14.10.2023

What I managed to do before I was 32. Women's models of behavior during the crisis of their thirties. Joy is balance of mind

The crisis of 30 years has been overcome. The time has come to take stock and consider new perspectives. The desires for social recognition and a quiet family life come into harmony. 32 years is the age of self-acceptance. There is an acceptance of one's shortcomings, and therefore a realistic outlook on one's life and society develops.

Sometimes, after summing up life's results, a slight melancholy comes, caused by an understanding of one's age, comprehension of past opportunities, future prospects and social expectations. Sometimes, instead of melancholy, depression may arise after realizing what opportunities there were in youth, how many chances were missed, and how life could have changed.

Physiology of age

A person is considered fully formed and mature. Organs decrease functionality unevenly. From the age of 32, men experience a gradual decrease in hearing; they perceive high-pitched sounds worse. The perception of green color decreases.

Women may notice a network of capillaries on their face or legs. Thus, age-related vascular changes occur. Women are exposed to them earlier than men.

Age statistics

The population of the Russian Federation in this age period (30-34 years) is 10,442 thousand people. Of these, 5,175 thousand are men, 5,267 thousand are women.

Of the population of this age group, only 12.8% are employed in the Russian economy

You were born in 1987 or 1988

1987 - May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old West German citizen, landed on Red Square in Moscow.

The first experimental laser vision correction operation was performed. It was performed by Columbia University doctor Steven Trockel, who, in collaboration with other scientists, published several papers describing the benefits of an experimental laser for corneal tissue in surgery to correct myopia, hyperopia and astigmatism.

Yasser Arafat, leader of the PLO, recognized the existence of the State of Israel.

1989 - January 11. The Declaration prohibiting the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries.

March 27. A state of emergency has been declared in the United States after the Exxon Valdez tanker was damaged in Prince William Sound. As a result of this damage, approximately 64 million liters of oil leaked into the sea on March 24.

November 9. The East German government announced the opening of the border with West Germany. On November 10, East Germany began demolishing the Berlin Wall.

1990 — August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution imposing a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began.

November 22. The “Iron Lady” of world politics, Margaret Thatcher, Prime Minister of Great Britain, publicly announced her resignation.

December. A referendum was held in Croatia regarding secession from Yugoslavia. The overwhelming majority of citizens voted to leave. The formal disintegration of Yugoslavia began.

1991 - The 25th of January. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an environmental disaster.

December 8th. Representatives of Russia, Belarus and Ukraine sign an agreement on the Creation of a Commonwealth of Independent States, to which 5 more countries of the former Soviet Union join on December 21.

December 25th. USSR President Mikhail Gorbachev resigns. The USSR officially ceases to exist.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries, economic reform began, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls.

The beginning of the era of GSM communications. This year, Germany launched a GSM communication system, which was subsequently used as a prototype for many operators around the world.

The 4th of October. Government tanks are shooting at the White House in Moscow. As a result of the incident, 150 people die. The system of power in Russia has changed dramatically. This marked the beginning of the creation of a presidential-parliamentary republic.

12 December. Referendum on the adoption of the Constitution of the Russian Federation. 58.4% of citizens were in favor of adoption.

1994 - January 31. The first images from the Hubble Space Telescope, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development, were demonstrated.

the 6th of May. The Channel Tunnel, connecting England and France, was opened. The total length of the tunnel is 50 kilometers, 38 kilometers are laid under the sea itself.

December 11th. Fighting began in the Chechen Republic. The troops of the Russian Federation begin fighting. The fighting did not stop until an agreement was signed to end the war in Khasavyurt (until 08/30/1996).

The first book on CD appeared in the USA. By the end of the year, most encyclopedias had been created or translated into this format.

1995 - 20th of March. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested.

The first artificial liver was tested, performed by German surgeon Peter Neu Haus.

1996 - 4th of July. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia.

A test began to be used to detect AIDS. Proteins produced by the virus were detected in the blood, which made it possible to diagnose the disease at an early stage.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep.

4th of July. A rover designed to collect and analyze Martian soils has landed on the surface of Mars.

1998 — August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of the economic crisis. The country's government resigned.

September 24. The first transplant of a limb from a deceased patient to a living one took place. A hand and forearm were transplanted in the city of Lyon, France.

12 December. The first organ transplant to a child was performed in the United States. A three-year-old Florida boy received a heart, lung and liver transplant at a Pennsylvania hospital.

1999 - 1st of January. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro.

March 24. The first NATO air raid was carried out on Yugoslavia. The US invaded a sovereign state that was not threatened by a third party.

2000 - 26 March. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7.

A robotic developmental doll has been created in the USA. She knew how to talk, laugh, cry, blink, make grimaces. In the process of communicating with people, she increased her vocabulary and reached the development level of a two-year-old child.

The first medicinal products were created in Novosibirsk, the prefix “Bifido” was added to the usual name. They contain a liquid concentrate of bifidobacteria, which have a positive effect on the intestinal microflora, prevent the development of pathogenic microbes and nourish the body with B vitamins and vitamin K. Such products quickly gained popularity among buyers.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life.

11 September. The largest terrorist attack in world history was committed in the United States. As a result, the Pentagon was damaged, the Trade Center was destroyed, and human losses amounted to about three thousand people.

2002 - 1st of January. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy.

October. After 50 years, the restoration of the railway between North and South Korea began.

October 23. In Moscow, Russia, Chechen terrorists took hostages at the Nord-Ost theater center on Dubrovka. Three days later, on October 26, all the terrorists were killed during the assault by special forces. One of the hostages died from a bullet wound, the remaining 116 people died from exposure to the gas used during the assault.

2004 — Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power.

1st of May. The European Union has expanded its scope with the inclusion of ten new countries.

2005 - 5 January. Eris, the largest of the dwarf planets in our solar system, has been discovered.

2006 - March 29. The first total eclipse of the sun in the 21st century could be observed in Russia.

24 August. Scientists have stripped Pluto of its planetary status. This decision was made at the congress of the International Astronomy Union in Prague, Czech Republic.

2007 — Genetics have discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

November 4. Presidential elections took place in the United States. The first black president in the history of the state, Barack Obama, became the head of the state.

2009 — August 17. A disaster occurred at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - 18th of March. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused.

April 10th. A plane crash occurred over Smolensk, in which Lech Kaczynski, the President of Poland, his wife Maria Kaczynskaya, the high military command, Polish politicians, as well as religious and public figures (97 people in total) died.

The first living cell was created in which its own DNA was replaced with DNA created artificially. Humanity has received new tools for developing technologies for artificially growing organs.

2011 - 11th of March. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami arose, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing.

May 2. Osama bin Laden, the “No. 1” terrorist in the world, the leader of Al-Qaeda, who, in particular, is considered responsible for the September 11 terrorist attack, was killed.

September 7. An international charter flight crashed near Yaroslavl. On board the plane was the team of the Lokomotiv hockey club, which was flying to Minsk. 44 people died, one survived.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the PussyRiot group took place, three members of which were detained by the police.

December 1. Russia has headed the G20 (G20), a forum of representatives of countries with the most developed economies: Australia, Japan, Argentina, South Africa, Brazil, South Korea, Great Britain, France, Germany, Turkey, India, USA, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Mexico, Canada, China.

2013 - February, 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest celestial body that collided with the surface of the Earth after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured.

February, 15. Asteroid 2012 DA14 flew by at the minimum distance from planet Earth (27,000 km). This was the closest distance in the entire history of astronomy.

