“priest Pavel Gumerov “HE and SHE” Preface Part I. Male and female Bitter fruits of emancipation “Generals” in skirts Just generals Daughters - mothers We choose, we are chosen ...”

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priest Pavel Gumerov

"He and she"

Foreword

Part I. Male and female

The Bitter Fruits of Emancipation

"Generals" in skirts

Just generals

Daughters - mothers

We choose, we are chosen

Female and male logic

White handkerchiefs

Women's happiness - would be cute next ...

What does a man want?

Fathers and mothers

I do not like …

Humiliated and insulted

Part II. Preparing for marriage. How not to make a mistake

Apologia for marriage

What is love?

Love

About love

How to get to know each other better?

About mistakes Already married unbearable Part III. Husband and wife "You put crowns on their heads"

The head of the family Family life Tune in to life in marriage Debriefing “You should not bend under the changing world” or about the benefits of marital abstinence by fasting.

Rules of the road Common interests "The weakest vessel"

Take care of the men!

Heavenly patrons of marriage About happiness.

Part IV. Family storms "Perfect image" or a real person?

Once again about conflicts Worldly affairs About disputes Crises The seventh commandment Passion means suffering Believers and unbelievers Mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law A monastery in the world Conclusion Foreword We are all very different. Each has its own heredity, character, upbringing, education. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult for us to find a common language, to agree. But people are still divided into men and women. The difference between them is simply huge.

Sometimes it seems that these are creatures from different worlds.

Men and women are mirror images of each other.

But we live on the same planet, and the continuation of life on Earth depends on the interaction of male and female.

So we just need to learn to understand each other.

Why did God create male and female? What does a woman expect from a man and a man from a woman? How can we come to mutual understanding and love? These and other questions I try to answer in this book.

When a person approaches a priest and asks to help him sort out a difficult family situation, you often encounter the fact that the questioner does not perceive well what you are saying to him. He stands, listens, but somehow in half an ear, as if it were not about him.

This happens due to the fact that people do not want to see: what is their fault and how to correct the situation, starting with themselves. But when such a person reads a book and sees a description of a similar case there, he exclaims with joy: “Yes, it’s just written about me!”

The printed word sometimes works better than a long conversation, as it allows you to look at yourself from the outside. I really hope that my modest work will benefit someone.

In my book, I often resort to the experience of psychology. Among pious Orthodox Christians, the attitude towards psychology is, to put it mildly, wary. And this is largely true. Taking advantage of the fact that people are now spiritually disoriented, psychoanalysts, especially in the West, have usurped the functions of confessors. People have a need to speak out, to take the burden off their souls, and they want advice. But they often go not to church, but to a psychoanalyst. But no psychologist has the power to bind and solve the sins of men. A person will never solve his spiritual problems to the end if he does not turn to God. It’s also good if the psychologist is a believer and can send a person to the temple.

Today the bookshelves abound with books on psychoanalysis and self-knowledge. But psychology is different. In addition to the writings of Sigmund Freud, in addition to manuals on astrological and occult psychology, in addition to books on how to love yourself and learn how to manipulate people, there are quite normal books. They are based on a good knowledge of human behavior, psychotherapy, psychiatry.

However, these books also need to be read with great reasoning. Considerable experience has been accumulated in psychology that can be used "for peaceful purposes." Even many priests would benefit from some psychological knowledge. A lot of disciplines are taught in the seminary, a large amount of knowledge is given, but psychology and pedagogy are studied very little.

Secular psychologists make one big mistake. They completely discount the concepts: spirit, soul, passion, sin. It's like they don't exist for them. They explain the processes taking place in the human soul only from a psychophysiological point of view, describe the details (sometimes very skillfully), but do not see the whole picture. They seem to wander around a dark room, stumble upon objects, feel them and say: “This is a chair, this is a table.” But they can't see the whole room. Therefore, it would be very good to combine those valuable developments that undoubtedly exist in psychology with the experience of the Church. After all, everything has long been said in the Holy Scriptures and the works of the Holy Fathers. How can we live, how to overcome sin in ourselves and love our neighbor, how to find happiness in the family.

–  –  –

Before starting a conversation about how to find family happiness and avoid conflicts in the family, it is necessary to at least briefly talk about how we differ from each other.

What are the features of the male and female psyches and what is the purpose of a man and a woman?

Man and woman. Two completely different beings.

It's no secret that people with external resemblance:

arms, legs, head are strikingly different from each other by gender. And the point here is not even in the structure of the body, not in physiology, but in the fact that men and women are able to think and feel in completely different ways. On the topic of men and female psychology written a huge number of works. There are many theories trying to explain the behavior and thinking of men and women. Among them are quite a few who are completely absurd, sometimes saying that sex differences were necessary as an engine of evolution, sometimes comparing men and women with males and females. Moreover, male infidelities and licentiousness in them are explained by the desire of the male to fertilize as many females as possible. And in these constructions, a woman is assigned the unenviable role of a meat and dairy farm for the production of offspring. Well, as they say, whoever hurts, he talks about it. The main mistake is that the researchers of this problem consider man only a higher animal, albeit very complex and intelligent, but still a beast. A man, unlike an animal, has a mind, an immortal soul and a completely different vocation.

What is the true purpose of male and female, and what do men and women want from each other?

Let's not delve into the jungle of psychology and psychoanalysis. Moreover, the answer to this question was given a long time ago, even before the birth of all human civilizations. Let's open the greatest book ever written, the Bible.

It is known that God created the first man, Adam, and then Eve. “And the Lord God said:

It is not good for a man to be alone; let us make him a helper fit for him. And the Lord God brought a deep sleep upon the man: and when he fell asleep, he took one of his ribs and covered that place with flesh. And the man said: “This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she will be called woman, for she was taken from her husband (her)” (Gen. 2 18-23). There are many interpretations on this topic, one of which says that the word "rib" in Hebrew has several meanings and can be translated as a facet, a side of male nature; and it was from her that woman was made. But all this is not so important, but the important thing is that the woman was not created as an independent being, but was taken from her husband. The following is said about a wife: “And your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3.

16). Let's take it as an axiom, because everything that is said in the Bible about the relationship between a man and a woman is the truth, proven by thousands of years of human history. What does this have to do with the secret behavior of man and woman? The most direct.

