Why do women want to get married? Why do women want to get married so much - the main reasons When a woman wants to get married

The desire to get married arises in every woman at least once in her life, regardless of whether she has a loved one or not. This is a natural desire to be close to the one you love and want to start a family. But when this desire arises in single women, and they are frantically trying to find someone who will marry them, this is clearly not connected with feelings. So why do so many risk their lives just to achieve its fulfillment.

Why do all women want to get married

Since childhood, girls dream that one day they will meet their prince and become a princess. Their wedding will be like a fairy tale, like family life. Over time, these dreams undergo changes a little, but still they do not disappear. Let there be women who have achieved dizzying success in their careers, the fashion for informal marriage and the cohabitation of two lovers, which may not lead to marriage, all the same, even successful women do not consider themselves happy if there is no man next to them. Because any woman, regardless of her achievements, wants to lean on a strong shoulder, feel protected, loved and give her love to someone who managed to make her happy.

Therefore, the dream of getting married and living happily ever after remains one of the main ones for the fair sex. For many, it is the main thing in life, and not because there is nothing more to strive for. A prince appeared on their doorstep and a lot of effort must be made to overcome all obstacles on the path to happiness, marry him and live happily ever after, despite the intrigues of envious and envious women, being under the influence of a variety of circumstances, people, unresolved internal problems that have an imperceptible but strong influence on her.

And it doesn’t matter that there is no prince yet, and even someone who would like to try to create a couple with him and build a relationship. Due to the fact that everyone around is closely watching who got married and when, and if not yet, they actively discuss it, most women cannot stand it and eventually begin to think that this is the desire to get married, and not an attempt to escape from pressure and stop being a target for discussion by all acquaintances and girlfriends. And it does not matter that the girl, having not met her one and only, is busy with other things and is not going to give up her plans and desires in order to find a prince. And she understands perfectly well that such an obsessive desire, no matter what, in six months or by a certain date to get married, can play a cruel joke with her. Compassionate gossips will still ask again and again with maniacal persistence whether she is married, is going to, is there anyone in mind and is any young man caring for her at all.

The curiosity of others, their desire to sometimes get into the personal lives of others with their feet is amazing and shocking. And even if it seems ridiculous and not worthy of attention, if you don’t defend yourself from such an onslaught, after a while you can catch yourself thinking, is it time to get married, is it too late, are there still free young people left. So the ability to put in place such inquisitive acquaintances is very important.

It is because of them that many of the fair sex try to get married as early as possible, just not to feel compassionate looks and sympathetic remarks.

In addition, if parents or women of the older generation can still be understood, they didn’t really have a choice, since a career at that time was not so accessible for a woman, then young friends are in no way inferior to grandmothers on benches who have nothing to do except discuss neighbors or acquaintances they saw.

When communicating on social networks, many classmates and classmates ask about their personal status, and not about career success or plans. Until now, the main purpose of a woman for both the older and the younger generation remains precisely the status of wife and mother. There's nothing wrong with that, it's nature's way. It is the manic desire of others that the girls have time to get married by some mythical date is bad, in order to make happy obviously not themselves, but their parents, girlfriends, neighbors or relatives, who are so interested in whether she is married, and if not, then why.

Although the main thing is the understanding that you need to marry your loved one when you are ready for this step, and you are determined to build and create a happy family in which it will be good for you, your husband, and children.

In fact, it doesn’t matter to others what it will be like for children to grow up in a family, when mom and dad realized that they are different people and experience hidden irritation towards each other or quarrel all the time, because together they are stuffy, bad and cramped.

Girls who do not want to risk themselves or their future children, who will be the first to suffer from the fact that mom and dad get divorced or hate each other, it is better to learn how to remove the curious from their lives or put them in their place, asking unpleasant questions to keep them behind, than trying to conform to some accepted norms.

Why do women get married

Photo: why women get married

• Being married, a woman is not afraid to have children, is not afraid for their future, as she is convinced that having a father will protect them from all the vicissitudes of fate. Although this is not entirely true, just look at the number of divorces, and the so-called fathers who easily abandon children and forget about their existence for many years, after all, not all men are like that. The point here is not that marriage does not provide security for future children, but precisely that haste in this matter and a frivolous attitude towards marriage and the creation of a family leads to similar sad consequences. When two people love each other, they know all their strengths and weaknesses, they are ready to take responsibility for themselves, for the other, and for the children, then the children really grow up in a full-fledged family, feeling protected and loved. This is what women dream about when they talk about marriage.

