You can find out the first two questions in the article Five questions for a man before he goes too far.

QUESTION #3: HOW DO YOU LOOK AT...?

This is a multifaceted issue that concerns the whole gamut of relationships - from relationships with your loved ones to relationships with this world as a whole.

Each answer will reveal him: whether he is serious about obligations, the family he grew up in, what kind of father and husband he could be, how he approaches life and the people around him, and all that. Ask this before you kiss this man, perhaps even before you agree to go out with him - it will be a great phone conversation. Don't hesitate to ask these questions because what else should you do with this man but talk? If he doesn't want to talk about it, then something is wrong with him. Get away from him.

First find out his attitude towards his family. Does he want a family? How does he treat children? If you have a child, tell your man about it - he should know about it, but most importantly, you should find out if he sees himself as a father. If he doesn't want children and you do, then you can stop all this right now. (If a man says he doesn't want kids, he probably won't change his mind, no matter the strength of his feelings for you.) Also, if he doesn't like kids, and you do, where will this relationship lead?

Then ask him about his relationship with his mother. This is the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if it's a good one, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some understanding of how to assert, provide for, and protect not only the woman, but also potential family. I don't know a single boy who doesn't love his mother. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basics of loving a woman from her. In fact, If a man has disagreements with his mother, he will most likely have disagreements with you.. If in his answer you hear something like: “My mother and I? We just don’t get along together…”, erase his phone number and his text messages and leave him.

After learning about his relationship with his mother, ask about his father. If he had a great relationship with his dad, then he was likely raised with a core set of values ​​that he will bring to your potential family. I understand that a lot of men grew up without fathers, but chances are the man you're interested in had some authority figure in his life who showed him the ropes of masculinity, or perhaps not having a father of his own showed him some things that something he wouldn't want to do when he becomes a father himself. In any case, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers will definitely show you what kind of father he can become.

Listen carefully to how he speaks about other people and the world around him. Ask whether he believes in God or another higher power (Peace, Life, Universe, Supreme Mind - everyone calls it differently), which “coordinates” the processes occurring in this world, whether he is interested in issues of self-development. Find out what beliefs are the guiding force in this man's life.

After all, what moral barometer is he checking against? What could motivate him to be faithful to you? What can make you do the right thing for you and your children? What can make you feel whole? I'm not saying you shouldn't date a man who doesn't go to church or whose aspirations are different from yours. But if his core beliefs don't match what you think, then there will probably be problems.

The next two questions should be asked after you have been dating and communicating with him for some time. Ideally, ask them before you break up with your sweetie (you know what I'm talking about). If you have already had sexual contact with a man, you can still ask these questions. The answers may sting a little more, but at least you will know.

QUESTION #4: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?

Ask this question after some time - he should get to know you a little. His answer will be important because it will show you what his plans are for you. You have the right to know. Believe me, when he first approached you, he was thinking something about you, and you should know what exactly. Something attracted him - he liked your hair, your eyes, your legs, your clothes - in a word, he approached you for a reason. But what exactly he is going to do with you, you will find out from his answers.

Listen to him carefully. I assure you, this will be exactly the case, because all men answer this question the same way: « I think you're great, you'll be a great mom, you're funny, you're kind. truly beautiful, you turn me on, you are energetic, friendly, hardworking, very smart. “You are the kind of woman I could see next to me,” is the usual set of words that we know you want to hear. However, what you need is not this verbal fluff, but specifics. So keep asking him: “Oh, do you consider me "What makes you think I'm kind?" And listen. If he can't give you a specific example of how you showed your kindness, then he doesn't really think of you that way. But if he says, “Remember, on my mom's birthday, you called me and reminded me that I should I choose a card for her?” If he tells you that he thinks you're a great mom, let him tell you what it is about you that makes him think you're a great mom.

And so on - about every character trait that he attributes to you. If he can give you specific answers, then he has listened to you and paid attention to what you said - he is determining whether he is going to keep you, whether he sees himself in a permanent relationship with you. And that might mean you're at least on the same page in the relationship.

QUESTION #5: HOW DO YOU TREAT ME?

“Thinking” and “treating” are completely different things. So don't be confused. If a man can’t tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it means he doesn’t care about you in any way - he just wants to get something from you. Ask a man how he feels about you, and he will become confused and nervous: “I told you before - I think you...” he begins. You immediately interrupt him and say: “No, no, I want to know how you feel about me.” He may fidget in his chair, scratch his head, light a cigar, do anything to avoid answering, or think about what he thinks you want to hear from him. But you must force him to answer this question.