These words of Scripture help answer a very important question: “What does a woman want from a man and what does a man, in turn, want from a woman?” At the beginning of this chapter, it was already said that the way of thinking and behavior of beings of different sexes have very little in common with each other. I think everyone knows the expression "female logic". Of course, men came up with this phrase, and this happened because they could not understand that men and women in the same situation think and behave in completely different ways. And this is a very big problem. A man, trying to understand a woman, tries to take her place, but he does not succeed, because. he is a man, not a woman.

As a result, he declares that women's thinking is irrational, illogical, and that a woman is basically incapable of normal thinking. The same thing happens when a woman tries to understand men. Everyone looks from their own bell tower. All this is very disturbing, especially in marriage. So, let's try to penetrate this mystery. I want to warn you right away that we will not talk about specific representatives of the male and female sex, because this world is very diverse, but about the general laws of nature, which are laid down by nature in the psyche of men and women. The words of God addressed to Eve: "... your attraction to your husband" - express the essence of female behavior in relation to a man. In the female nature inherent initially, genetically, love and attraction to her husband, and dependence on him. I dare say more: a man is not capable of loving like a woman loves. Second: the vocation of a woman is to be a mother. “A woman… is saved through childbearing,” Holy Scripture tells us (1 Timothy 2:15). And these two desires: to be a mother and the desire for a man as a strong, strong being who can give her protection, support and support is inherent in the nature of every woman. And the desire is not only and not so much conscious as unconscious.

Even if a woman does not want to have children at all, even if she devoted her whole life to the struggle for the ideals of feminism, equality and equality of women with men, you can’t argue against nature, as they say. I'll try to explain.

The Bitter Fruits of Emancipation It is absolutely certain that when a woman begins to fight for equality with men, it means that her personal life is unfavorable. All this struggle is a powerless protest against an uncomplicated fate and a secret desire for simple female happiness.

Once Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov, a well-known public figure Ekaterina Lakhova, invited to speak in the State Duma in front of women. And now in the hall of the Duma one and a half thousand women, parliamentarians, representatives of power from all over Russia gathered. Here is what Father Dimitry said: “By hairstyles, by figures, by appearance, I saw that they were all very strong, powerful women. And Ekaterina Filippovna herself, according to the Russian expression, a baba, not like a horse, an elephant at a gallop will stop. For a while, when they performed, I thought, what would I say to them? And then it dawned on me, and I turned to them: “Dear women! All of you here advocated equality with men, talked about politics, about emancipation. But imagine for a second that in a week you will meet a man, a real knight who is physically, mentally and in all qualities stronger, nobler than you. And he will say: "I love you, drop everything and follow me." And I'm sure any of you will. A groan swept through the hall. And then from the hall flashed: "Yes !!!" And then about. Dimitri said: “Yes, you see, this is normal, this is understandable. You entered politics according to your qualities. But this happened because you did not have a personal life. You are either not married, or divorced, or your husband is not a couple. This explains everything.”1) At the root, at the root of emancipation and the feminist movement is not the struggle against men in general, but, as it were, a subconscious protest against male incompetence of weakness. In ancient times, a man simply could not afford to be weak (although, of course, there were exceptions). Life was like this. Hunting, wars, difficult living conditions. He got bread in the sweat of his face and then guarded it with a weapon in his hands. Men and women remembered their destiny. With the destruction of the traditional foundations of society, with the fall of faith and morality, people began to forget about it. In the XVIII century. There was a bloody French revolution. It was then that women's emancipation was born. Of course, both women and men had a hand in this. Men with their weakness and connivance. Women with their pride and stupidity. But the female sex itself suffered the most from this. But for what they fought, as they say, they ran into something. General emancipation gave rise to the cult of " strong woman"a sort of" Amazons "

and this led to the fact that there were very few real strong men left.

The male sex was crushed. After all, being strong next to a powerful, independent, strong-willed woman is very difficult, the bar is very high. Emancipation gave rise to other evils.

Infantilism. Many males liked to depend on a woman for everything, first from their mother, then from their wife. Their ideal "femme fatale" was just an emancipated, strong, dominant woman. This type of woman commands their respect.

But if such an "infantile" marries such an "emancipe", there will be no happiness in such a marriage. The wife very soon begins to be annoyed by the weak character of her husband, she wants a completely different behavior from him, she is disappointed, begins to get annoyed, “fight” with her husband, and he accepts all this exactly the opposite. Not as a disappointment in his masculinity, but as a manifestation of the strength and determination of her character. Of course, such behavior is unworthy of a man and borders on perversion, but, unfortunately, such a model of behavior is not uncommon in our time. This is what a woman has done in her quest to be "masculine."

Emancipation is not an elevation, but a humiliation of a woman, because it is a denial of her essence, her beautiful and great destiny, to be the guardian of peace and love in the family and the vessel in which a new life is born.

Each gender has its own functions, only peculiar to it. And the Lord arranged it so that not only the physical nature, but also the psyche, the soul of each sex responded, served its purpose. A woman can wear men's clothes, do men's work (maybe even not bad), but she can never think like a man, feel like a man, a woman's soul cannot become a man's. Yes, women have always been dependent on men. So it was at all times, among all peoples. The theory that somewhere in some society there was a matriarchy is nothing more than a historical bike. There is no serious confirmation of this.* But a man never experiences the joys that are given to a woman - motherhood, the ability to love and feel like that. That's why he's a man.

*The hypothesis of the existence of a supposedly matriarchal society in history was first put forward in the 19th century by the Swiss jurist Jacob Bachofen, who was neither a historian nor an archaeologist. He compiled his Mother Right using Egyptian and Greek myths. Later, the myth of matriarchy was happily taken up by Marxists, in particular by Engels. Modern researchers do not find any serious evidence of the matriarchal hypothesis. For those who are interested in this problem, I advise you to read the article by Stela Dzhorgudi "The Creation of the Myth of Matriarchy", placed in the book "History of Women in the West". S.p. b. 2005, T.I.

“Generals” in skirts I think many people are familiar with the picture: a wife with an imperious, strong-willed character, a kind of “general” in a skirt, commands her husband. At the same time, she herself develops violent activity, fusses, tries to draw all the household into this fuss. She has a very low opinion of her husband, as a weak-willed, weak person who cannot make any decision. She constantly nags him for this, although when she got married, this state of affairs suited her. The husband in this situation is usually guided by the principle: "Sail my boat at the behest of the waves." That is, you can’t fix anything, and therefore you need to live with minimal losses. He does not want to change, but hides from his wife's attacks in the company of friends, goes headlong into work or spends time at TV and at the computer. And it seems that he has no choice but to fight with his grumpy wife. An example, so to speak, is a classic. What can be said here? Does this situation suit the wife? Outwardly, it may seem that she is satisfied. Her power ambitions are satisfied. But more often than not, the wife swears and gets angry with her husband precisely because this position (which she, however, chose herself) does not suit her at all. And that makes her freak out.