18th of March. Putin V.V. signed an agreement on the admission of the Crimean Peninsula and Sevastopol to Russia. This agreement comes into force from the moment of ratification by the Federal Assembly - March 21.

2015 - Jan. 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

Psychology of age

There is an acceptance of one's shortcomings, and therefore a realistic outlook on one's life and society develops.

Physiology of age

Women may notice a network of capillaries on their face or legs. Thus, age-related vascular changes occur. Women are exposed to them earlier than men.

Age statistics

The population of the Russian Federation in this age period (30-34 years) is thousands of people. Of these, 5,175 thousand are men, 5,267 thousand are women.

Of the population of this age group, only 12.8% are employed in the Russian economy

You were born in 1985 or 1986

1985 - May 16. The beginning of the anti-alcohol campaign in the USSR by decree of the Prisidium of the Supreme Council “on strengthening the fight against drunkenness.”

1986 - February 20. The first manned research orbital station, Mir-1, launched by the USSR, began operating. She operated until March 23, 2001, when she was disabled and sunk in the Pacific Ocean.

1987 - May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old West German citizen, landed on Red Square in Moscow.

1989 - January 11. The Declaration prohibiting the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries.

1990 - August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution imposing a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began.

1991 - January 25. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an environmental disaster.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries, economic reform began, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls.

1994 - January 31. The first images from the Hubble Space Telescope, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development, were demonstrated.

1995 - March 20. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested.

1996 - July 4th. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep.

1998 - August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of the economic crisis. The country's government resigned.

1999 - January 1. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro.

2000 - March 26. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life.

2002 - January 1. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy.

2004 - Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power.

2006 - March 29. The first total eclipse of the sun in the 21st century could be observed in Russia.

2007 - Genetics discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

2009 - August 17. A disaster occurred at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - March 18. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused.

2011 - March 11. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami arose, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the PussyRiot group took place, three members of which were detained by the police.

2013 - February 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest celestial body that collided with the surface of the Earth after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured.

2015 - January 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

A single man at 32 years old...is this normal?

Today we have been married for 14 years, our daughter is 7 years old! And 32 years is not an age at all, especially for large cities, where people are busy with work and careers, but when you have more or less achieved something, then you can think about having a family!

You shouldn't get married like that! Because they are not used to supporting anyone and taking care of anyone, what kind of husbands are they? It’s like hanging a child around your neck, and even a capricious child whom you couldn’t even raise!

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You can contact the project editors using the feedback form.

CRISIS OF THIRTY YEARS

In the middle of early adulthood (around the age of thirty), a person experiences a state of crisis, a certain turning point in development, due to the fact that the ideas about life that developed between twenty and thirty years old do not satisfy him. Analyzing the path traveled, his achievements and failures, a person discovers that despite an already established and apparently prosperous life, his personality is imperfect, that a lot of time and effort was wasted, that he did little compared to what he could have done, etc. In other words, there is a reassessment of values, a critical revision of one’s “I”. A person discovers that he can no longer change many things in his life, in himself: family, profession, usual way of life. Having realized himself at this stage of life, during his youth, a person suddenly realizes that, in essence, he faces the same task - search, self-determination in new circumstances of life, taking into account real opportunities (including limitations that he had not noticed before). This crisis manifests itself in a feeling of the need to “do something” and indicates that a person is moving to a new age level - the age of adulthood. “The Crisis of Thirty” is a conditional name. This state can occur earlier or later; the feeling of a crisis state can occur repeatedly throughout life (as in childhood, adolescence, adolescence), since the development process proceeds in a spiral without stopping.

For men at this time, it is typical to change jobs or change their lifestyle, but their focus on work and career does not change. The most common motive for voluntarily leaving a job is dissatisfaction with something in the current position. In this case, the main importance is dissatisfaction with the job: the production environment, work intensity, wages, etc. If job dissatisfaction arises as a result of the desire to achieve a better result, then this only contributes to the improvement of the employee himself.

For women, during the mid-30s crisis, priorities that were established in early adulthood usually change (Craig, 2003, Levinson, 1990). Women focused on marriage and raising children are now increasingly attracted to professional goals. At the same time, those who devoted their energies to work now, as a rule, direct them into the bosom of family and marriage.

Experiencing a crisis of thirty years, a person is looking for an opportunity to strengthen his niche in adult life, to confirm his status as an adult: he wants to have a good job, he strives for security and stability. The person is still confident that the full realization of the hopes and aspirations that make up the “dream” is possible, and he works hard for this.

Research examining gender differences in development has yielded conflicting results. Some authors argue that transition periods, both in women and men, are closely related to age; others believe that for women, stages of the family cycle are indicators of transitions (Craig, 2003).

G. Sheehy proposes “models of behavior” as a classification of possible options for solving development problems for women and men. Sheehy, like some other authors (Levinson, 1986; Vitkin, 1996), especially notes the crisis at 28–32 years of age, when the processes of reassessing life values and goals, searching for a place in the society of adults are most pronounced, conflicts of adolescence are finally resolved, new responsibilities.

People behave differently depending on the choices they make in their twenties. Depending on different behavior patterns, everyone develops their role in life differently, so it is important to evaluate future prospects. Behavior patterns themselves change, becoming more diverse, reflecting the influence of a changing world. Sheehy believes that each behavior model corresponds to a certain set of psychological problems related to how effectively a person solves his developmental tasks - a deep crisis and “getting stuck” in previous stages or a more successful entry into adulthood (Sheehy, 1999).

"Caring" They get married at the age of twenty or even earlier and at this time they do not intend to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to resolve the tasks that a person faces at this age: gaining autonomy and independence, forming an identity, a holistic image of the “I”, combining various elements of personality. A woman can break away from her parents, from her parental family, but still cannot become independent and independent: her husband takes on parental functions (economic and control).

There are several possibilities for pathological identification in this developmental pattern. B. Friedan (Friedan, 1992) identifies the following: through the husband and his achievements, children, sex, hoarding.

When identified through her husband, a woman faces the loss of her own individuality. Status is acquired through the husband's achievements and possession of things that are symbols of this status. Another identification possibility is to become a mother. The birth of a child gives meaning to existence and serves as “proof” of the feminine essence. Therefore, many unemployed women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. Then, when the children grow up and leave home, solving the problem of finding oneself and the meaning of life will be even more difficult. Sex can be a cure for boredom and routine life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to establish herself through sex and not finding satisfaction in it, the housewife finds herself in a vicious circle. This often leads to a search for pleasure on the side and a retreat into the world of sexual dreams. American psychologists say that housewives are more prone to cheating than working women.

Often marriage is an attempt to test one's own identity with the help of another person. According to statistics, youth marriages do not last as long as those who marry after twenty. E. Erikson sees in this fact proof that it is impossible to achieve intimacy by striving for identity in this way (Kjell, Ziegler, 1997).

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday, when most women go through a situation of re-election, finds a woman with such a model of behavior completely unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, has no education, profession, her identity is uncertain, i.e. the previous one has not been resolved development task. The wait for the opportunity to create a satisfying relationship becomes increasingly burdensome, mainly for internal reasons: due to growing self-doubt, a slowdown in overall development, economic dependence is also burdensome. Finally, there is a growing void in the area of achievement as more and more emphasis is placed on achievement over the years. It seems to her that life has lost its meaning, and embitterment develops (Horney, 1993).

The task of development (identity, independence) is complicated by family problems and lagging behind peers in the professional sphere. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development is possible, and the risk of neuroticization increases.