Don't be discouraged if he doesn't respond right away: he needs to address a part of himself that he doesn't like to address - his emotions. Men have problems with emotions and find it difficult to express them. A man can answer questions about God and children, about his mother, but with this question you are asking him to look into his soul, and our genes do not provide for heartfelt outpourings. But that doesn't mean you should stop asking. Are you looking for something like this in his response: “When I don’t see you, I miss talking to you, I’m always interested in knowing what you’re doing, and every time you show up, I just feel better in my soul - you exactly what I was looking for." In other words, his answer should make you feel great. He may not have fallen in love with you yet, but he likes you madly and he probably thinks he wants to try to have a long-term relationship with you, because when he starts to declare this and mentally put in the place of the one he will be able provide and protect, in this sense, he sees the future with you. And that's where you want to be with this guy.

The answer "I think you're cool" doesn't work here. And if you understand that his feelings for you are not very deep - that he is simply not with you, then you do not need to be with him. Slow down until you begin to hear and feel the words from him that you think are important to hear.

You have the right to know the answers to these questions.

We men are well aware that we need to answer these questions, and any real man will answer them. You may not necessarily like the answers, but he will answer them. If he refuses, then don't worry about him. Don't think that you will work it out later, that you will wait, etc., because this is nothing more than an empty hope. Before you know it, you will learn the hard way that this is not your hero, and you will start conversations with your friends something like this: “Can you imagine, I slept with him, but he’s no good, I don’t even know if he likes children... "Don't let this happen. Trust yourself - you have the right to know all the answers right away; You should ask these questions within the first few months of your courtship and preferably before you have sex for the first time.

If you are already dating someone, ask them to clarify the situation. Or you may need to ask them with the hope that they will reinforce what you may already know: either you need to end the relationship or you are moving in the right direction. His answers will help you cut your losses or make you say to yourself, “I’m so glad to be with this man.”

By the way, our answers to questions can make us look differently at the woman asking them. We definitely want to know our women's opinions on these issues, but we're not going to bring them up - especially if our intentions towards you are not pure. But in your conversations on these topics, your man just might learn something about you, something that will make him realize that he has a pretty respectable woman on his side.

Let's say he tells you that he wants to be an engineer, and you tell him that you have friends who are engineers who can give useful advice about his new profession. And he begins to think: “Wow, this woman is interested in my goals! She offers me help. Maybe she could be the person to take me to the next level." And perhaps he will think about whether to include you in these plans to reach the “new level”.

See, you get information from him and imagine yourself in different guises - do I see myself in his short-term plans, in his long-term plans, as part of his family, as the mother of his children, helping him continue a solid relationship with his mother, do I see him as a model father to our children, do I see the whole picture? But this is a two-way street: by listening to your questions, this guy determines who you are - a goldfish or just a fish for fun.

Based on materials from the book "Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey.

The attractiveness of women through the eyes of men.

What is the opposite sex silent about? What do men and women want and expect from relationships? How to create an atmosphere of trust in a couple? Practical recommendations and answers to the most pressing questions.

Excerpt from the speech of Irina Miroshnichenko and Pavel Zygmantovich at the conference “Man and Woman 2014”

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LOVE is a beautiful and mysterious word, it is an extraordinary feeling! No one has given it a scientific definition, no one knows 100% what she looks like, you never know where she is waiting for you, and in general, why exactly do these two fall in love with each other without memory? It’s just that everyone has their own love, it is very different, but it is always a wonderful feeling that you so want to know.

But how do you understand that HE is your only one? How will you feel when you meet him? I think that many young girls (and sometimes women too) ask themselves such questions. Before I met my beloved, I myself asked myself these and other questions more than once. Now I have already answered them for myself, and I want to help those who are waiting for their love. Of course, I understand that there is no single algorithm for determining what it is. I just want to tell you how it happened to me, and I hope that my experience will be useful to you.

To begin with, I will say that it is very important to form the image of your beloved in your mind. This is written in detail in the article Law of Attraction, or how to attract a man. It is important to ask yourself questions: what should it look like? What character traits should he have? How should he treat me? What about me? What kind of relationship should we have? And in general, what do I really want from a relationship? I think this will at least save you from many mistakes, from deliberate self-deception (after all, if you don’t understand what you really want, then you will get “something”, it’s not a fact that it will be what you need). I will not dwell in great detail on how to form this image of a dream man; there are quite a few articles on this subject on our website “Sunny Hands”.