Being a commander and pulling a family cart is already tired, she wants something completely different - support, care, attention from her husband. All these desires are inherent in the nature of any woman. Every person, including women, has, as it were, two layers, two levels in the psyche. Conscious and subconscious. That role, the game that she plays (maybe all her life), a woman has little to do with what she really wants. So, by virtue of her character and many other circumstances, she consciously wants to patronize and command her husband, to be his mother, but unconsciously, according to the female instinct, she wants to be weak and defenseless herself, she wants to trust someone, rely on someone.

A woman, no matter what role she takes on, is always a woman. As they say in one famous film: "After all, I'm just a woman, and then Yaga." If she had married a real man at one time, that is, her life had flowed in different circumstances, everything could have been different. In order not to be unfounded, I will give one example. I recognized a girl who had a very obstinate character. In addition, she was a great lover of arguing. To be honest, I thought that if my friend got married, she would have serious problems. She also got married after long disputes with relatives who did not really want this marriage. Thank God, she was lucky with her husband. He turned out to be a strong, independent and responsible person. A few years later, I just didn't recognize her. She became a loving, obedient wife and caring mother.

The fact is that women, unlike men, are much more mobile, they can get used to and adapt to the changed living conditions. What oppresses and changes a woman can break a man. This quality is in her, again, from God.

Firstly, in all ages and times, women depended on men, they simply needed to change and adapt to the will of their masters. Secondly, the life of men has always been at great risk. He defended his wife, family, often at the cost of his life, fought with wild animals on the hunt, fought, and wives very often remained widows. And the woman had to raise children, feed them, getting used to new conditions, overcoming difficulties. After the Great Patriotic War, when less than half of the men returned from the front, it was women who had to raise their families and rebuild the ruined country. A woman is limited in her choice of husband. She says either "yes" or "no" to the one who asks for her hand. It has always been so. If a woman were less flexible and hardy, she simply would not survive among men. The usual situation: a man loses his job and drinks, falls into depression. In this case, a woman finds a new one, retrains, works on two rates at once, but rarely loses heart. A woman is a mother, she thinks about children, family, lives and survives for them, overcoming all difficulties. Therefore, a woman has a greater ability to adapt, she is ready to get used to new conditions, and not break, change them at any cost. Therefore, you can change a woman only by changing the conditions and changing yourself. A woman is not a conqueror, she only equips, cultivates what is conquered by men.

But back to our "generals". Of course, the situation is not normal, because a woman takes on an unusual role for her. Psychologists say that directiveness, dominance of a woman is a sign of her dissatisfaction with the life she leads. Whatever such women say, they want to see in a man a strong person who is able to take the situation into his own hands and even sometimes say “NO!” to her!

However, one must not overdo it here, because the main thing that a woman needs is the caring patronage of a man who can be trusted. That is, advice to her husband in such a situation: “be a man, she is waiting for this!” But the main trouble here is not in the wife, but, as a rule, in the husband. Such husbands most often do not want to change anything. There are many reasons for this.

First: change is hard, especially for a weak man, being strong is much harder for him than being henpecked. Very often, men themselves choose such wives for themselves, since his mother has exactly the same commanding character. The boy found himself a second mother.

From childhood, he got used to the fact that in kindergarten, at school, at home, women led him and he did not want to change anything. This is an alarming symptom, since there will be no peace and tranquility in such a marriage. After all, at least one of the parties is not satisfied with this situation.

In fairness, it must be said that if the wife wants to change the situation, then her behavior must also change, but we will talk more about this in the chapter “Family Storms”.

Fortunately, there are situations that are not hopeless, when both husband and wife are very tired of all this and they finally understand: what they want from each other. Then God help them.

–  –  –

Father Dimitry Smirnov, talking a lot with military people, noticed an interesting thing:

generals, strict military commanders, who in the service can bark so much that the whole system will shudder, at home they allow their wives to command, lead or patronize. Husbands even like it. In the service, they are so tired of giving instructions and orders that in the family they want someone to decide something for them, to do it. At the same time, peace and harmony reign in the family. This position suits both parties. The generals already know that they are real men, and the wives are sure that when necessary, they can always rely on their faithful, they are only so soft in small things, and when necessary, they will take the initiative into their own hands, make the right decision. I observed the same picture in the families of some venerable archpriests, rectors of temples.

If a man is strong, he does not have to prove it with foam at the mouth, he would rather prove it with deeds.

In general, the wives of the military and priests are a separate issue. They can only be compared with the wives of the Decembrists. After all, not every spouse will dangle with her husband throughout the country, not having a permanent home, live in garrisons, military camps on a meager salary, or help her husband restore a destroyed church in a remote village in some distant diocese.

Daughters - mothers Consider another very important reason why a woman is attracted to a man and wants him to be responsible, strong, courageous, decisive, independent and at the same time caring.

A woman is looking for not only and not so much a husband, but also a father for her future children. She often does this unconsciously, maybe in his head and there is no thought about children. A woman by her nature feels that all the above listed properties of a real man will be necessary not only for her, but for the whole family. Left without a husband, or not having one at all, it is extremely difficult for a woman to raise and raise children, and not only because of a lack of funds.

The motherhood of a woman is manifested in her entire being. For example, at first glance it seems that commercialism is inherent in a woman. What do women usually talk about (which men avoid so much)? About home preparations, about some household items, about who bought which washing machine, who treats children with what, etc. But all these topics are not at all a sign of a woman's earthiness, but an underlying concern for the family, for real or subconscious children. Children are the greatest happiness for a mother, she does not remember herself for joy.

It is generally impossible to communicate normally with young mothers. Except for the undershirts, nipples, what her precious baby has learned to do, they cannot talk.

All female properties and qualities, one way or another, serve the maternal destiny of a woman. For example, her ability to adapt to changing conditions, to survive in them. She knows that if something happens, the care of the family will fall on her shoulders. Even “female selfishness” (which, by the way, is a purely male term) is a woman’s subconscious concern for herself as a mother and mistress of the house.

