When a man left for his ex-wife. A loved one wants to return to his ex-wife. What to do? How to understand that a guy wants to return to his ex-wife

He writes poetry and reads it to friends. They listen, saddened by the rhymes “my yes is forever.” A man listens to Kurt Cobain, Ramstein and songs of the peoples of the Far North: love in every note. He knows he will conquer the world. Will swim across the ocean. He could strangle a bear or even a prickly cactus with his bare hands. He can do anything - as long as this woman is nearby. She is the alpha and omega, perfection of freckles, a beast with red curls. She agrees. Wedding. Life... Divorce. First, resentment towards the one with which it didn’t work out. Which from red curls and freckles turned into a snake and a bloodsucker. The man is strangled by anger and the desire for revenge if the snake has gone to someone else. Or his conscience torments him if he left.

Why do men return to their ex-wives after divorce?

Most men, when building a relationship with a woman, act empirically - by trial and error. If a woman is also inexperienced and does not yet have the ability to “smooth out rough edges,” such a union is irresistibly moving toward the end of its existence. When the number of errors reaches a critical level, the couple breaks up.

But, having lived alone and analyzed an unfulfilled relationship, the man comes to the conclusion that not everything is so bad. The love for the woman remains, and if he makes enough effort, the relationship can be restored. Psychologists believe that returning for this reason makes sense only if the other partner, in the time that has passed since the breakup, has also rethought his behavior and is ready to admit and continue to not make past mistakes.

A man loves his ex-wife and returned to her: what to do?

And it seems that if you, moth-eaten and beaten by life, return to a woman with freckles, you will find yourself where the seas were knee-deep, and everything else was shoulder-deep, and so on. After all, this woman is nearby again... The magic does not work. Because usually there is nowhere to return: for you, she is an ex.

But for another guy it’s active and real. Like for the first time Probably, there are such specimens who get married in the state of Eugene Onegin, when they are already tired of the bustle of society. These tired lions went on vacation to the islands, saw an abundance of women, cradled illegitimate babies, and stole girls from their father's house. That is, they didn’t come to the registry office, but they crawled. Being aware of what kind of mission lies ahead.
I repeat, there are not many of them. For a whole army of men, everything turned out differently. It was only with my wife that I went on honeymoon for the first time - and there, in Turkey, I realized the injustice of the saying “it’s good where we are not.”

Do ex-husbands return to their wives after divorce?

Important

Opinion of mistresses Girls who broke up their family and attracted their loved one to themselves do not think that he will leave if he is not surrounded by comfort. The main reason why men return to their ex-wives, mistresses say, is the lack of emotional connection and common habits. Any representative of the stronger sex, while living with his family, gets used to a certain state of affairs.

For example, it goes without saying that his wife fries him pancakes in the morning. He, of course, can do without them, but many have already formed a habit of this delicious breakfast. Or, walking down the street in a good mood, a man begins to sing loudly.

This confuses my mistress, but my ex-wife thought it was quite cute. From such little things, resentment and mutual misunderstandings begin to accumulate. Therefore, a mistress, thinking about the question of how often men return to their ex-wives, can give an accurate answer in 90% of cases.

The beloved returned to his ex-wife

And he also knows the tastes and habits of his former family, which in fact turn out to be not so bad and unbearable. But, in my opinion, there are not many such returns. We were raised very poorly. We were not taught to love not only our own freedom, but also the freedom of another person.
Having returned, the man will be forced for the rest of his life, as a rule, to listen to all his sins again and again in case of any mistake. And not everyone can endure this.

• They understand that nothing changes. With each new wife, a man's moral state gets worse and worse. The new wife still whistles with or without reason, and is still always dissatisfied with everything. Yes, and habit is not in last place, I’m used to the old one, the hand lies comfortably on all its roundness, but with the new one everything is somehow not familiar (the hand gets numb).

Can he return to his ex-wife?

With my wife, I studied the basics of the female psyche: deceit and love, mood swings, the rabid authority of her mother. In my first marriage, I plunged into fatherhood: greenery on my daughter’s native belly button, bellies and teeth, a gentle “dad” and unbearable sleepless nights. In general, a lot of different events and conflicting emotions.

Which cannot be forgotten because they are experienced for the first time. And for men this is priceless. We remember, to the point of gray hair, the first kiss with a counselor at camp, the first fall from a bicycle, the first car. And here is the thing - life with a woman. You won't be able to forget.

That’s why the desire to return comes - to refresh your perception. To repeat or “God forbid again” Now I can say for sure: each subsequent chosen one copies the first wife in some way, or even completely. There's nothing you can do if a man has the most desirable type in his head; you can't get him out of there even with an unsuccessful marriage.

Why do men return to their ex-wives?

It is this fact, in their opinion, that plays a decisive role in the question of why men return to their ex-wives. After 10 years, the habit of coming home and resting is developed. It’s hard to imagine that there won’t be a hot dinner, washed floors and clean linen waiting at home. But men face a harsh reality when they leave their family. Wives, of course, understand that their husbands will be able to fry dumplings or cook sausages on their own, that is, they will not die of hunger. But after the gastronomic delights that your beloved woman spoiled you with, you simply won’t want to eat dumplings.
No man in his right mind would leave his family and immediately begin to establish a life with his mistress. This is stupid, any person needs to take a break. And it is during this pause that the wives and their husbands think and decide to return to the family.

