How to develop during maternity leave. How to continue to develop while on maternity leave? So what can a mother learn in the “I” sphere?

What to do on maternity leave? The main problem of a woman sitting at home on maternity leave, or just a housewife, is that she stops developing. Of course, there are a lot of activities - you won’t get bored with the baby, but the range of her activities is limited. Kitchen, laundry, cleaning, walking, feeding... She's trying. And her interests correspond to them: pots/pots/toys. Every day the same thing!

The result is a sad picture - she has a bad mood, a feeling of “tiredness” and “hopelessness” of such a life... And - she becomes uninteresting to her husband, cannot give anything to the children except care, sometimes she even stops taking care of herself and the order in the house - For what? Why put things in order that will only last 10 minutes?

The worst thing is that she is wasting years of HER life, practically stopping in personal self-development. Of course, there is an excuse that this is a “sacrifice for the sake of the children (child),” but... Are you sure that they need such a sacrifice? The atmosphere is very important for a child; he absorbs and assimilates our mood and attitude towards life.

What is he learning? — Complaints about how, feeling tired? How does he feel, knowing that he is the killer of his mother’s life, the cause of her bad mood?

Psychologists and teachers unanimously say: There is no need for sacrifices! They don't make anyone feel good. And the only way out in this situation is to take care of yourself, developing your personality. Paradoxical as it may seem, only if you are happy yourself can you make others happy, and not vice versa!

What is needed for happiness? Much is needed, and everything is within us. In particular, you need hobbies and achievements. Grow and develop with your child. is the source of joy in life, the basis of self-esteem and healthy relationships with your husband and children. So how do you do this? Here are a few options for what you can do at home while on maternity leave so as not to degenerate:

What to do on maternity leave for personal self-development?

• read books. And not romance novels or detective stories by D. Dontsova, but pedagogy, self-motivation... While on maternity leave, you can get a whole education! And also deal with many of your problems, improve your life and relationships with loved ones. Yes, I know - there is no time to read, there is nowhere to take books... But this problem can be solved - most books can be found and listened to in audio version while you cook, clean up, or walk with your child. Pleasant and useful:) We buy a simple MP3 player (costs less than 1000 rubles now in any communication store), search on the Internet and download books, record them on the player - and enjoy. Just don't forget about your loved ones. To prevent them from feeling like they can’t reach you, don’t use your headphones all day.
• Start learning something new- from some kind of handicraft to special computer programs. This is, firstly, personal growth, and secondly, perhaps a new interesting profession and the possibility of additional income, which is also important. Or understand the computer itself - you can solve problems yourself and help others. You can find video tutorials in a variety of areas on the Internet.
• Learn. You can get a real higher education without leaving home. Nowadays, a system of distance learning is actively developing - via the Internet.
• Group classes. If possible, sign up for a club, studio, dance or aerobics class. And you will take a break from the child, so that later you can bestow your love on him with renewed vigor. And there will be live communication, not virtual, with other women who are not familiar and not burdened with “pots”. And creative growth (or tightening up) and achievements. Try to find someone to take care of the child. Ideally, a similar girlfriend. Today she sits with your child, tomorrow you sit with hers. And the benefit will be mutual.
• Optimize your farm. You can even approach housekeeping with enthusiasm and creativity - give yourself a “course of the ideal housewife”, for example, by mastering the FlyLady system in practice. This will take more than one month. And there will be beauty at home, and the “hopelessness” will disappear as if by hand, and you will change. But don’t get too carried away - remember that life consists of more than just their household!
• Hobbies for the soul. If you have a hobby (perhaps long forgotten), share it with others, gather like-minded people around you. And organize at least a website on the Internet. There is so much to learn along the way that you will feel like you are growing literally every day.
• In principle, you can even work from home, i.e. earn money and grow professionally, respectively. If you manage to master one of the types, for example, then you will feel much more confident and calmer psychologically - a feeling of complete dependence on your husband and yourself just a housewife does not promote family harmony.
• Personal care. Of course, you shouldn’t forget about your beauty. Take yourself seriously. Take care of your skin, hair, figure, wardrobe... Courses of home treatments or salon treatments - it doesn’t matter. This is not directly related to the development of the Personality, but nevertheless, “a healthy body means a healthy mind” :) When we begin to like ourselves, not only our mood changes, but our attitude as a whole. We see those around us and all our problems with completely different eyes; we have a sense of perspective, and an optimistic one at that. Without such an attitude, we will have neither the strength nor the motivation for active self-development.