"Or or". These women at twenty must make a choice between love and children or work and education. There are two types of such women: some put off thoughts about a career until a later date, but, unlike the “caring” ones, after some time they intend to make a career; others seek to complete their professional education first, postponing motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do a lot of internal work, which will help her in the future accurately determine her priorities. Unlike “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from adolescence to early adulthood, identified life goals (family, work), and laid the foundation for a future career. The danger with this development model is that if the resolution of the crisis is delayed until a later date, there may be a loss of professional skills and increased competition from peers. The content of the crisis: suppression of that part of one’s “I” that longs to gain professional recognition in the world, that is, to make a career. Subjective sensations: anxiety, vague fears (Sheehy, 1999); dissatisfaction with her role as a housewife, resistance from her husband, who often does not encourage the desire to work (Vitkin, 19966; Friedan, 1992).

Studies of a group of women who chose the second type of “either-or” model (first a career, then the role of a wife and mother) are quite small. Typically, such women are the firstborn in the family; their mothers have no influence on them. Fathers support their daughters' self-esteem and become its main source. All respondents received higher education and at the age of 25 decided to postpone motherhood and marriage. The typical content of the crisis is the sudden realization that they have little time left to have a child, a feeling of loneliness. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and may “jump out” to get married (Vitkin, 19966). The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner; men are usually “afraid” of them. The search may drag on indefinitely, and the woman may not start a family. Among those who did not marry, we can distinguish a group that chose new development tasks and one that did not solve the problems of the crisis.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, then get married and become a mother by the age of thirty. G. Sheehy calls this option the most effective. The advantage of this model is that it allows you to plan events and the woman is more prepared for the transition to her thirties: “intimate relationships” have been created - family, there are career achievements. An increasing number of women are postponing motherhood. According to American statistics, between 1980 and 1988 the number of women who chose this development model doubled (Vitkin, 19966). The crisis in this case usually consists in the fact that the “biological clock” tells the woman that she may not have time to become a mother; she begins to put pressure on her husband, who may not be ready to become a father. The task of becoming a mother becomes the main one. Another problem may be that it is difficult for a woman to give birth to a child - the clock has struck too late. Many find a way out by taking in adopted children by caring for nephews and nieces (Vitkin, 1996a). "Integrators". They are trying to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. Contents of the crisis: a woman feels tired, overwhelmed by tasks, guilty before her husband and children, she constantly has to sacrifice either her family or her career in order to get everything done. According to some researchers (Levinson, 1990; Sheehy, 1999), a woman can combine both of these roles only by the age of thirty-five. Often women cannot withstand such stress and, as a result, or for some time until their children grow up, they refuse to work, or give up marriage and raising children. Others find a more positive way out: they redistribute household responsibilities with their husbands, work from home, using modern means of communication, part-time work, and resort to the help of a nanny (Vitkin, 19966; Nekrasov, Vozilkin, 1993). Modern family models and progress in the views of society suggest many possible options for positive outcomes with such a model. The new structure of life is a temporarily unemployed or part-time father, a “Sunday” father who takes care of children on weekends and holidays, allowing a woman to become a mature person: giving her the opportunity to “love and work” (Freud, 1993). Such relationships in marital unions can give a woman the opportunity to unite all sides of her being.

“Women who never get married,” including nannies, childcare workers, and “office wives.” Some women in this group are heterosexual, others are lesbians, and still others are sexually abstinent (Morse, 1993; Sheehy, 1999). Some unmarried women become public workers, nannies-governesses, educators for orphans and children with delayed development. They direct their creative abilities to care for children around the world. However, there are also women who become “office wives”, ready to exclude any other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

"Unstable." At the age of twenty, they choose impermanence, travel through life, changing their place of residence, activities and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen this model of behavior prefers not to be defined in any way in life: she does not have a regular income, family, profession, often wanders and, as a rule, has an immature personality, is not ready to “love and work”, has low self-esteem, lives for today, without thinking about the future (Witkin, 19966). The content of the crisis: by the age of thirty, a woman gets tired of the “free life”, she is faced with the problem of further self-determination, finding herself in the adult world and acquiring a profession. In fact, it must solve the problems of both adolescence and the thirty-year period. If tasks associated with a previous developmental period are not resolved, they may complicate or overlap with the tasks of subsequent periods (Levinson, 1990). In extreme cases, development may be delayed to such an extent that the person is unable to enter the next period. He feels that he is overwhelmed by new tasks, while he is struggling with old ones, mental illness may appear, the person will lose his path in life or will seek death. Often women in this category are at risk: they lead an antisocial lifestyle, they are characterized by destructive behavior, alcohol and drug use. If the outcome is negative, these problems worsen, and the woman becomes “stuck” at the adolescent stage.

Male behavior patterns can be divided into three main groups (Vitkin, 1996a; Sheehy, 1999):

Unstable. They are unwilling or unable to set firm internal guidelines at the age of twenty and continue the experiments of youth. These are people capable of only limited emotional experiences. They grab onto one thing or another, without bringing anything to the end. They do not have a clear idea of what profession attracts them. They do not strive for consistency - at least not in their twenties.

For some people who follow this pattern of behavior, continuing the experiments of youth is positive - if it helps form the basis for future choices. In general, people who start out with unstable behavior patterns tend to feel a strong desire to establish personal goals and attachments (though not necessarily get married) in their mid-thirties. Some men by mid-life remain in a period of moratorium, still feeling for ways to identify their personality and feeling an internal vague need to determine their goals.

Closed. This is the most common category. They peacefully, without crises and introspection, outline solid guidelines at the age of twenty. People who engage in this pattern of behavior are reliable but easily overwhelmed. In their search for early stability, they often do not seriously evaluate the value system that underlies their goals.

Prodigies. They put themselves at risk and play to win, often believing that once they reach the top, their self-doubt will disappear. A child prodigy usually achieves success early. His reaction to all other ideas about adult development is noteworthy. He will only believe in them if they allow him to go upstairs. He does overcome difficult professional challenges earlier than his peers, although he does not always reach the top or remain at the top once he reaches it. He thinks only about business, and the boundary between work and personal life is blurred very early on.

Content of the crisis: they are afraid to admit to themselves that they do not know everything. They are afraid to let anyone get too close to them. They are afraid to stop and spend time struggling with external difficulties that seem insurmountable to them. They are afraid that someone might laugh at them, influence them, exploit their weaknesses and limit them to the helplessness of a small child. In fact, they are afraid of their “inner guard” - the internal image of parents and other significant adults from their childhood. Every male prodigy, in his memories of his youth, finds a person who made him feel helpless and unsure of himself.

The other four behaviors are additional because they are quite rare.

Old bachelors. Since so few men over forty have never been married, it is difficult to draw firm conclusions from such a small group.

Educators. They see the meaning of life in caring for the community (priests, missionary doctors), or devote themselves to caring for the family, although this is usually done by wives.

Hidden children. They avoid the process of growing up and remain attached to their mothers even as adults.

Integrators. They try to balance their ambitions with sincere commitments to the family, including sharing responsibilities in caring for children and consciously working to combine financial independence with morality and usefulness to society. Such internal struggle is natural for people in the transition to thirty years of age. It is probably impossible to achieve integration in life before the age of thirty-five. You can choose this model of behavior only if you really want it. The future integrator is often unable to cope with opposing forces. At the moment when an ordinary man begins to look for new opportunities to expand his inner world, the integrator still needs to free himself from old baggage. From early childhood he was accustomed to solving problems based on a mathematical model. He is adapted to life in an environment where facts are preferred to feelings, and competence is valued above human relationships, and adapts well to a modern post-industrial society in which one must follow the rules, obey the system and stand on one's feet, one must be indifferent and rationalistic.