• For many, the presence of a ring on a man’s hand makes him immediately inaccessible, and all women are well aware of this. Therefore, official marriage helps them protect themselves from rivals. Although married men still have mistresses, but not because for them the ring is an empty phrase. This is more due to their low self-esteem and the belief that there is love between them that will overcome all obstacles, including his wife. At the same time, the mistresses also want to get married in order to put their ring on his hand, being deeply confident that they will definitely not be cheated on.
• Many seek to get married to get rid of loneliness. They do not want to understand themselves, to understand what they like in this life, it seems to them, however, not without the help of advice from older friends and relatives, that happiness awaits them only after marriage. And instead of fighting loneliness, having dealt with their internal problems, they are trying to find someone who will agree to propose to them. It doesn't matter if they're happy together or not.

• An unwanted or unplanned pregnancy is also sometimes the reason that pushes girls into marriage. Being a single mother even today is unpleasant, physically and financially very difficult. And, without learning how to protect yourself or have such a close relationship only with someone with whom you really would like to connect your future life, in such a difficult situation there is nothing left but to try to start a family. Well, if everything works out, and she is strong.
• Someone believes that you can get material wealth not by your own work, but only by marrying successfully. Only happiness and love cannot be replaced by money. And no matter how financially easy after such a marriage, love will still claim its rights and who knows where it will lead. But here, as they say, everyone decides for himself.

Photo: why women get married

To be happy, it is not necessary to be married, a happy woman can only be herself. But marriage for love will make her life even better, because everything is on the shoulder with a loved one. You just don’t need to strive to get married, because the time has come, you want to be no worse than others in order to get rid of unnecessary questions or loneliness. Otherwise, instead of a fairy tale, it's easy to end up in a nightmare, living next to someone you don't like and absolutely doesn't fit.

“- What does it mean for you: "married"?

"This is another opportunity to say 'I love you'."

This eternal question exists, in my opinion, longer than "To be or not to be?". However, everything also remains relevant, quivering, painful, impatient, annoying and knocking out of normal life the cry of the soul: “When will this finally happen?”.

Healthy reasons for wanting to get married:

1. It's a confirmation of love
2. It's social status
3. It's relationship development
4. This is his own desire and confirmation of the readiness of a man to start a family, have children.

Destructive reasons for wanting to get married:

1. Because that's what mom wants
2. Because it's time
3. Because the girlfriends are all out
4. Because according to the status
5. Because neighbors, people, relatives are interested
6. Because my ex-boyfriend got married
7. Attach a man
8. Unilateral Hidden Financial Benefit
9. Hasty departure from parents

Why are beautiful athletes, housewives, beauties and smart girls not always married. Let's try to figure it out.

We single out four topical categories of problems

related to marriage and what to do about it:

1. I want to get married, but I can't find a boyfriend.
2. I want to get married, BUT my boyfriend does not propose to me.
3. I do NOT want to get married, I have already been there, BUT my boyfriend pulls me there.
4. I don't want to get married, I love freedom, BUT my boyfriend doesn't like it.

Consider the reasons for the first category:

“I want to get married, BUT I can’t find a boyfriend”:

- Your appearance. Pay attention to your appearance, figure, smells, demeanor, dressing style, mood, grooming, etc.

- You are obsessed with finding a guy and act like a huntress, then all men feel like prey and hide.

- You behave with men as a friend. You can drink with them on an equal footing, talk on all topics (including intimate ones), not worry about your own appearance, behavior, state (you are friends), etc. There is no place for femininity, secrets and a closed book at all, which can make you a good conversationalist in the future, but not an object of desire.

- You don't flirt or flirt with men, but quite straightforward, courageous and independent. Men love to hunt their prey and feel like winners - this is their natural instinct.

- Every man in your eyes is a potential husband and father of all your future children, therefore, when you meet, you can immediately ask about the seriousness of intentions. Men do not like open questions from women, especially such sudden ones.

- You behave with men like a mother. You are caring, forgiving, patient, taking on all his problems. Children are in a hurry to leave their mothers and do not sleep with their mothers.

- If you like a man, you are ready for anything at once. Easy prey is quickly "eaten up" and forgotten.

- “My friends have been married for a long time, but I keep dreaming about the Prince ...”. You are looking for a prince on a white horse, not a man. Often your high expectations and requirements do not allow you to notice a real man nearby.