Why do men return to their first wives?

Especially if you wanted to get married once and for all. There is no need to say here that we should have thought earlier. Still, not all divorced men return to their exes.

And not everyone who is married for the first time is such a bad person. Sometimes you can't guess. Has the husband returned to his ex-wife? Think about it - do you need a person to whom your marriage is no longer important? Let's say he left, but you haven't divorced him yet. Or he doesn’t even demand a divorce, but simply went there to “live.”

Give him an ultimatum - divorce or return. Of course, if you need the latter after betrayal. Yes, it’s a big word, but that’s essentially what it is. That's when your loved one left for his ex-wife... The one you loved with all your heart. Without which it’s hard to breathe... Yes, it’s difficult mentally, yes, everything falls out of hand. But crying and begging for his return is the very last thing you should do. Not even that: something that absolutely cannot be done.

What to do if the man you love left for your ex?

Crises happen in everyone, even the happiest and strongest families. The question is who treats them how, and how they behave when they arise. Imagine a situation: several events happened in a man’s life that literally unsettled him (for example, difficulties in work and relationships with superiors, problems with relatives, road accidents, etc.).

A man cannot cope with the flow of problems that have piled up at once, considers his wife to be the culprit of all the troubles and leaves home, deciding to put the relationship on pause. After a while, having lived alone, the man realizes that he acted rashly, leaving his beloved family, and returns. According to psychologists, this is the most “harmless” option for leaving the family.

A man leaves his family because he wants to be alone and think about his relationship with a woman. Such a desire is natural for a person. No man is ready to give up good sex.

You can’t blame a woman; everyone copes with their emotional experiences in their own way. But when the grief subsides, the girl wants to return her husband, but how to do this?

• You need to give your husband time. It is this that will put everything in its place. There is no need to impose, constantly write and call.

  This will irritate the man and will definitely prolong his period of seclusion.

• Pay attention to yourself. Most often, men don’t just leave their families for nowhere, they go to their mistresses. And why? Because the rivals are more beautiful and younger. So, it's time to take care of your appearance. You can go to a cosmetologist who will remove wrinkles, to a dentist who will give you a stunning smile. And, of course, you should change your wardrobe and hairstyle.
• With the advent of children, a woman often withdraws into herself. Her world revolves around the child, which is quite natural.

A loved one wants to return to his ex-wife. What to do? It is generally accepted that in a love triangle the wife is good, the mistress is bad, and the man, of course, is a traitor. Not everything is so obvious in human relationships, especially in love. Sometimes the wife is a skilled manipulator, the husband is a caring father, the mistress is a normal woman starting a family.

A loved one wishes to return to his ex-wife

Consultation is needed not only for husbands and wives, but also for mistresses. Recently a girl came to me and described her situation like this:

“We dated for six months. His relationship with his wife has long been at an impasse. He says that they haven’t slept together for a long time, they fight all the time. He lived with her only for the sake of his son.

And when he met me, he couldn’t stand it anymore. And so, we are together, but I see that he yearns for the child. He began to compare me and my ex-wife - it turns out that my meat burns, just like hers.

In general, I'm afraid that he will return to his ex-wife. This fear is driving me crazy. How do you know if he can come back?”

Do men often return to their wives?

Let's agree that we are considering a very specific situation: a man leaves his wife and child for his mistress.

How often do husbands return to their exes? Of course, there are no official statistics. But observations show that if the reason for the breakup was precisely that a mistress appeared, then the likelihood of a return is very high. More than half of the men still return. Why is that? Here's why.

Why does a mistress ruin her wife's life?

There is already a catch in the very wording of the question. The mistress wants to know: “ Will your loved one return to his ex-wife?».

This question is not about her, but about a man and his ex-wife. It makes no sense for a mistress to interfere in the relationship between these two, and it won’t work. The bond between a man and his ex-wife is as strong as between a brother and sister, a parent and a child. This connection is called family. Even if a husband and wife have not actually shared a bed for a long time, they are connected by a common past, common traditions, common children, pictures of a common future (even if it has not come true).

The mistress often thinks: “ I love HIM so much that I could destroy his relationship with his wife.”

Ah, this feminine categoricalness! Don't overestimate yourself. Anyone who has read my articles already knows about the Family System. This is an emotional and psychological connection between members of the same family. Such a connection, a chain, cannot be felt with your hands, but it exists, moreover, it dictates its own rules to the family. For example, she really wants to live and does not allow herself to be easily destroyed.

It is naive to believe that the intervention of a third party in the relationship between two spouses will destroy a long-term emotional connection. The relationship between husband and wife will become terrible, difficult, destructive. But the connection will remain. Even though it will be unbearable for everyone.

It turns out that the mistress is truly a destroyer. This is exactly the case when you cannot build your happiness on someone else’s misfortune. And we must understand that by creating trouble for the legitimate wife, the mistress causes pain to her beloved.