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Psychology of men after 40: married, divorced, single

Middle age is the most critical time in the life of every person. This is especially true for representatives of the stronger sex. The psychology of a man at forty is at the peak of his emotional perception of the world as a whole and himself in this huge world. An unusual reaction to familiar objects appears, tastes change, relationships with other people reach a different level. During this period, it is important to realize that this condition is temporary, and by the age of 45 everything will fall into place. Experienced psychologists recommend being patient and objectively assessing your capabilities in all areas of life. Do not panic, make hasty decisions, or react sharply to events. It is recommended to be aware that this condition is akin to a disease. It will definitely pass, and recovery will paint life with new colors.

The psychology of a 40-year-old man has its own specific characteristics. The events taking place and the state of the body require careful analysis. If you approach this age philosophically and listen to the advice of experienced psychologists and loved ones, you can live through this period painlessly.

There is an opportunity not only to become an outside observer of your changes, but also to gain invaluable experience and benefit clearly. After all, this period is unusual in terms of its perception. Physiologically, a forty-year-old man is at the peak of his masculinity, intelligence and wisdom.

The main crisis occurs between the ages of 37 and 45. If you feel that life is perceived differently, you should listen to good advice. They will help you get around sharp corners with maximum benefit:

Implementation. Upon reaching 40 years of age, a man involuntarily takes stock of his life. If he has a successful job, a wonderful family and excellent health, there is no visible reason for concern. But the peculiarities of the mental state during this period provoke attacks of melancholy, apathy, and a sharp underestimation of one’s situation. The onset of male menopause is caused by the feeling that everything has not been done to the fullest. If your mood deteriorates for no apparent reason, you need to fill your life with new discoveries. To begin with, you need to change your lifestyle. In the constant work and bustle mode, it is recommended to find time for proper rest. Traveling, new hobbies, watching your favorite films, reading books will be very useful. If you experience increased excitability, you should consult a doctor. Perhaps you need to improve your health a little or simply heal your nerves, which have become fairly frayed in the constant mode of accelerated rhythm of life.
Visibility of implementation. This behavior is more dangerous than the previous one. A man who gives the appearance of being a successful person realizes that he is moving in the wrong direction. A good job does not bring complete satisfaction; the family becomes boring and mundane. There is a feeling of living a life that was the result of poor choices. This refers to an unloved profession or a grumpy wife. Lack of understanding from others aggravates an already difficult emotional state. In this case, it is recommended to find like-minded people. It is very good if your wife turns out to be such an understanding person. Children, other relatives, work colleagues, friends, etc. can come to the rescue. If everyone unanimously refuses to see the problem and assures that everything is fine, there is reason to think. The reason lies in the man himself. You need to understand that this state is natural, and in no case should you change anything radically. It makes sense to diversify your life as much as possible with additional emotions in terms of leisure, hobbies, etc. You should not isolate yourself and move away from loved ones. You can just be alone for a while. If heaviness in the heart or prolonged depression does not go away, it is recommended to consult a specialist.
Uncertainty. This condition is typical of men who have reached the age of forty in a state of uncertainty in terms of work, family, hobbies, etc. These include divorced people or those previously in a relationship, former athletes who have lost their jobs and are unable to communicate with children. This category is very numerous, and everyone's situation is unique in its own way. The coincidence of a crisis age with a crisis life period can be catastrophic. It is very difficult for a person to cope with such circumstances on his own. In this case, the best recommendation would be to find like-minded people. If you have a family, but have lost your job or other employment, you can solve this problem together. If a loved one is missing, you must definitely strive to find a partner. Don't be afraid of new relationships if you were disappointed in the previous ones. A new meeting will become a stage of a new life, which will absorb the entire duration of the difficult period. Getting used to a person and building a relationship will distract you from sad thoughts and add confidence. If we are talking about past achievements in sports or business, it is worth understanding that 40 years for a man is sometimes just the start for a successful life. Retraining for another job or sharing experience can pay even bigger dividends.
Deprivation. The lack of generally accepted happiness by the age of forty plunges a man into a protracted, severe depression. If for some reason life before this age did not work out, you should not give up. In the modern world, such situations happen quite often, and this is not a death sentence. In this case, it is recommended to try starting over. This could be finding your soulmate, learning a new profession or additional skills, or making friends. All this is possible because age allows you to become happy and successful. The main condition will be abstinence from alcohol or drugs. If such a problem exists, it is necessary to combat it. Most often, it is this that becomes the cause of instability and deprivation. And her presence in the future completely kills the opportunity to start living again. Therefore, you should never despair, and it’s never too late to live happily.

If by the age of forty there are no visible reasons for concern, there is no point in panicking and trying to rebuild everything. By destroying the old life, which now seems so insipid and dull, you can lose the most important thing. In pursuit of novelty, a man makes a lot of mistakes, for which he will have to pay at the cost of personal happiness. Experienced experts recommend objectively assessing the situation and simply adding bright colors to life without radically changing anything.

The psychology of 40-year-old men greatly depends on the status of the person. Overcoming the crisis period largely depends on the fair sex. The relationship between a man and a woman develops in a special way at this time. Therefore, ladies should pay special attention to the situation and choose the right tactics of behavior. Relationships between husband and wife, with a divorced man or a bachelor require separate consideration.

Sensitivity and attentiveness on the part of the woman and an objective assessment of the situation on the part of the man will help build the right relationship. A difficult period will not bring negative consequences, but will add new colors to life.

The specificity of forty years of age is a change in the psychological perception of oneself as an individual. The man has not yet grown old, but the prerequisites are already there.

Those feelings and opportunities that you could be proud of at 20 are gradually disappearing. Fear of the unknown forces representatives of the stronger sex to act proactively, committing rash acts.

During the period of forty years, the intensity of sexual life decreases noticeably. This occurs due to the natural physiological capabilities of the body. Each age has its own frequency and duration of sexual intercourse, and there is nothing wrong with that. With age, hearing, vision, reaction speed, etc. weaken slightly. But it is sexuality that makes men fall into deep despondency. The fear of not satisfying his partner at a certain period pushes a man to act rashly. Since the wife witnesses a young period of life (and other opportunities), men try to find a companion on the side. She will not be able to compare past and present performance, and the situation will look like the beginning of a new path. A man tries to arm himself with special literature, master new directions in sex, and artificially increase his potency. This erroneous behavior can lead to poor health and moral disappointment.

Increased sexual activity of a forty-year-old man provokes the occurrence of heart attacks, strokes and other serious diseases. The admiration of the new partner will be replaced by disappointment (an aging body cannot constantly work hard), and for the stronger sex this will be a real blow. This situation can kill a person mentally and physically.

A true life partner knows exactly what her partner wants from a woman. Love and attention over many years will allow her to find the kindest words of support for her man. No reproaches, an attentive attitude, demonstration and voice of one’s feelings will serve a useful purpose. The man will be calm that he is valued and understood, he has a reliable rear and a faithful girlfriend. During this period, you can change your environment for a while by going on vacation. Some couples are helped by watching erotic films together, reading literature, visiting museums and performances. It is recommended to create a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom with appropriate surroundings. Changing your wife's image, her alluring lingerie, her favorite melody can do a real miracle. If at some moments something doesn’t work out, you shouldn’t focus on it. In a few years at most, the situation will normalize, and everything will fall into place.

Even if a man left the family for a while, you should not get a divorce right away. This means that his wife was unable to recognize his condition in time, and he went to seek understanding on the side. It is not advisable to break strong family ties overnight. If you have love and a desire to save your family, you need to wait. According to statistics, men return after 1-2 years, after which they become wonderful family men.