So what was it like for me? How did I understand that this was exactly the man I wanted to be with, how did I understand myself, my feelings for him?

Firstly, even before meeting my beloved, I had some experience communicating with men. And over time, I formed an image of the relationships that I would like to see, and what I would definitely not want. I had some ideas about what love meant to me and what I wanted to experience next to MY man.

He must be handsome. Why am I putting this first? It's not that beauty is the most important thing. No, as personal experience has shown, admiration for appearance does not last long if this is not your person, if he does not have a number of qualities. But we must admit that we see him first, and then we learn about his inner world. Therefore, it is natural that we first evaluate his appearance. And here, what is the most important thing I realized for myself? MY man should be beautiful just for me. And here it’s not about world standards, not about images from magazine covers, not about what family and friends say. HE should be beautiful just for me. He must be very attractive to me, I must be pleased to look at him. It should be fun, day after day, all the time! That’s why my beloved, “my beloved,” is beautiful to me! I like watching him - how he talks, walks, laughs, sleeps, reads... It never gets boring for me.

Charm, attractiveness, sex appeal. Again I say bye not yet about intelligence, etc. just because his mind may not immediately catch our eye, we will not be able to immediately get to know the person very closely, his tastes, passions and dreams. But we quickly realize whether we are drawn to a person or not? A man must be very charming for his woman (that is, it doesn’t matter what others think, but that’s what he is for her). It is important that he is attractive and desirable to you. Strong sexual attraction in a couple is very important! Without this, your relationship will be incomplete, not close enough. Therefore, do not deceive yourself, if this is not the case, if I were you, I would wonder if it is him?

Mutual interest. You must be interested in each other. If you are not interested in a man, if you are bored with him, then what kind of love can we talk about?

The two points that I described above will not matter if you are not interested in him. Again, I’ll clarify that I’m talking now about how to recognize in a man the one with whom you want to build a long, close, happy relationship. How do you know that he is the one you are truly in love with? We are not talking about a temporary hobby or superficial relationship.

It's easy with him. It is quite possible that your very first meetings and conversations will not be ideal. Maybe he won’t always be able to find the right words, or maybe he will be a little lost when communicating with you, or joke a little awkwardly, or be a little inept in courting you. Don’t let this bother you, such situations are described on our website in the article “How to understand that he likes you? " But be that as it may, the important thing is that in general it should be very easy and comfortable for you to communicate with him.

In general, I quickly developed trust in my man. It was quite natural for me to be open with him; it seemed to me that I understood him well, although I still knew practically nothing about him. Almost from the first meetings to the present day, I feel very comfortable next to my beloved.

It’s good to be with him always and everywhere. You can spend a lot of time together, it’s easy for you to communicate, you’re always interested in being together, you constantly come up with some kind of joint activities, you have a lot of topics for conversation, they somehow arise by themselves, so you can chat for hours. You want to meet often, call each other, and spend a lot of time together. This is important, because if these sensations do not exist during the period when you are just dating, then what will happen when you live together and are around for a long time?!

You are not annoyed by his habits, his characteristics. Let me clarify right away, we are all not perfect, in life together there are a lot of moments when we find compromises, learn something or learn not to be annoyed when he, for example, throws his socks on the floor. But I know that there are times when you may be annoyed by the way he eats, the way he sleeps, the way he dances, the way he talks, the way he laughs. That is, when a lot of little things irritate, almost infuriate. This is the first signal that this is not your person and that this is hardly true love! After all, when you love, many features even seem cute, or at least they don’t irritate.

He inspires you! This is very important for me personally. What do I mean by inspiration in the context of our conversation? You want to come up with something to please him (gifts, funny or romantic SMS). You want to come up with things to do together (walking, watching DVDs, riding bicycles, going to the beach, going to the movies, dancing). On holidays, or on ordinary days, you want to surprise him, perhaps prepare a romantic dinner for him. There is always a desire to learn something and discover new things together. You want to learn something for him, to be even better and more attractive.

To be honest, there was only one relationship in my life and the man was a good, kind, smart, handsome, talented, interesting and generally wonderful person. But we parted! There were several reasons, but one of them was that I listened to myself and realized that he did not inspire me.