- You yourself don't know what you want. “So that I don’t drink, don’t smoke, and always give flowers ... and I bought a car, I had an apartment, and I took it to the Maldives, and so that I presented a fur coat like a friend’s.” Millionaires are all busy, but there are many promising young people.

- The time has not come.

- You just don't want to get married. You like your freedom and independence.

What to do if you belong to the first category?

1. Appearance for a woman is her calling card. Grooming, cleanliness, figure and style of clothing play a huge role. Wearing dresses, skirts, sundresses, suits, accessories, scarves, and jewelry is prescribed for women from Above.
2. Let go of the situation. Stop chasing guys. Be the prey you want to fight for. Don't compete with men!
3. Think about your femininity, weakness, lightness, cunning, gracefulness, sexuality. Men should not be friends, they should be attracted and loved. If you are all light and fluffy, perhaps you should add irony, cynicism, spitefulness, bitchiness. Be different, don't be boring.
4. The natural gift of a woman is flirting, coquetry, flirting, seduction. Use it always, develop. Go to training, dancing, yoga. Love your feminine.
5. Men on the way meet different. It is important to show interest in a man, to explore him, to find what attracts, what attracts, without putting a yoke or labels on his neck and without condemning him for ineptness, callousness or indecision. There is always a reason for every behavior. Remember the great wise women Scheherazade, Roxalana and become a moral support for a man. To be a desirable woman, but by no means a caring mother or a mischievous little girl.
6. Play with men (in a good way). Experiment. Follow your heart and body. Do not hurry. Get to know each other, be interested in hobbies, hobbies, thoughts, visions, worldviews, preferences, the more you know, the more clearly you understand about his world, and he about yours
7. Princes, millionaires and even white horses, of course, are not only in fairy tales, but also in life. But do not forget that wizards, Robin Hoods, Genies, elves and many other beautiful fairy-tale characters are walking next to you, who are waiting to meet you. And perhaps they will make you much happier than the Prince. The main thing is a perspective that can open any horizons for you. It's good to understand who you really are, and to accept yourself as beautiful or terrible, fairy or witch, Princess Fiona or Vasilisa the Beautiful. Be attentive and open to the world, be interested in it, and then it will be interested in you
8. They say: "Everything has its time." Often girls are waiting for a miracle to happen, but it happens when you stop waiting and the time just comes
9. Outdated stereotypes that it is NECESSARY to get married are becoming a thing of the past. There are many women who dedicate their lives to themselves, their profession, hobbies and feel absolutely happy at the same time.

“I want to get married, BUT my boyfriend does not propose to me”

- You have been living with your boyfriend for more than three years together. Long-term cohabitation in a civil marriage over time devalues ​​its official registration.

- You constantly talk to him about the wedding. Men do not like "eating brains", "starving out", tantrums and reproaches, this pushes them even more from making a decision.

- He has another. Perhaps his choice fell not on you.

- Not confident in myself or in you. Negative life experience hinders him from making a decision in your favor.

- Fear of losing freedom. For many men, marriage is stereotypically associated with the end of freedom, "putting on fetters", falling under the eternal power of the second half, prohibitions and control.

- Fear of taking responsibility. Introduction to the family, acquaintance with parents; transfer of his surname; responsibility for the welfare of another person; thoughts about children and their future, about compulsory joint annual rest; status - "married", all this instills fear in a man, with which he will have to cope.

- Not ready: ­ he recently broke up with another girl and previous relationships are fresh in his memory; he is divorced. He does not want to repeat past experience and therefore considers a civil marriage an ideal relationship; he has children from a previous marriage, before whom he wants to remain a good father who did not betray their mother (you can live, but not get married); he does not want any obligations (at any time you can end the relationship without any problems); he has a serious business and is not ready to take risks (relationships outside of marriage only reduce the risks of entangling the second half into legal proceedings in case of problems).

- Your relationship with cohabitation has not changed for the better: you came together very quickly, practically without meeting, which deprived you of building contact, in which people learn the habits, tastes, interests of each other and attitudes towards them; when living together, the period of “household grinding” was unsuccessful; lack of compromise, support and dialogue in a couple; one adapts to the other, infringing on his own interests, becoming the victim.

- Your own fear of losing him. ­ You are afraid to be alone and not needed by anyone. You love it. You are scared how your parents will react, whether your friends will condemn you. Knowing this gives you confidence that you will not go anywhere without a stamp in your passport.

- His mother or his children don't like you. The presence of a reputable mother or beloved children from a first marriage may delay the formalization of your union.

