Psychology. Does separation strengthen relationships Why is separation in a relationship its role

Can separation strengthen relationships, or does it only destroy them? Experts say that separation extinguishes the weak flame of love and inflates a big fire. Which suggests that breakups should not be avoided, as they are a great way to test the strength and endurance of love. And after every separation there is always a meeting. If you were able to survive it together, then this person is right for you. We often draw a picture for ourselves of how a person who is far from us is struggling with temptations there. But in fact, this is far from the case, and will you need such a life partner who does not appreciate your relationship?

In the case when the fear consists in the fear of losing a loved one, and also in the fact that without him you have nowhere to go, then this is not good. It means that you have completely devoted yourself to this man and you need urgent help in regaining yourself. Remember what hobbies you used to have, get a forgotten book, textbook, and so on. Invite old friends over.

In order not to go crazy in separation, communicate by mobile phone, email or skype. Make it a habit to have a Skype date at the same time every day. Even a long separation can be made short if you wait and believe in a future meeting.

The well-known fact that living together may resemble magic only at first. Over time, the accumulated difficulties can overwhelm your love with a huge burden. The duration of separation in the form of a relationship test depends on the length of the relationship itself. It is clear that a newly appeared couple cannot be without each other for even the minimum amount of time without experiencing a feeling of longing. Couples who have lived together for many years can test their feelings of separation for a long time.
Be that as it may, separation is considered a test of strength for a couple, since the special magic of love and tenderness that affects the other half becomes weaker with time and distance. And in this case, it is very important not to surrender to chance and go with the flow, but to take many measures in order to be able to say that separation actually makes relationships stronger.

• do not think and do not accuse the other half of infidelity, if there is no reason for this. Otherwise, there is coding for a certain behavior, hence the infidelity.
• give your loved one some item of your own on the road so that he always reminds of you. For example, it could be a photograph, a trinket, a pen, or something that connects both of you and brings together memories. A person automatically reaches for something familiar. This becomes most noticeable in an unusual environment, for example, on a business trip.
• keep at a distance ritual behavior. For example, say “I love you”, ask how the day went, what were the successes, support in case of failure. In other words, do the same things that you did when you were together. Today, there are many communications that can provide significant assistance in this. Many couples, having taken advantage of them, do not even feel separation. Which allows us to say with confidence that in this case, separation, if it does not strengthen relations, then does not make them weaker.
• try to avoid reasons for jealousy in a person who is leaving, since it has practically nothing to do with love.

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The word "separation" even sounds sad. Under it, you want to howl at the moon, drink whiskey and listen to the sad songs of Alena Apina. But temporary separations are sometimes inevitable. This is due to business trips, different times for vacation or different holiday plans. And if we cannot change the situation, then, as all cinema psychologists advise, we must change our attitude towards it. Let's get it right now and start looking positive sides in temporary separation from a loved one.

If we spend most of our time with our loved ones, then, left alone, we immediately ask ourselves: what, in fact, to do? Option "howl at the moon, drink whiskey and listen to the sad songs of Alena Apina" immediately uncompromisingly reject. Separation is a great time to do all the things we never had time to do. No, our beloved, of course, does not forbid us to deal with our personal affairs, but free time is a limited resource, and we have to make a choice all the time. And usually, for obvious reasons, it is done in favor of a loved one. During the period of temporary separation, we can go to dances, meet with girlfriends, read books and watch those films that our husband would not watch with us even at gunpoint. If we remember all our interests, hobbies and things postponed due to strong love, it turns out that the time of separation can be spent so intensely that there will even be no time to get bored.

In addition, temporary separation is a good reason to reflect on your own life. In a strong couple, life goals are often set not from the position of "I", but from the position of "we". But "I" does not go anywhere, and the harmonious development of relations does not exclude personal growth and development. Think about what exactly you want from your life and from your career, what you would like to change. Write down your desires and plans for a year, five years, fifteen years. Perhaps right now, when no one distracts you, you will make an ideological breakthrough, set yourself new goals and begin to move towards their achievement. After all, goal setting is the first and most important step to success.

Finally, separation is an opportunity to get bored. When we are together all the time, we often take relationships for granted, get annoyed over trifles and quarrel over trifles. There's nowhere to go, it's human nature - not to appreciate what we have. Breaking up reminds us of the strength of our feelings and how lucky we are to meet "our person". As the English playwright and poet wrote Joseph Addison: "The depth of love is known only during separation." Well, indeed, there would be no separation, we would not have to experience the incredible joy of new meetings.