He makes you happy! When you are with him, you feel good, you smile, you are happy, you are a HAPPY WOMAN and you are HAPPY!! This is the most important thing!

When there's no doubt! This is what I realized for myself. If you even ask the question “like it or not,” it means you DON’T LIKE it. It’s just that when you meet a really strong feeling, your love, you won’t ask yourself about it anymore.

I must admit that my example may not be ideal, you may have your own understanding of love, priorities, and in general you may experience slightly different feelings.

It is also important to remember that no matter how strong your feelings are, it is worth analyzing a person’s actions from time to time, so as not to deceive yourself, but to really see whether this is the person you can rely on, with whom you will feel good, comfortable, calmly for the rest of your life?

Best regards, Olga Sheina.

No one fully knows what exactly shaped his thinking. It is difficult for me to trace in detail the origins of the concepts put forward in this book and to get to the bottom of the reasons for their gradual change over the course of many years of work. Many sociologists have contributed to their development, and whenever a source is known, reference is made to it in numerous notes to individual chapters. But among them there are six people to whom I am especially indebted, in varying degrees and for different reasons, and it is to them that I want to pay tribute.

The very first and deepest gratitude is reflected only to some extent and too late in the very fact of dedicating this book to Charles H. Hopkins. Thanks to the fact that this man, my sister’s husband, lived in this world, many people’s self-esteem was strengthened. And if those who came into contact with him are alive, he will also be alive. With love, respect, and gratitude, I dedicate this book to Hop, who discovered that he could teach others.

I am grateful to my good friend George Eaton Simpson, now at Oberlin College, for taking on a self-confident sophomore to Understood, how the study of the workings of systems of social relations excites the intellect. I could not have imagined a more favorable introduction to sociology.

Even before Pitirim Sorokin plunged into the study of world historical processes (as presented in his Social and Cultural Dynamics), he helped me get rid of the narrowness of the circle.

© Translation. Egorova E.N., 2006

Gozor, destroying the idea that the effective study of society is limited to American territory, and the idea, suggested by the slums, that the main topic of sociology was the study of such peripheral problems of social life as divorce and juvenile delinquency. I gladly and honestly acknowledge my debt to him, which I have not yet repaid.

To George Sarton, who is highly respected among historians of science, I am grateful, in addition to his advice, for his friendly kindness and for allowing me to work for almost two years in his famous Room 189 in the Harvard Library. A small fraction of his influence can be detected in the first chapter of this book, devoted to the requirements for the history of sociological theory, and in Part IV, devoted to works in the sociology of science.

Those who read the following pages will soon realize how much I owe to my teacher and friend Talcott Parsons, who, early in his teaching career, inspired so many with his passion for analytic theory. The scope of his personality as a teacher was manifested in the fact that he developed an inquisitive mind, rather than producing obedient students. The intellectual closeness to which one was disposed small The sociology graduate department at Harvard in the early 1930s allowed graduate students like me to maintain close and ongoing contact with faculty of Dr. Parsons' caliber. It was, in fact, a narrow circle of like-minded people. That's hard to find these days in departments with dozens of graduate students and a small group of overworked professors.

In recent years, while working in tandem with the Department of Applied Social Research at Columbia University, I have learned a lot from Paul F. Lazarsfeld. Since it is obvious from our countless conversations that he has no idea to what extent I am indebted to him intellectually, I am especially glad to have this opportunity to draw his attention to this publicly. Not the least role was played by his skeptical curiosity, which forced me to formulate even more clearly the reasons why functional analysis seems to me at present the most promising, although not the only, theoretical approach to a wide range of problems in human society. Moreover, through his own example, he strengthened in me the conviction that the huge difference between sociology as a science and sociological amateurism lies in the systematic and serious, that is, intellectually responsible and rigorous, studied

of what at first seems like just an interesting idea. How is that

It seems to me that Whitehead also means this in the concluding lines of the epigraph to this book.

The other four people have little need of expressing my gratitude; one - because everyone who knows me knows how much I owe her; the other three - because when the time comes, they will discover for themselves what exactly makes me feel enormous gratitude to them.

Receiving the award with which your free Academy generously bestowed upon me, I felt a feeling of enormous gratitude, all the more profound because I was well aware to what extent this distinction exceeded my modest personal merits. Any person, especially an artist, strives for recognition. Me too, of course. But, having learned about your decision, I involuntarily compared its significance with what I really am. What man, still quite young, rich only in his doubts and far from perfect writing skills, accustomed to living in the solitude of work or in the solitude of friendship, would not feel frightened at the news of a decision that in the blink of an eye exposed him, lonely, self-absorbed , for all to see in a dazzling ray of glory? Could he accept this high honor with a light heart, while in Europe so many other truly great writers are condemned to obscurity? at a time when his homeland is suffering endless disasters?