- Prepares a surprise for you. You are pushing your boyfriend for nothing. He is preparing a surprise "marriage proposal" for you in a form that will please you and not leave you indifferent.

What to do if you belong to the second category?

1. Long-term cohabitation in a civil marriage, as well as in an official one, can lead to routine, boredom and the loss of the meaning of formalizing relationships. The normal term is no more than a year. Try to add variety to your life. Change the usual form of communication, find new common interests, places, acquaintances. Speak, discuss your relationship with a partner, look at them from the outside. Talk about your pleasures in communicating with him and listen to him. Find new points of contact.
2. Stop talking to him about the wedding. Translate the tantrum about this into sarcasm and humor. Answer yourself the question: “Why do I want to get married? What will change after the official registration of marriage? If you find at least ten justifications for yourself, you will soon be made an offer.
3. If he has another, the reason is also in you. A relationship between two people is always 50/50%.
4. If after 3 years or more, he is still not sure about you, because he had a negative experience, he will never be sure. Decide whether you live with it or not.
5. Freedom for a man is everything. Here are just different concepts of freedom. It is important for a woman to maintain a sense of freedom for a man, but not behavior. For this, a woman has wisdom, cunning, affection.
6. A woman who gives a man support, does not put pressure on him directly, does not throw tantrums, removes the fear of responsibility, as the man begins to believe more and more in himself, his own strength and act.
7. If a man is not ready, it is important for a woman to discuss the reasons for his unavailability and the timing. Since a man does not always like direct answers or questions, you can give him your wishes and deadlines. In the process of relationships, it is important to learn how to build a dialogue. If this is absent or impossible, then clarification of the situation remains impossible.
8. If your relationship began to deteriorate, try to find the reason. In case of a reason for a quick convergence, start getting to know each other again. Ask questions, be interested in everything that your partner lived, what he loves.
9. Being a victim in a relationship is always a very advantageous position. The victim is offended all the time, she is unhappy and requires support, understanding, forgiveness, the fulfillment of all desires, she can complain and everyone will be on her side, etc. Also, the victim infringes on his own interests, betraying himself, waiting in exchange for an assessment of such actions, but not receiving it. To the constant victim there is a feeling of disgust and irritation. Be careful with choosing this position, it is not durable. Self-confident, cheerful, smiling, gentle, causing a desire to patronize, a much more advantageous position.
10. Work on self-confidence, your outer and inner world. Look for motivation for life, appreciate your own interests and hobbies, develop yourself, grow professionally and spiritually - this will strengthen you. Light like a wedge does not converge on one person if you yourself do not direct it there. Expand your horizons.
11. For a man, often a mother is an authority to which he listens, and sometimes follows. For a woman, it is important to maintain warm relations, in some cases distant, but in no case hostile. Children from their first marriage often intrigue the new girlfriends of their fathers, here it is important to be able to maintain neutrality, not succumb to provocations and slowly, carefully bend their line. In both cases, a kind, loving attitude can improve the situation, especially if one manages to gain allies among them.
12. Don't listen to others. Down with stereotypes! A married friend does not always equal happiness, so listen to yourself, your desires. Maybe you don't want to get married? There, in a “married” country, you will have to work hard. Do not think that the sun and rainbows always shine there, there are rains and thunderstorms.
13. Do not push your man, maybe he is preparing a surprise for you, but if the period comes up to a year, see the rules above.

Sometimes there are other problems:

I don't want to get married, I've already been there, BUT my boyfriend pulls me there

I don't want to get married, I love freedom, BUT my boyfriend doesn't like it, but that's a completely different story.

Enjoy life, relationships, love, relax, share all sorrows and joys together, fall asleep and wake up, be yourself, have fun, enjoy the events, believe in the best, get angry or be dissatisfied, sunbathe in the sun or run in the rain, look at the bright sun, dive into the depths, kiss, hug, meet, all this is your life. Live to the fullest, never miss a moment!

Best regards, Arefnia Svetlana

This question is often asked by men. They are surprised by this desperate female desire to go down the aisle.

Other times

It would seem that other times have come. The minds of modern men and women are dominated by high technology, the desire to know the subtle matters of their own ego, and finally, the unrestrained heights of career growth ...

Women no worse than men plan their fashionable life-existence. This includes: getting an up-to-date education, traveling to exotic countries, attending breathing yoga classes and much more. They also have a lot of abstract interests that do not portend any naphthalene requests.