We see that there are many options for what you can do while on maternity leave without stopping in your personal self-development. You can supplement it yourself, if you just change your outlook on your life a little and believe that it is not at all necessary to give up on yourself if you are on maternity leave, and just be a “good mother and wife.” No matter what the preachers say, a purely female role is not enough for a person to be happy. We have both intelligence and abilities, and if we suppress them in ourselves, then we will not see happiness... Allow yourself to live life to the fullest and be happy!

© Nadezhda Dyachenko

Alena Popova, consultant for mothers on family time management and organizing everyday life with a child.

Often mothers come to me with the question of what they should do on maternity leave, in fact, besides caring for the child.

My deep conviction is that if you have already become a mother (I hope, consciously), then you need to accept that your child will need you for some time, and he will take a lot of your attention. If you have the opportunity to relax in terms of work, not constantly think about the need for money, but completely leave this issue in the hands of your husband, then I would recommend paying attention to the “I” and “Family” areas.

How can you develop in these areas?

With a small child, we often forget about ourselves, but in vain! The man we love looks at us, every day! Are you sure he likes the picture as it is? We are an example for children (girls copy us, boys write down how a woman should look and behave (after all, we are the projection of their future wives), and it’s just nice for yourself if your teeth are brushed and your hair is well-groomed.

So what can a mother learn in the area of ​​“I”?

