the desire to be serious and at the same time cheerful and resourceful. Any man in love first of all wants to make his girlfriend laugh, because for many guys the laughter of his beloved is an indicator that she is interested in him. To make her laugh, you must not be afraid to look stupid. If at some point a man notices that he is embarrassed to do stupid things or funny things, then this is a clear sign that he has lost his feelings or has begun to doubt.
Any man in love wants to communicate as much as possible with his chosen one. It doesn't matter what. These can be general topics, the events of the day, conversations about work or home life. But there are always conversations between lovers. A man will first inform his beloved about important events, and then the rest. If a man understands that he has lost interest in communicating with his beloved, does not want to know how she is doing or write a couple of SMS during the day, then this is another wake-up call that love has waned or disappeared altogether.
For a man in love, complimenting is vital. They are different - clumsy and elegant, but they are. If a man feels that he has no desire to compliment or he has ceased to find reasons for a compliment in his wife, then you can think about feelings for your beloved.
All women love to spend money. For clothes, jewelry, household utensils. And men in love indulge their ladies in this. It is not necessary to give a wallet and drive to the store. Many simply turn a blind eye to the fact that a loved one bought an item that was not quite necessary. Or the man himself does not mind buying his wife something that is not very necessary. A new scarf, purse or purse. If a man began to count the money spent by his wife despite the fact that their income or financial situation did not change. This is another sign of withering feelings.
Most men are not inclined to follow fashion and their appearance. This is not about the fact that a man does not bathe or does not change his socks and dresses in cast-offs. But many males are not inclined to change their jeans, T-shirt or shine their shoes every time. But everything changes when this man falls in love. Shine your shoes, iron your jeans and wash the stain, put on a fresh T-shirt, comb your hair - this becomes the constant companion of a man in love. Even if he is married and he no longer needs to dress beautifully for a date with his wife, a man strives to match his wife and dress in such a way that she is not ashamed of him. If a man took out his favorite worn jeans, an old T-shirt with a torn armpit and put on white socks under black shoes, then there is no thought on his face about whether his wife likes his appearance.
Any man, even the most independent and independent, loves attention from his woman, and also does not mind getting advice. Not infrequently, a man does not show that he has listened or pretends that attention from his beloved is not important to him. If this is true and a man craves attention from other people and does not turn to his wife for advice, then it is difficult to talk about love in this case. The same can be said about if a man is no longer touched by the criticism of his beloved. The stronger sex is very capricious about dominance in the house and therefore any encroachment on the part of the wife on his masculinity is perceived with hostility. If a man felt that he did not care about the opinion of his wife, then she is not perceived as before.
All men are owners by nature, being jealous of old friends, colleagues, men who have shown attention on the street is normal for a man. If the husband is no longer interested in who the wife was talking to on the phone or from whom the SMS came, the story that a colleague at work praised your beloved, then the man stopped feeling his woman only as his. Which means she doesn't mean anything to him anymore.
Many say that men tend to change, and this is inherent in nature in a man. The truth is that a truly in love man is passionate about only one person, and if he suddenly felt that he began to look at other women or think about betrayal, then the feelings clearly began to fade away. And the point here is not necessarily the amount of sex with the woman you love. This is also indicated if a man has ceased to experience sexual desire for his partner.
It is known that women are very scrupulous to various trifles. Close the toilet lid, dry your hands with a hand towel, not a dish towel, put your socks in the laundry basket, and more. men by 
by nature, they are less delicate in this matter, but for the sake of their beloved, they are ready to reluctantly accept new rules in the house, even if they cause irritation. But if at some point a man began to notice a lack of desire to follow these rules, then he clearly stopped worrying about the mood of his beloved and her attitude to these little things.
There is some distinction regarding the responsibilities of men and women. But many loving husbands are only too happy to take care of their beloved - to help wash the dishes, vacuum the floor, go to the supermarket for groceries. There is nothing difficult in this if a man still loves his wife. But when he sharply recalls that it is not a man's business to help around the house, then the consumer attitude towards his wife comes into play. And a man in love will never consider his woman just an instrument in the house.
Love is one of the most beautiful and at the same time mysterious feelings that we are subject to.
Its influence on a person is unlimited: it can change the perception of the surrounding world and events, worldview and attitude to life - make you happy or, conversely, deeply unhappy.
It all depends on the reciprocity of the feelings experienced ... And it doesn’t matter how many years you have been together, you are married or just dating!
Any representative of the fair sex wants to know what is happening in the soul of her soulmate. Whether they really love her or the relationship is “held” only by habit.