Yes, I knew this panic fear, this inner turmoil. And in order to regain peace of mind, I had to balance my modest persona with this undeservedly generous gift of fate. Since it was difficult for me to relate myself to this award, relying only on my own merits, I found nothing else but to call for help that which throughout my life, under the most varied circumstances, supported me, namely: the idea of ​​​​my literary creativity and the role of the writer in society. Let me, filled with feelings of gratitude and friendship, explain - as simply as I can - what it is, this is my idea.

I can't live without my creativity. But I never put this creativity above all else. On the contrary, I need it precisely so as not to move away from people and, while remaining myself, to live in exactly the same way as everyone around me lives. In my eyes, creativity is not the joy of a lonely artist. It is a means of moving the feelings of as many people as possible by giving them a “chosen”, sublime image of everyday suffering and joy. That is why it obliges the artist not to retire and subjects him to the test of both the most banal and universal truths. It happens that a person chooses to become an artist because he feels “chosen,” but he very quickly becomes convinced that his art, his chosenness, are nourished from only one source: the recognition of his identity with those around him. The artist is forged precisely in this constant wandering between himself and others, halfway from beauty, which he cannot do without, to the human community, from which he cannot escape. That is why arrogant contempt is alien to a true artist: he considers it his duty to understand, and not to condemn. And if he has to take someone’s side in this world, he must only be on the side of society, where, according to the great saying of Nietzsche, it is not fate that is given to reign, but the creator, be it a worker or an intellectual.

For the same reason, the role of a writer is inseparable from heavy human responsibilities. He, by definition, today cannot be the servant of those who make history; on the contrary, he is in the service of those who endure it. Otherwise, he faces loneliness and separation from art. And all the armies of tyranny with their millions of warriors will not be able to tear him out of the hell of loneliness, even if - especially if - he agrees to keep pace with them. But just the silence of an unknown prisoner, doomed to humiliation and torture somewhere on the other side of the world, is enough to save the writer from the torment of isolation - at least every time he manages, among the privileges granted by freedom, to remember about this silence and make it public through the means of his art.

None of us are big enough for this calling. But in all the circumstances of his life, unknown or temporarily famous, suffering in the shackles of tyranny or for the time being endowed with freedom of speech, a writer can find a feeling of living solidarity with people that will justify his existence - on the one and only condition that he takes upon himself, as far as it is in his power, two burdens that make up all the greatness of his difficult craft: service to truth and service to freedom. Since the artist’s vocation is to unite as many people as possible, it cannot be based on lies and slavery, which, wherever they reign, only multiply loneliness. Whatever the personal weaknesses of a writer, the nobility of our craft will forever rest on two difficult obligations - refusal to lie about what you know and resistance to oppression.

For twenty or more years of crazy history, I, thrown helpless, like all my peers, into the mad whirlpool of time, supported myself only with the vague feeling that today the profession of a writer is an honor, because this occupation obliges, and obliges not only to write. In particular, it inspired me to carry, to the best of my strength and abilities, together with everyone who experienced the same story, the cross of misfortune and the torch of hope, the symbol of everything that we shared among ourselves. To people born at the end of the First World War, who celebrated their twentieth birthday just at the moment of the emergence of Hitler’s power and at the same time the first revolutionary processes, and for the further improvement of their education, plunged into the nightmare of the Spanish and Second World Wars, into the hell of concentration camps, into a Europe of torture and prisons, today we have to raise our sons and create value in a world threatened by nuclear disaster. Therefore, I think no one has the right to demand optimism from them. I am even of the opinion that we are obliged to understand - without ceasing to fight this phenomenon at the same time - the mistake of those who, unable to withstand the oppression of despair, reserved the right to dishonor and sank into the abyss of modern nihilism. But the fact remains: most of us - both in my homeland and in Europe - rejected this nihilism and moved on to search for a new meaning in life. They had to master the art of existing in times fraught with global catastrophe in order to be reborn and begin a fierce struggle against the death instinct that rules our history.