Hormonal changes in the male body provoke a radical change in behavior. He is terribly tired, monotony scares him, he doesn’t want anything, he’s not interested in anything. He suddenly no longer likes his favorite dishes, he completely stops taking care of himself, because he doesn’t care what he looks like. The wife's behavior begins to irritate her as the demands are repeated day after day. A string of responsibilities and a lack of personal space leads to a man deciding to leave the family. He runs not because he sees the prospect of a better life with another woman, he is just very tired and needs to rest.

In this situation, artificial separation can be recommended. This is very convenient if you have an additional apartment or close relatives. A woman should not perceive such a desire as a separation for life. The best solution would be to propose a similar scheme first. If your husband agrees to it, you should not control his every step. Constant calls and unexpected visits can lead to a backlash. The man will try to get rid of obsessive ties and file for divorce himself. A reasonable manifestation of concern would be rare calls, general topics of conversation to discuss news that is interesting to him. Every time you need to tell your husband about your love and desire to reunite after his vacation. If you do everything correctly, taking the necessary pauses, your partner will return on his own, loving and bored.

If the husband has nowhere to go, or he does not agree to do so, you need to understand that he still needs rest. To solve this problem, it is necessary to provide your beloved man with conditions for personal space. This could be a separate room, a dacha, fishing, etc. If he wants privacy, you should not detain him, insist on your presence, or overprotect him. Sometimes one day or a few hours is enough for a person to calmly return to his previous life with new strength.

Untidy clothing or whims in food should not be taken with hostility. Putting his clothes in order, preparing a delicious dish to order - this is the best solution to the problem. Constant reproaches, and even more so insults, are categorically unacceptable. A loving woman will always take on some of the problems during this difficult period in order to maintain a happy family.

There are times when a calm, confident man begins to behave like a child. He is actively involved in sports, finds unusual entertainment for himself, strives to leave, etc. This suggests that the person is trying to catch up with his vanishing youth and is afraid of losing his moral and physical positions. This is a very difficult moment, because a forty-year-old man overestimates his strength and puts increased stress on the body. This behavior can provoke a number of serious diseases of different nature. Even traveling to distant countries is not suitable for everyone, since they have a specific climate. Increased loads during training provoke the onset of heart attack, stroke and blood clots.

It is under no circumstances worth holding a man by force and criticizing him for his increased interest in his appearance. It is necessary to find the right words to correctly explain the degree of risk of this behavior. You should not refer to age (“at your age it’s harmful…”), you need to very correctly talk about the danger of a sudden load on an unprepared body. You can refer to the risks that accompany a radical change in lifestyle. It is very good if the wife joins her husband in his new ideas; a sense of understanding and interest will help the partners get closer.

The psychological state of a forty-year-old man suggests changes in at least one aspect of his life. This could be his appearance and a change in wardrobe. Old clothes are replaced with new ones, and they are radically different in style. This applies to both hairstyle and demeanor. A man begins to become interested in those areas that have not yet attracted his attention or have been subject to severe criticism.

In this case, a woman should be especially careful. This behavior is a sign that her husband's tastes have changed dramatically. You shouldn't criticize or ridicule him. You need to take a closer look at what he pays special attention to and try to change your wardrobe and style. Since the husband reaches a new level of development, he needs to match him. If the wife ignores this advice, she may lose her loved one. A man who has recently become renewed and confident in himself tends to overestimate his attractiveness. A wife in old clothes and a familiar look is of no interest to him, and he begins to look around. A successful man who keeps up with the times is always successful with women, so his chances are quite high.

There are some overkill in changing the image of a forty-year-old man. An attempt to rejuvenate leads to the ridiculous appearance of an adult man who behaves and looks like a teenage boy. This behavior of the husband requires great tact and understanding of the wife’s situation. It is necessary to take the initiative and help in choosing clothes. But this must be done very correctly and tactfully, since even a slight remark can provoke an outburst of anger and aggression. It is very good if children are mother’s allies in this matter. Understanding the difficult period in the father’s life will help everyone cope with the current situation together, and the family will remain strong and happy.

Very often during this period a man has another woman. This suggests that the wife missed the moment when she stopped suiting him. All of the above signs may indicate the presence of a mistress. A man during this period is not inclined to think and reflect. The thirst for change takes over him so much that he plunges into a new relationship with the wording: “Come what may.” It is not possible to stop him by force. The kindest advice you can give a woman is to be patient and hide your emotions away. Quarrels, scandals and showdowns will only speed up the husband’s departure from the family. If you behave with understanding, avoid reproaches and offer your help, a man simply will not have the strength to offend his wife. Even if this is the end of the relationship, you can count on further help and friendship from your spouse.

The search for a rival, revenge and a rough showdown looks humiliating. At this stage, the man perceives her as the only lover in his life. At best, the wife is assigned the role of a caring friend, and this status must be lived up to. If this works out, there is a chance (and quite a big one) that the man will come back. If an aggressive atmosphere of separation reigns in the house, the person will never return to the place where he felt bad.

A 40-year-old divorced man is a difficult representative of the stronger sex. His psychology is sometimes impossible to decipher throughout his life. The period of forty years is critical even for a man who has been married for many years and has maintained a warm relationship. A divorced person has experienced at least one serious breakup that is stressful. This shaped his future behavior, focused on avoiding the mistakes of his past life.

Psychologists distinguish two types of men, one of whom needs a serious relationship with obligations, and the other who categorically does not accept them.

This category of men strives to create a strong family, despite the experience of past unsuccessful relationships. This happens if the spouses separated by mutual consent, and this event did not leave strong wounds on the heart. Perhaps it was a youthful marriage or a mutually beneficial situation for both partners. After breaking up, they can meet about raising common children or simply have friendly relations. A man, having reached the age of forty, strives to create a family in which there will be mutual understanding and peace.

In such a situation, everything depends only on the woman. You need to choose a tactic of behavior that does not remind the man of the reasons for the previous separation. A special feature is its critical age. Perhaps a person is not doing well with his job or business, and he needs his wife’s moral support. Sometimes a man who is successful and happy in all other aspects of life is looking only for a wife. This is the only thing he lacks for complete happiness.

A woman should pay close attention to this relationship. If everything goes right, their development will not take long. A man seeking to start a family can stay immediately or offer a woman a life together. If this lasts more than six months, there is cause for concern. Perhaps something disappointed him, and his plans for marriage changed.

This category of representatives of the stronger sex assumes a comfortable open relationship without certain obligations. The previous experience was quite negative. His wife did not live up to his hopes for a happy family with her behavior, and he left. Or he suffered a difficult separation associated with his wife’s betrayal. Being at a critical age, especially if a career does not work out, a person is not ready to take risks again. Additional worries and obligations scare him, or he simply loves his ex-wife and is waiting for her return.

A woman is advised to carefully find out information about the future plans of her chosen one. You shouldn’t deceive yourself, but assess your capabilities and potential as a man as objectively as possible. If he has a principled position to remain free, there is no need to create illusions. It makes sense to consider other candidates.

If a man has not been in a relationship before the age of 40, then there is a good reason for this. Perhaps he was simply unlucky and met the wrong women along the way. There are times when a guy has such a bad character that he simply cannot get along with anyone. By this period of his life, he had developed certain views on women, his own stereotypes based on experience. The habit of living alone, when no one bothers you, also takes its toll.

The situation may develop in such a way that a person meets his one and only, whom he has been looking for for so long. There is a huge amount of experience in such marriages; this is confirmed by the statistics of happy couples with a partner of forty years.