If you doubt the sincerity of your spouse and dream of finding an answer to the question: “Does my husband love me?” - the test and tips below can help you.
This universal test is based on identifying patterns that manifest themselves in the absence or presence of love in your soulmate.
Try to answer the following questions as honestly as possible by choosing the appropriate answer.
"Does my husband love me" test:
If you have the most answers:
It is important to understand that not a single test can convince you of the sincerity of your loved one's feelings.
If you really want to understand if your husband loves you, pay attention to his actions.
Perhaps there is no reason for concern, but you simply stopped noticing his care and attention, and began to consider his gentle touches familiar.
Try to look at your relationship, communication from the outside. Maybe you had no idea how much envy your "modest" hugs in public cause.
In case you are lost in doubts about the sincerity of personal happiness, you most likely need real evidence.
The ideal way to test your soulmate is your own initiative.
Yes, yes, you yourself must show attention to your spouse: arrange a romantic dinner, surround him with care and affection, show how much you love him.
And if in such a situation a man does not go to meet you, moving away from you, this is a very bad sign. Perhaps he put an end to your relationship a long time ago.
You will have to make a lot of efforts in order to convince him of the opposite. ()
If a man really loves you, he will definitely show feelings, for example, he will give you an unexpected gift in response to a romantic surprise, etc.
“Does a man love me?”, “Is my husband faithful to me?” - to such questions, most of all, every girl wants to know the answers.
And it’s not at all about insecurity or fear of loneliness - it’s common for any woman to worry about her relationship.
Therefore, hint to your spouse that it is very important for you to see his feelings every day in insignificant actions, manifestations of attention.
And it does not matter at all whether it will be a lush bouquet of roses or just a compliment. Just do not forget that if you demand manifestations of love, nothing good will come of it!
Surround your husband with love and care, and he will do everything to make you happy with him!
It is believed that most marriages are made for love, and if the feelings are real, then they will never leave the spouses. But a few years after marriage, many people ask themselves the question: “Does my spouse (or spouse) love me?”
Because of or the fact that one of the former lovers "cooled off" to his soulmate. Finding an answer to the question: “How do you know if your wife loves you?” considered in this article.
This question does not arise out of the blue - most often under pressure from relatives, friends, other women who suspect that not everything in the family is going smoothly. Sometimes the man himself begins to worry.
Reasons for doubt are as follows:
Experts, to the question “how to find out?”, Answer directly: ask! Just come up and ask: “Do you love me?”, express your fears, doubts, calmly express those moments that do not suit you. Perhaps it's not all that bad.
For example, a woman is actually sick or experiencing depression, and therefore refuses to have sex - then she must be taken by the hand to the doctor. To work late, perhaps she is simply forced, since her husband earns very little.
If the wife really loves, then this is noticeable by the following signs:
Love and care for a partner should be mutual - this is the principle of a normal life in a family for many years spent together.
For many, this issue is very relevant, especially for those men who earn a lot and have good housing. Wealthy people more often than "heirs of a sagging sofa" are visited by the thought that they can be used.
The undeniable features are:
For some men, the selfish motives of the wife will remain invisible - the woman “puts her desires into the ears” of her husband in such a way that he believes that he thought of it himself. A man in love is capable of not noticing obvious things.
Mercantile must be distinguished from frugality or normal human needs. If a wife asks for money to pay utility bills for the apartment in which the spouses live, or a small amount to buy at least some boots, since the old ones have already fallen apart, then this cannot be called self-interest.
Another question, if we are talking about almost daily visits to beauty salons, dinners in restaurants and all kinds of knick-knacks at "cosmic" prices.
There is nothing immoral in the fact that a woman wants to be married to a rich man - after all, men also want a young beautiful wife.
Most wives who are accused of being too selfish just want to eat every day, buy the children's necessities, and dress as well as others.
If a woman agreed to marriage precisely for the sake of money, then she will do her best to save it - from such a situation a man can derive some benefit for himself.
Most often, just a frank conversation helps - if you ask the right questions, you can find out anything in great detail.
Of course, not every woman will go to such revelations - during a conversation she will make excuses, denying everything. Here you should take a closer look at her behavior: when a person lies, he often touches his nose, looks away, gets confused in the testimony, in response to the simplest questions, he speaks complete nonsense.
Women are polygamous by nature and have as many rights to adultery as the male part of humanity. But not everyone is taking advantage of this opportunity. Cheating can happen both in the first year of marriage, and after twenty years of marriage.
There are some facts that are highly likely to indicate that the wife has a lover:
These signs also do not 100% indicate the presence of another man in a woman's life. She really can wear beautiful suits to work because she got a new good position.