No technical progress could eradicate the desire for a family from the female sex.

And suddenly, in the middle of all this highly intellectual expanse of "Boomz!" and a woman's cry: "I want to get married !!!"

Yes, in the life of every girl or woman there comes a moment when she once, on her way to work, sees a couple with a baby in a stroller ...

She stops as if struck by thunder, it becomes difficult for her to breathe, a treacherous lump rolls up in her throat and a clear thought arises in her head: “This is what I want.”

Looking back at her recent past, everything seems unimportant and insignificant to her. Success in work, a car earned with sweat and blood, travels to distant foreign countries, sapphires and diamonds bought with pride - all this turns out to be nonsense compared to the fact that she wants to become a mother and wife.

No technical progress, no emancipation could eradicate from the female sex the desire to create a family hearth, embedded in our genes hundreds of thousands of years ago.

Women's nature is designed to give love. This is a physiological need to hug and kiss. This is a genetic thirst to take care, to bother, to warm their loved ones. And thus, experience happiness itself.

All together this is combined into a simple phrase: "The girl wants to get married."

This is a wild animal desire to press a child to the heart. It is inexplicable, beyond reasonable control. This is what we, women, are given at the level of instincts.

This is maternal instinct.

It's hard for men to understand. At the same natural level, they do not experience even a thousandth of this female need to have a child.

And this is the answer to the question: "Why do women want to get married"

Civil marriage - a family surrogate

The men are shocked. It smacks of mothballs, it's "married." The trend is cohabitation, erroneously called “civil marriage” (civil marriage is an official marriage registered at the registry office), but in fact it is cohabitation. This is modern, relevant, does not contradict the craving of individuals in personal freedom.

And here lies one funny or sad contradiction. At the last census, it turned out that in our country there are more married women than married men. Let me, let me, how can this be? Explain!

The explanation is simple. This is where the deception of “civil” marriage is hiding.

Women living in such a union consider themselves married, but men do not! They consider themselves free, because officially they are not married!

Men secured a firm opinion that "a good deed will not be called marriage." Among them there is a craze for frivolous relationships, a desperate avoidance of serious relationships.

Men are almost openly playing against marriage and family. To drag them into a cell of society becomes a real art. A rare male specimen is able to get to the registry office.

I have always been incomprehensible to men's excuses on this topic: “We are doing well anyway. Nothing will change from the official press.”

Then why not just do it for the sake of your woman, if she cares? If it doesn't matter to you, go ahead and just do it for her.

But no. Men understand the importance of an official piece of paper.

Notice that for some reason these same men have all the other necessary official papers for life: a passport, a military ID, a work book. They are not afraid of the health and pension insurance card. But for some reason, the square stamp of the registry office on one of the pages of the passport scares me.

I sincerely believe that men should officially marry those women with whom they live. This is a normal, honest act.

Joint celibate living, like a stone in a man's bosom

This is especially true for long-term residence. I have seen many such couples.

The guy "fucked" the girl for more than five years. He received all the benefits from this cozy and comfortable union, encouraged his girlfriend. She spent her years and feelings on him, waiting for him to “ripen”. Suddenly everything ended, he went to another and hastily married! So, he was ready, but did not want to.

Such cases are all over the place. Sometimes a long cohabitation still leads to marriage, but soon an official divorce follows, which suggests that there was originally a wormhole.

Life observations show that real sincere serious relationships leading to marriage mature within six months - two years.

That is, if you have been dating for more than two years and they don’t propose to you, then the man does not see you as a woman of his whole life. It's painful and embarrassing. But have the courage to admit it to yourself and take a new path.

Hints that this is your man

Your man will want to marry you in the very first months of dating. Perhaps at first he will not talk about it openly. But in his conversations you will hear plans for the future (at least for the next week), the frequent use of the pronoun "we". These little tips also include getting to know your family and friends. Well, if your man told you in a fit of feelings that he wants a child from you, then my congratulations! He is yours.

The highest degree of a man's trust in a woman is to make her the mother of his children. It also comes from the Paleolithic. This also smacks of patriarchy and antiquity, and this is true, for real.

Such honest relationships lead to a real marriage, it is good to create a strong family with them.

The love story of Rostislav Rostropovich and Galina Vishnevskaya

I remember the strong marriage of the great musicians Rostislav Rostropovich and Galina Vishnevskaya. They lived together a long happy married and creative life.