However, the mistress’s goal is not to “make her feel bad,” but to make herself feel good. Therefore, we must not destroy someone else’s life, but build our own.

How should a mistress behave if a man wants to get back with his ex?

“Will a man return to his ex-wife” is an incorrect question. It and the further task need to be formulated differently.

« Will my loved one stay with me?»

The mistress does not want her husband to leave his wife. She wants to be happy herself with her lover. She wants him to be with her. Do you feel the difference?

A husband can leave his wife for one mistress and meet another mistress. Or fail to start a family with your mistress and end up alone. There are options.

I warn all women - do not wish that the man does not return to his ex. Want him to stay with you. Based on the goal, you will build your life: behavior, thoughts, actions, feelings.

Let me give you an example.

Would you say it's all the same? But no. Everything changes, from mental balance to specific actions.

The most important thing is that new family connections are formed. It’s one thing to leave for your mistress, another thing to create a new family, with new traditions and relationships.

How is a mistress different from a wife?

Let's return to social stereotypes.

“It’s easy with a mistress, but it’s difficult with a wife. If I am a mistress and want to keep a man, then it should always be easy with me. Otherwise, he will feel that he has exchanged an awl for soap.”

Is a mistress an eternal holiday? Yes, please, if a man is an eternal guest.

But a man leaving his wife for his mistress is a sign that he no longer wants to be a guest, he has decided to become a master. Then the role of the mistress changes. She becomes the mistress, the owner's mate. Let not a wife, but already more than just a passion.

Is the lover herself ready for a role change? Not always. Therefore, she is very surprised when romance suddenly disappears from a relationship. Master and mistress are new rules, a new type of love. When accepting a man who has left his wife, you need to be prepared for the fact that difficulties are just beginning.

I’ll tell you, based on practice, it often happens that a husband leaving for his mistress is a huge relief for the wife. She's just ashamed to admit it.

Husbands, wives, and mistresses come to me. I am not a judge to decide who is right and who is wrong. Everyone in this triangle suffers, and everyone has the right to happiness.

When your boyfriend or man has an ex, you should always be on guard. With a high degree of probability we can say that she will try to get him back. This is especially true in the case of men who left the family, leaving their wife and children. Statistics say that if a woman is not satisfied with her personal life in this case, then she will try to return her husband in a year, and in five years, and in 10. That is why you should never relax. We need to strengthen our positions in these relations. But you should have thought about this earlier, now your loved one has left for his ex, and you don’t understand at all why he did it. I don’t think your chosen one wanted to annoy you. Most likely, his ex behaved very cunningly and wisely.

But now it’s important for you to know that there is a counteraction that will help you get your loved one back. Of course there is. But you have to be very careful. Usually, women and girls who find themselves in a similar situation try to denigrate their ex, create scandals, call the man at home, and threaten him. If you do all this, you will make yourself look worse. And you need to behave in such a way that your man understands that you are much better than the woman to whom he returned. Even if you flared up during a breakup, or desperately tried to persuade a man not to leave you, now is the time to fix everything. On occasion, tell him that you accept his decision to return, if there - in that relationship - he is better, then you are immensely happy for him. Don't show your suffering and tears. Let go in peace.

This does not mean at all that you are letting your chosen one go, but let him think so. There is also a point, or rather a mistake, that many women make in such situations, both young and inexperienced women and quite mature women. After the man leaves, they agree to a relationship with him, they agree to do anything to keep the man close to him, and this is great stupidity. A man should always be forced to make a choice, but without forcing him to make this choice. Of course he's comfortable. He returned to his wife or ex-girlfriend, not so important, but he kept you. He receives everything you give him without suffering at all. It’s easier for a man, it seems to him that he tried to be good in front of everyone. A loving woman is waiting for him at home, and when scandals or misunderstandings arise there, he calmly goes to you, receives warmth, love and care from you.

Well settled, that's what you can say about such a man. Why do you need this? Such relationships have no prospects. If a man does not lose you, then he has no need to return to you completely and completely. He will not do anything, living a double life. That is why you should not agree to this. Break all ties, do not communicate, do not meet or even correspond with a man. This is the only way you can get it for yourself entirely. He must understand that in pursuit of the past, he lost you. There he still had all the same problems that he had - an eternally dissatisfied woman, miserable sex, scandals, lack of common interests. It was different with you, but if he chooses her, he is left without you. In such a situation, a man thinks. If you are proud, he understands that you will not become a reserve parachute or his consolation for a while. Then the man begins to act. But you can also take very effective actions at this time that will help you get him back sooner.

So, let's summarize why he left for his ex and what to do in such a situation?

1. Don't create scandals and hysterics. Don't try to badmouth his ex. Show him that you are much better than the woman he returned to and are not going to intrigue.
2. Let him go in peace. Tell him that you accept his decision to return to his ex. Let him think that you are letting him go.
3. Don't let him lead a double life. And don’t agree to everything just to get him back. Such relationships have no prospects. Don't be a backup parachute.
4. Cut all ties. Try not to even communicate with him. He must understand that in pursuit of the past he lost you. This is the only way you can get him back.