If a man makes high demands, lives only for his own pleasure and does not take into account the point of view of his partner, it is necessary to draw appropriate conclusions and not waste time. Perhaps he does not need a family, since he has not reached the psychological age of forty and himself needs help and care.

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The development and maturation of a person is individual. But they all have one thing in common: at certain moments in life, age-related crises occur. For women, one of the most powerful and difficult crises is turning 30. Its manifestations are attempts to understand oneself more fully, rethinking relationships with family and friends, thoughts about the further development of a career and family...

Causes of the crisis of 30 years

A crisis situation does not appear out of nowhere. Characteristic prerequisites lead to it. For thirty-year-olds, crisis triggers.

Difficulties in personal life. Women who are not married by the age of 30 experience a decline in self-esteem and develop chronic depression and uncertainty about the future. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to many. If the lady is married, there is likely to be disappointment in family life, accumulated fatigue from constant chores around the house and caring for children. Relatives and friends do not have more than enough problems, but on the contrary.
The appearance of signs of aging. By the beginning of the fourth decade, it is difficult not to notice the characteristic symptoms of maturity: fat deposition on the hips, cellulite, sagging skin, facial (and for some, “real” large) wrinkles. In those who have given birth several times, the symptoms are even more pronounced.
Uncertainty in the career field. A career doesn’t necessarily become something important. But when a serious bet is placed on it, and a high position has not been achieved by the age of 30, a crisis is inevitable.
Unfavorable comparison of your own achievements with others. By the age of 30, you want to achieve success in at least some area. Having failed, not buying a good home, not having a child, not moving abroad, a woman begins to feel shame, usually unconscious. Classmates and classmates who have achieved more, by their example, reinforce negative feelings and moods.

The reasons “converge” together in the period 28–32 years. Fluctuations are possible, but minor. It is no coincidence that the crisis of 30 years is called the most dangerous and most difficult in a woman’s life. Up to 80% of the fair sex in developed countries “diagnose” this crisis. And based on what symptoms?

Symptoms of a female crisis

It is possible to determine a crisis state by observing behavior, communication and thoughts. The symptoms of the crisis are especially pronounced in these areas.

A feeling of unrealized potential. Have you wanted so much, and now you are worried about what you have not achieved and not received? This means that the first symptom has been detected. At the age of 30, most people think about their own insolvency. Even women who have made wonderful careers and given birth to two or three wonderful children.
Constant “discovery” of new problems. Are you starting to notice a lot of problems? Your figure is in trouble, work isn’t great, your husband doesn’t like you, your kids don’t listen, your favorite TV series suddenly ended? This is a clear sign of a crisis. It is accompanied by many negative emotions, and against the background of the latter, any events seem worse than they are. A subjective and pessimistic view of what is happening plays a serious role.
Thoughts about old age. “Here I am in my thirties, I’ve become quite old,” is an obsessive thought indicating a crisis. Psychologically important numbers are a separate topic, and we will not discuss them now... The main thing is that the thirty-year mark is perceived as a subjectively terrible event, indicating the “end of youth.”
Birthdays are no longer a holiday. As soon as you begin to perceive your birthday as a sad date, the crisis becomes completely clear. After all, the further, “the worse.” And the next full year is another step towards old age.
Desire for change. By the crisis of 30 years, a clear desire is formed to get rid of the old and acquire a new one. Women change their clothing style, think about moving to another city, think about divorce and changing jobs... Usually radical changes lead to worse consequences: there is no satisfaction from the changes, since they are not caused by an objective need, but by the desire to escape from problems.
Scandals, grievances, disappointment in loved ones. The crisis of 30 years threatens the family and relationships with relatives. The shortcomings of the husband, parents, girlfriends, and colleagues come to the fore. The result is irritation and omissions, which develop into swearing and the end of normal communication.

Symptoms do not often appear together. Usually there is only one clearly defined one, and the rest go “in the background.” The presence of even a couple of the above signs is an alarm bell. It's time to start solving the problem.

How to deal with a crisis

Views on overcoming the crisis in 30 years are different. Some psychologists advise not to do anything at all, but just wait. Indeed, time eliminates the crisis. More precisely, from its symptoms. But the reasons will not go away unless you consciously work on them. What to do?

Remove some of the responsibility. Excessive workloads and the need to take care of things at home and at work will not help cope with the crisis. We need to make life easier for at least a couple of months. Your husband, relatives, and close friends will help you at home. At work - colleagues with whom I still have good relations. Is it possible to temporarily shift responsibilities to someone else? Do it.
Revive an old hobby, find a new one. Monotony is not good. Doing your favorite activity will help you relieve stress and take your mind off bad thoughts. Sewing, photography, cycling... What do you like most? Now is the time to return to activities that bring pleasure.
Spend time with your husband, relatives, friends. Spending time together will help avoid ruining relationships with loved ones. But not on the usual “duty” occasion (someone’s birthday, New Year, etc.), but just like that. Get out with your husband to a pleasant establishment, stay for a romantic evening and night together, sending the children away. Visit relatives living in another city. Meeting a good old friend after a long breakup.
Change for the better. Take advantage of the desire for change - improve yourself. Start visiting a fitness club, swimming pool, lose weight. Take a foreign language course. Attend some personal growth training sessions. As a last resort, take an internship and courses related to your work. Useful for peace of mind.
Increase endorphin levels. And we must not forget about physiology. Endorphins, which maintain a positive attitude and optimism in you, are produced in greater volumes during sports and sex. Also useful are being in the sun (including in a solarium) and eating chocolate in reasonable quantities. In general, use every moment that brings joy!

We deliberately do not encourage soul-searching, compiling lists of positive and negative traits, or preparing plans for the future. Such psychological tricks do not save you from the crisis of your 30s, since during this period a woman is deprived of rationality. No matter how much you talk about the “beautiful distant”, a walk in the fresh air, a glass of wine by candlelight, and a sound sleep will be more beneficial. Find out more useful information from the video below.

Results

It is impossible to avoid the crisis of 30 years. In women, it is caused by subjective unfulfillment in life, family problems, career difficulties and deterioration in appearance. Effective ways to deal with it: having a good time, maintaining good relationships with loved ones, taking care of your own body. The right approach and optimistic attitude will shorten the period of crisis to a couple of months. Afterwards there will be relief and life will return to normal.

32 conclusions by age 32: “The most important thing is to keep the rhythm”

Writer and journalist Olesya Novikova saw something in this life and did not wait for the “age of Christ” to bring some revelations to people. She did it at 32 years old.

1. Everyone is scared

And those who are financially independent. And those who are talented. And those who are unconditionally good-looking. And to those who are smart and worldly savvy. And to those who were born into a happy complete family. And to those who live by the ocean. And young people. And old. And to those who are recognized in their business. And to those who have an understanding partner. And for those who do yoga. And martial arts. And meditation. And for those who are just starting out. And those who have a lot of experience. And to those who seem to be absolutely fine.

Everyone is scared.

Start new. Get out of the usual circle. To risk. Doing something you're not used to yet. I'm scared for my loved ones. Let's get down to business. For your life, if pressed. And much more.

The fear will continue. No matter how much experience, practice, confidence, recognition, money, talent you have, every time you reach a new height, every time you go on stage, every time you look at your loved ones, there will be fear to one degree or another. This is fine. This means you are still alive. And that means we need to move forward. Through fear. Don't try to get rid of it completely.

2. There is no life without change

Stability is illusory. The plateau state is absurd. We are constantly on the move. But this, of course, is a tolerant banality, because in reality we are constantly aging. And one can say even harsher, but this is Pelevin’s domain. I won't climb.