The maternal instinct can be directed by a woman not only to children, but also to some other object, for example, in an exaggerated form to her husband, this, as a rule, harms her. We have already touched on this topic in the chapter “Generals in skirts”.

We choose, we are chosen It so happened that, by virtue of her destiny, a woman is almost free from decision-making. It shows up in everything. The man chooses his bride, the woman has to say: "yes" or "no". This, of course, can also be called a solution, but it is not. To understand what a decision is, let's turn to the "Dictionary of General Psychology": "Decision Making

- the act of forming a sequence of actions leading to the achievement of the goal based on the analysis of the initial information in a situation of uncertainty. Simply put, a decision is a consistently developed plan of action that leads to the final goal. And such a decision is given to a woman with great difficulty. The ability to think logically, consistently, quickly and correctly make decisions is more inherent in men.

Even if a woman is specially trained in logic, strategy and tactics, for example, taught to play chess, under equal conditions she will not play like a man. In this sport, professional men's and women's tournaments are held separately.

A woman, by her nature, is always more inclined to ask for advice than to make a decision on her own.

Life puts a woman in certain circumstances, and she must either agree with them (as usually happens), or not. Lovely ladies especially need to know this in order to prevent a very big mistake when getting married. For it is known that a woman lives more with her feelings, sensations and emotions than with her mind. So, if you make a mistake once, you can simply cross out your whole life.

Priests and psychotherapists know how painful and difficult any decision is given to a woman. When you tell her: "I gave you advice, and the rest depends only on you, no one will make this decision for you." How long can she then decide, and sometimes she completely leaves everything as it is, until the time when life itself does not dot the i's.

Managers, bosses know very well how difficult it is for women to make some kind of work decision, how they constantly wait for instructions from men. And in this, believe me, there is nothing wrong. It's just the female nature, the psyche. A man makes a decision and bears all the burden of responsibility for it, and a woman is a very good performer.

But if the decision is made incorrectly, it will not be a shame for a woman. Any rector of the temple knows that it is easier to work with women, they are always more efficient, accurate, obligatory. A man is a brain, he decides, he can explain very well to make a plan, but the active, creative side is the privilege of women. This cannot be taken away from them.

Women always respect men who know how to make decisions and that is what they expect from their husbands.

Enough interesting fact that it is easier for a mother without a father to raise a daughter than a son, and not only because the boy needs paternal authority. The boy, although small, is already a man, he can easily subdue his mother, make him act according to his desires, whims, he can begin to decide everything for her.

Even when it seems to the woman that she is making decisions, she again, as a rule, only agrees or disagrees with the proposed conditions. For example, her husband left her - she can only accept, or vice versa; she left her husband for another man, again another decides for her.

But someone may object, but what about our "iron ladies" - women politicians?

Firstly, politicians have not decided anything for a long time. They just voice the decisions that a small group of people makes for them. Let's call it "World Government", and I'm sure there are no women there. Secondly, women get involved in politics, in which they understand nothing and which, by and large, are indifferent to them, when they want to prove that they are in no way inferior to men. And then they don't have to make any decisions. But what about the Russian empresses, who seemed to rule a huge power, move armies on a campaign, win battles?

First. There may be exceptions to every rule. Second. Next to the empresses there were always men who actually led the state and made decisions. The most striking examples are Anna Ioannovna and the reign of temporary workers and Catherine II with her many favorites.

It so happened, both in essence and historically, that in the state, in society and in the Church, decisions are made by men. And they are generally good at it.

All this imposes a heavy responsibility on a man, his decisions concern not only himself, but also the woman for whom he made this decision. Let me be understood correctly; I do not want to say that a woman does not have any free will of the right to choose. This was given to us by God and it cannot be taken away from anyone, even from a suicide bomber in solitary confinement. But choice and decision are two different things, this must be remembered.

What conclusion can be drawn from all this, and what advice can be given to women? Men are better at making decisions, trust them. And thank God if there is a decisive, wise man next to you who is responsible for his decisions.

–  –  –

In order to achieve peace and mutual understanding, in the Gospel we are given the so-called “golden rule”: “Therefore, in everything you want people to do to you, do the same to them” (Matt. 7.12).

We will return to this rule again and again. To understand what actions and words our neighbor expects from us, how to deal with him, you need to learn to put yourself in his place. But this is not at all easy; understand the other person. It is especially difficult to understand a being of the opposite sex. Often by the same words we understand completely different things and sometimes we want completely different things from each other. However, knowing the characteristics of the male and female psyche, this can be done. Everyone knows the expression "female" logic. It happened again from the inability to understand each other. Often, for men, the reasoning and actions of women seem wrong and illogical, but in fact a woman simply has her own truth, her own vision of the world. In one book on psychology I read such an example. The woman says the phrase: "I absolutely do not care what kind of ice cream you buy me." The man, following his logic, will answer: “What does it mean “indifferent?” I'm going to buy you ice cream. I don't know what kind of ice cream you want. So be kind, answer me exactly: vanilla or ice cream? And this is an example of a typical mistake. Behind the woman's phrase "I absolutely do not care ..." is literally the following: "Do an act! Well, show that you are capable of making a decision, that you can take care of me, that you are ready to take responsibility. In this case, she wants to experience the happiness of interacting with a man, to feel this presence, his deed; and in comparison with this, the pleasantness of feeling a certain taste of ice cream is sheer nonsense! As they say, a gift is not expensive, attention is expensive. She knows what she wants, but the way she delivers it is a dark forest for a man. And a man can also be offended, he will think that the fact that he wants to buy ice cream for a lady is completely indifferent to her. After all, if she does not explain what kind of ice cream she wants, then she does not want it at all. A man understands the same phrase literally, and a woman sees a completely different meaning behind it. Men do not like subtexts and hidden messages. They love to sort things out. A woman sees the end result, which she considers important for herself or for the family, or for something else, sees as if the problem as a whole. And it is important for a man to solve a problem, which precedes the result, a logical chain that leads to the final goal. This again is rooted in the ability and purpose of a man to make decisions.

Women do not really need the usual male logic. She can admire the logical constructions of a man, like a fancy pattern, and act according to her intuition and feelings. For example, women are very little interested in the device of the car.

How all these crankshafts, pistons and gears power the car.

If he learns something, then just enough to be able to fix a car on the way. She is interested in the car as a means of transportation for her and the children somewhere in kindergarten or to the market. Or the car is perceived by her as a plush toy, to which you can tie bows, but it is not at all necessary to know what is inside it.