But with another thinker, I tend to disagree. Karl Marx(however, many of his ideas are now being questioned) argued: "Temporary separation is useful, because constant communication gives rise to the appearance of monotony." In my opinion, if people are really interested in each other, then their life will be exciting and varied without separation. It is these rich and interesting relationships that I wish you. And if a temporary separation is nevertheless inevitable, it is necessary to spend it with benefit: both for yourself and for the relationship.

Do you have to part with your loved one for a while? Are you having a hard time being separated? Do you think a temporary breakup can be good for a relationship?

Let's consider this question. So, let's say in a couple both people love each other equally - they are good together, they have fun, they are happy. Naturally, for such a couple, any separation will only have a positive effect. When a loved one is not around, you are no longer at ease: a person at least misses spending time together, emotions, there is no half to give someone his love. Naturally, when such a couple meets again, they love each other only more. And that's okay.

Can separation affect a relationship in a negative way? The answer is yes, and here's why. Being far from each other, you can afford what you thought about, but did not dare to do when your soul mate was nearby. Suppose a person wanted to go to a club, get drunk until he was blue in the face, hang out somewhere for a couple of nights, but usually such a relationship is unacceptable in a couple. someone always forbids you or such actions, or at least against. If during separation one

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of the participants in this relationship will allow himself such behavior and he will like it, then this can cast doubt on everything that was: “Do I need a relationship in which something is forbidden to me?”, Or “I have lived so much time, but never I didn’t have so much fun” – in this case, an emotional effect is triggered. Emotions from the experience take over the emotions in the relationship and the person conducts a reassessment of values, which leads either to parting immediately, or to some tension in the relationship after this separation. Of course, if the couple is strong, then she will be able to survive such a crisis, but this is far from always the case. This is perhaps the main negative effect of separation that can take place in a relationship, not always, but the fact remains.
By the way, when the emotional effect of the experience subsides, the person remembers what he did and he often feels sorry, and he again asks himself the question: “Was it necessary to end this relationship?” - this is to the point that you can get back together if you come to the conclusion that everyone makes mistakes and forgive each other.

Also, the negative consequences of separation can be something else. Let's say the pair is unstable - let's call it that. People constantly quarrel, scold each other, blame their soul mate for something, or even worse, one person pretends to love the other (we will not describe why he needs this, but this is the case). In such a relationship, any separation can be the last, especially if it is long. Any temptation or any incorrectly spoken word when communicating on the same phone can start a mechanism for the destruction of these relationships, which cannot be stopped. It seems to me that this is correct - why test something that is not for strength, if you can finish everything right away. But if for one person such separation can bring freedom, then for the second it can be a severe blow, there's nothing to be done - this is life.

Naturally, here we do not give specific examples of what can affect relationships in separation, only a general scheme. If you are interested - write and we will discuss this issue. In the meantime, good luck and may your relationship survive any distance.

It is not as easy as it might seem to figure out how much a break in relations can be useful when separated between a man and a woman. It depends on many things: how long these relationships have been developing, whether the relationship is a marriage bond, whether people are connected by joint children, and much more.

After all, it happens that prolonged continuous stress as a result of a whole series of unpleasant events simply knocks people out, even strongly. loving friend friend from the rut. In this case, most likely, breaking off relations for a certain time is an occasion to relax and recover from a long stress. It will be not only useful, but also necessary.

Temporary rupture of relations - a reason for rest

If the relationship is trusting and truly strong, then the spouses understand each other perfectly. They know when one of them needs support or rest. This does not mean at all that the couple does not experience any feelings and is indifferent in marriage. No. This just means that the strength of their relationship is so great that they will not exchange it for something temporary.

It is also impossible to assert the fact that when a relationship is broken, even if of a temporary nature, one of the partners throws a tantrum and promises to do something with himself, testifies to great love. Not at all, rather, this is an indicator of psychological dependence, and not love, here you already need not so much a partner as a psychologist.

Since a self-sufficient person, regardless of what gender he is, can love even at a distance, knowing that sooner or later everything will either form or collapse altogether, which in any case is not a reason to interrupt his own life.

Let's remember the families of sailors. These are people who are not at home for half a year, or even a whole year. Although there is a wife and children. However, it is precisely such families that for some reason live and love fully. They meet with the tenderness of sixteen-year-olds after a long separation.

They can’t get enough of each other, but when the end of the spouse’s stay at home comes, they are both already waiting for the upcoming flight. And why, yes, because they are so accustomed to living, periodic separation only stimulates them to constant unceasing feelings.