And what the suspicious husband mistook for expensive branded bead-ring earrings is a fake for two dollars from a Chinese site.
Sometimes a woman starts an affair on the side in revenge on her husband for his past betrayal or his other "sins".
If she does not enjoy intimacy with her husband or sex is sorely lacking, then it will be quite natural.
Particularly suspicious husbands, in order to check their guesses and figure everything out, begin to follow their wife personally or even hire a “spy”.
They suddenly come to her place of work, call all the spouse's friends, look for undeniable evidence in her personal belongings. Many have a mistress to spite their wife.
Many women don't understand that it only makes sense to lie about something that can't be verified. As for the rest, sooner or later the spouse confesses, somehow accidentally betrays herself.
In order for feelings to become bright again even after a dozen years of living together, an element of novelty should be introduced into them:
A married woman wants, above all, to be happy, just like a married man. It is necessary to try as much as possible to satisfy the needs of each other within the family so that the partner does not have to look for something outside of it.
After each quarrel, it is necessary to put up, and not "play silent." Disputes, showdown - this is normal, there are minor troubles almost always and for everyone.
Less radical changes will also not go unnoticed - a hairstyle, a smile, good morning or good night wishes, kisses at a meeting and parting will only benefit.
Family life consists of ups and downs, sorrows and sorrows, terrible storms and complete calm - this is normal. Love passions subside over time, only truly mature relationships remain.
If both spouses want to save the family, then they will do it, because the most important thing in marriage is to understand and respect each other. In cases where interpersonal problems seem intractable, spouses should visit a family psychologist together.
In connection with the recently increased importance of all kinds of tests and questionnaires per capita, the author decided to keep up with fashion and also offer his own test questionnaire for those who doubt ...
So! Go to a secluded corner so that, God forbid, your wife does not see your answers, and try to answer all the questions as honestly as possible, writing out the points you earned on a separate piece of paper.
1. What do you say to your wife when you wake up?
Good morning! - 1 point.
How do you feel? - 2 points.
Get breakfast ready! - 3 points.
2. How do you say goodbye to her when you leave for work?
Many hugs! - 1 point.
Affectionately kiss! - 2 points.
Friendly handshake! - 3.5 points.
3. If you received a salary at work when you came home, how do you deal with it?
I'll give it to my wife in part. - 1.5 points.
I will give it completely. - 2.7 points.
I'll give it completely, then I'll take it completely with her. - 7 points!
4. What would you do if, accidentally returning home earlier than usual, you found a strange man visiting?
Killed him! - 0.5 points.
Killed her! - 0.7 points.
I got acquainted. - 16 points.
5. What do you do with your spouse in your free time?
Watching TV. - minus 2 points.
I go to the cinema. - plus 2 points.
We count money. - one point for each ruble!
6. How often do you tell her that you love her?
Once a year. - 1 point.
Twice a month. - 2 points.
Three times a day after meals. - Points corresponding to your weight in kilograms.
7. Do you consult with your wife on vital issues?
About the construction of a summer residence - the cost of a summer residence.
About buying a car - the serial number of the queue.
Will Spartak become a champion? - Time spent watching TV as a share of the life lived.
8. Do you like to help your wife around the house?
I love. - the footage of your apartment.
Dislike - the size of your sofa.
I don’t know, I haven’t tried it. - the number of years you have lived together, with a minus sign.
9. Do you imagine her as the heroine of famous works?
Tatyana Larina! - the number of pages you read in the novel.
Natasha Rostova! - the number of pages you skipped in the novel.
Angelica - Marquise of Angels! - the weight of waste paper, the last time handed over to the scrap.
10. 0 What do you think about when you fall asleep?
Oh wife! - the age of the wife.
About the other woman - the age of the other woman.
About repair! - the age of your apartment from the last renovation.
OK it's all over Now! Now add up the points you earned. Add to the sum the height of the spouse, the size of her shoes, divide all this by the number of your common children. Subtract your phone number from the resulting number. Remember the rest and do not tell anyone, because it does not matter.
However, if you still want to receive the answer promised to you, then look into it ...
If you have done everything as indicated in our questionnaire ... sorry, but you do not love your wife. You allowed yourself to doubt this so much that you began to answer questions from which the author is going to make his dissertation.
If you discarded our questionnaire long ago, then you quite obviously love your wife deeply and will love her forever, not paying attention to any tricks and intrigues of numerous sociologists. What do you want!
Internet source
Question to a psychologist: I am 36. She is 34. I have been married for 14 years. They dated for 2.5 years before getting married. 12 year old son, 4 year old daughter.
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