To men, some of the ideas and reasoning of women seem ridiculous, mundane and limited. But they are much closer to life and reality than reasonable and logical male constructions. Therefore, men should not chop off their shoulders, and sometimes listen to what a woman says, try to explain for themselves, to understand. Again, if a woman wants her opinion to be listened to, she needs to learn how to express her thoughts harmoniously, to convey them to a man.

White handkerchiefs

Even people who never go to church know that there are significantly more women than men in the church. There was even a joke in Soviet times: “There are only girls in jazz, and only grandmothers in church.” Now, thank God, the situation is different. There are many young people in the temple, many men, but women are still the vast majority. What does this have to do with our topic? The most direct. Men and women have different nature, soul, and therefore a different view of the world.

There is a lot of paradox in the psyche of men and women. Seemingly complex theological and philosophical questions, the search for the meaning of life is a male privilege. A man is a philosopher, a theologian, a thinker.

Not to mention the fact that our priesthood is traditionally male (other denominations do not count). Women, as a rule, have little interest in some deep theological problems. But there are more women in the temple. And it is thanks to women that the Church has endured.

There are several reasons. Firstly. Men are more proud. And the Orthodox faith is built on humility and repentance. The very word repentance in Greek sounds like metanoia, i.e. change. And change, as you know, is very difficult for men. Priests know how often a man's confession differs from a woman's. Men are very reluctant to admit their mistakes. Women, on the contrary, often repent with tears in their eyes. It is very difficult for a proud person to work in the Church. Everything in the Church rests on obedience and humility. The parishioners obey the priest. The priest is the rector, the rector is the dean, the dean is the bishop, the bishop is the patriarch. Everything is very hierarchical. The abbots of the temples know how difficult it is to work with men, they have their own opinion on everything. The second reason lies in the structure of the soul of a woman. She most often lives with feelings, and faith is a feeling. It cannot be explained rationally. One cannot rationally explain why God is a Trinity or that Christ was born of a Virgin. You can only believe in this.

Evidence is valid only up to a certain limit, after which faith begins.

Men are trying to explain everything logically as a theorem, to put it on the shelves. Faith is trust. Trust in God that God will never deceive us or leave us. How do we trust our parents as children? The father throws the child up, and then catches him and the child knows that his father will definitely catch him, he believes him. Likewise, we must trust God as our Heavenly Father. By the way, the fact that God is our Father is the root of the third reason why it is easier for a woman to come to the temple, to believe. Women, by virtue of their destiny, are a weaker, more dependent being. She needs support. To do this, she is given a husband on whom she could rely, rely on, he can help her make a decision. It has been noticed that there are a lot of widows in the Church, single women or women who have dysfunctional families.

Of course, this does not mean that the Church is a substitute for the family. These are different things. Again, this does not mean that men do not need to go to the temple. It's just easier for a woman to come to God, it's easier for her to ask for protection, help. Faith helps a woman to survive in difficult conditions, she is no longer alone, God is with her.

She comes to the temple and prays for herself, for her children, for her (often unbelieving) husband. Although, as a rule, it is difficult for a woman to comprehend some complex spiritual issues.

Her faith is, to a large extent, a feeling, a sensation, it is intuitive. She is often driven by the instinct of self-preservation and the preservation of the family.

So, it is easier for a woman to come to the temple, there are more of them in the Church, but without men the Church will not stand. Because the man was and always will be the head of the church community, the performer of the Divine Liturgy, the image of Christ for the Church and for his family.

Women's happiness - would be cute next ... On the one hand, this is of course necessary; It is next to her husband, a man, that a woman realizes herself as a wife, a mother. On the other hand, we, dear men, should not flatter ourselves: to be near your wife and delight her with your presence is only, as they say, a minimum minimum. And we need to work hard to make our loved ones truly happy.

Generally speaking, almost every woman expects two things from a man:

First: the ability to make decisions (that is, decisiveness) and be responsible for them. After all, to be the head of the family, a responsible person is the direct vocation of a man.

The second thing that any woman and wife wants is an attentive and caring attitude towards her beloved man. Indeed, in the nature of a woman from God lies the desire for a strong male shoulder, for a being capable of taking care of her, supporting, listening and comforting. If she does not find this in a man, her behavior becomes inconsistent with female nature and destiny. Both she and her husband suffer from this.

Decisiveness and responsibility on the one hand, and tenderness and attention on the other - this is the key to the heart of a beloved woman.

A lot has already been said about determination and responsibility.

Let us dwell in more detail on why a woman needs communication with her beloved man so much, and why she appreciates his attention so much. Lack of communication between spouses often causes mutual alienation and family conflicts.

Many men have brought their marriage to divorce simply because they neglected to communicate with their spouses, they simply did not understand that their spouses really needed their attention. This common mistake is due to the fact that people do not realize how different male and female nature is.

American psychologist John Gray writes: “One of the most important differences between men and women is the manner of behavior in stressful situations. Men tend to withdraw into themselves in order to “digest” the problem and the experiences associated with it alone, while women are simply overwhelmed by emotions. At times like these, men and women need completely different things to pull themselves together. It becomes easier for a man when he takes up the solution of a problem, and for a woman when she talks about it.

Misunderstanding and rejection of these differences creates unnecessary friction in our relationships. Let's look at one very common example.

Tom came to the house: he needs to relieve stress, relax, he wants to sit down and calmly read the newspaper. The day turned out to be hard, some problems remained unresolved, and Tom needs to distract himself, forget about them.

Mary, his wife, also had a difficult day, she also wants to relax.

However, it is a relief for her to speak out without missing any of the day's issues. And now tension arises between the spouses, grows and, in the end, results in mutual irritation and resentment.

Tom thinks to himself that Mary talks too much. And Mary, at the same time, it seems that her husband is ignoring her ... The fruit of such mutual misunderstanding is alienation, alienation of the spouses.

You are probably familiar with such a situation in which, it should be noted, a man and a woman stand each other. It's not just Tom and Mary's problem, it's almost everyone. And her decision for Tom and Mary depends not only on how dear they are to each other, but also on the extent to which each of them is able to understand the opposite sex. Not realizing that a woman, in order to "throw off herself"

problem, it really needs to be talked about, Tom will still think that his wife talks too much. And Mary, not knowing that Tom took up the newspaper in order to recover a little, will think that her husband is ignoring her, neglecting her. And he will try to draw him into the conversation, while he does not want it at all. 1) What to do about it? How to resolve these contradictions between the male and female sex?