1. Hair care. We often just tie our ponytail or make a bun and completely forget to comb our hair, or even wash our hair on time. And you can’t do this AT ALL! For example, due to inexperience, after pregnancy I lost half of my luxurious hair; I had “no time” to care for it. There is a lot of advice on the Internet, but little is put together. I can confidently recommend online marathons for mothers from a master of his craft Yulia Guznova. She tells and shows everything so simply that it’s hard not to understand what exactly needs to be done. Julia helps you sort through and select the right tool for care, tells you such banal things as washing your hair (how many people, it turns out, wash their hair incorrectly!), shows in the video how to do your own hair (and this is very important, because ... the position of your hands when you do something on someone’s head and yourself is completely different).
2. Skin care. Do you know how to properly care for your face? What is fezbuilding, face fitness, dzogan or renaissance self-massage, and other techniques for tightening facial muscles? Again, there is a lot of stuff on the Internet. And if you have someone to recommend, write in the comments. I personally received training in Dzogan self-massage from Olga Batalova. As for the selection of cosmetics, I am more inclined to believe that this should be done by an experienced cosmetologist, taking into account all the features of your skin. And then everything is in your hands - skin care in the morning and evening is a must have, plus masks once a week, plus massage courses and for maintenance.
3. Makeup. Here it is important to take a few lessons for yourself and learn how to do makeup taking into account your personal characteristics. Plus find out trends and newfangled names. However, this is not enough! Once every 2-3 years it is better to take an additional lesson, because... Everything in our world is changing rapidly, and your knowledge may be outdated. I know that he teaches such lessons Antonina Manzhos-Krushevskaya. But you can look for other makeup schools.
4. Wardrobe. It can be different - suitable and not so suitable. First, you need to determine your appearance color type in order to understand “whether a new terracotta blouse suits you.” Are you “cold” or “warm”? What about “autumn” or “winter”? Or another time of year? Don't have a clue? Then you need to see a stylist. For example, Olga Bublikova. I also highly recommend the image maker Natalie Rossi. Look for other recommendations, ask friends and acquaintances. A professional stylist will help you determine your color type, figure structure, teach you how to choose the right things that will hide imperfections, and tell you about trends and tendencies.
5. Female sexuality. What is your relationship like with your husband? Which ones do you want? What about sex? A very intimate topic. Very delicate. Of course, you can listen to those who broadcast to hundreds of girls and conduct trainings. But I personally prefer softer work - individual or in a small group. You can talk to a sexologist about women's health Alexandra Tambovtseva, about working with intimate muscles and imbuilding with Svetlana Grabovoy, about female sexuality and its psychological aspects - with psychologists Anna Vershebenyuk And Natalia Litvin(by the way, these psychologists can also tell you a lot about teenage sexuality and sex education for children).
6. Creation. Here! You can't go anywhere without him! It gives a state of flow. It gives inspiration! It gives a breath of freshness, distracts, freezes all our grievances and anxieties for a while, and sometimes even helps them come out. Have you never had a hobby? Or have you forgotten what it looks like? Origami, candle making, soap making, decoupage, scrapbooking, glass painting, art practices... you can go on and on. There are so many interesting things in the world! Get into the habit of going to a new master class once a month. Try out this or that type of activity. Listen to yourself, what does it give you - peace, inspiration, calm, inner fulfillment? And keep trying new things. For example, I am interested in floristry. For options that you can’t even imagine, go to the gift certificate website and see what’s there, choose what you want and buy it there or find an analogue on the Internet.
7. Finding a calling. One of the most pressing topics for mothers. During maternity leave, something extraordinary happens to us - we are reset. And there is a thirst for new knowledge, a desire to find ourselves, to understand why we came into this world. I'm not saying this happens to every woman, but it certainly happens to many. And at this point you can start looking. The first, of course, as written above, is creativity to help you. It is there that different realizations can come. But there are also various courses and trainings. Works with the vocation theme Tatyana Larina. I even took her course - a lot of soul-searching and awareness. And if you want personal coaching in this matter, contact Natalia Korbut.
8. Planning. Of course, “it’s good to study when you have time,” you say. But a young mother always has no time... I'll bet. Sometimes we feel sorry for ourselves a lot. We weren't taught to plan. And that’s why you need to take everything into your own hands! First, read books by Svetlana Goncharova, Gleb Arkhangelsky, or just articles on time management on the Internet. Select one planning option and try to implement it. Did not work out? No question, there are many options - take the second, third... See what suits you! Develop YOUR system, take suitable elements from proven systems, and create your own. I am for this approach. In my consultations, I always use one of my own systems, but I always take into account the mother’s environment, the schedule of all family members, and we develop a new, unique strategy for her personally.

Well, okay, where to start working on yourself - we’ve decided. What can you learn in the “Family” sphere? I hope I don’t disappoint if I say here too - it’s all about you. By changing yourself, you will make changes in your loved ones. But only through your actions and deeds, without forcing them, but by showing everything by personal example.

What can a mother learn in the Family area?

1. The first thing that comes to mind is communication with family. How to understand loved ones, how to understand a child, with whom mom is 24 hours a day? What physiological processes are going on in him now, and what psychological ones? I highly recommend this course for parents. Svetlana Roiz. “Heal” yourself, understand your child and husband, but again, “heal” yourself comes first, because we all “come from childhood” and look at our loved ones through the prism of our worldview.
2. Organization of everyday life. This is also an important part of our life. Some people cannot live in a mess, some want creative chaos, and some are completely perfectionists. This, of course, is about working with yourself, but the result is important for the whole family. Therefore, this item is in the “family” area. What can I recommend? The flylady system, its version adapted for mothers - flymama from Sveta Goncharova, project Orgledy from Victoria Kiriyenko. And, of course, Marie Kondo’s book “The Magic of Tidying Up” is another option for organizing your everyday life. Here again I urge you to treat each system without fanaticism, to take only what is close to you and fits into your system of the universe.
3. Maintaining a family budget. A very important science for mom. How is your family's budget organized? Your husband earns money, and you ask him? Do you both earn the same amount, but each has their own “pot”? Or does all the money go into a common pot? Do you each have your own “stash” then? In general, what is the correct way - joint or separate, with or without nest eggs - to spend your husband's salary on family expenses, and your money only on yourself? There are many options. Again, we are all unique and create our own unique families. But the basics of finance are still the same. And money has laws. And it is important to distinguish between the concepts of “financial independence” and “financial freedom”. Financial experts will help you sort out your finances. For example,