Rostropovich made a marriage proposal to Vishnevskaya on the fourth day of their acquaintance. Many years later, during an interview, he was asked what he thought about that hasty proposal. He replied: "I lost four whole days, damn it."

These are the words of a real honest, loving man.

I agree, stories like this are one in a million. Stories like bright comets in a dark sky. They make you dream and hope.

To get married, you have to stop wanting to get married.

The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky argues that in order to get married, you must stop wanting to get married.

There is ancient human wisdom here. A woman who paranoidly longs for marriage is unattractive as a person, as she is limited by her narrow matrimonial interest. She obsequiously looks at any man in the hope that he will become a groom. She agrees in advance to any compromises in order to be called a wife. She is weak and sluggish in spirit.

This is where you need to turn off your basic instinct, as Labkovsky calls. Forget about marriage as the goal of all life. And take care of yourself. Work on yourself in every sense of the word. Live life to the fullest despite your single status.

This heals and enriches the psychological background of a woman. She is transformed externally and internally, becoming more attractive to the opposite sex. Why?

She's not looking. Men feel it. They are relaxed and open, just like a woman.

So anything can happen to them. And love and marriage.

Men want to get married too!

At a certain stage in life, most men are ready to start a family. I have a lot of thirty-year-old worthy guys who dream of marriage. They want to get married, have children. They are remarkably conservative in this matter.

They will never ask with a laugh: "Why do girls want to get married"

Because they know the answer. And they agree with him.

"The idea that all women want to get married has long been an axiom. Neither the sexual revolution, nor the fashion for hippies with their free love, nor the rapid development of strip clubs for women, nor even the multiple hits in the top "most influential people on the planet" by Oprah Winfrey and Condoleezza Rice have changed the state of affairs.

Women who have suddenly become successful, wealthy and no less influential than men continue to want to get married. Even a trip to the aforementioned strip club they strive to turn into a trip to the registry office. The example of Natasha Koroleva seems to have inspired many. After all, building a career and securing material well-being has become much easier than “finding a man”. Moreover - so that he does not drink, does not smoke, and at least sometimes gives flowers. “And I also want him to be both handsome and strong!”, as the old song says. Why not Tarzan Glushko? True, he was “smart” in the song, but these are everyday trifles. You can also play chess with a computer. But we all want affection, care and love.

But why are the words “love”, “care” and “marriage” practically synonymous for women, but not for men? After all, any of us on the statement of a friend or acquaintance in the spirit of “Yes, I don’t want to marry this one of yours!” he chuckles to himself: “Come on, no one takes it!”. Even if this friend is Ksenia Sobchak. We forgive her a lot for the fact that we can regret to ourselves: “Oh, heaps of money, but they don’t take marriage ...”. And no one will believe her statement that "... I am not looking for a life partner for myself and I am not going to get married!" Even if she swears on the Bible. There are many reasons for this disbelief. Like the seemingly strange desire of a woman to receive a coveted stamp.

Let them talk!

The first and most common reason is public opinion. It puts pressure on everyone. We live in society, and society does not care about the emotions of a particular individual. We just need to know: WHEN? When will you get married? When will Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt get married? Do not want? Can't be! It's not normal! It is especially not normal that Angelina herself does not want to. And what is abnormal for Angelina is doubly abnormal for ordinary mortal girls from twenty to fifty. I especially understood this after the appearance of the Odnoklassniki website. The first question that the girls who last saw each other at the last call ask each other is: “Well, are you married?” Watching the communication on the same site of men, I can say that their issue of marriage is inferior to other important issues. For example, about the brand of the car, the field of activity, and even this - “Watched football yesterday? That was the match!

We are used to the fact that the majority is the norm. And if five girlfriends are married, then the sixth, who has fallen behind the company and continues her bachelor life, will be out of the norm. She will be pitied, condemned, introduced to her husband's friends, told about the delights of married life and hinted at the fact that time is running out ... That is, crushing in all ways. And even if there is no desire to get married, it will certainly appear. It just might show up in different ways. Someone acquires a new kind of inferiority complex, someone has an obsession with “getting married at any cost” - if only to keep everyone behind. After all, getting a divorce in our secular state is just not a problem. And someone starts to behave aggressively and in every possible way provoke married girlfriends, and with them the whole society, trying to prove that loneliness is freedom! And marriage is a relic of the past and everyday life.