Each generation is sure that it is they who are called upon to remake the world. Mine, however, already knows that he cannot change this world. But his task may actually be even greater. It is to prevent the world from dying. This generation, which inherited a disfigured history - a mixture of crushed revolutions, maddened technology, dead gods and exhausted ideologies, a history where the current mediocre rulers, no longer able to convince, are capable of destroying everything, where reason had sunk to the service of hatred and oppression, had to revive in himself and around himself, based only on his own unbelief, at least a small part of what constitutes the dignity of life and death. In the face of a world in danger of destruction, a world that our great inquisitors can forever turn into a kingdom of death, this generation takes upon itself the task of, in a mad race counterclockwise, to revive peace between nations, based not on slavish subordination, to reconcile work and culture once again and build an ark of agreement in alliance with all people. I’m not sure that it will be able to completely solve this gigantic task, but I am sure that everywhere on earth it has already made a double bet - on truth and on freedom - and if necessary, it will be able to give its life for them without hatred in its soul. It - this generation - deserves to be glorified and encouraged wherever it is, and especially where it sacrifices itself. And, in any case, it is to him that I would like, being confident in advance of your sincere approval, to redirect the honors that you showed me today.

And now, having paid tribute to the noble craft of the writer, I would also like to determine his real place in public life, for he has no other titles and virtues than those that he shares with his fellow fighters: defenseless, but persistent, unjust, but in love into justice, giving birth to their creations without shame, but also without pride, in front of everyone, eternally turbulent between suffering and beauty and, finally, called upon to evoke from the depths of the artist’s dual soul images that he stubbornly and hopelessly tries to establish forever in the destructive hurricane of history . After this, who will dare to demand ready-made decisions and good-hearted morality from him? Truth is mysterious, it always eludes comprehension, it must be conquered again and again. Freedom is dangerous; possessing it is as difficult as it is delightful. We must strive for these two goals, albeit with difficulty, but decisively moving forward and knowing in advance how many falls and failures await us on this thorny path. So what writer would dare, clearly understanding all this, to appear before those around him as a preacher of virtue? As for me, I must repeat once again that I am by no means one. I could never give up the light, the joy of being, the free life into which I was born. And although the craving for all this is to blame for many of my mistakes and delusions, it undoubtedly helped me better understand my craft, it helps even today, prompting instinctively to hold on to all those condemned to mute people who endure the life created for them only thanks to memories or short, unexpected returns of happiness.

Having therefore determined my true essence, my limits, my duties, and also the symbol of my difficult faith, I feel how much easier it is now for me, in conclusion, to show you all the immense bounty of the distinction with which you have honored me; how much easier it is now for me to also tell you that I would like to accept this award as honors given to all those who, sharing with me the hardships of the common struggle, not only did not receive any privileges, but, on the contrary, suffered misfortunes and were subjected to persecution and persecution. All that remains for me is to thank you with all my heart and publicly, as a sign of my gratitude, take the same, eternal oath of fidelity that every true artist gives himself silently, in the depths of his soul, every day.

Albert Camus, 1957

“Can you be one hundred percent sure that your partner is exactly the one you need? What qualities indicate this?

It’s unlikely that you can be one hundred percent sure of anything - our lives often change without asking whether we are ready for change. And yet, I am absolutely convinced: if you take the time to thoroughly study the sections on our website relating to love, intimacy and partner compatibility, you will be able to confidently evaluate all candidates. One of the most important conclusions is this: a partner must not only be a good person, he must also have a good character.

Have you ever thought about what it was about your partner that attracted you at the very beginning of your relationship? Most likely, you liked some of the “qualities” (as you call them in your question) of his personality - for example, the ability to make you laugh, his gentleness with you, his love of cycling, or something else. As long as you enjoy being with him, you won't question whether this relationship actually makes you happy. But sooner or later this question will arise, and then you will have to pay attention to the character of your partner. Character determines how a person treats himself, you, and ultimately your future children. This is the foundation for a truly healthy relationship. If you compare your partner to a cake, personality is the cream and character is the cake.

Of course, it is important to ask yourself: “Does my partner love me?” - and get a positive answer, but this is not enough. Much more important is another question: “Can our love stand the test of time?” And this is determined by the compatibility of your characters. Psychologists highlight six points that you should pay attention to in order to understand the character of your partner and find out for yourself whether this person is suitable for you for a long and lasting relationship.