Firstly. Take it for granted. Indeed, men and women are very, very different creatures, and nothing can be done about it, God created us that way. You just need to know our differences in order not to pout at each other and not take the characteristics of each sex as a personal insult.

Secondly. It is necessary to treat each other with care, understanding, try to come to some kind of compromise that will suit both of you. And, of course, “carry one another's burdens” (Gal. 6.2). That is, wives should be less offended by their husbands for "carelessness", and husbands should devote more time to communicating with their spouses.

____________________

1) John Grey. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. M., 2007. p.45, 46 What does a man want?

So we figured out, "What does a woman want?" We talked about the peculiarities of male and female logic, and now it's time to talk about what a man expects from a woman and how a woman's destiny is revealed in relation to a man. Although, it seems to me, when discussing male virtues, the topic of female vocation has already been partially disclosed.

We have already spoken about what the Lord said at the time of the creation of the first woman, Eve: “It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a helper corresponding to him” (Gen. 2.18). What is meant by "a helper corresponding to him"? This, of course, does not mean some sort of clerk, secretary, who will help Adam give names to the created animals. Both in ancient times and today, a man by nature, despite his external strength, power, thick-skinnedness, was a very vulnerable and vulnerable creature, much more than a woman. Under the armor of masculinity, a man hides a very fragile nature. That is, a man needs someone nearby who will love and pity him, and therefore help him. For to help a husband, to support him is not only to wait for him home with a hot dinner and keep the fire in the hearth, but something more. On earth there was no equal of those created by man. And so the Lord creates a woman - a creature that can give a man such love that he, perhaps, is not even capable of. Because a woman can feel much sharper and fuller than a man. Why did the Lord create the first man so vulnerable, vulnerable, etc.? It's hard to say, but God doesn't do anything by accident. It means that He wanted a man to be loved and to be able to love himself. The fact that the soul of a man is more subtle, fragile and sensitive is evidenced by one fact. Women are five times more likely to commit suicide (i.e. suicide), but three times less likely to die as a result of suicide. That is, for a woman, as a rule, a suicide attempt is a kind of "pampering" (if I may say so). The unwillingness to really die, but the desire for pity and sympathy. It is known that the female sex is more prone to depression, but it is much easier to get out of this state.

How many times has it been noticed: a woman is discouraged, crying, that's it, the end of her life. You will feel sorry for her a little, you will sympathize, and she has already perked up, smiling. Not so with men. Men, in whom feelings can be hidden very deeply, have more psychological problems than women. The ability of women to restructure and adapt to the conditions of life has already been mentioned above.

One more thing: men traditionally hide their feelings, experiences for them are a manifestation of male weakness. Women need to know all this so that when it is necessary to come to the aid of men. Men do not like to show their feelings, it makes them vulnerable. But this does not mean that he is somehow rude and insensitive.

For a man, what he usually does is work, what he loves is very important. This is again connected with his male destiny, the dominant personality, the breadwinner of the family. A heavy insult for a man if his wife calls him a loser, or worse, a weakling. This is worse for him than female infidelity. Even when a wife earns a little more than her husband or has reached a higher position, this is the reason for the constant internal discontent of a man. Another thing is that sometimes he himself is to blame for this. But it's not that. And that the task of a woman is to inspire a man in his activities.

At all times, men have performed feats, deeds for the sake of women. Knights won tournaments, for the sake of the ladies of the heart, poets dedicated poems to them, artists painted canvases and sculpted statues in their honor. That is, women were their muses. A man is like a child, his activity needs constant appreciation and favor of his beloved woman. He needs positive reinforcement. A very bad symptom if a woman is not interested in what her husband does, what happens at work.

It has already been observed more than once that if people a happy family and the husband has reached some heights, for him above all prizes and state awards is the praise of his wife. He seems to dedicate his achievements to her. If a person is a grandmaster, a world champion, everyone wears him in their arms, and his wife doesn’t give a damn about what he does (which means she doesn’t love him), will he be happy? Hardly.

There is a Russian proverb: "A smart wife is a lady to her husband." What does she mean? Of course, it is not that the wife dominates, rules over her husband. And the fact that a wife who supports her husband when he is ill, encourages him when he does something good, shows determination, can achieve much more than if she follows him, nags and annoys him with endless requests.

In a man, you need to cultivate his best sides through evaluation, positive reinforcement of these qualities. And first of all, he expects this support from his beloved woman. We have already talked about female and male depression. Women are more forgiving.

Women are more optimistic by nature. Otherwise, they would not be able to survive in the conditions of the modern (and not only) constantly changing aggressive world. And since the task of a woman is to be a “beautiful lady”, a “muse”, a “good genius” for a man, she must have this quality in order to instill cheerfulness, cheerfulness in him too.

Every spouse needs to remember that not only the social activity of a man needs reinforcement and encouragement, although this is very important. No wonder they say that the success of a man is often determined by what kind of woman is next to him. But, first of all, what a man does for the woman herself needs to be assessed. For a man, praise from the lips of his beloved woman, gratitude for what he did for her (even for some little thing) is above all awards and prizes. And a smart woman knows this very well. As St. Martyr Empress Alexandra Feodorovna: "Love needs its daily bread." But the most important thing that a man expects from a woman is selfless love. It is very important for a man to feel that they love him not for something, but for who he is, for this a man is ready for a lot.

If a husband starts complaining about his wife, for some reason I don’t have any compassion for him. First, he made his own choice. No one pulled him on the lasso down the aisle. Second: what kind of a man are you if you whine that a weak woman offends you? And, finally, the third: it is much easier for a woman to change than for a man. The behavior of a woman is very strongly determined by the conditions of life and what kind of man is next to her. To put it simply: a woman will be a real woman only next to a real man. So, if a man has a dysfunctional family, he should not complain, but take a closer look in the mirror, maybe he will see something.

Fathers and mothers The apostle Paul has wonderful words addressed to spouses. These words exactly reveal the meaning of marriage, that the Church included them in the service of the sacrament of the Wedding:

“Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church.” And further: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5:24-25).

The purpose of a man is great. He is not just the head of his wife, called upon to patronize her and make decisions that are important for the whole family. He is compared to Christ. Much higher. Christ doesn't just love the Church. He is the Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep. But Christ is not only the Spouse of the Church. He and her Father. Since the husband is compared with Christ in everything, it means that he is also in some way a father not only for the whole family, but also for the wife.