Most women fear maternity leave more than the birth itself. And all because it is almost impossible to meet a mother who would enjoy her legal right to sit at home and not rush anywhere. More often you hear something like this about maternity leave: I’m going crazy, I wish it would all end soon. Practicing psychologist, author of a bestseller about pregnancy and preparation for childbirth Tatyana Aptulaeva I am sure that this time can be spent with benefit for yourself. How to do this, she told AiF.ru

Sudden downshift

Oksana Morozova, AiF.ru: Tatyana, one of the quite popular queries on the Internet is “how not to go crazy while on maternity leave.” Why do many women perceive maternity leave as a kind of test - are they terribly afraid of it?

Tatyana Aptulaeva: It’s really possible to go crazy while on maternity leave. Imagine, you lived, lived an ordinary life with work, career, discos and karaoke, and then bam! You have a child. That's it, no more karaoke bars. I am, of course, greatly exaggerating this. The loss of your former freedom when you did what you wanted ends in an instant, and you are completely subject to the baby's schedule.

— So, is there a real reason for concern, or is the maternity leave not as scary as it is made out to be?

- You never know what you can do till you try. A future with many unknown conditions when you give birth for the first time is scary. But when a baby, your closest person, is in your arms for the first time, all fears recede, most of them. You start living in real time. Here and now. Solve all pressing problems, of which there are dozens every day. That's all. This is the law of nature. But if you continue to be tormented by some specific fears, discuss them with your loved ones. The support of our husbands and friends is often enough to cope with the situation. Is your inner circle not helping? Then go for a consultation with a good psychologist. Excessive fears interfere with enjoying motherhood and become a fly in the ointment.

— What are the most common myths about maternity leave you have heard?

— The myth of lost time. He comes first. Because we live in the grip of another myth. Its name is “success”. And it assumes a life in which events change with the same breakneck speed as in the action films about James Bond and Charlie's Agents. And, of course, there is a hidden, often unconscious duty - to demonstrate to the whole world the external indicators of our achievements. More money. Higher position. Cooler car. A deck of certificates of completion of various training courses. And so on ad infinitum. And maternity leave is such a sudden downshift. Once, and your speed is not fifth, but first. And the worst thing is that you cannot, as in that song, shout “Press on gaaaaz!” Because a woman with a baby in her arms is no longer James Bond or Agent Charlie. No matter how much she wanted it. But maternity leave is a different value system. The key word here is “values” - they exist and there are many of them.

Self-care

— Is it possible to get rid of the feeling of “Groundhog Day” during this period?

— Not a single mother in the world will get rid of “Groundhog Day” if she herself takes care of the baby. Whatever one may say, you still repeat the same actions day after day. Let's list: 5-6 times - changing diapers; 5-6 times - feeding (first by breast, then with complementary foods); every evening - swimming before bed; every day is a walk. Now let's multiply this by the number of days in the week, and then by the months of the year. The numbers are impressive. Add to this the usual household chores - preparing food for three times a day for an adult, washing, cleaning, washing dishes. And all this life is in a state of “and the scent is like a dog, and the look is like an eagle.” The mother of an infant is always in the combat stance of a border guard who is on duty day after day, but at the same time his normal state is increased vigilance.