We are constantly changing externally and internally, these processes do not stop for a second. And there are even a lot of seconds as a measure of measurement here. Processes go on every moment. This is many seconds. Question: “To change or not to change?” a sane person cannot stand it. Only: “Do I have anything to do with these changes and to what extent?”

3. Fast is slow, but without interruption

In the words of Japanese folklore.

There is no need for fast, intense, cool, very powerful. Just doing it regularly is enough. The most important thing is to keep the rhythm. Little by little, but with a stable consistency. And after some time, from the outside it will look like fast, intense, cool and very powerful.

4. Create more than you consume

Otherwise everything. The hopeless life of the consumer is ornately intertwined into a meaningful conclusion: “Everything is good, but nothing good.”

A person must do something. Voluntarily and lovingly. This is the formula for his mental health. And as a bonus, interestingly, this is the only way to enjoy consumption that will not destroy it. This process can be considered a healthy mental metabolism.

5. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today.

This phrase needs to be repeated like a mantra until it dawns on you that your parents have nothing to do with your adult problems. In any case, it is not their fault that there is no one to change the record in your head, which has been stuck since childhood - they are not included there in any case.

For those who understand everything about parents and the past as such, it makes sense to continue repeating until it dawns on you that the reasons for failures do not matter as much as is commonly believed, and the question: “Why?” in itself is not particularly valuable, but it draws energy in full. You can change your actions today without any answers at all.

6. There are no guarantees

The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to pass all your decisions and plans.

7. The era of secret knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has arrived

For five years now, knowledge has not been the main currency in the matter of achievements and any meaningful existence. The Internet has devalued them with its accessibility. Concentration took over. The ability to stay focused on a task and not lose interest is what rules. And this skill is directly dependent on the information noise that is everywhere today. The more verbal garbage there is around, the weaker the focus. The more other people's thoughts, the quieter your own voice. Constantly being in the Internet stream atrophies the ability to self-awareness, replacing the essence with concepts of what it is.

8. Joy and pleasure are not the same thing

We never get joy from chocolate cake, a glass of wine or a cigarette. We don't get joy from new boots or perfume. It is important to call a spade a spade - we have fun. But here the chemistry is completely different. The nature of this feeling is very fleeting and inextricably linked with subsequent dissatisfaction, boredom, satiety and the desire for a new portion.

It’s not scary to deny yourself pleasures, it’s scary not to know joy.

9. Suffering exists

Buddha was right after all. Suffering exists. Everyone suffers. And those who have nothing and those who have everything. And whoever specifically is not suffering at this moment will go into pain the next, as soon as the dollar exchange rate changes, a terrorist attack occurs, will receive in response that they do not like him, will see a dirty entrance, will not wait for a response to a message, will not receive money, or for any other reason a breath of wind. Suffering exists. And always for no reason, if you remember the ending of any human being.

10. Not everyone can be happy

This is an amazingly simple thing that I refused to see for so long. Our belief in a miracle and a happy ending on the occasion of our own unsurpassed uniqueness is too strong. But can everyone run a 42-kilometer running marathon? In theory, yes, human resources are capable of this, but in practice, this is only accessible to a trained person.

Of course, an untrained person can train. But the chain is lengthening, and it is important to see it. Right now, an unprepared person is not capable of this.

Otherwise, all the endless reasons for scratching your car will throw you into pain, irritation and anxiety. And this is just some kind of car, but there are more serious situations. This is samsara, baby. Such a driven mind, reacting to any incident, can only be called happy in Instagram status.

11. Joy is a balance of mind

If you had told me this 5 years ago, I would have twisted it at my temple. When you dream day and night of big bright love, a friendly family, an interesting profitable business, the opportunity to work for yourself and not for someone else, a life full of travel, it seems that you still have some idea of joy, at least about own. Yes, you are now unsatisfied in many ways, yes, something can make you angry, yes, you are suffering. So this is understandable. But you know what to strive for. You know where your tangible, lasting joy is, looking at your so alluring dreams.

Joy is a state of complete balanced peace of mind, which is achieved by liberation from the blind (automatic) reactions of this very mind. Healthy, perhaps the only way to experience (and develop) such a state as an adult is through deep observation meditation.

12. Fruits are not acidic, but alkaline foods.

Scientifically speaking, fresh ripe fruits and almost all vegetables cause an alkaline reaction in the body and help neutralize excess acid in it, while starch, sugar, meat products, fats, oils, dairy products, on the contrary, acidify the body. A full description is in the table by N. Walker and R. Pope, which is available via Google.

13. “My body itself knows what is best for it” - one of the most insidious traps of the mind

The body of an alcoholic wants to drink, the body of a smoker dreams of a cigarette, our body craves chocolate and French fries. What “knows best” is everyone talking about? Just as the mind lives by automatic reactions, preventing a person from making basic progress in his life, so the body obeys habits and chaotic impulses of lust.

14. Nutrition affects not only our body, but also our mind.

Just like alcohol, which noticeably changes our consciousness, dulling it, some products have a similar effect, but in a less pronounced and often unconscious form. Eating can slow and unfocus the head, weakening control, power of awareness, and clarity of perception. A slightly “foggy” state becomes the norm, allowing a person to forget what lightness and clarity really mean. The most “free” foods are fresh vegetables and fruits, as well as plant foods and grains, prepared in a simple way with a minimum content of oil, seasonings and salt.

15. You need so much money that you don’t think about it

Money does not solve the main problem of humanity - it does not make its owner happy. But the ability not to think about them, at least in everyday life, significantly frees up energy for other processes.

16. We are all the same much more than we are different.

The importance of personal uniqueness is greatly exaggerated and prevents us from quickly solving our problems. All the answers and solutions have existed for a long time, and the fixation on one’s own uniqueness does not allow a person to push his ego to where it would be useful for him to always be and without interference to perceive the reality around him with all the answers and clues.

17. Addiction can only be treated with 100% cessation.

You can't drink one glass of wine if you're an alcoholic. You shouldn't smoke sometimes if you're trying to quit. You will be constantly twisted. Ups and downs. Disruptions. In matters of psychoenergetic “hooks” there are no halftones. And this rule is unshakable for dependencies of all types.

18. There is no state of internal 100% readiness for change.

We are always not fully prepared for turns and changes. There are always good “buts” and reasons to postpone a little until a more favorable situation. It is useless to wait for unambiguous internal agreement; you need to make a decision based more on “it’s time” than on ephemeral readiness.

19. Life is a book, the first chapters of which were not written by you

Yes, and the subsequent ones too, most often.

We absorb views, positions, points of view simply automatically, we breathe them in with the air and become the same or, on the contrary, opposite, which is also an automatic moment of denial. In childhood, this process is completely uncontrollable. The essence of our personality was collected by other people, and conscious parental contribution (if there was any) is far from predominant there.

What we consider ourselves, and what we should be afraid of losing, according to some psychologists, is just a varying degree of beauty of the mosaic from our environment. There's nothing to lose. I think that's great news. You can redraw everything in any direction you want.

20. The result is the number of attempts

Not just one well-aimed shot. And certainly not luck in the long run.

21. What helped you at one stage may turn out to be a hindrance to reaching the next.

The ability to make fundamental changes is characterized by the ability to refuse. But not only from what bothers you. Sometimes it is very important to give up what has helped you in the past. A simple example: small business rules don't work on average. It is impossible to grow without abandoning some of them, even if they raised the process yesterday. The same goes for the human personality – its attitudes and plans.

22. Beyond the comfort zone is the discomfort zone.

Not a box of chocolates.