Let's dwell on this in more detail. There is a theory that wives are divided into daughters and mothers according to the type of character. It's clear what it's about. The mother is the dominant woman. Daughter - driven, obeying. The classic scheme is the father

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What are the main causes of divorce today?

- The reason is the impatience of modern man. We know that family life is patience. The main reason for divorce is also a lack of communication, attention to each other.

Usually a divorce is not done so spontaneously: it hits the head, and they went to get a divorce. People do not understand that marriage is a great value, they do not see this in their union, in their relationships. They think: if you have a car, you can change it, if you have a wife, you can change it. And the second is the lack of patience.

Before the revolution it was a service. It was a very serious project: when people served each other, when people had to survive. People had to secure their lives in our harsh, very difficult climate, which depended on the harvest, crop failure, on whether the Lord would send a drought or a fertile year. Secure your pension fund as children. Because if you don’t educate them, don’t teach them how to work, honor their father and mother, then no state will feed you later. The husband had to take care of his wife. There is an expression - "Love your wife like a horse." If a person was horseless, he was considered the poorest and poorest peasant. And again, the words of the Apostle Paul: Husbands, take care of your wives as your own body.

– You say: marriage is always a risk. How to minimize it?

Indeed, there is always risk. Marriage also comes with risks. Even under ideal starting conditions, when both the family and parents are very good, Orthodox people, church people, guarded virginity, purity before marriage, they want to live according to the commandments of God, they have parental experience - they also have a risk.

Do you think that a family is when two people rent an apartment, live together, share a bed, they have a common cash desk? Nothing like this. And the state calls it cohabitation, the Church does not consider it a family, but women do! They even buy rings for themselves. Although in fact most men do not consider them wives. That's why we have more married people than married people. 80% of women believe that they are married, 90% of men believe that they are not married. That is, in fact, these are family games.

The first thing I want to advise. Marriage is a very serious relationship, and it should be considered as follows: no matter what my mood, state of health is, whether love has gone or not, everything must be done to preserve and save the family.

The second thing I want to say is that we need to turn to our values, which are set forth in the Bible and the Gospel. We have such a clear hierarchy: my closest relative comes first, then my parents. First you have to solve problems with your wife, console and calm her, then take care of your parents.

The third thing that can be advised is that the family hierarchy, which is also forgotten, especially in countries where feminism is developed, spouses are considered as equal partners. A very big problem is male infantilism, lack of masculinity. Women are to blame for this, wives - with their behavior, before wives, mothers spoiled a person, they did everything for him, they did not allow him to make any decision. Men cease to be men if they are not treated as men.

Dad as the shadow of Hamlet's father

- Today you mentioned one of the reasons for the destruction of the family: violence. What happens to a child who constantly sees scandals in the family?

– Of course, it is very influential. The fact is that we do not even realize how much childhood psychotrauma can affect us later. Children should grow up in an atmosphere of love, they should be protected in every possible way, even from unkind words, reproaches, and barbs towards each other. It is clear that a man will treat his wife in the same way as dad treated mom. The example of a father is very strong and very serious, this is the most important person in your life, he will unconsciously influence you all your life, like the shadow of Hamlet's father, he will follow you all the time.

- Does it happen that in a created family one of the spouses is a more mature person?

– It often happens. Of course, a more favorable option when the wife is immature. Still, it happens that the wife suffers from infantilism, she was the only child in the family, and the husband is from a large family. This is normal, the husband takes her under guardianship, is engaged in her upbringing, becoming a person. They learn a lot in the process.

When the wife is more mature, and the husband is from an incomplete family, was brought up by a single mother, did not receive proper education, an example can also be seriously affected. What can a wife do? The task of the wife is to encourage her husband, to praise him. When he begins to take the first timid steps, to help him: you will succeed, you can do everything.

When a wife lives only her husband's life

When a person gets married, he often loses his individuality. How to keep yourself, your abilities and talents in the family?

– What is it about? That they dissolve into each other. A strong husband, successful - and the wife begins to live his life. Or, for example, he is a writer or an artist, and she devotes her whole life only to him.

There are several options. If people were very sociable before, and now they communicate with each other and they don’t really need anyone outside their little world - he, she and children - there is nothing wrong with that. This often happens.

Another thing is when a person really starts to lose himself. For example, a husband is a man of art who still suffers from high self-esteem, considers himself great. He believes that the wife should leave everything. For example, I had examples that he is a poet, a bard, a musician, and his wife has an acting education, and he apparently wanted her to completely dissolve in him. And she also had her own creative ambitions, she really didn’t like it, and because of this, they had serious conflicts. I think that if two people are such bright personalities, everyone should be given the opportunity to develop.

No need to be afraid of a psychologist

- In a family that is on the verge of divorce, how should parents behave?

- If such a situation happened in the family, parents should not take sides. They should pray for the family if they can't help. Try to support both spouses, try to instill in them: we love you both, you are both dear to us, we are very worried about you, we are ready to help you, to assist if you want. And it’s very good when they tell their spouses something good about each other. Not the way it happens: a mother tells her son what a bad wife he has, they saw her there, she doesn’t help, doesn’t care. It is clear that this is not love, it is selfishness, jealousy, maternal pride.

– How often do you have to refer couples to a psychologist?

- I often send to psychologists. A priest has the ability to pray purely for a person, he has other means to solve family problems. The priest also has very serious disadvantages - for example, a chronic lack of time. Any serious conflict requires not a one-time visit, but rather serious work, a conversation for about an hour or an hour and a half, and a rare priest has such an amount of time. Therefore, the priest sometimes plays the role of such a local therapist. Every priest, I think, should refer to a psychologist, he should not be afraid of this. It is very good when he has familiar specialists in whom he is confident. Because psychologists are different.

– As a confessor at the School of the Family, what tasks do you solve, what families can come to you?

- The center's website has all the coordinates. It is located very conveniently, on Okhotny Ryad. The helpline is free of charge, it can be used to get initial advice and assistance. We have had many joint projects. The most important thing is the family school. Once a year, we give a course of lectures, distribute books, manuals, CDs, write it all down, then post it on the Internet. There is an opportunity to work with people individually, to help in solving some issues.