All these child care actions become automatic, because the human psyche cannot withstand monotony and monotony for a long time. And then it’s not far from depression and indifference to one’s own life. Fatigue still accumulates. First, physiological—restoration of the body after childbirth, from lack of sleep, torn sleep, double workload and responsibility, and generally mastering one’s new role as a mother. And then the psychological is added to it. But you cannot help but repeat these actions, because your child’s well-being directly depends on them; you satisfy the most basic needs in his life.

- In that case, what should we do?

— In order for fatigue not to lead you to depression and the feeling of automatism that enhances “Groundhog Day,” you need to reduce it as much as possible at the physiological level. First, you reduce the feeling of fatigue in the simplest possible ways (sleep, daily walks, proper nutrition). Secondly, you are planning new events that will always bring a fresh emotional current into your life, and not into the lives of others. You need to feed yourself with positive emotions. It can be simple but constant pleasures - meeting with friends. But a more reliable way, in my opinion, is to invest in your personal development. Anything. New foreign language. Culinary arts courses. Landscape design. Garden beds at your dacha. I’ll explain why: by engaging in self-development, you change internally and ensure movement not externally, but internally. A new hairstyle will no longer be fresh, clothes will wear out, meetings with friends will end, and the results of your development will remain with you forever. Do you understand the difference? This returns your self-esteem to its previous normal state. And you will no longer feel like an appendage to a child, a milk production plant, etc. It is important.

When you are forced to repeat many monotonous, monotonous actions every day in your external life, it is especially important for you to change internally, to give yourself growth as an individual and a person. The result depends on the repetition of your monotonous actions - your child grows up healthy and happy. But you also need to take care of yourself. If you are not full of energy and emotional fulfillment, how can you give your love and care to your child? With what feelings?

“And yet most women on maternity leave live differently. How to properly organize your day to get everything done? Does it make sense to create a daily routine and stick to it strictly?

— It all depends on the type of mother. If a woman is initially an excellent manager, an organized person, then a child in her arms changes little. Such women quickly turn into a classic multi-armed mother-goddess and do five things at once. But if you live more by inspiration (I, for example, am one of those people), then it is especially important to maintain excellent tone - both physical and psychological; maintain a good mood, have at least one great source of inspiration. Or a bunch of small ones. For “attitude” mothers, it makes no sense to plan everything and manage to do it at all costs, because this does not relate to their internal structure and value system. Rigid planning won't work anyway. We didn’t do it today, we’ll make it tomorrow. Life quickly determines priorities. They will give up on makeup first of all. All life is subordinated to one thing - the well-being of the child. Therefore, it is important to get to the clinic in time, and put the soup into the slow cooker, pour vegetables into it with the magic words “cook a pot” and all other household tricks are quickly mastered: we talked with other mothers, read the necessary articles and books on child care - and learned a lot . Experience quickly teaches that you can accomplish a lot with your child. And go to the store, and do the cleaning, and cook soup, and do gymnastics on the playground while the child is sleeping, and listen to music on headphones while you push the stroller in the park.

Immerse yourself in motherhood

— What mistakes do women usually make on maternity leave?

— Perfectionism. You don't have to become a perfect mom. Try to do everything with an A+. Stay in personal development.

— How to get rid of the ideal mother complex?

- Love yourself. Maternity leave is a great time to live a slower life, absolutely rightfully so. And perhaps you even have to if you want your child to feel good, because high speeds, frequent changes of impressions, communication with a large number of people - all this is not for a baby. He gradually discovers the world for himself, quickly gets tired of various kinds of stimuli - noise, bright light, flashing faces, the cacophony of a big city.

— How to find time for self-care?