And parents? They pretend to be touched, squeezing other people's babies and lamenting: “Will it be possible to babysit their grandchildren?”. You shouldn't be offended by them. After all, they actually firmly believe that happiness is possible only in marriage. Yes, and it is inconvenient for Aunt Lucy from Samara to write that her daughter is still not married.

The minimum life program for girls, in which marriage is an obligatory, almost final point, is formed in childhood. Any fairy tale where the main character is a girl ends with a magnificent wedding. Everything, the prince at the altar, sisters and stepmothers are crying, finita la comedy! The heroes of "male" fairy tales more often get wives for themselves in passing - they went for rejuvenating apples for the father, and returned, taking countless riches, on a gray wolf and with a princess at the ready. However, modern romantic films “for girls” are no better. Men rarely watch them, but with tears of tenderness we follow the experiences of four lonely heroines in the big city, placing bets on when Carrie Bradshaw will get married. And for whom. It's only in the name of sex, but we know that the film is about love! Even The X-Files, we would end up with Scully and Mulder getting married. Albeit surrounded by aliens and schizophrenics, but a wedding!

All these factors are nothing but pressure. And it is very difficult to resist him. Sometimes in all this polyphony of relatives, girlfriends, the media, statuses on social networks, it is very difficult to hear yourself and understand what you yourself want.

Behind the stone wall

Another reason for women's desire to get married has "deep historical roots." This is a desire for stability for yourself and your offspring. After all, earlier it was possible to receive protection, social and material, only from a man. At first the girl was taken care of by her father, then her husband took care of her. It is not for nothing that in many nations, in the event of the death of a husband, the wife was to become the wife of his brother. Since it was almost impossible for a woman and her children to survive without the support of a man.

The world has changed, but the desire to get married remains. And self-interest here most often has nothing to do with it. After all, we do not consider the option when they marry “for money”, and not for a specific man. Marriage of convenience is a topic for a completely different conversation. It's about something completely different. And such a story can serve as an example here. My school friend Renata is a big boss in the banking sector. She bought herself a car, then an apartment, in her free time she goes diving on some beautiful islands, but each of her messages on Skype begins with the words “everything is fine, but there is still no man.” And when Alexei appeared, who works as a history teacher at some technical school, Renata soared! And when he proposed to her, Renata immediately agreed. Young, beautiful, independent, she rejoiced as if she had won the biggest prize of her life. “Yes, yes, marriage is stability! she explained to me seriously. - Let him earn less than me, but the children must have a father! Even if I can’t or don’t want to work, the children will have a dad who will raise them and put them on their feet.” Of course, Renata continues to work, but marriage gave her the peace she needed for inner peace of mind. There is a husband, which means that all problems will be solved. After all, it is much easier to do this with two people than with one. And the difference in income does not play any role here. Alexey in their family is really the main one, he is responsible for the strategy of their family's life, he makes all the important decisions, he is responsible for their common future. After all, many men, having much larger incomes, do not want to marry precisely because of their unwillingness to take responsibility.

Hands off!

But Anna believes that marriage is important for a woman for a completely different reason. “You see, it is important for us women to show that “this man is mine!”. And for this there is no better way than marriage. Men have a different psychology. To them, a married woman is just a married woman. She never ceases to be desirable in their eyes. They don't care who they win - married, single or divorced. After all, initially the goal of their conquest is one night or even several hours spent alone with this woman. And then how it goes. Women, on the other hand, want to get a man in full possession, so the “married” option is not strategically attractive for most rivals.” This is true, especially if you remember what we talked about above.

Both men and women are equally possessive. But in a male environment, it is enough to look around rivals with a stern look or put a hand on a companion’s shoulder (on a knee, on a waist, etc.) in time for all other males to understand: “She is mine. And anyone who encroaches on her will have to deal with me. This approach does not work with women. Rivals lose interest in a man only if they see a ring on their finger. Or a stamp in your passport. And for the rest, you can wrap a man around at least with all the limbs, rivals will wait at best.

The fact that Vadim had been living with Katya in a civil marriage for the past three years did not prevent their mutual friend Marina from making every effort to seduce him. The seduction succeeded. After that, Katya put Vadim's things out the door, and he sincerely asked to come back. After all, having succumbed to Marin's temptations, he was not at all going to live with her. And even sleep again, as it turned out, was not going to. Marina fell into depression, because so much effort was spent not for the sake of a single night. And not in order to harm Katya, Marina personally had nothing against her. She just fought so hard for her female happiness. And in response to the accusations raining down on her, she shouted: “Yes, I seduced! He's not her husband!" And I thought it was an exhaustive argument. The absence of a stamp in the passport is often interpreted as a man's lack of confidence in his desire to live with a woman all his life. Therefore, there will always be those who want to take advantage of this uncertainty and test the relationship for strength.