Another question is when one of the spouses periodically leaves and comes to the family. But here it is worth looking into. If a couple is satisfied with such an approach to a break in relations, they do not pester each other with accusations and reproaches, then these are quite acceptable temporary separations. However, the situation will look completely different when this does not suit one of the spouses. Then you need to find out what is the reason, what is wrong and look for a compromise.

After all, the breakup of relationships and separation in themselves can be of a different nature. It's one thing when it's a professional absence or a vacation from troubles, stress, and quite another thing when one of the spouses tries to manipulate the other. In any case, a single family has its own personal positions and sees the situation in its own way. But not all women hold such views.

Many people think that a man is like a child, you almost need to swaddle him and feed him borscht from a spoon. No, this is a person who, if necessary, will cook borscht and also feed you. Therefore, you should not keep a man if he wants to break off relations and leave. Let him go, just pay attention to the things that he takes with him and whether he takes them all. If he took everything, then perhaps he has another woman and he has been with you for a long time.

When a man wants to retire and rethink his life, but he won’t take a lot of things with him, at most a package. If a rival appears, then the case will go to suitcases, but it’s not a fact that these same suitcases will not come back in a couple of weeks.

Remember that parting is not death, on the contrary, separation is possible just the revival of everything. Anyone can relax, rethink and make the right decision. Even if the break in relations was in a rival, it’s not a fact that in the role of a wife she will live up to your husband’s expectations and stay with him. Perhaps after that, he will stop looking at others altogether and will finally understand who you are and who she is, only without your comments.

Does it strengthen forced separation relationship?

An English proverb says that love grows stronger in separation. Writers and philosophers say and affirm the same truth that separation is only good for relationships.

Parting, lack of certain types of communication: the Internet, telephone and what we use in our age of technology is an assistant in determining your feelings for each other. If, after a long separation, your man or woman, without much communication, stayed with you, consider that your relationship has passed a good test and you have found a real companion or companion for life.

What are we still afraid of?

Why can we be so afraid of separation? Firstly, everything is very simple, we are afraid that our soulmate will switch to some other. And he will probably come back just to pick up his things. Should I be worried about the current situation? Think soberly ... You should not worry here, even though the situation is not entirely pleasant. Think about whether your companion loved and respected you and your feelings, that he so easily went over to another object, his or her feelings for you have gone for a long time and you just have to thank the person who spread his love nets in front of your companion. After all, the feeling was gone.

Second- you are so lost in your beloved that you no longer know what to do in his or her absence. And you remember what kind of person you were when you were not together, what you did, what you loved to do. Perhaps you studied some language, went to the gym, visited the pool, liked to read books, some kind of needlework, etc. there's a lot of work. Remember what exactly attracted you and occupy yourself with some favorite thing during the absence of your other half.

In what situations can a breakup be justified ...

....fatigue. Yes, you can be tired of each other. Some couples do not part for a long time at all, if they are somewhere, then only together, they spend all their time together, they never go anywhere alone. As a rule, such relationships are when you can’t get enough of each other and it seems that the world around you does not exist, there is only you and leads to general fatigue. There is nothing terrible in this, it’s just that you didn’t overdo it a lot and were too fed up with each other. Now is the time for you to give each other more freedom. On the weekend, do not plan to go somewhere together, you go for a walk with your friends, and he with his friends.

...... and suddenly the interests do not coincide. Yes, this happens even between spouses who have lived together for many years. What can you do if it's vacation time, you want to go to some resort, and your spouse wants to go kayaking. Yes, here interests may not coincide, you are adults and all the same, your interests may be different, so in such a situation everyone can relax separately, doing their favorite thing.

......and if duty calls. In a situation where separation is related to work, nothing can be done. Your husband works on a rotational basis, and you can be a flight attendant, or some kind of business trip, or sent for advanced training. Situations can be different when exactly on business you can leave for a while. There's nothing you can do, after all it's not forever.

What to do to make separation easier

• Nowadays, even during separation, you can be close. Cellular, Internet, Skype, all these means of communication will help you communicate with each other. Set some specific time in the evening when you will communicate via Skype, and in the morning agree to send SMS messages, so you will feel the closeness of your loved one.
• Even at a distance, make general plans. Discuss what you will do when you meet, where you will go, or maybe on the contrary you want to be only the two of you at home, or arrange some sort of a return party.
• Don't skimp on emotions. Be sure to say how much you miss each other, how much you love each other. Talk about your feelings as often as possible, this will also bring you closer.
• Never test each other. Annoying calls demanding a constant report. Where was? What did you do? etc. it will only annoy. You didn't like it if you were controlled like that. Control must be reasonable. At best, you will cause indignation with such suspicions, and the worst option will be in some wrong act, because you scold him anyway.