- Taking care of yourself is not as difficult as it seems. In the first months or six months, the main self-care is the simplest things. The first is sleep. It must be picked up at every opportunity. If you can't sleep, just lie down next to your child to reduce nervous tension and give your body rest. The second is a complete healthy diet. Three times a day plus a couple of snacks. The third is physical movement for pleasure. And these are daily walks and fitness. All. No frills. I don't remember my difficulties with self-care. We asked our relatives or husband to sit with the child in the evening and went to take a bath. The child fell asleep during the day - make yourself a face mask, apply compresses for the eyes and lie down nicely for 2 minutes. Most self-care routines do not require much time. Another thing is physical tone and the problem of excess weight. In most cases, it is not a question of how to find time, but of how to deal with the excessive anxiety that makes us eat too much. But that is another topic.

— The standard problem that many women talk about when maternity leave is coming to an end is “I forgot how to work, my head is not thinking at all,” etc. Is it possible to avoid such consequences and how?

— If you were engaged in self-development during maternity leave, you will not have such a feeling. This is the best prevention of such consequences. It's important to keep your brain sharp. And if you return to your previous place of work, most often this anxiety quickly passes in the first week, maximum two, as soon as you join the flow.

— Some women literally disappear from life for several years after the birth of a baby. Is it correct?

— My life on maternity leave is a vivid example of such a loss of several years. But purely external. I plunged into motherhood, giving up active activities in the sense of office work or a career. She left the city. I met a lot of misunderstanding. But my life was busier than ever. If you want, this period can renew your life in a very powerful way. Reconsider your relationship with yourself, other people, and your work. During this time I improved my English. I wrote a new book. Some people left my social circle, others came. I was engaged in improving my qualifications as a psychologist, undergoing personal therapy every week. And in order to become a qualified psychologist, you need to sit very well in the client’s chair. Without analyzing your own questions, pain points, without meeting your own “sins” with your own eyes, you cannot help and understand other people who turn to you for help. Maternity leave time is a crisis. Indeed, you can fall out for several years - the question is how you do it. The artist Surikov once went to Krasnoyarsk for five years - he had his own crisis period. And he returned to Moscow with his most famous painting, “Boyarina Morozova.” Now it hangs in the Tretyakov Gallery. Don't be afraid to take a few years off if you see value in it.

I'm tired

— How to involve relatives and husband in child care if they are not very eager to help?

— Press the “on” button (smiles). And let's start with what kind of help a woman wants. Physical - loading the washing machine, carrying a child, walking him in a stroller, giving him a bath. Material - allocate money in the family budget for a nanny or cleaner to ease your household worries. Finally, there is the emotional one - supporting you, responding to your feelings, holding your tears and hugging you at the end of the day, and not just demanding that you religiously perform all your housewife duties and throw plates of fresh dinner on the table. It is very important not to feel alone in caring for your child. And therefore, if the husband is immersed in his career and brings money into the house, and you are at home, then the ideal time when he can have quality communication with the child is Saturday, afternoon or Sunday - when he comes to his senses after a week of work. If you have a partnership and you earn approximately the same amount, then it is important to distribute responsibilities equally. And the third case, the most difficult. If the husband is like a child himself. Usually such a man demands to be looked after and looked after. Moreover, he competes with the child for your attention, asks to be fed, washed, and ironed on time. Then you will have to educate and nurture him yourself, returning to him the responsibility for being a parent. But this will take time, we need to give him six months for sure. And most importantly, learn to ask for it. No complaints, insults or scandals. And as an adult, for example: “I really need your help. I'm tired and want to rest on Saturday. Could you help me and take the baby for a walk during the day while I take a bath? I will be very grateful to you, my dear.” That is, you directly contact him, inform him about your condition, indicate a time several days in advance and say what exactly he can do. That's it, usually this is enough for a normal person to respond to your request. Try it.

As for relatives, they are actually not obligated to help you, no matter how sad it may sound. If you want them to want it, it is your job to make them love the child and want to spend time with him.

— How to get rid of the feeling of guilt that you left your child with dad, nanny or grandmother?