Psychologists from this center work at our church of Peter and Fevronia in Maryino. We give lectures on an important topic: such a "young fighter course" for those who want to start a family. Some create a family after that, resolve family problems.

Pavel Gumerov (1974, Ufa) is a priest.

In 1984 he received Holy Baptism along with his parents, brother and sister. The whole family of Father Pavel lived then already in Moscow. (Father Pavel's father was subsequently ordained a priest, and in 2005 he took monastic tonsure with the name Job. Now he is a resident of the Sretensky Monastery in Moscow).

In 1991 he entered the Moscow Theological Seminary in the city of Sergiev Posad, from which he graduated in 1995. In the same year he entered the Moscow Theological Academy. In 1996, while studying at the Academy, he took the holy orders. In the same year, by decree of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy, he was appointed a full-time cleric in the church of St. Nicholas of Myra at the Rogozhsky cemetery in Moscow. On December 14, 2012, he was appointed rector of the church of the Holy Right-Believing Princes Peter and Fevronia of Murom in Maryino, which is under construction. Since March 29, 2014, he has been constantly serving in this church.

Priest Pavel Gumerov writes books and articles, records CDs, gives lectures, conducts seminars and talks on the topics of family and marriage, moral theology. Also, with the blessing of the hierarchy, he sings in the choir of the clergy of the Moscow Peter and Paul Deanery. Married, has two sons.

Father Pavel is the author of the following books: “Small Church”, “He and She”, “Family Conflicts. Prevention and Treatment”, “Eternal Memory” (co-authored with Hieromonk Job), “House of a Christian. Traditions and Shrines” (co-authored with Hieromonk Job), “Orthodox Asceticism Expounded for the Laity”, “The Sacrament of Communion”, “Three Whales of Family Happiness”, “Keys to Family Happiness”, “Civil Marriage”. The beginning of family life or prodigal cohabitation?", "Vladimir Vysotsky: the tragedy of the Russian soul", "The Law of God. New book” (co-authored with hieromonk Job (Gumerov) and priest Alexander Gumerov).

The book "Three whales of family happiness" was recognized by the Publishing Council of the Moscow Patriarchate as the best book for young people in 2012 and was awarded a diploma of the 1st degree.

Several books by Father Pavel have been translated into Serbian and Romanian.

Books (7)

Conversations about family and marriage

The family life of an Orthodox Christian should be based on three components.

First and most important: love and the correct understanding of this concept, because not everyone knows what true love is.

The second is a correct understanding of the goals and objectives of family life.

And the third is the correct family hierarchy. Family life is built on these three, so to speak, “pillars”.

Everlasting memory

The departure of a person from life is always a difficult test for loved ones. How to deal with the pain of loss? How to prepare the deceased for burial? How to carry out the last journey? How to remember later?

In the book, one of the authors of which (priest Pavel Gumerov) serves in the church of St. Nicholas at the Rogozhsky cemetery, you will find detailed instructions on all the details of an Orthodox burial, as well as pastoral advice and words of support. Attached are letters of consolation from St. Theophanes about the hour of death and the prayers that it is customary to read in the Orthodox Church, seeing off the neighbor on the path of all the earth.

Small Church. Family life in the modern world

The book is dedicated to the modern family.

Its author conducts conversations with young people about how to build a modern family so that it is morally healthy, long-lived and happy. The author specifically refers to modern life and talks in detail about how to protect the family from the dangers that have such a destructive effect on the family.

The last two parts of the book are devoted to one of the most painful topics in our society - the upbringing of children.

He and she. Looking for conjugal consent

Why did God create male and female? What does a woman expect from a man and a man from a woman? How can they come to understanding and love? How to achieve peace and harmony in marriage, which is called the Church of the Secret of God, the Sacrament of the union of “two beings into one inseparable being,” according to St. John Chrysostom.

The reader learns about all this from the book “He and She. In search of marital consent.

Orthodox asceticism expounded for the laity. On the fight against passions

The book of Father Pavel Gumerov is intended to help the Orthodox Christian in his struggle with passions and sinful habits.

We are all very different. Each has its own heredity, character, upbringing, education. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult for us to find a common language, to agree. But people are still divided into men and women. The difference between them is huge. Sometimes it seems that these are creatures from different worlds. But we live on the same planet, and the continuation of life on Earth depends on the interaction of male and female. So we just need to learn to understand each other. Why did the Lord create men and women? What does a woman expect from a man and a man from a woman? How can we come to mutual understanding and love? The author tries to answer these and other questions.

Why is family happiness? Because it helps us constantly, daily feel that there is someone we love more than ourselves. It is known, for example, that parents, as a rule, love their children more than the children of their parents. But that doesn't make parents any less happy. Children are able to give them much more joy, Have a good mood than we im.

And happiness also depends on how we value what God gives us. In our case, it is love, family. Maybe my words are somewhat pretentious, but I will say that the balance of the forces of good and evil in the world depends on whether there is peace in each particular family or whether sin and evil reign there.

“There can be no equality between a man and a woman, of course. They are completely different. Everyone has their own great calling and purpose. He and she are polar opposites. Plus cannot be equal to minus, but precisely because of this, attraction occurs. ”

• Foreword
• Part I. Male and female
  • The Bitter Fruits of Emancipation
  • Generals in skirts
  • Just generals
  • Daughters-mothers
  • We choose, we are chosen
  • Female and male logic
  • White handkerchiefs
  • Women's happiness - would be cute next ...
  • What does a man want?
  • Fathers and mothers
  • I do not like...
  • Humiliated and insulted
• Part II. Preparing for marriage
  • How not to make a mistake?
  • Apologia for marriage
  • What is love?
  • Love
  • About love
  • Choice
  • How to get to know each other better?
  • About mistakes
  • I can't bear to get married
• Part III. Husband and wife "You put crowns on their heads"
  • Head of family
  • Family life
  • Getting ready for marriage
  • Debriefing
  • You should not bend under the changing world, or On the benefits of marital abstinence by fasting
  • Traffic Laws
  • Common interests
  • Weaker vessel
  • Take care of the men!
  • Heavenly patrons of marriage
  • About happiness
• Part IV. family storms
  • Introduction
  • An ideal image or a living person?
  • More about conflict
  • affairs of life
  • About disputes
  • Crises
  • "Ore et labore"
  • seventh commandment
  • Passion means suffering
  • Believers and non-believers
  • Mother-in-law and mother-in-law
  • Monastery in the world
• Conclusion
• List of cited literature