1. Readiness for personal growth

It is this willingness that is the most important component of human character. If your partner is ready to work on himself and change, you can consider yourself very lucky: he will not shy away from discussing common difficulties and his own shortcomings; will not refuse to consult a specialist if the need arises; will not turn a blind eye to the need to achieve improvements in relationships, and so on.

Readiness for personal growth means:

- Your partner is ready to make every effort to be a reliable friend and a good spouse for you.

— He is ready to take advantage of the help of specialists and relevant literature, lectures, seminars, group trainings and individual consultations.

- He is aware of the presence of psychological complexes and harmful emotional programs and tries to free your relationship from their influence.

“He sets achievable goals for himself, and over time you notice real changes happening in him.

2. Emotional openness

Being in a close relationship with someone means not only sharing a house, table and bed. Here we have to share feelings with each other. That is why I consider emotional openness to be a very important character trait for partnerships. You may consider your partner to be emotionally open if:

firstly, he has feelings;

secondly, he knows exactly what he feels;

thirdly, he shares his feelings with you,

and fourthly, he knows how to express his feelings for you.

Many relationships have failed precisely because the partners were unable or unwilling to express their feelings. Just remember: IF YOUR PARTNER IS NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND AND EXPRESS HIS OWN FEELINGS, HE IS NOT READY FOR A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP.

3. Sincerity

Honesty, generosity and trust in each other are an integral part of a truly close relationship. Knowing that you can always trust and confide in your partner gives you an unparalleled sense of security. Here are the traits a truly noble husband (or wife) should have:

- Honesty with yourself. Many people can be honest with others, but lie to themselves. Talk, draw conclusions. Avoid those who are masters of self-deception.

— Honesty with others. Isn't he inclined to deceive others, even strangers and over trifles? Maybe he's deceiving his boss at work? Or is he hiding the truth about his life from his relatives? Or maybe you know that he often lies to his friends? If you are not confident in your partner's honesty towards others, you will inevitably lose respect for him and will not be able to fully trust him yourself.

- Honesty towards you. This means that he does not hide any details of his life or personality traits from you; For the sake of his own peace of mind, he does not chat with you only about what you are pleased to hear; he tells you the truth about himself and trusts your honesty, without demanding terrible oaths and without testing you. (Does not play with your feelings. Games are good on playgrounds, not in relationships between people.

4. Maturity and responsibility

This is what distinguishes a mature and responsible person:

- Ability to take care of yourself. A person who is old enough is able to earn his own living; independently maintains cleanliness and order in his home; knows how to cook his own food.

- Responsibility for your words. This means that your partner remembers to pay bills, keeps his own promises, is not late for meetings and does not allow people to feel ashamed of him. This is not about proclaimed principles, but about everyday life.

— People respect him.

5.High self-esteem

Maybe you’ve heard about this simple truth before, but it’s not a sin to remind you of it again. It is extremely accurate: A PERSON IS CAPABLE OF LOVE ANOTHER PERSON EXACTLY AS MUCH AS HE LOVES HIMSELF. Here is one of the most common mistakes when choosing a partner: being blinded by love, we pay attention only to how much he loves us, and forget how he treats himself. The more accurate and stable a person’s self-esteem, the stronger his feelings for you will be. That's why it's important to pay attention to the following signs of high self-esteem:

— Your partner is proud of himself

If a person: constantly makes excuses, it means he is dissatisfied with himself; if he is dissatisfied with himself, therefore, he does not feel proud of himself. Your partner should be a person who has a sense of lasting satisfaction with who he is and who he becomes over the course of his life.

— Without experiencing feelings of inferiority, he strives for self-development

How a person treats himself is noticeable by what he does for himself: how much he takes care of his food, his home, his body, his car and everything he owns. All this reflects the level of his self-esteem. The one who gave up on himself will eventually wave it on you.

- Does not allow others to humiliate themselves

A person with a victim mentality is a bad partner, even if he loves you very much. He blames others for all his own misfortunes, which reflects his low level of self-esteem.

- Confirms his self-esteem with real actions

Actions are the only true measure. Choose someone who confidently and decisively acts to achieve their goals, and does not just talk about them nicely.

6. Life optimism

It has long been customary to divide people into pessimists and optimists. If you were to choose a companion for the rest of your life, which category would you choose from? Pessimists always focus on problems, see shortcomings in everything and look for reasons to complain, they are dominated by blues and anxiety, their only support is cynicism. An optimist views obstacles as opportunities for self-improvement, believes that everything is for the best, and focuses on finding solutions. The choice is yours!