“And I want to get married just because I’m bored!” Lera said when she found out the topic of my new article.

In general, whatever the reasons for the desire to get married, the main thing is not to forget that novelty can be brought to life in another way. And in itself, marriage is not a synonym for happiness. This is a big responsibility to be prepared for. Getting married to the joy of relatives or to spite your friends is not the best option! And when it seems to you that the pressure from outside is too great, remember Prince Charles. And be glad you're not a member of the royal family."

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Women want to get married (not all, of course, but many). Sometimes this desire is so strong that it resembles a mania and scares men a little.

As a result, women are not well, and men are not particularly happy. Can anything be fixed here?

Of course you can! Many problems are in the head, and if a little knowledge and clarity are added to this head, dramatic changes for the better often occur.

So in this note, I want to tell something so that women feel better, and so that men rejoice more.

Of course, there are enough reasons why women want to get married, and it is hardly possible to single out the most important one. It is always a hodgepodge of reasons and reasons, with a different set and in different proportions.

For example, women want to get married, for example, for economic reasons. And, let's say, in everyday life: so that there is a place to live and a personal problem solver. And, it happens, because of love: let the beloved be at hand. And, it happens, for a conventional reason: to run away from their parents. And I haven't listed everything yet.

Where did this norm come from for a particular woman? Of course, from the general information environment in which she grew up. It is impossible to single out one source here - stereotypes are always formed from small, but ubiquitous reports and facts. Therefore, we are talking about a common information environment. A particular woman was influenced by everything she saw, heard, noticed.

Where did this norm come from in society as a whole? From the economic situation that was two hundred years ago. That is, when without a man a woman with a high degree of probability turned out to be childless - it is very difficult to raise even one child if there is no man. And not to raise a child - with an even greater degree of probability meant starvation in old age.

Now a woman can earn enough to not need a man's money, and there are pensions, and professions in which the retirement age is not at all an obstacle to high earnings.

But the norm remains.

Not all social norms change quickly. This rule is one of those that change very slowly.

Therefore, a woman who, for some reason, is not married at her age and who blindly believes in the norm being discussed, begins to torment and suffer.

She attacks every man like he owes her a million dollars. She agrees to the strangest proposals, just to be married. She continues to live with a tyrant and a despot, only to avoid the thought "if I'm not married - I'm somehow wrong, I'm somehow flawed, I'm somehow not a woman."

What to do with it? Include your head, of course. A woman is a woman, both married and unmarried, and even without interest in men. All this does not affect her “quality” as a woman.

If we talk about a very specific technique, then you can do this - at the very moment when the next one spins in your head: "I'm a useless useless person, because I'm still not married," take a pen and paper. Write down this thought (preferably in the shortest possible form).

Then, in the same way, answer two simple questions in writing: “Is this true?” and “Is it helpful?”. I decipher. The first question concerns the correspondence of thought to reality. Is it true that a woman's value and "beautifulness" is determined by her marriage? The answer, of course, is no. It must be written down, preferably substantiated.

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The second question concerns the effect that thought has on your life. As I said before, a thought triggers an emotion (and don't mind it, it's a medical fact). Emotion drives behavior. If you think harmful thoughts, you experience harmful emotions and commit harmful behaviors. Harmful to your particular life.

If a thought turns out to be wrong and harmful, it should be changed to a true and useful thought. For example, to this: "I can feel like a wonderful woman, regardless of my marital status." Or to this one: "Only I decide whether I am a" curly "woman or not, and only on those grounds that I myself determine."

A new thought is worth writing down many, many times. Here the rule applies - the more you repeat it, the "stronger" it becomes. Accordingly, you feel different emotions and perform different behaviors.

For example, do not rush at everyone you meet, but notice those who are interested in you and who are interested in you. Or get out of a relationship that is not safe and nourishing.

In short, life is getting better.

Of course, I will not argue that this procedure alone is enough for you to fix everything. I am a categorical psychologist, but not a dreamer.

The proposed recipe allows you to slightly calm the restless thought and take control of it. At least for a while.

For full coping and correction, persistent and long enough work is needed. It can be called work on self-esteem. You can do this both with a psychologist and on your own, fortunately, it is possible.

And I have everything, thank you for your attention.