23. There is no life without a goal

The same as states without change. The only question is: do you set these goals yourself or leave them to your instincts (unconscious goals).

24. Laziness – does not exist

There are unloved activities, lack of energy and lack of a large-scale vision to take your breath away from the opening prospects. But there is no laziness.

25. You cannot find yourself, you can only create yourself

There is nothing and no one to look for. You are always here and now. And your path is what is under your feet at this particular second, nothing more. That same “own” path differs from what it is not only by the fact of the awareness of the walker, who lays out, albeit small, but quite tangible goals. When these goals are determined by other people or they sprout chaotically through the word “should”, there is no path, there is a set of motley restless episodes.

26. No need for alcohol

27. Unfulfilled potential hurts.

And it is useless to hide from this fact into a chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts, the same stories about femininity, motherhood, and so on.

For every talent we will be asked.

28. Banks should pay you, not you pay them. This is the only possible financial health

You should never, ever, ever buy something you haven't earned for. Never. In any case, if you dream of serious changes. We pay the bank not only with money, but also with our free energy. There is practically no space left for risk and adventurous moves. A breakthrough from such a state (especially to a new financial level) is hardly possible.

29. Two abilities that need to be mastered as early as possible: the ability to tense up and the ability to relax

Any movement requires tension at one time or another. If you go to it reluctantly, out of necessity, you will spend twice as much energy. Part is for the effort itself, the rest is for mental stress. To the internal struggle. Hence the need to learn to strain at will, to love your effort. If you are able to exert yourself voluntarily, seeing this as an exclusively positive aspect, the amount of energy spent will be reduced significantly. It will turn out bigger and easier.

And the ability to relax - to accept reality as it is, to let go of your own expectations, untying internal knots and relieving bodily tension through yoga and breathing techniques, for example, is the second wing, without which you cannot go far on tension alone.

30. Two answers that you need to learn as early as possible: “Yes” and “No.”

Saying “yes” to situations and people despite the lack of guarantees, complete internal readiness and various external circumstances. And say “no” first of all to yourself – to your weaknesses, fears and inner licentiousness. And only far later - to other people.

31. Cool things differ from good things in the ability of the doer to forget himself.

A creator differs from a person who does something well in that he puts the work above himself, dissolving his ego in the process. And he does this consciously and lovingly, and not out of lack of choice or a sense of duty. So, one marketer can be a true musician in the profession, while another musician remains the one who deals with music for the rest of his life.

32. Every sign encountered on the way always has at least 3 interpretations

1. Maybe this really is a sign! 2. Maybe you are delusional and pulling facts beyond your ears. 3. Or maybe this is a test, a phenomenon opposite to the sign, an attempt to divert you from the chosen path, as a test of the sincerity of your decision and the strength of intention.

Photos: Shutterstock

A birthday, smoothly flowing into the New Year, is an invariable period for summing up results. I do not oblige myself to set goals or specifically look for answers. It’s just that on the eve of November 5th, questions always arise. And by the New Year, they fill all the internal space, threatening to break out in the first way that comes up, if I don’t provide some way out for them. This year I decided to provide some life lessons to this process. And this is what happened.

32 conclusions by 32 years

1. Everyone is scared

Everyone is scared.

Start new. Get out of the usual circle. To risk. Doing something you're not used to yet. I'm scared for my loved ones. Let's get down to business. For your life, if pressed. And much more.

2. There is no life without change

3. Fast is slow, but without interruption

In the words of Japanese folklore.

4. Create more than you consume

Otherwise everything. The hopeless life of the consumer is ornately intertwined into a meaningful conclusion: “Everything is good, but nothing good.”

5. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today.

6. There are no guarantees

The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to pass all your decisions and plans.

7. The era of secret knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has arrived

8. Joy and pleasure are not the same thing.

It's not scary to deny yourself pleasures, it's scary not to know joy

9. Suffering exists

10. Not everyone can be happy

Of course, an untrained person can train. But the chain is lengthening, and it is important to see it. Right now, an unprepared person is not capable of this.

Can everyone be happy? Yes of course! But this is in theory. In practice, only those who have access to mental discipline can be stably happy, that is, calm, balanced, blissful, if you like. Whose mind is capable (trained) not to twitch due to all the numerous reasons that surround it. Who can remain in the balance of joy not only in calm, but also in the rush of unpleasant situations. Otherwise, all the endless reasons for scratching your car will throw you into pain, irritation and anxiety. And this is just some kind of car, but there are more serious situations. This is samsara, baby. Such a driven mind, reacting to any incident, can only be called happy in Instagram status.

11. Joy is a balance of mind

12. Fruits are not acidic, but alkaline foods.

13. “My body itself knows what is best for it” is one of the most insidious traps of the mind.

14. Nutrition affects not only our body, but also our mind.

15. You need so much money that you don’t think about it

16. We are all the same much more than we are different.

17. Addiction can only be treated with 100% abstinence.

18. There is no state of internal 100% readiness for change.

19. Life is a book, the first chapters of which were not written by you

Yes, and the subsequent ones too, most often.

We consist of beliefs and models of the world around us, and this world is not the abstract planet Earth, but a very concrete entrance, office, house - the place where we spend time. These are friends, colleagues, parents, store clerks whom you encounter every evening. This is a feed on social networks and so-called Facebook friends. We absorb views, positions, points of view simply automatically, we breathe them in with the air and become the same or, on the contrary, opposite, which is also an automatic moment of denial. In childhood, this process is completely uncontrollable. The essence of our personality was collected by other people, and conscious parental contribution (if there was any) is far from predominant there. What we consider ourselves, and what we should be afraid of losing, according to some psychologists, is just a varying degree of beauty of the mosaic from our environment. There's nothing to lose. I think that's great news. You can redraw everything in any direction you want.

20. The result is the number of attempts

Not just one well-aimed shot. And certainly not luck in the long run.

21. What helped you at one stage may turn out to be a hindrance to reaching the next.

22. Beyond the comfort zone is the discomfort zone.

Not a box of chocolates.

23. There is no life without a goal

The same as states without change. The only question is: do you set these goals yourself or leave them to your instincts (unconscious goals).

24. Laziness – does not exist

There are unloved activities, lack of energy and lack of a large-scale vision to take your breath away from the opening prospects. But there is no laziness.

25. You cannot find yourself, you can only create yourself

26. No need for alcohol

27. Unfulfilled potential hurts.

And it is useless to hide from this fact into a chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts, the same stories about femininity, motherhood, and so on.

For every talent we will be asked

28. Banks should pay you, not you pay them. This is the only possible financial health

29. Two abilities that need to be mastered as early as possible: the ability to tense up and the ability to relax

And the ability to relax - to accept reality as it is, to let go of your own expectations, untying internal knots and relieving bodily tension through yoga and breathing techniques, for example - is the second wing, without which you will not go far on tension alone.

30. Two answers that you need to learn as early as possible: “Yes” and “No.”

31. Cool things differ from good things in the ability of the doer to forget himself.

32. Every sign encountered on the way always has at least 3 interpretations

There will be changes and there will be changes. Thanks for reading.

Olesya Vlasova

P.S. Friends, for 5 years now we have been conducting retreats, expeditions and mountain treks in different parts of Asia. The goal of our programs is to free the mind and body from tension, restore strength and start the rhythm of conscious changes for the better. Our tools are yoga, meditation, freediving, the practice of silence, the right atmosphere for a full transition and the good company of like-minded people. If you were looking for a place where you can fully switch and qualitatively rethink the current “settings” - we are nearby.

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