- It is impossible to get rid of a single such experience - feelings of guilt, resentment, accusation, envy - just like that. If your mother experiences it every time you break up, most likely it’s about herself. This may relate to her own history. For example, as a child, her child was often and for long periods separated from her mother, left alone or with strangers. And it is also important to pay attention to whether the mother is openly or secretly condemned by her relatives. If they say “you only think about yourself, but you don’t care about the child,” or simply silently, but with all their appearance demonstrating that she is a bad mother, then in this case it is very difficult not to feel guilty. Many mothers, especially at the beginning, succumb to this accusation. It’s difficult to resist this, so you need to deal with your weak points: dependence on other people’s opinions, low self-esteem, a tendency to self-blame...

— For most articles that talk about the fact that maternity leave can actually be spent profitably, you can find hundreds of negative comments: “apparently the author does not have children,” “all this is fantasy,” “you can’t relax on maternity leave,” etc. For this article, they will probably be there too, because your view of this period in a woman’s life is not as pessimistic as many...

- First of all, I have a child. Secondly, everyone goes their own way. Here I will say briefly: the feeling of a dead end does occur to every person from time to time. And not only during maternity leave, but at any other time of big changes in life. And at the same time, everyone has the resources to change the situation and accept it with all its hidden possibilities. Just a huge feeling of fatigue, panic, severe anxiety or the lack of banal support from at least one person in life does not always allow us to see the possibilities of maternity leave. But when there is nothing, you just need to calm down and remember your dream.

Maternity leave is a good reason to engage in self-improvement. Even after childbirth, when all your energy and time are spent caring for the child, you can find an opportunity to engage in personal growth. If this is not done, then after a while, full of anxiety and worries, mothers realize that they have quietly degenerated and now, apart from everyday life and caring for the child, they have nothing to talk about.

Benefits of Self Development

Improving, a woman:

• gains self-confidence;
• takes a break from everyday life and worries;
• self-expresses and self-realizes;
• remains interesting to herself and her environment;
• maintains its competitiveness;
• feels happy.

Where to start

Sometimes a woman only feels the need for self-improvement, but does not know what to change. In this case, it’s good to find a quiet and peaceful place, relax and, taking a pen and paper, honestly answer the questions: What would you like to change about yourself? What qualities to develop? What would you like to become in the end? Remember what you dreamed of as a child.

It is best to keep a notebook in which a rough plan for self-development is written down. This will help you properly distribute your free time, track your results, and eliminate false goals.

It’s best not to start everything at once; you’ll quickly lose motivation. Self-development is not a race or a competition; it requires a reasonable approach and the correct arrangement of available opportunities.

What qualities can be developed during maternity leave?

When the approximate plan is ready, all that remains is to choose what is suitable for maternity leave. Eg:

• Engage in the development of the intellectual sphere. Read and listen to audio books and articles, watch educational and documentaries, programs and videos, play educational games, learn new skills, communicate with professionals in the field you want to master, study or improve foreign languages.
• Take care of your appearance and health. Take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, give up bad habits, take up a sport or dance that interests you.
• Engage in spiritual development and self-knowledge. Take online trainings, watch videos on the Internet on an exciting topic, do yoga, meditation.
• Engage in the development of professional skills. Monitor innovations on the Internet, improve or learn new skills, get a new profession.

Self-development is of great importance in the life of any person, especially for a mother on maternity leave, because she is “tied” to the child and everyday life. By developing, a woman gets the opportunity to live a full life, remain happy, and not experience the feeling of being “trapped.” This means he can create a favorable climate in his family.

Hello, dear readers! I have always been surprised by the myth that after the birth of a child, only diapers and endless feedings await a young mother. That there will be nothing in life now except a baby.

In my experience, it's just the opposite. Self-development is easiest when on maternity leave. Of course, you need to adapt everything to your baby. But opportunities can almost always be found. There would be a desire!

our history

Four years ago, when our eldest daughter was only a couple of months old, I went to Olga Valyaeva’s marathon. At this time, I just started reading Olga’s books and articles, I just started studying Vedic philosophy. Oh, has it really been four whole years?!

This began a series of online trainings, books on psychology, various programs and marathons. I probably won’t even be able to remember all the programs I took! Probably the most useful program was Gennady Pavlenko on finding his calling. After it, I decided to start running my own website.

At the moment, my daughter is 4 years old, my son is almost 2 years old. And now I caught myself thinking that I am participating in three educational projects at the same time... Plus my own website, on which I occasionally write something.

Of course, these projects don't take that much time. First - " School of Women's Happiness", where I started training in the second circle, since it is a very powerful and useful program, and it’s also free. The second project is related to the characteristics of our son. The third is dedicated to spiritual practice.

A lot can be done in between, during the day. For example, monitor your reactions to conflict situations. Monitor your reactions to your husband’s requests and learn obedience. Take care of yourself. And so on.

Of course, the main thing in my life is children. But in the second and third plane there are still many different interests... Therefore, I believe that maternity leave in no way makes a woman “stupid” and does not slow down her development. That's why I'm not going anywhere after maternity leave...

I understand that there are areas that are very difficult to implement with young children. For example, someone wants to dance professionally. Not at home on video. And go to training every day. Theoretically, this is also possible, if you don’t spare money on a nanny or attract grandmothers. Some people dream of a job that is only possible in an office. But you can work on yourself without any nannies. Learn new things, get to know yourself, discover new facets in yourself... You don’t have to be on maternity leave for this!

What can you learn at home with your baby?

There are activities for almost every taste:

• studying of foreign language;
• mastering handicrafts;
• revealing your feminine nature;
• pedagogy;
• blog development;
• any type of Internet business;
• some even manage to get a higher education and write a diploma;
• development of awareness and spiritual growth.

Impossible? Too difficult? I would agree if I didn’t know so many people who revealed themselves during maternity leave.

One began to sew clothes to order. The other makes and sells toys. The third is a trained psychologist and provides consultations via Skype. The fourth one became a stylist. The fifth is a photographer. The sixth one is preparing cakes...

These hobbies do not always bring millions in profit. But we’re not talking about money, but about self-development, self-discovery?

For me, the most valuable thing is not what I can sell. And how I change myself.

And now my problem is not that I have nothing to do while on maternity leave. And the fact is that it’s difficult for me to choose between hundreds of possibilities... That year I completed my studies under the “Parents University” program, which is supervised by Marina Targakova. This helped me better understand the principles of raising my children, and better learn humane pedagogy.

This year I am dreaming of a six-month intensive course at the Neufeld Institute. But I can’t give up other projects, so everything is put off until next time. I’m also thinking about getting a second higher education – pedagogical. But at the moment I don’t feel ready or confident.

How to combine with children?

All children are different. Our babies are not the type that sleep a lot and play independently. Our children have always needed a lot of attention.

I wrote a lot about our organization of everyday life. Here I will highlight only the main points:

• Do all household chores together with the children, and not during their sleep. In, with songs and dances, with a pogrom in the kitchen. At least somehow;
• know clearly what you need to do. For example, written practices... As soon as the baby falls asleep, I don’t waste time on tea or checking messages on social networks, but immediately get down to business;
• Many tasks can be done while the child is awake. Right now I’m writing this post from my phone, the baby is sleeping and hanging on my chest. When he wakes up, I will spend 10 minutes publishing this article;
• break everything down into small 5-10 minute blocks.

Finally

And now I want to emphasize this... The most important thing now is the children. Hobbies, projects, self-realization - all this is good in moderation. Unfortunately, I often see the other extreme - when the mother is absorbed in self-realization and has forgotten about the child.

If a woman needs her job so much, then why have children?

But having no hobby at all is also bad. This can make you tired and burn out. Therefore, I devote about an hour a day to my interests. Just an hour. But this gives me the opportunity to live a more interesting and rich life.

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